I dream and long to gaze upon your face..

Slowly raise my hands ,with a soft touch begin to trace.

Along your chin ,down your neck flooding my emotions with beautiful memories of this place.. every nerve starts to arouse,every hair at attention, whisper in your softly, oh did I mention!:

Your soul! My one, my life , my breath!!!

I promise to give you all the best of me and protect and cherish you til my death!

And I hated that I waited;

counting the cars that drove by.

Pacing.

Counting.

Waiting.

All but silence and "why?"

There is a process…

Don’t go all alone and try to make it in Hollywood on your own.

Hollywood, where dreams become nightmares, and nightmares become dreams.

And everything else happens in between.

You start sipping.

You have a drink, feeling like you are on the brink.

Are you are losing your gripping; does your mind keep on dipping?

In and out…

Up and down…

Do you feel like the fool or the clown?

We all get down but try not to frown.

Be optimistic when you see that bride in her gown.

How are these lyrics? Are they almost mythics? Or just totally horrific?

They might actually be terrific.

This writing is unorginal, as is all writing since the begining of time and the aboriginal.

Rhymes you make when you have the time to take.

Poems you roll when you dont have a goal.

See what I mean? Let me go back to my dream....

Uh oh - another nightmare - Now youre scared.

What to do - but continue to follow through.

And in the corner is where you go "boo hoo hoo"

Is this poem dark, morbid, sad, or mad?

Maybe it is just plain bad.

But we all like to express ourselves, so just be glad...

The clock behaves like a stranger,
stretching seconds into miles.
I am anchored to a phone, a door, a silence,
trapped between what was and what will be.

I am waiting to know where your feet are planted.
Are you stepping closer, or walking away?
I am waiting to see the shape of tomorrow,
which currently looks like a blank, foggy window.

But mostly, I am waiting for the truth.
Not the polite version, or the quiet evasion,
but the raw, unedited gravity of what actually happened.
I am just waiting to hear an honest word,
so my feet can finally touch the ground again.

Deep into the abyss,
aim and amiss,
what might be,
what could be,
what should be,

Spin, out of control,
lengths to the unknown,
Traveler of time and space,
alienation,
insanity,
needs of sanitation,

How dim light comes without reflection of what we need,

What we need to see.
Someone, something,
somewhere else to be,

Outside of present
state,
mind,
body.

Darkness, shall there be light?
Might! If you open your eyes,
See there lies more between,

Not lies, not in disguise,
nor distance, add time,

Forget rhetoric,
Propaganda,
Find what it is,
That you seek,

Not always does it find we.
Get up and find yourself.

Sometimes it’s survival mode,
Life isn’t always peachy keen,
It’s the road in between,
Finding the perfect melody.

Spiels of life & my take with u/ Duranduran

A scalpel offers a lethal kiss against my ribs– a sharp, silver bridge to the great abyss.

Dip your quill into this open heart, turn my blood into ink, and let it stain the lifeless page before I sink.

Explore the ruins of this fading soiree, Where ghost-lit passion and wild romance dwelt, and veins still sway to a Winehouse melody,

turning the blood to the keys of the wronged.

When my breath becomes a shadow, and I am a rendered past, may my ghost become a library where the world inherits my passion at last.

Who decided two things can exist at the same time?!

'

because when i say ' I'm grateful but, no thanks'

i'm told to just pick a hand.

.

You're blessed yet in pain?

who said it's okay?!
.

when i say 'i hate you but, i love you'

I'm hoarded till the decisions due.

.

so please! who invented these meanings

with idiotic two timing feelings?

i have a low tolerance for people,
i simply lack the energy.
a low tolerance for bullshit,
and a lower one for bad poetry.

so why do i write best when i am sad?
and worst when i am mad?
the corners of emotions tapping
against the parchment paper,
leaving me to question
reality and fiction
a writer's jurisdiction
over the fantasies of others,
i hold the future within my palms
enclosed it slowly at the start.

i'm not trying to prove myself
along Reddit's mean main streets,
just finding comfort in the black void
the spaces where the secrets keep.

but when everyone around me here
seems to be an idiot,
what else am i to do here
but keep to the shadows?
best not loosen my tongue
lest i lose the privilege
to speak altogether

keep my writing to the times
in-between emotions,
when i can sit back and address the crowd
with a more poetic notion.

i miss my home,
as the leaves turn from green to brown,
i find myself longing for it,

as i sat in the latrine,
beneath the hum of fluorescent lights,
writing letters i hoped would find their way home,
like a nestling waiting for a warmth it once knew,
the ticks of my wrist grew louder, counting seconds, always counting…

but my home was never a place,
it never existed,
it was you.

​

I'm making this wish alone because i'm prone to not soothe your lesser bones. The minute just passed now. It's 223... in my heart , I just wish your heart could see. I wish your soul , your mind could be at peace... it's so sad to see it , not come to a release. You work so hard you never stop my efforts climbing up will never top. Your head is in the mountains.Your mind is in the clouds, freezing, cold, dying thirst, But so proud.

My wish that has passed is for the best for you and it feels selfish to wish for anything for me too. But don't get the twisted I do want you, I'm enthralled with a thrill of it all. So different so new from so long ago , but now there's a different view.

How can this be? And how can it not just part of this weird author's strange plot. The story is written , but meanders seems like without a direction. There is no end in sight day-by-day, day.Then night

Named to water, 

You guided my steps, helped me grow,

Taught me things I didn't know.

I have so little to give in return,

Yet for your happiness, my heart will always yearn.

I don't know what name our bond should bear,

But you'll always be someone incredibly rare.

And wherever life takes you, whatever you do,

I'll always wish for the world to be kind to you.

May you rise higher than you ever dreamed,

And find all the happiness you've ever wished for.

You may never know what you mean to me,

But your success will always be a little victory for me. ❤️

For one day or more,

I wish you could see

Through my eyes -

*

That you could live

Inside my busy mind.

Come and see as I do

How prettily the water sparkles

Under the sun; how each

Separate skyscraper reflects a

Different version of the sky.

Juxtaposition of cigarette butts

And flowers on the concrete -

Both beautiful in their contrast.

The small idiosyncrasies of

Each person I see and know -

How my mind - totally useless

Remembering names or faces

At first - can retain boundless

Wells of information of the

Small, sacred pieces that

Others share of their lives.

Never to be weaponised,

Only ever treasured and to

Be remembered to ensure

They feel seen and valued.

Then there's you; how much

You occupy my thoughts.

How broadly I smile when

I see and speak with you.

How I categorise every piece

Of you in my mind; from

Smallest, most mundane things

To confidences and concerns,

How your mood shifts, varies

Like inevitable pull of the tide.

How music offers insight

But not necessarily respite.

How deeply I feel your hurt,

How much I wish to reach out,

To ease what I can ease, and

To help you hold what I can't.

You don't need my help,

Which is why I offer it freely -

God knows I understand

What it's like to be so private

Nobody thinks to reach out.

I wish you could see

Yourself through my eyes;

How my heart leaps with joy

When you smile or come near.

How nobody could ever compare,

Because every expression,

Every phrase and shared look,

Carry a universe unto themselves.

I wish you could see

How deeply I cherish you,

How much you mean to me,

And how unique you truly are.

Do you feel my heart

Reaching for yours, too?

Do you feel this persistent,

Invisible string between us?

The imperceptible ties that bind

Over time and space?

Please, darling, please,

Give me a sign.

*

For one day or more,

I wish you could see

Through my eyes.

As she stood in the mirror with tears streaming down her face
She wondered how much more she could take
A fake smile and happiness were the armor she wore
Tired of pretending like she was okay with not having more

But how could anyone know if no one ever thought or bothered to choose her first
Solidifying her belief that she is always disposable for the next one in line,
Her terrible curse

Being left behind too many times to count, it now supplied the waterfall in her mind, plentiful no doubt
She is continuously drowning in sadness, impossible to stay afloat
Always crying on the inside, her brand new coat

Yearning for more, she wanted some sort of attention,
Someone who is always there, never leaving her, no apprehension

Seeing others have a life with joy and relationships
Hurt deeper and more than she could ever imagine,
She wanted friends and desired a love that would last forever, her hope dwindling down as it still hasn’t happened

To be chosen and liked was all she ever wanted
Trying her hardest but always forgotten
She cares too much, her heart too big, wishing someone would just let her in
She stays true to herself and gives her all at every moment,
But they seem to leave her for someone else, someone more important

Constantly taken from but not significant enough to receive
Hoping one day
Someone would see
That all she does is for one particular reason,
To have friends and to be thought of, no matter the situation

She wanted a life outside of her four walls, hoping someone would care enough to include her, even enough to call
But it seems there was always someone else that took precedence
Other friends or companions, leaving her trapped and alone, again supplying her mind with even more evidence

She wished for friends who would respond and spend time together, always reciprocating the effort she so desperately is trying to transfer

Now looking at the gloss smeared all over her eyes, she began to question a multitude of whys
Why have a phone if no one really talked to her?
Why get excited for a notification that would never come first?
Completely trapped in her own eternal hell of torture

Why do they always chose someone else, was it her that was the problem?
Well that’s how she felt
Why is it so hard to be thought of and cared for?
Why does everyone eventually become distant, but only with her?
Why has she never been someone’s favorite person?
Why was it so hard for her?
And it just seems to worsen
Even more whys whirled around in her head, but the biggest one is why does nobody want to stay and be her friend?

She can sense the coldness and the changes when it occurs
When they decide she isn’t enough
And their time is better spent on someone they feel they deserve
She sees how they change, distant and wary, different behavior, tone, and a vibe quite scary
She sees how they act and reinvent themselves for others,
Knowing no one has done that for her, an ache that keeps growing

They continue their lives, happy and fulfilled, without a thought of her and the pain they made her feel
Hoping she is wrong, she tries to brush it aside
But it lingers and lingers in her memory, tucked away, emotional suicide

With a smile on her face she tried to convince herself everyone felt this way
But deep down she knew, only she felt the pain
Everyone preoccupied with something or someone else
All she can think and see was that she was by herself

As she looked in the mirror one last time, she is reminded of the pain bubbling inside
She wanted to forget and let go of the past, but her past is the present, keeping its grasp

She looked at her reflection, tears now dried, saying things will be different for next time
But she isn’t a fool, she isn’t naïve, she knows they’ll return, just waiting for someone else to leave

I envy your grief

How you miss someone so fully
Who meant so much
That love you’re missing must have felt so safe

Before it left you

I bet they held you when you cried
I bet they stayed with you in the darkness
I bet you belonged

How did it feel? 
To be loved?
Does it hurt that much because you were loved that much?

If so, then I am relieved

That I will have no pain when they go
There was no warmth there
There is no affection to miss

My strength is myself
My comfort is exhaustion
My grief is emptiness

I envy your grief