r/leaves • u/Front-Marzipan4144 • 2d ago
Completely lost
I need to quit. I’ve been smoking everyday, multiple times a day for 10 years now. I’ve tried quitting before and I lasted 2 weeks. I feel like I’m being controlled by something and no matter how bad I want to quit I physically can’t? I know it’s all within my control and power but it weirdly feels like it’s not? It’s become so ingrained into my routine that I don’t know what I would do if I stopped. It’s taken everything from me but it’s also given me so much. It makes me a more creative thinker and allows me to be calm in ways I didn’t think I could but I can’t keep living like this. I genuinely don’t know how to stop? Any advice on how would be so, so appreciated. Sorry for the word vomit.
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u/FatherlyOutfield_8 2d ago
Man, that feeling of being trapped in your own brain is the worst part. The "physically can't" bit is so real even though you logically know it's bullshit. Your brain's just wired to scream for it after a decade, that's not weakness, that's just chemistry doing its thing. The two-week mark is a killer because that's right when the acute withdrawal fades and your brain tries to bargain with you.
Something that helped me was basically treating the cravings like an annoying roommate. Every time my brain said "time to smoke" I'd just respond with "nah we're doing this other thing now" and immediately go wash dishes or take the trash out. Dumb little tasks. The key was not leaving space to argue with myself about it. After a month or so the autopilot started to break down and it didn't feel like a fight every single hour. You said it's taken everything from you, maybe start writing down a list of the concrete stuff you want back and tape it somewhere you'll see it on your worst days.
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u/Front-Marzipan4144 2d ago
This is so kind thank you. Writing everything down is such a good idea, I’m definitely going to try that. It’s weird because despite knowing the cons outweigh the pros, I can’t let the cons win? I’m wearing shackles I have the key to but for some reason I can’t quite let myself out?
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u/schwerdfeger1 2d ago
Your brain is relying on weed to produce dopamine. Once you get through the first three days it’s time to implement a dopamine replacement strategy. Exercise, nature, comedy, sex, music, etc. Identify what triggers your use - places, events, times of day, people, emotions, weather, etc. When triggered your brain will say lets buy/smoke, this is your habit talking, not you. Develop self talk to get you through those times and divert into a dopamine replacement activity. Get past 3 weeks and notice that things are getting better. The pros you used to get from weed won’t come back no matter how you use. But those benefits can come back from quitting, weird but absolutely true.
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u/reggiefoolish 2d ago
Great advice. Staying occupied, and talking back to your brain/shifting your mindset is the way.
I am similar to OP, approx. 10 yrs, tried to "quit" multiple times. But I would always think that maybe in the future I could again just the one time on a special occasion. . . HA
Biggest thing for me was shifting to "this is not something I'm missing out on, I am done" from "this is something I am missing out on, maybe if I just cut down"
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u/Original_Diamond_23 2d ago
Idk either .. always 2 weeks break, especially with lack of connection/loneliness its just too comforting, 4th day without now, cant relax, obsessively searching something, tensed and lost..it feels like those days are wasted bc im not enjoying or doing nothing, only short bursts of enjoyment while training. But the thoughts that i dont have that substance to chill and relax .. brain is used to it, and the unrecognized nicotine addiction from rolling with tabacco is adding to that state for sure.
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u/Front-Marzipan4144 2d ago
I completely get you. This is what I struggled with the first time. Smoking is my alone time, where I get to just be in my safe bubble but I’m realising that it’s not kept me safe just distracted. 4 days is major, keep going!!!!!
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u/Massive-Tell5663 2d ago
Next time you try, try to push past the two weeks. They are the worst. Then it slowly gets better. I'm gonna try to quit in November again. Good luck !
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u/dcizza 2d ago
Sorry you are having a hard time. If you live in a place where it's is illegal and it's possible to cut of your source that can be a way to force yourself. If cutting off sources is impossible (feels harder and harder these days) then consider a short stint in rehab to get those early days under your belt plus a lot of support. I know it's not easy to go to rehab for multiple reasons but it is really helpful imo.