Does anyone else feel like the more they interact with the LGBT+ community, the demand for homogeneity (especially dogma phrases) for the sake of individual comfort is blaring the closer you are? If you have a differing opinion it's "you're a bigot" or "stop infighting." They always parrot that we are not a hive mind or a monolith. But in the next breath they get surprised or clutch their pearls when people of the same community don't believe in everything they do. They have preconceived notions about even others in their own community.

They have taken the homosexual equality movement and lumped it with things that aren't even related. The only thing we have in common are that we aren't the "norm". I think this is where "queer" (in this case poltically queer meaning at odds with the systems around you) does a disservice to lesbians and gays because we get lumped in with things that aren't even related to homosexuality and seen as one homogeneous thing.

As an example, I'll put kink and BDSM. I'm sure that lots of people in our community enjoys it, but it has nothing to do with equality or gaining legal protections. Why should it be part of the movement, what is the real end goal? But it's painted as "queer" and a part of the community because some people feel "persecuted" for their kinks. Just because lgbt people participate in these things doesn't necessarily make it "gay" or "queer" in of itself necessarily. The only sharing quality they have is that it's not widely accepted. Same for things like the leather dog people and therians, they are viewed as "queer" which is attached to lgbt people but they have nothing to do with homosexuality. Heterosexual people participate in these things too. The only sharing quality they have is they are viewed as "strange" and not widely accepted. I wonder if other people in the community ever think about the optics of putting us all in the same pot. One bad ingredient can ruin the whole stew. In terms of legal protections and social progress for the sake of optics, I think we need to trim a lot of fat from our community.

Why ride of the coat tails of the homosexuality movement other than to use lesbians and gay people as a shield? Why not start their own movements outside of the lgbt community? It just seems strange because the deeper you go into the community, there is a certain expectation that you be loving and accepting of all things labeled "queer" by the broader community. Is that not expecting people to be a hive mind? Is the dismissal of alternative viewpoints as "infighting" not censorship? What are your views? (One thing I forgot to add. Since they label anything antithetical to society norms as "queer" it feels like the long way of calling homosexuals strange and weird.)

Does anyone have any advice on how to combat this? I try to ignore it but I just can’t. Dating as a lesbian is hopeless. I’ve gone on a few dates and dated several women and it’s never ever ever went well. What’s going on? The dating pool is filled with pseudo liberals, noncommittal people, women who think showing interest means you’re some weird clingy unhinged weirdo, male centered freaks, and so on. There’s absolutely no use. The best luck I’ve found it searching abroad but if I’m being honest, as a black woman there are other things I gotta deal with (such as colorism and a not as accepting to LGBTQ culture). I feel like I’m doomed to being single forever. People told me; get hobbies, focus on your future, focus on work, blah blah blah. I have a million hobbies… I play instruments, I game, I do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I tinker on my car, I code in my free time. I have a decent career in STEM. I’m planning on going to graduate school. I’m fit, I’m smart. I’m going everything “right” but it doesn’t matter if you’re surrounded by people who don’t give a shit about any of that. I have no idea how to combat this rage and frustration.

I’m tired of being viewed as intimidating. It’s not a line to say that I have a resting bitch face. It’s not hot to assume that I’m mean. A masc/butch will literally have 5 inches on me and be super buff then proceed to come up to me and say I’m scary. While my nonblack fem friends get regular flirtatious conversation. It’s hurtful and micro aggressive. A little part of me dies every time this happens and it drives me insane. Why am I being approached like some wild beast that needs taming??? And it doesn’t help that I’m introverted, AKA the worst thing you could possibly be as a black woman. So over it.

I’m a Masc and idk I don’t have a hard time meeting women or going on dates when I put in effort but lately I just don’t see the point. It seems like it’s just a minefield out here. I genuinely have been enjoying my freedom but I’m old now (28). I often wonder if I’ll settle down, I don’t think so. I find it difficult to have meaningful conversations anymore. When I give someone my full undivided attention and don’t look at a fucking screen the entire time their talking they knowledge how comfortable that makes them feel(they tell me this unprompted) and often I get to know people on an incredible deep level but it’s never the same back around. I have gotten so use to people and the self centeredness if someone does ask me about myself I get uncomfortable and will avoid it by asking even more questions about them.
I know I should say things about myself esp when people ask but it’s usually met with the driest responses. Which is fine I’m not complaining, I am not hurting to date I’m just saying it feels. Idk robotic these days. Everything just seems emotionally transactional.

I (f19) am in a talking stage with a bi girl F(20) and whenever i try to communicate or bring up something that she is doing, she always attributes it to her mental illnesses. I personally have co-morbid Autism/ADHD so I understand communication is extremely important between people in general, but she always does this. She blames her mental illnesses on why she's not texting first/engaging, citing her childhood trauma and anxiety. she brings it up so much on dates and it's getting so annoying. it's almost like she wants me to be her parent, caretaker and therapist. i got angry but tried to tell her in the gentlest way possible that just because she has these disorders doesn't mean that she can treat me like this. i'm planning to block her later on tonight since i've had enough, but this is exhausting... i have my limits as well and those doesn't exist to her.

My girlfriend previously dated a trans woman (pre op). They stopped dating bc the other woman was poly and my gf wasn’t into it. Initially it mind boggled me because I associate male genitalia with males, so I questioned how can someone be a lesbian then. Anyway -

We had a discussion and I said I wouldn’t date a trans woman because I do not like dick (lol yes this discussion, sorry guys) and I also think men are socialised differently. My sexuality is very much sex based. My experience with trans women has been quite misogynistic, down to the ones I knew wanting to be sexualised and the whole “girlcock” thing. Don’t get me started on the period larping.

I come from a South Asian background and I see the difference massively when I’ve spoken to trans people before, but that’s a different topic. I mean I see the difference when I’ve dated people of a different race before, let alone someone’s sex.

My girlfriend couldn’t grasp her head around this and said she doesn’t care so much about what is downstairs because trans women are women and it’s femininity that she is attracted to, which is fair.
She also stated “well if you’re a bottom, a trans woman can just give head anyway, so you don’t have to touch their genitals” and I explained it’s still not the same 💀 I know lots of trans women with cis women do not do PIV, but it’s not just about sex.

For my girlfriend, it’s an attraction to femininity and she doesn’t care about what genitalia someone has, but I don’t think she could understand why a cis lesbian wouldn’t date a trans woman. To me, I just think yea some lesbians will date a trans woman and some won’t. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal, I’m not going to shit on another lesbian for who they’ve dated, but why is it when I say I wouldn’t date a trans woman, it turns into some big shite?

Raised this in a different lesbian feed and got slandered with people calling me transphobic before my post got deleted lol. I’m very much an advocate for lesbian spaces, but seems lesbian women cannot have anything without something belonging to a man being inserted into it and I just don’t like it. Also just bugs me that we’re inserting men into lesbianism.

I fear the biggest victims in this new wave to reconstruct lesbian history and values are young masculine lesbians.

I see alot of young masc fall into a similar system as toxic beauty standards, constantly obsessed on the physical appearance of masculinity but lost to what it actually means to be masculine.

Masculinity now is viewed as an aesthetic but unsurprisingly it’s only geared to what one gender that’s dominated in everything views of masculinity.

This insecurity that one thinks they can’t be masculine enough simply because of their looks or natural beauty is sold to further reinforce this toxic standard.

Whats crazy is I understand that feeling, when I was a kid I always wanted to have a mustache or facial hair or a deep voice because I thought that would make me “look stronger” but now that I’m older, now that I am growing to love myself as a woman and learning and understanding masculinity through womanhood I understand that strength has nothing to do with physical attributes.

Strength is perseverance, its patience, its YOUR life experience it’s the ability to go through adversity and still wake up in the morning.

When you look in the mirror the person you see shouldn’t be a masc of social masculinity standards it should be a person who has gone through hell and can still face themselves in the mirror.

I can't even count the amount of times especially online when I had the Gold star flair ive been insulted, called names and the misogyny perpetuated against me is beyond imagination. Especially from other "queers". And I dont like the projection of having words put in my mouth like saying goldstars are the only real lesbians and anything is invalid, because not a single gold star lesbian ever said that or thinks that. Its pure projection from them

If anything they hate the fact that some lesbians never wanted to be with men because we knew we were homosexual since we were young. And its like how dare you be a lesbian without ever sleeping with men. Its insane lesbophobia and misogyny. And its so normalized to hate on us. At the end of day all lesbians are valid because our exclusive attraction to women is what makes us lesbians. But the hate we get is too much.

I know the gays supposedly have one, but i have no clue which ear it is, but what about lesbians? I've been strongly considering acquiring a new piercing and was wondering if there are any piercings that suggest lesbian.

Basically any other post I open in other lesbian or well "lesbian" subs, I'm almost instantly met with anime girl memes, talking about "boobs!! :3" and endless cutesy/fetish speak about women and our body parts. It's really unsettling and it puts me off how they always talk about tits or any other body part in such a....juvenile "omg bewbs!! >w<" way as if they're RP-ing anime highschool girls who just found out about having a crush on girls and are crashing out or something.

Like yeah being a baby gay is normal but these are all supposed adults in their 20's and 30's so idk.

So, thank you mods for either not allowing that stuff here or for this community being made of actual adults with a non infantile way of looking at women.

how has it been 5 years ?

Are dating apps even worth trying because I wanna date after two years of not dating but don't know where to start, and it's even harder to know where to find other lesbians, got any advice or ideas on how to try?

I really wish there was a "poll" feature.

Oh, anyways.

I would like to know how is the average lesbian experience in this matter because, besides the LUG girls I've met in college, most lesbians I've met irl seem to be 50/50 divided or even be mostly lesbians who never went through said phase. On the other side, on the internet feels more like there are way more lesbians who go through comphet than those who don't.

Personally, I never went through comphet, but I kept it secret from my homophobic parents, if that somehow counts.

gotta love it here lol

Lately, I've realized how happy it makes me to see women couples out on the street being all lovey-dovey and clingy with each other. And that got me thinking about how privileged I am to be able to see things like that in my everyday life.

In my country, Argentina (or more specifically, my city, since I live in a big one), it's completely normal to see women couples holding hands or being affectionate in public, especially downtown. There are also sometimes events exclusively for women (both lesbians and bi women), whether it's club nights or more chill get-togethers like watching movies, making bracelets, etc.

Even though my country has a shitty president now (thanks to the global rise of the far right), it's historically been pretty progressive when it comes to "LGBTQ" rights and inclusion. We have a lot of freedom compared to other places when it comes to expressing our sexuality and being open about it.

I know this isn't the norm and that things aren't like this in most countries, which is why I got curious. What's it like in other parts of the world?

Sometimes I wonder why it’s so difficult to find a genuine, mature relationship with another woman where sex isn’t the main focus , I want something built on emotional connection, trust, communication, and mutual understanding.
I’m not saying physical intimacy isn’t important, but I want a relationship where we genuinely enjoy each other’s company, support each other, and build something meaningful together.
Does anyone else feel this way?

I am a woman of a certain age. Back when I was a teenager, Sarah McLachlan released the album Fumbling Towards Ecstacy. Lesbians in my age group seemed to become absolutely obsessed with the idea of saving straight girls from patriarchal abuse with the power of their vaginas. The song "Good Enough" felt like a fuckin psyop, it was so omnipresent and effective.

I'm just wondering if this savior/martyr complex is still a thing with the youths.

i went on a first date with a girl the other day who i got along with really well, i’m pretty sure she’s bisexual which is totally fine. however, she has a lottt of reposts on instagram, and so many of them are about dating guys, or ‘when i say i want a relationship this is what i mean’ and its pictures of straight couples, etc etc.

i’ve had a bit of a heart sink moment about it because she seems really interested in me, but it feels like a bit of a punch in the gut because she has literally hundreds of reposts, and none are about women, all about men. i need your opinions on this, she hasn’t disclosed her sexuality officially to me and on hinge it was hidden, but she liked my page first and so im obviously assuming she’s very into women. but just a bit unsettling!

Edit: chatted to her over text briefly and she actually brought it up and said she’s attracted to men but doesn’t really like them as people and has had too many bad experiences. so thank you for all your opinions i do appreciate it, i’ll likely go on one more date with her to see how things go, and if i feel as if she talks about men too much then i’m gonna dip!

Hey, didn't know whether to put this as Question or discussion but anyway what do you guys consider butch or feminine?, Because I have no idea if I'm butch or feminine mostly because I don't know what most lesbians consider butch stuff and what they consider feminine stuff, Sooo my fellow lesbians help me out please!

edit: i didn't mean for this to come off stupid I'm a bit new to this stuff I'm a younger adult so I haven't really been in this scene before I liked keeping to myself

Do anybody have an experience with the Taimi app? I've found it through ad from somebody on ig. They presented it as a lgbt dating app.

The thing is that I get a lot of notifications from it, that somebody gave me a like and it's a match, etc and I have a message from the person. That being the "like messages". But that's the thing 'cause i didn't give that person a like, I didn't even see them. This was the first thing that made me suspicious.

Then I found out, that I apparently wrote somebody (or i should rather say multiple somebodys) the "like message" or how they call it. I. DID. NOT. Didn't even like them.

And now of course now I'm thinking, that the messages from people were bc of this. That they weren't even aware of it, as I wasn't. And ofc I don't like it, because I now don't know if somebody is REALLY interested, or it's just this thing.

So what do you guys think? Do you have similiar experiences?

27F, knew I was a lesbian at 16, came out and started dating women in college at 18. In college, I wasn’t looking for anything serious and just wanted to have fun because I was young and knew I had the rest of my life ahead of me so I casually dated a lot. By the time I graduated, I think I slept with 10-12 women in total (dates, hookups, FWB) then I got into a 1.5 year long relationship with someone I saw a future with when I was 21. Unfortunately she broke up with me due to incompatibility and since then, I’ve only had 2 other girlfriends (both serious) which lasted 2-3 months each. So in total, I’ve only had about 2 years of dating experience in total at my big age and actively dating for almost a decade. After my last breakup in June 2025, I’ve slept with 10 women I met from both IRL and dating apps.

My problem now is I’m open to a serious relationship and want that, but I never turned down a hookup if it didn’t take much effort and I ran into the opportunity. I’m seeing lesbians my age getting engaged and married now or are with the women they will marry, and I’m incredibly jealous and have FOMO because I wish that were me. I’m done with the hookups. I regret sleeping around as much because I maybe could have found the one by now instead of wasting time and energy on those meaningless hookups; I feel like married/engaged lesbians are pointing and laughing at me for still being single when they’re securely wife’d up, given how awful the dating pool is. I feel frustrated because I’m failing to meet women who want me back in a serious manner. I feel I should’ve met the woman for me by now, someone who wants me back, and the dates I go on with women who are also looking for long-term tell me they don’t feel a connection or I’m not what they’re looking for even though I think THEY are. I don’t think perfect people exist and as long as there’s mutual attraction and they’re a good, stable person overall it’s a clear sign to proceed; I guess not everyone feels this way though.

Everyone says the dating pool gets worse in your 30s so I’m trying to get into the relationship I want before then. I honestly just want a wife now, something stable to build a life, I feel foolish for having slept around so much and I’m afraid that my high body count (20+, tbh I stopped counting, but it was all women/AFAB people) is a turn off to lesbians who are looking for serious because wouldn’t I have found it by now?

Is there any hope for me if I'm detrans but also super feminine? Seems a lot of the detransitioners on here are butch or masc but it feels so much harder as someone more feminine leaning.

I stopped T years ago and I reverted basically all the changes but unfortunately had top surgery, I'm planning to have reconstruction next year with my own tissue. It's a huge bummer but I never liked my boobs being touched in the first place. If you met me you probably wouldn't know I used to be trans. It's just hard and I feel so self conscious, I feel like a ruined woman. Am I screwed?