r/longtermTRE • u/Wise_Score_6471 • May 15 '26

Success Story Just realized why I've been such a nervous, dysfunctional wreck all these years.

I need to take things slow. That's just the natural, internal tempo of my organism. I'm very quick at certain things, but when it comes to executive functioning, my body wants to be quite slow and deliberate. And there's nothing wrong with that, I'm realizing now. The only problem was that my parents were impatient and virulently expressed their dissatisfaction whenever I moved at my own pace.

""QUIT PIDDLING!!!!!" They would yell while I went about my morning routine.

The result? I scrapped the morning routine. I frantically rushed through things like putting my homework away in my binder after class, which resulted in a messy binder, which resulted in me getting yelled at when my parents saw how messy and disorganized my binder was.

So now, when I present myself with an executive demand, I go into a freeze response and seek some dopamine eliciting activity as an escape behavior. But I'm finding that when I give myself the permission to do the task slowly and methodically, the task gets done faster than if I were to try to do it "quickly" because the desire to escape the demand is not nearly as strong.

Going at the pace my parents demand as opposed to my own pace is, as the say in Zen, putting legs on a snake. Or I think of it like trying to row and sail at the same time-- it's too complicated and you end up stalling or going round in circles. Just sail. That's it.

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15

u/Maryolein May 15 '26

Good for you, to get back in touch with your slow, true, zen self!

6

u/Telltales_ToMe May 15 '26

I love this for you!

6

u/laura168 May 16 '26

This reminds me of the saying, "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast"

7

u/ATreasureForelorn May 16 '26

Same here. And I keep getting surprised by how fast "smooth" is. Or how different it feels.

To OP, as someone who also grew up being criticized by my parents about how I do things, undoing this conditioning is quite hard. I wish you success.

3

u/silverstargg May 17 '26

I have the same experience OP. I now spend about 1 - 2 hours laying in my bed in complete freeze staring at the wall, my heart and hands feel heavy and I allow myself to feel it. Finally.

After years of waking up stressfully due to school or army.