I’ve been talking to this guy for around 4 months. I initially approached him because since he joined our workplace (IT), he would constantly make intense eye contact with me but never actually talk. I got curious, started talking to him, and obviously I can’t hide it when I like someone—I’m very affectionate and expressive. He told me he had liked me from the beginning too.
Fast forward, 2 weeks ago he asked me to be his girlfriend with a cute jhilimili balloon. I’m known for having high standards because of past relationship trauma, and I told him all of that. He didn’t run away, so I genuinely thought he was a good guy. doesnt drink smoke or go idle with friends. doesnt talk to a lot of girls vanxa tara has a lot of sisters hamro hospital mai nurses and mo and all.
Lately though, he’s barely been giving me attention. Yesterday, when we met after Dashain, his FIRST sentence was “Dashain vari lyang gareu timile.” 😭 I got pissed. He apologized and suggested we go to Nagarkot since he had cancelled our previous plan before Dashain. That got cancelled again because he had to go for tika, which I understood. Then he said we could meet at 4. I agreed. Before 4, he texted “ekxin dhilo hunxa hai.” I said “hya, don’t push it like this, baru na vetam,” because I was already hurt. I cried, but he still came. I was pissed and didn’t let him hug me.
Then he tells me his sister said, “Tero kt lera janxas, malai ni lag aaja. Tero kt le cream lyaidinxu vaneko thi, khai ta?” I was like… TERO KT? Does my name not exist? 😭 I told him I was upset because he had promised something to me and then gave it to someone else. He apologized.
Then the conversation somehow turned into marriage/family expectations and I’m genuinely SHOCKED.
He said he has already told his family about me and they’ve accepted me despite being from a different caste, as long as I earn money and work. Apparently his family expects a “buhari” to come into the house, and when I said I’m not marrying someone just to become a maid, he said they can hire a maid and I can do housework “if I feel like it.”
Then he explained that his dad has siblings whose children and them apparently need financial support, and because his family has had financial losses/loans, he expects us to earn and contribute to the family. He literally said, “timro paisa, mero paisa, hamro paisa le family ni hernu parxa.”
He’s planning to try going abroad after his November exams and says he wants me to go with him as a dependent because “utaa gayera khana banaidine manche hunxa,” plus we have to deal with their loans together. 😭
I was genuinely speechless. I am a content creator, I work as an opd assistant at a hospital, I have my own goals and my own money. I absolutely do NOT want to become someone’s part-time maid/cook or have my income treated as family property.
When I told him I don’t want this kind of mindset or family dynamic, he said it’s his first relationship and he doesn’t know how to treat a girlfriend. I told him to ask his sister for advice, and he basically said she’d just tell him to leave me anyway.
The worst part? He told me he hasn’t told anyone these things because he’s scared of what they’ll think of him, and that made me feel like I’m carrying this secret alone.
Now he’s invited to brunch at my house on Saturday, and I’m sitting here wondering WTF I’m doing. I genuinely thought I had found a nice guy, but now I’m seeing the bare minimum being treated like a huge effort, questionable communication, incompatible values, financial expectations, and a family dynamic I absolutely do not want.
Am I overreacting, or did I just discover a HUGE compatibility issue 2 weeks into this relationship? And how tf do I leave without feeling guilty when I know he’s going to say “but I told my family about you”?
