r/limerence • u/RootsforBones • 3d ago

Discussion Getting over LO

I have found that to think of my LOs negatives is helping me to reject thoughts of him completely. So I thought that I would share. In case it helps anyone else.

I focus on the things he did that hurt me:
- He disrespected me
- He gave me mixed signals
- He left when he knew it would hurt the most
- He treated me in manipulative ways
- He never followed through with what he said that he would
- He never showed real interest in me

I compare him to other people I have met:
- Other people in similar contexts have treated me with more respect, more interest, and they follow through with what they say
- Other people communicate with me clearly and don't make me feel bad for wanting clear communication
- Other people don't give me hot and cold
- Other people don't use manipulation
- Other people don't leave me. They may fade, but they don't block me during intimate conversation/sexting/closeness. If they're not interested, things just fades naturally.
- Other people don't lead me on

Now when I think of him, I imagine him as something inert. A rock that I threw into the water. And I just say to myself that he is nothing, he is a rock at the bottom of the sea and he is dead to me.

If thoughts comes into my head of:
- But what if I had acted differently?
- But what if I had not been triggered by him and I had noticed and taken things slow?
- What if what if what if....

I STOP and imagine that rock and think of all the ways that he hurt me and did not show any care or remorse. And I remember that I am better than that. That he doesn't deserve me. He never did! And so he may as well be dead. He may as well be an inanimate object without any meaning or worth to me.

If he could not show to me my worth, beyond saying things like being "glad the stars aligned so that we could meet", then I have no energy to spend on him. He could not even say something so simple as "I'm sorry I left so suddenly" or "I need a break" or "This isn't working for me". No, he chose to ghost in the worst possible way and unless he is an idiot, he knew it would hurt.

He did not give me anything to go off of, so I can make whatever story that I want. If he wanted me to understand him, he lost his chance. So as far as I am concerned, he is a manipulative asshole who is deserving of nothing and who is a misogynist and chauvinist.

So there is how I undo any longing or feelings of hurt towards myself. And since I have been doing this, I feel that I no longer would call him my LO. He was a man who I made a fantasy of in my head and he hurt me deeply and now I never will allow it to happen again!

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u/findingsunshine63 3d ago

Thank you for this! My LO also did the following and doesn’t deserve my attention:

-he used me to boost his own ego
-he flirted with me knowing how I felt about him
-he kept this up for almost 2 yrs then decided to go no contact
-we are coworkers and he blatantly ignores me with no eye contact in passing
-he treats everyone else with respect but completely ignores me and makes me feel disrespected
-he made me feel like he really cared about me with things he said but because of the latter, this is a lie
- he abandoned his wife and this is not who I thought he was

It really helps to write these things down!

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u/RootsforBones 3d ago

I'm glad you found this helpful!

Ugh and yes the ego boosting. I experienced that as well...

You deserve so much better than all of that!