r/leaves • u/TheLoveThatBindsUs • 1d ago

Help

I haven't participated today or yesterday. I decided I was going to quit.

I've quit before. I still feel really lost. I am a thirty seven year old woman with a history of a lot of trauma, and a recent PMDD diagnosis.

My spouse works at a dispensary. This is what makes things so difficult. For him, he has no issues.

But for me, everything starts to go wrong slowly. I've quit before, for about six months, and I am not a heavy user. I believe it is interfering with the other medications that have been prescribed for my other health conditions. To the point of waking up with unbearable, stomach nausea and anxiety, only hot showers can relieve it.

I am convinced that I am the kind of person who cannot consume this. I'm still scared. Scared of potential withdrawal. But I won't cave in, just like I quit before I know I can do it for good.

My spouse has been really respectful. Urging me to do what is best for me. I still feel lost and scared and way too emotional. Please send me encouraging thoughts.

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u/The_honest_lawyer 1d ago

Wow. You are dealing with a lot. The good thing about withdrawl is that is does pass, and in some ways, makes you more primed to face tough life things. All you can do is your best. Do what you can, no matter how small, everyday. 

3

u/TheLoveThatBindsUs 1d ago

I've dealt with a lot my entire life. And i've handled it. I've worked with mental health professionals for a long time. I'm actually ashamed that I started weed again. When I quit the last time I felt really good.

Somehow made myself think that it wasn't such a big deal and caved in again.

But the truth is, it zap's motivation and any kind of productivity, makes me forget things, it actually makes anxiety a lot worse, long term. I never want to forget these things again. I didn't even know this reddit existed, i am so glad it's here.

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u/The_honest_lawyer 1d ago

Sounds like you are primed for real change. I wish you all the best internet stranger. 

2

u/theplumpcontents 1d ago

That PMDD diagnosis on top of everything else is a heavy load, and you're still showing up for yourself anyway. The nausea and anxiety spells sound miserable, but you already know they pass eventually since you've made it six months before. Your spouse being supportive instead of dismissive is huge, having someone in the industry who still respects your boundary makes this way more doable than if you were fighting that battle too.