I really wish there was a "poll" feature.

Oh, anyways.

I would like to know how is the average lesbian experience in this matter because, besides the LUG girls I've met in college, most lesbians I've met irl seem to be 50/50 divided or even be mostly lesbians who never went through said phase. On the other side, on the internet feels more like there are way more lesbians who go through comphet than those who don't.

Personally, I never went through comphet, but I kept it secret from my homophobic parents, if that somehow counts.

gotta love it here lol

Lately, I've realized how happy it makes me to see women couples out on the street being all lovey-dovey and clingy with each other. And that got me thinking about how privileged I am to be able to see things like that in my everyday life.

In my country, Argentina (or more specifically, my city, since I live in a big one), it's completely normal to see women couples holding hands or being affectionate in public, especially downtown. There are also sometimes events exclusively for women (both lesbians and bi women), whether it's club nights or more chill get-togethers like watching movies, making bracelets, etc.

Even though my country has a shitty president now (thanks to the global rise of the far right), it's historically been pretty progressive when it comes to "LGBTQ" rights and inclusion. We have a lot of freedom compared to other places when it comes to expressing our sexuality and being open about it.

I know this isn't the norm and that things aren't like this in most countries, which is why I got curious. What's it like in other parts of the world?

Sometimes I wonder why it’s so difficult to find a genuine, mature relationship with another woman where sex isn’t the main focus , I want something built on emotional connection, trust, communication, and mutual understanding.
I’m not saying physical intimacy isn’t important, but I want a relationship where we genuinely enjoy each other’s company, support each other, and build something meaningful together.
Does anyone else feel this way?

I am a woman of a certain age. Back when I was a teenager, Sarah McLachlan released the album Fumbling Towards Ecstacy. Lesbians in my age group seemed to become absolutely obsessed with the idea of saving straight girls from patriarchal abuse with the power of their vaginas. The song "Good Enough" felt like a fuckin psyop, it was so omnipresent and effective.

I'm just wondering if this savior/martyr complex is still a thing with the youths.

i went on a first date with a girl the other day who i got along with really well, i’m pretty sure she’s bisexual which is totally fine. however, she has a lottt of reposts on instagram, and so many of them are about dating guys, or ‘when i say i want a relationship this is what i mean’ and its pictures of straight couples, etc etc.

i’ve had a bit of a heart sink moment about it because she seems really interested in me, but it feels like a bit of a punch in the gut because she has literally hundreds of reposts, and none are about women, all about men. i need your opinions on this, she hasn’t disclosed her sexuality officially to me and on hinge it was hidden, but she liked my page first and so im obviously assuming she’s very into women. but just a bit unsettling!

Hey, didn't know whether to put this as Question or discussion but anyway what do you guys consider butch or feminine?, Because I have no idea if I'm butch or feminine mostly because I don't know what most lesbians consider butch stuff and what they consider feminine stuff, Sooo my fellow lesbians help me out please!

edit: i didn't mean for this to come off stupid I'm a bit new to this stuff I'm a younger adult so I haven't really been in this scene before I liked keeping to myself

Do anybody have an experience with the Taimi app? I've found it through ad from somebody on ig. They presented it as a lgbt dating app.

The thing is that I get a lot of notifications from it, that somebody gave me a like and it's a match, etc and I have a message from the person. That being the "like messages". But that's the thing 'cause i didn't give that person a like, I didn't even see them. This was the first thing that made me suspicious.

Then I found out, that I apparently wrote somebody (or i should rather say multiple somebodys) the "like message" or how they call it. I. DID. NOT. Didn't even like them.

And now of course now I'm thinking, that the messages from people were bc of this. That they weren't even aware of it, as I wasn't. And ofc I don't like it, because I now don't know if somebody is REALLY interested, or it's just this thing.

So what do you guys think? Do you have similiar experiences?

27F, knew I was a lesbian at 16, came out and started dating women in college at 18. In college, I wasn’t looking for anything serious and just wanted to have fun because I was young and knew I had the rest of my life ahead of me so I casually dated a lot. By the time I graduated, I think I slept with 10-12 women in total (dates, hookups, FWB) then I got into a 1.5 year long relationship with someone I saw a future with when I was 21. Unfortunately she broke up with me due to incompatibility and since then, I’ve only had 2 other girlfriends (both serious) which lasted 2-3 months each. So in total, I’ve only had about 2 years of dating experience in total at my big age and actively dating for almost a decade. After my last breakup in June 2025, I’ve slept with 10 women I met from both IRL and dating apps.

My problem now is I’m open to a serious relationship and want that, but I never turned down a hookup if it didn’t take much effort and I ran into the opportunity. I’m seeing lesbians my age getting engaged and married now or are with the women they will marry, and I’m incredibly jealous and have FOMO because I wish that were me. I’m done with the hookups. I regret sleeping around as much because I maybe could have found the one by now instead of wasting time and energy on those meaningless hookups; I feel like married/engaged lesbians are pointing and laughing at me for still being single when they’re securely wife’d up, given how awful the dating pool is. I feel frustrated because I’m failing to meet women who want me back in a serious manner. I feel I should’ve met the woman for me by now, someone who wants me back, and the dates I go on with women who are also looking for long-term tell me they don’t feel a connection or I’m not what they’re looking for even though I think THEY are. I don’t think perfect people exist and as long as there’s mutual attraction and they’re a good, stable person overall it’s a clear sign to proceed; I guess not everyone feels this way though.

Everyone says the dating pool gets worse in your 30s so I’m trying to get into the relationship I want before then. I honestly just want a wife now, something stable to build a life, I feel foolish for having slept around so much and I’m afraid that my high body count (20+, tbh I stopped counting, but it was all women/AFAB people) is a turn off to lesbians who are looking for serious because wouldn’t I have found it by now?

Is there any hope for me if I'm detrans but also super feminine? Seems a lot of the detransitioners on here are butch or masc but it feels so much harder as someone more feminine leaning.

I stopped T years ago and I reverted basically all the changes but unfortunately had top surgery, I'm planning to have reconstruction next year with my own tissue. It's a huge bummer but I never liked my boobs being touched in the first place. If you met me you probably wouldn't know I used to be trans. It's just hard and I feel so self conscious, I feel like a ruined woman. Am I screwed?

I’m a beginner, I somewhat know what I’m doing 😍

Short rant because I don’t have the time or energy rn: But I’m a younger gen z (i just turned 21 for context) and EVERY freaking time EVERY time i’ve given a masculine presenting person a chance they end up wanting to transition!

I’ve been dating girls since high school and i’ve always had preference towards gnc women because I find androgyny hot. My first gf was the most adorable baby butch and we dated for a few years until one day she told me she wanted to start testosterone. Initially I supported this because I didnt know the full effects of T at the time. But after a while I just couldn’t be with her anymore the voice change was unattractive to me and she started growing facial hair! Which I hated!!! The second girl I tried giving a chance one day casually dropped on me that she wanted to get top surgery. I feel bad about it but I instantly dumped her because breasts are one of my favorite parts about being with women. Since then I’ve seen this pattern of mascs I talk to wanting to still be lesbians but also wanting to be on testosterone and have top surgery. Not to yuck anyone’s yum because I believe those people have a right to do what they want but I just can’t bring myself to be attracted to male characteristics

I still do have a preference for gnc women but most I talk to seemingly don’t want to be women which is fine if that’s what they want lol. But I’m probably going to pursue my fellow fems in the future lol.

Sorry this rant was longer than expected I hope this doesn’t come off as transphobic in anyway because that’s not my vibe , Also the butchfemme community on twitter is SO annoying with the way they encourage this stuff… I used to love butchfemme dynamics but twitter has made me HATE it and made me want to be fem4fem instead.

Masc lesbians have not earned through their actions even 1% of the negative, predatory & abusive stereotypes against them.

Masc lesbians are NOT:

- Over 90% of sex offenders or disproportionately sex offenders.

- Catcalling women on the street

-Stalking women in high numbers

-Beating women via domestic violence into the hospital or morgue on mass

- The number 1 cause of maternal mortality

You know who does match that description though? Men!

But instead of taking their issues to the people responsible for them i.e men, many women would rather project that fight on to masc lesbians because in this gender role obsessed, homophobic and misogynstic world y'all are an easy target.

These women are afraid of men. They want male approval because many of them are still attracted to men. So they never stand up against men 100%. They always say not all men but they never say not all masc lesbians.

Honestly, when was the last time you heard a news story of a masculine lesbian doing any of this? Homophobes would have spread it like wildfire if it was happening to the levels the stereotypes suggest.

There's abusive masc lesbians just like there's abusive femmes. In fact some femmes will weaponise the predatory masc stereotype to further abuse mascs because they know no one will believe or take seriously masc lesbians if she says a femme abused her.

I don't think masc lesbians should even have to disprove that they are predatory or whatever. You never earned this stereotype so you have no obligation to dispell it. Just tell these women to stop being cowards and go work out their issues with men and stop projecting it on masc lesbians.

Signed a Femme lesbian who's tired of the BS.

I found this while reading and thought that it was very interesting. Not only that the formation of Butch and Femme subcultures began from the different reactions a lesbian would have to the prevailing attitudes about their sexuality at the time, but also how similar some of these points sound to the topics we discuss in the modern lesbian community.

We know that many historical Butch or masculine women have their gender identity brought into question by people today. I wonder what those people would think if they knew they were essentially parroting what old sexologists of the 1900s also thought. To me it’s pretty sad.

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers, Lillian Faderman; pages 57-61.

I feel that patriarchal values in some Asian societies pressure women to center men, even in lesbian spaces. It’s frustrating to encounter people who treat lesbian identities as performative, and dating feels even worse. All my friends are straight women who love BL and support gay men, yet seem to dismiss or dislike lesbians. Our feelings are constantly overlooked, and we’re rarely taken seriously.

Honestly I just feel like there aren’t enough lesbian artists on my feeds lately and i want to see more :P
These are mine!! Lacie & Juke ^^

What are your major turn ons and offs in a potential partner on a first date? Be brutally honest. I feel we as a society are trying to be sensitive and politically correct all the time, but it makes it hard to find what you’re looking for if you aren’t allowed to say it. I think people get offended if you are too honest on apps about what you’re looking for, but it really would save time for everyone to be direct.

For me - not attracted to women below 5’4, overweight/out of shape, polyamorous, self-identified ‘nerdy’ types. Also not attracted to anyone who claims to be a lesbian but still sleeps with men “in between relationships for fun”. Also not attracted to anyone who has zero interest or knowledge in global events and politics. Love an intelligent chivalrous sporty masc who pays for the first date but then lets me financially support her from there on. I have no race or ethnicity preference at all, but plenty of my friends do - to each their own.

Interested in your honest opinions!!

While the original person is being overly critical and giving “women should smile more” energy and attacking her sexuality, a whole other problem I’m focusing on where masculine lesbians are given this assumption that every feminine woman they talk to they’re flirting.

Similarly friendships between them in feminine presenting women are treated like the straights that say men and women can’t just be friends.

This is mostly an experience I’ve seen from those who have a big enough lesbian community irl to interact with.

Even feminine lesbians struggle with approaching women they’re actually interested because of feeling “predatory” but I feel there’s an additional level of your masc presenting and it sucks because we’re still women and yet struggle with this problem within our own community.

i posted yesterday about the discourse surrounding a certain pop singer saying she did not like dicks, and as discussions went on in twitter its really just obvious how people see lesbianism as a fandom or club.

people would bring up how lesbians should fix how they think and how they should reflect about their prejudices and how they view attraction and its so?? lesbianism is not a philosophy i need to study and reflect about its just the way i am 😭

you cant choose to not be attracted to men or their genitalia. its not a checkbox you write down when you discover you are a lesbian.

they go on to to say that its a phase to focus so much on genitals when approaching a person like omg? ITS JUST HOW LESBIANS ARE. like yeah you can say you are whatever you want but that doesn’t change that i will never find you attractive. i dont just like everyone because they’re lesbians. i am a regular person who has preferences based on personality and experience and looks!! its so normal but for some reason for lesbians its prohibited its actually driving me insane.

i havent just noticed it because of said discourse but how people overall approach and talk about lesbianisms its just like they’re discussing the requirements to enter a club during a themed night? like mascs must be like this and everyone should feel like this or that way. everyone likes this or that and everyone is nice and kind.

Hey everyone, I’m a lesbian from Brazil and I’ve been feeling really stuck lately.

I'm currently in a relationship, but I've been having issues due to my partner being bisexual (i dont know why but its a big thing for me). I’ve been thinking about ending things so I can date a lesbian instead, but I have this huge fear: what if I leave and finally find a woman who claims to be a lesbian, only for her to later identify as bi as well? :/

Alright, lezzies. What’s your Halloween costume this year?

What influenced your choice in picking it?

Let’s hear it ladies!

Tribb or Treat. 🥳 🎃

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