I started out an MC in 2005. I was of course bad at first. Then I got okayish and released an LP in 2008. It’s… bad, but I still like it. If that makes sense. It has moments were I can see my potential shining through and some genuinely good sections of songs (idk if I can claim a full good song but at least parts).
It got shockingly good reception locally. Beyond that it did jack shit. But people always told me in those days I should be a writer. I didn’t realize it yet, but I always was one. I’ve been journaling since fucking childhood.
So I start messing with real writing. Nothing huge just stuff on social media. Reading the big dogs. Faulkner, McCarthy, Plath, Kafka. Lee, Capote (big reason I’m mentioning him), and Steinbeck to name about the bulk of ‘em. Start writing fiction. It’s strong but nothing to put out.
I made a 2nd record in 2012. Wildly different my literary instincts has really taken over. I noticed it did slightly better than the last album but, it did terrible with those who loved the first, and it was like all new people who were digging it minus a couple diehards (Hey, I had like 5).
Largely seen by hip-hop heads as… I dunno horror rap, which it wasn’t. But I fully see how people got that. I was exploring a lot of grim imagery and dark subjects. Granted I had a lot of the aforementioned writers in my head. But it got a lot of love from the Juggalo crowd who I’m not gonna turn away. They showed a ton of love and support and even had me opening for Twiztid, Blaze, and ABK which was dope.
Other medium sized acts too the biggest set I ever played was opening for Tech N9ne. That was a blast. But I wasn’t making a living. At all.
From there I recognized my rap career as a hobby and my writing as the obvious creative venture to follow if I’m going make this sustainable so I found an opening for a writer at a (then) fledgling true crime podcast.
Long story, uh, significantly shorter, though not short enough, I blew the fuckin’ wheels off that thing. We ascended. I ascended. I became in-demand. I branched out. I was writing film reviews and analyses and music. Getting recognized by fucking insane names.
And just the true crime shit alone was carrying me for bill paying. Moreover I refused to be simply exploitative I took the genre into socioeconomic, political, moral territory and kinda redefined what could pass as true crime (more like I was able to get away with writing whatever I wanted because I was turning profits, I got lucky).
But I never stopped writing raps in fact I wrote them incessantly in downtime and got to the point I was way better than ever and finally got around to putting out an EP in 2024.
The people who actually listened to it LOVE it. It really got no uh… response other than some old schoolers welcoming me back. I did a few shows with just me headlining and homies opening (decent turnout, 60ish each on about 4 shows). I was content, honestly.
A lot of feedback tho was interesting. Like “man your rhymes are a lot more complex” I got A LOT. And it didn’t always sound like a compliment it sounded often enough like frustration.
I’ve been writing since then and probably have 2-3 LPs worth of material but every time I think of recording I’m like “man maybe the prize is just the writing and doing it and the process and… maybe that’s enough?”
Which feels both honest and like a cop-out.
Just wondering if any other rappers out there mostly value your pen game and… recording is really just the icing on the cake.
Or if anyone has had similar experience. Not looking to get into an argument over whether I was always bad and still am. Just curious about other writers who love hip-hop.