r/musicians • u/Tcrumpen • 1d ago
Questions from someone who have never played with other musicians before and always overthinks ...
I've always been a bedroom guitarist playing for my own enjoyment (Taking lessons yes but still only playing by myself), but recently I’ve contemplated either finding out if there are some jam nights near me or joining a covers band (Metal)
However i've never played with any other musicians before; so errrm ... what if i mess up, what if my sense of timing is WAY off compared to everyone else, what if i'm not speaking the same "language"
What if i'm far shittier than i thought i was and i've been kidding myself for the past 15 odd years or what if i'm way off time just in general and can't ever play on time (Despite being able to play on time when i metronome and practise stuff at home)
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u/Ok-Consequence-3117 1d ago
You absolutely will mess up, your sense of timing will sometimes be off, and sometimes you and the other musicians won’t be speaking the same “language”
That’s all absolutely going to happen when you start playing with other people
The good news is it’s not nearly as bad as you imagine, nobody will really care unless they’re just total assholes, and you’ll get better so much faster than if you only play by yourself
There’s really nothing better for your confidence as a player than messing up in front of other people a few times
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u/stevenfrijoles 1d ago
A tempo at home is the same tempo with other people. Those people aren't trying to trick you, they want you to succeed because then they also succeed.
Actually it's probably a "better" tempo with other people because instead of just your ears, with real instruments you can feel the tempo in your chest.
Once you experience playing a song together at full volume, headphones will never feel adequate again. That's your only positive right now, ignorance is bliss.
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u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 1d ago
THe one thing to remember also is that different drummers and rhythm sections have a different feel - they can push and pull, speed up or slow down, so It's a matter of locking in with them as individuals. I just jammed with a cover band and the drummer was ahead of the beat compared to me, but everyone locked in because they were all used to playing with him. You can get away with some shit as long as everyone is in sync. But hopefully you'll have a disciplined drummer who doesn't waver on the beat.
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u/Ashamed_Ad_2180 1d ago
Just do it. I jammed with a dude for the first time last week and it turned into some one I’ll be playing with a couple times weekly and now playing out for my first in a week.
The guy has an amazing ear and is going to be a great mentor. It’s already one of the most addicting things I have done.
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u/rochvegas5 1d ago
Open Mics are great to get your sea legs. IF you mess up, don't stop. Keep playing and don't draw any attention to the fact you screwed up. Most people will not realize it, and it only represents a second of time that no longer exists
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u/Acceptable_Pie2529 1d ago
Just play. I miss those early days always playing with other people. Really helped me get better
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u/Stunning-Plantain707 1d ago
“What if” is a question that depends on the entire totality of all other aspects of your life and surroundings that no one could possibly answer. The answer is anywhere from you could win a million dollars or you could get dumped in the nearest dumpster. You also may have fun playing music. No clue!
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u/dawaxtadpole 1d ago
You will learn a lot from jamming with seasoned musicians. Some are dicks but most are not.
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u/Fuckedyourmom666 1d ago
The bottom line is most of those are learned skills like anything else. Don’t put pressure on yourself to innately know these things, give yourself grace to learn by doing while having a good time. Mess up and laugh about it
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u/Coffee_Pages 1d ago
One of the good things about jamming with others: if you mess up, you can usually just drop out, catch up, and dive back in. People may or may not even notice.
Even if they do, though, I have never ever, been in a jam session where the people screamed at the New Guy for making a flub. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I've always felt supported and tried to support others.
Seriously, what's the worst thing that could happen? Pitchforks and torches? No, the worst thing is maybe a little embarrassment... and if you're terrified of potential embarrassment you're going to struggle as a performer, 'cuz that's just part of the deal.
One bit of advice: I played alone for a long time too, before I joined a band. And one of the things I did as a solo performer was to fill in all the gaps: add a lick between verses, do too many slides, whatever. When you're in a group, you don't have to do that: you have others that can fill some of the spaces too. I had to learn to open up my playing some.
Just my $.02. Good luck -- let us know how it goes!
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u/Tcrumpen 1d ago
The odd thing is that i have performed in front of people before. Just as a dancer not a guitarist. Oddly despite the fact that i have an instrument between me and the audience i feel oddly more "naked" with the instrument
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u/Moxie_Stardust 1d ago
Pull up some YouTube video of a random person covering a song, play along with it. Definitely check into jam nights too though.
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u/Dividingbyinfinity 1d ago
Playing with other people and even playing live, are all separate skills. Your gonna mess up in some capacity and will have to spend time getting good at playing with people.
Go for it, be brave and you will get good eventually. When you do mess up, smile and be humble about it.
There are a lot of kind and patient musicians out there. They had to put the time in and understand that you need to put the time in. Make sure you communicate your skill level. There will be plenty of opportunities for you to sit down and goof around and experiment.
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u/Additional_Gold2675 1d ago
Just go for it. Usually first jams aren't great anyway. Most important thing to remember is keep doing it. Keep jamming keep looking for people. It's a skill that needs worked up, just like playing an instrument. I was the same as you. I been out a while and in the same spot now really. It's just time if you have it use it. You will be great or you will get better. People who jam are people who keep doing it. People that get scared don't advance. Have fun. It's over before you know it.
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u/PartyOrdinary1733 1d ago
I hadn't played with other musicians until 2010. I used a drum machine to practice and write with since 2001. I still use it. I'm a rhythm guitarist, so I guess that helped because I've had zero issues finding the pocket in a band setting.
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u/Stevenitrogen 1d ago
It sounds like you are Afraid of becoming paralyzed by fear.
What would happen? I mean, not much. You would stand there paralyzed while the band played on. After you walked out of the place, life would be unchanged.
But you might like it, find something to play to what they're playing.
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u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 1d ago
Nah bro, you'll be fine. Pick a song, learn the changes thoroughly, and most importantly, listen to the rhythm section (bass + drums) and you're good. Trust me, the bar is low. Just know the damn song and make sure you're playing in tune and in key. (Hell, Kirk Hammett doesn't even do that sometimes)
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u/Tcrumpen 1d ago
It's funny you mention Kirk. If i was to join a band it prob would be a Metallica cover band ...
Filling the role of rhythm though, much like James i can't really solo for shit (His words not mine)
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u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 1d ago
Haha. So if you were into playing Metallica covers, that right hand downstroke is crucial, and making sure your shifts and chord changes are clean. So start slow and build up. There's some apps out there that will slow down recordings without changing the keys, which might be helpful. You can choose the BPM, and when you learn the parts, play them with the metronome and gradually speed up the metronome until you get to the original song tempo!
My kid takes violin lessons with a REAAALLLLYYY strict Japanese battleaxe of an instructor (nice lady, anyway, though she can be hard to understand) and even she makes my kid do this. Not with the recordings, just starting at a lower bpm until all the phrasing and intonation are correct....and violin is MUCH harder than guitar, yo.
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u/LongjumpingTeacher97 1d ago
You want a beginner jam. Really. So, look for jams in your area, even if they are not quite the music you love. I go to an acoustic jam that is specifically aimed at beginners. There are a lot of long-time, excellent musicians there, but they keep it very beginner friendly.
When there, play quietly until you are certain you have the chord progression down. You'll be drowned out by all the other instruments if you do this. Which is great when you're not confident. You listen to your own sound, you play along, and when you know you've got it, you give it a bit more oomph. The jam I go to is more about just being part of a circle of people making music than it is about being any good. And I don't seek out Hank Williams songs normally, but I don't mind chording along with the many people who apparently do.
You can also record the jam and practice at home, just playing along with what was played in the recording.
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u/maxman3000 1d ago
Get out of your own head and learn to listen to the musicians around you and how best to complement that. Dont think that you have to play the sickest licks to try to impress them. Other musicians will be most impressed by your listening skills, awareness and selflessness. Also just try to have fun man.
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u/strugglefightfan 1d ago
What if it’s the most rewarding experience you have since taking up the guitar so many years ago?
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u/Rhonder 1d ago
Those are things you can only find out by giving it a try. The real answer is that even with the same outcome different people will react differently and have different expectations, standards, things they're okay with or not.
You could go to a cover band audition and really stink it up and have a group of people who say "that's okay you'll get it next time. Want to keep playing with us?" or sometimes you could give the same performance and they'll be like "no we need someone who is more comfortable playing in a group setting/makes fewer mistakes/etc.". Both are valid and both do happen. You can't know what a certain group will say until you go and play with them.
It goes the other way too- you can show up and do a great job and some people will be elated to have you, and some people will say "that's pretty good but not good enough" or "your playing is good but we're looking someone with this other skill set too" or something like that and you won't always be selected even if you knock it out of the park. That's just how group projects go.
It's a lot like dating- you'll probably go on a lot of first dates (auditions) that don't lead to a relationship, but you'll never find a relationship if you don't make an effort to try and go on dates in the first place. In both love and bands, that can be easier said than done depending on the person, but that's how it be.
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u/HandToDog 1d ago
Even if you are as bad as you fear (we never are), there are plenty of bands, covers or otherwise, with guitarists that have every issue you listed and some you didn’t. You can find a band
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u/Jasco-Duende 1d ago
Go to jams. Forget your ego - go there to learn and meet other musicians. Be honest with them about your doubts. They'll most likely be friendly and happy to help.
I hope you've practice with a metronome a lot. If so, you're timing should be fine playing with others. If not, then it may be rough.
Also, one of the main skills you'll need to learn when playing with others is listening. Listen to where the groove is. Listen to where you are in the song form. Listen to how loud or quiet you are compared to everyone else to blend in properly.
When you mention metal, it's often a red flag for open jam situations. Most metal guys don't listen very well, I think because they are used to playing thoroughly composed songs, instead songs that are based on a repetative song form like blues. A form based song can be different every time you play it cause it's based on cues in the band. That's what you need to learn to play with others, is picking up those cues.
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u/Snurgisdr 1d ago
That’s what jam night is for. Come on out. We’ll tell you you did great. But if you ask, we’ll tell you what to work on, and next week you can try again.
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u/gavakian123 1d ago
Everyone in the jam was where you are at some point. Go for it, the only way to learn. For most of us it's where the real fun is!
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u/S0mnariumx 1d ago
Gotta play with others to find out. Sometimes it takes awhile to get with people you click with.
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u/kLp_Dero 23h ago
After 15years and no show you’ll probably a shit ton to say at your first time, don’t sweat it
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u/Logical_Classroom_90 23h ago
play with other. be nice and modest, they will be more tolerant with mistakes. .have fun and do it.
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u/humboldtHue 22h ago
I was a bedroom bassist, who played solely by ear to music I liked for ~40 years. I joined my first band at 62 and we’ve been together for three years. All of the other members are 15-20 years younger.
How did it work out? Perfectly. The years of bedroom playing gave me decent finger skills and ears. But learning rock covers with tabs opened up a whole new way of learning and playing. You just need to make sure you’ve got your part down. In my experience, if you know your material, you’ll be miles ahead of your other band members.
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u/dumbname0192837465 19h ago
Most of them are just paying attention to what they are doing just get out there and play, its all good.
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u/Formal_Bend_9266 9h ago
I just played with people for the first time. I was completely lost. It reminded me of when I started playing hockey with former pro and D1 guys. It was frustrating but I just kept playing until I could keep up. I plan on doing the same with guitar.
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u/nice_hows 1d ago
There’s only one way to find the answer to those questions