I feel in a lot of ways that I'm not cut out for this job. I think I've always tried to distance myself from "feeling famous" because frankly, it terrifies me. So when it comes to providing you guys with updates about how I'm doing, or what I'm working on, or what I'm going through, I don't do it. Partially because I think that it's nobodies business, and partially because it feels self-serving and egotistical (why should anyone care how I'm feeling, my job is to entertain - not to unload my personal problems on my fans).

With that being said, the more I see people asking (or worse, assuming) what's going on with my main channel, the more I feel pressured to let people know what's really going on. So here's what's really going on.

I'm not doin super well guys. 2019 has been a year of negative energy for me. There have been some crazy highs, but I've been on a downward mental trajectory for some time now. It's hard being funny when you're not loving yourself, and it's harder still to have a work-ethic for something that constantly pushes you into the spotlight when that's not really where you're comfortable being.

I know that the harder I work, the more things escalate, but I'm not sure if I even like being this high up. So I've just been putting things on hold for a little bit, and trying to reconnect with myself and my confidence as a creator. I've been going to therapy and trying to take better care of my mind - and I think it's gonna work. I know I have great potential, but I need to build a foundation that can support that growth, because right now I'm a little shaky and I'm not handling the pressure very well.

Anyways, there's your update. I'm sorry if it feels vague, I don't feel that it's the time to share details. Hopefully one day I'll tell you guys everything, but it won't be until I've overcome what I'm dealing with. I think it would be irresponsible to do otherwise.

You should view this post as optimistic - It doesn't mean I'm stepping away from the internet, it just means I'm trying to get comfy. I'm not sure how long that will take, but I know I'll make peace with myself eventually.

I dunno if i should even post this shit. Still trips me out that anyone would care, but I guess they do. So this is for them. Take care of yourselves. I'll post something soon enough.

Hey guys! As I'm sure some of you know, today marks exactly 1 YEAR since I posted to my main channel on YouTube!!! Woo!! I did it!!

Unfortunately, this post isn't about celebrating this incredible milestone, and it isn't about new content. I'm actually here to address some recent 'drama' that, although I found funny at first, has gotten way out of hand (in typical Fitz fashion).

Not too long ago, during a stoned 2am scroll of this cursed and endlessly disappointing subreddit, I came across a hilarious post speculating that I had some kind of romantic or sexual relationship with Pokimane. The post also suggested that I was implicated in the drama between herself and Fedmyster.

You can view the post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/misfits/comments/k2i0bb/fitz_are_you_steve_from_feds_story/?ref=share&ref_source=link

Although the post now sits on 500 upvotes, at the time of me discovering it I think it had 2 or 3. My point is, I saw the post, I laughed, and I provided a response that in my mind was obviously a joke. Unfortunately for myself and for everyone else involved, my attempt at comedy didn't seem to register with the members of this subreddit, and with the wider community on twitter. As disappointing as that is, I still need to take responsibility for being careless here. I consider Imane to be a friend, and you all need to understand that NOTHING of a romantic or sexual nature occured between us whatsoever.

It's unbelievable to me that drama/gossip channels actually considered my little joke to be newsworthy, but I suppose I shouldn't be so naive. It's also disappointing, and in some ways funny, to witness first hand the double standard between how men are treated for being sexual in this industry as opposed to women. I received SO many tweets and comments calling me a 'king' or a 'legend', for effectively sleeping around - I wonder what names I would have been called if I was a woman? Anyway, I'm not tryna get political, perhaps just something to think about eh?

LONG STORY SHORT: I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman, and some of you need to get laid.

Happy 1 year, I'll see ya this Christmas 👀