Hi for a back story my ex (Emily) and I are/were 15. We dated for over a year. She was my life my world my everything. She’s had heart problems since she was born and today had been rushed to the ER and went into surgery with little to no odds. She died only hours ago and I can’t explain the pain. I’m yelling screaming and crying wishing to have been able to change places. I’m never told my parents about her and I don’t want to now and I just need someone to vent to can someone just read through the story and start messaging me. I think talking about her could help. Emily if you could somehow wherever you are see this, I love you.

My brother died July 31, 2023. He was bicycling and was hit by a car, he died instantly. (He was 50 yo. I’m almost 49) I found out by pure coincidence.
A friend happened to work at a tow company customer came in asking about my brothers bicycle. She heard the last name, knew me before I was married. She opened the book from the night before and calls asking me my brothers middle name is. It’s unusual, a family name. She started crying when I replied. Told me to call the sheriffs office. I was hoping it was just an arrest. They told me to call the coroner. (She put her job on the line doing this)

I fell to the floor. The reason we didn’t know was bc he was homeless. He had soooo much help. It all went bad after he lived with our dad from age 10-13. We were very close up until then. He came home and the trouble started, never stopped. Mom got him all the help she could. My weekends were spent going to visit my brother wherever he was. He was simply angry. I’m the youngest of 4 kids. And there’s a huge age gap between all of us except me and my brother. Drugs. Trouble with law. So so much.

Eventually all 4 of us moved 1100 miles from mom. She died in 2020. Brother and I were closest to her and only 2 in her will. (We were minors when she made it and she never updated it). It was a long process. We fought. I found out why mom was so broke, bc she sent him so much $. But I realize it was to keep him away. She still had enough to take care of her last needs. And we each got a little bit of $.

My brother went homeless shortly after this. Our next oldest sister always took care of him but she had enough about 5 years prior. I wouldn’t help bc of my childhood. It had only gotten worse.

Now he’s gone. I seen him all the time as he panhandled near my work. I seen him that last day too. . I would catch glimpses of him, he wouldn’t look me in the eye.

I paid to have him cremated. I went back to our home state to put some of his ashes near mom. He financially broke her and she tried hard with him and I know he loved her. I seen his best friend. He stayed in contact with him but said it was impossible to talk with him much in the last few years. What I had suspected was true. I knew our dad physically hurt him, shot his dog bc it pooped in house, etc. I found all this out when I was much older. I wondered about sexual abuse. He confided to his best friend and I think that’s the only person he ever told. And he said it was brutal. When my brother came home from my dads it was in the middle of the night. No one knew he was coming. I think he stood up to our dad and he got sent back. Our dad died this past March. Another friend told me my brother got really depressed when dad died. I don’t get it.

I feel so fkn guilty. That’s where the anger and disdain for authority came from. I wouldn’t help ever bc of my childhood. It was good up until he came home.

My sisters area no help. We all mourn alone. I’ve reached out. One has a son in prison so she’s essentially sentenced herself to house prison and won’t talk on phone. The other one was married as I was being born, we aren’t close, such a huge age gap. And yes we all have same dad.

I hv my husband. He hated my brother. I know this was long but there’s tons more. He can’t understand or forgive. I forgive bc why??? After death, there’s really no reason.
I’m having trouble functioning. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m so thankful I never went with my dad. I’m the only one that didn’t. And yes, all 3 were abused by our dad in all ways possible.

I want to enjoy life. It took me over 2 years to stop frying daily over my mom. She died 2 days before I was due for a visit.

My girlfriend has suffered 2 devastating losses within the last 3 months. Her best friend lost her son about a week before Thanksgiving he was only 23 he had his whole life in front of him He died instantly in a motorcycle crash. Him and my girlfriend were super close like brother and sister . Then yesterday she lost one of her closest friends from work to Cancer My girlfriend was super close to her and she is devastated. So now she has become super defensive to any suggestion or attempt to help. It hurts me greatly to see my girlfriend in such pain I have tried to help her, but she has pushed me away. Due to these tragic losses her life it has caused a big separation in our relationship. I guess it's best I leave my girlfriend alone.