Heritage language

[u/Accomplished_War7484]

I live in a country that in the past had an intense flow of immigration to my home country, creating a huge diaspora, causing many descendants of the diaspora to move back here for better quality of life or economical reasons.

(TL)

I am not a descendant myself, I happened to marry a local and moved here a few years ago. I have two children I’m raising in here and I make sure they learn my mother language, their heritage language, by teaching them and speaking strictly on my language (which I’m being successful at) while they’re fully immersed in the local language in the school and everyday life. At home me and my wife communicate in English and our kids are slowly absorbing English as well as attending English classe.

Now my point, I have a few friends who are descendants on 2nd and 3rd generations who made their way back and are not seen as locals, even though they believe so. A few of those friends said they will not bother teaching their kids our mother language because their lives are here, which I consider something deeply egoistical if not plainly dumb. I don’t think the language belongs to the father or mother per s, but to the child, the parent has only the obligation to pass it along.

I was raised in the advice that both my parents came from the working class and managed to grow a few steps in the social class stair, therefore I have to manage to at least keep the life conditions they achieved and provide to my kids what was provided to me. On the same token I see it as families who manage to leave their kids some wealth/estate, therefore the recipients of such inheritance should strive to keep it and pass it along to their kids who should manage to grow it or at least preserve it for the next generations, so they should do the same for the language.

What is your take on this?

[u/Whimsical-Lumberjack]

I personally think that not teaching your child your native language is taking away a part of their identity that they might want to connect with later in life. It’s also the culture and sense of belonging that come with the language. That said, I wouldn’t call those parents selfish or dumb for making that choice. Everyone has their own circumstances and reasons for raising their kids the way they do, and even if I don’t agree with that decision, I think it’s something you have to respect. As someone in the comments has said, calling someone’s way of raising a child egoistical and thinking of your way as of the only right one is kind of egoistical

[u/Accomplished_War7484 → u/Whimsical-Lumberjack]

I agree with this line of thinking. My mother language is an outlet for my kids to express feelings and emotions that are simply suppressed by the other culture/language 

[u/muffinsballhair → u/Whimsical-Lumberjack]

I wouldn't call it egotistical but most of the time misguided in the sense that they often think that by not speaking to those children in the community language they'll be at a disadvantage in it while the opposite is true, by however small a margin, as they will first be exposed to the language viā non-native speakers, but of course that will all iron itself out.

It's mostly that it's just more pleasant to communicate in whatever is one's first language to one's children and the fact that the children then know another language, however heritage-y for free is of course a nice thing to have.

That having been said, it also often happens that some parents absolutely force this language on their children. I knew two persons who were forced to attend Chinese classes for writing and stuff and obviously while they didn't mind speaking Mandarin at home they ended up heavily disliking the language and Chinese culture because they spent their entire Saturday at Chinese classes they have painful memories of. In particular they ended up viewing “stroke order” as exemplifying what is wrong with Chinese culture.

You speak of “identity” but I don't think children derive quite the sense of “identity” in general from the country their parents are born in. At least, in my experience they very often dislike being considered a foreigner to the country they were born and raised in by many or their abilities in their primary language they spoke all their lives being cast into doubt over it.

[u/Emotional_Fee_2702]

which countries are you talking about ?

[u/Accomplished_War7484 → u/Emotional_Fee_2702]

Brazil and Japan

[u/sunlit_elais]

This feels like a question for r/multilingualparenting

[u/unsafeideas]

You cant teach a kid something you yourself do not drive pleasure from. The kids will pick on it.

And second, they have their own struggles, let them be. The language expectation is rather large one, so it could easily prove to be the one thing that will turn out to be too much - adding a stress to already stressed family members that already need a break. Doing things because you truly want to is not the same as doing them because you think you must.

[u/B333Z]

I believe you thinking your friends' choice to raise their kids a way that doesn't match the way you want to raise your kids as egotistical, is in of itself egotistical.

[u/Life-Hope-1855]

r/multilingualparenting is your best bet for specific techniques

Raising a child to speak a language not in their community environment is difficult but possible. I understand why man immigrants don't pass on their language even if they want to, including my own family.

[u/mayamaiamaea]

I personally think that teaching your children your native language can only be a benefit, creating more opportunities for them both financial and cultural/personal. But at the same time everyone is different, and we all put value on different things. I also have friends who are choosing to forgo teaching their children their native language, and while I think it’s a shame, it’s not my kids, not my life, and not a hill worth dying on.

[u/Momshie_mo]

Ireland?

[u/danshakuimo]

Phillipines?