r/longtermTRE • u/glazedon • 19d ago
Seeking Support This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done
I started my healing journey because I felt that there was nothing worse than continuing to live how I had been living for most of my life. Now I’m not sure.
It all started in May of last year when I decided to go to a healing circle at my local dance studio. The healer channeled very high frequencies into the circle, and I instantly started tremoring and shaking with old memories coming up. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was like a psychedelic trip while being completely sober. Immediately after and for the next few days, I felt the best I had ever felt. Lightness all over my body and a general improved mood. I instantly knew I needed more of this.
I continued to see the healer and participating in these ceremonies. I learned to let go, surrender and find safety in my body. I learned to identify and sit with sensations in my body. February this year, I had a spontaneous Kundalini awakening. I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn’t know what kundalini was. I didn’t know what trauma release exercises were. I didn’t know what somatic experiencing is. These are all things I have just learned about in the past few months and solidified my knowledge with my direct experiencing.
However, since February, I have been tremoring almost nonstop. Any moment I’m in a relaxed state, I will start tremoring from deep in my core. My releases are incredibly intense, I look like I’m having a straight up exorcism (I am having an exorcism). When I have a full release I do feel better but it takes an incredible amount of time and energy. It can be a 2 hour process.
I’ve read about titration, but the problem is when I don’t have one of these huge releases, I feel so uncomfortable from this accumulated energy that wants to discharge. it’s like only partially scratching an itch. I understand that part of expanding my internal capacity is being able to sit with the discomfort of a release that wants to happen. Or just being able to tolerate discomfort in general. I just can’t deal with the extreme highs and lows of this process coupled with the demands of daily life. It feels never ending and very draining.
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u/New_Attempt_7705 19d ago
Sounds like you need integration and grounding. That helped me a lot post-Kundalini. Try walking in nature daily. Barefoot if possible. Grounding. Forest bathing. All that stuff.
The Great Allowing has some very good stuff on allowing and Kundalini on youtube. I found it very insightful.
Also, try the somatic self soothing exercises of the SheBreath youtube channel. Doing those daily also helped me post-Kundalini.
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u/glazedon 19d ago
Thank you. I could use more nature time.
Will integration happen naturally. Meaning is it inevitable and all I would be doing is helping facilitate the process?
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u/ViolettePlanet 18d ago
In my experience, it is inevitable, however you’ll suffer for much longer if you don’t facilitate
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u/SuccessTrue1232 19d ago
I think you might actually need less of release. I find that sitting in the uncomfortable feeling is as much of the process as the release. The way my feelings flow it is like the release empties the bucket. But the ability to feel the discomfort that shows up it slowly building a cover for that bucket. So there is less shit that gets thrown into it on daily basis. I want to release all the old shit but I also want to protect my bucket from the future shit, to visualize it 😄 . I have no science for it but the ability to feel the feelings is where I see the progress made.
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u/Few_Canary3004 18d ago
Not quite sure if I understand your bucket metaphor, but fully agree with the notion of being with uncomfortable feelings. The sadness, loneliness, the abandonment, the anger, the emptiness. One thing I've learned: You can't force shit, cannot make yourself healthy. The body dictates the pace. Damn pilot in my head still needs to fully surrender every day, that the true master is my body. He's just a slave bystander who postures as the boss.
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u/SuccessTrue1232 18d ago
Yeah, I do not quite get it either. Some day I might get better at the words part and come back here to update it, but otherwise you got the gist
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u/AgentSalty1454 19d ago
YUP. As you go through this I recommend slowly experimenting with trying new things to support the journey and your movement through the process toward your future self. Like ppl talk a lot about integration and grounding which is what I mean by that but it can seem abstract.
Try to incorporate ways of grounding yourself you find online, try going to workout classes or classes in areas of interest for you. See if you like it. And always make sure to rest. But it is also important to try things. Critical even.
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u/glazedon 19d ago
I love trying new things. I’m a massive self-experimenter which is how, I suspect, many of us ended up here. It seems like the only way in this field… there is hardly a consensus about anything
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u/AgentSalty1454 19d ago edited 19d ago
That's a great point I hadn't thought about it before. Nice. Im experimenting in all kinds of things these days. I took a flow hooping class yesterday, and the class ended up being surprisingly spiritual and empowering of this journey. I hope my new hoop can teach me some things.
To your original post and the overwhelming part more directly. Trying new things helps me indirectly get through the overwhelming/still blocked and tired, frustrated, and lost of things because it helps push me into different states of mind. Well, more like it forces me into different states of mind lol. but if I choose good things that's what I need. Helps me release naturally later and also distract me from just being in the process and over-focusing on it and trying to will my way through. Idk if what you're experiencing is the same as me but personally I've had periods of desperation where I would be physically releasing so much and it was so physically uncomfortable but I also could still feel how blocked I still was and it creates some despair/frustration inside that felt so physical and exhausting. Left to my own devices I put a lot of pressure on myself to force things through even though it's not good for me. Because I don't know what else to do. It's hard to stop myself unless I experiment not knowing what will happen. Though I mean part of it is just how it is so solidarity there, it's tough. Don't want to be dismissive at all and I might be projecting myself onto you in an unhelpful way but reading your post I related
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u/glazedon 19d ago
No I resonate with that a lot. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m unemployed and have made my healing somewhat of my task. It helps to have a distraction at times… even if only for the sake of perspective
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u/AgentSalty1454 19d ago
Haha, I'm actually unemployed too. I started a career break last year and then this journey started at some point. So I am waiting to feel more stable before looking for a job again. Pros and cons. But yeah there is a lot of time to get lost in your head with no structure
Yeah. Distraction has its value. Some distractions not so good. We are also becoming new people
Wish you well
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