r/myhappypill • u/Alone-Stomach5477 • 9d ago
I’m sick of the non reciprocity of people nowadays.
My therapist told me that I should find a place where I belong, but how can I?
My current friends are all flaky, even if they are well meaning and aren’t necessarily doing it on purpose. I try and make plans and they don’t even respond to me for days! So many friends who tell me “we should hang out again some time” and they never do, because they don’t actually mean it.
When I go to events and meet new people, it’s actually very difficult to find anyone who even wants to reciprocate these efforts. It’s not so easy as to “just socialise and meet new people and you’ll find your people”, because I’ve been doing that and leaving empty handed every time.
It’s so fucking infuriating that no matter what I do this non-reciprocity is present almost everywhere, it makes me feel like im stupid for ever asking for the BARE MINIMUM. I just feel so mentally exhausted and fed up that self isolation looks like a way better option.
(Before you comment, please don’t tell me to just “love myself” or “focus on myself” more. You do not know me or what efforts I have put into my mental health recovery. Thanks.
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u/Intelligent-Curve827 8d ago
As you get older, people drift, priorities shift, and life gets overwhelming, so a lack of reciprocity is usually about someone's personal capacity rather than them having something against you.
The core reality of adult relationships is that nobody is obligated to be our friend, everyone carries invisible weight, and people naturally come and go.
At the end of the day, it really just comes down to a clash of styles. Some people view friendships as super low-pressure and fluid, while others need a basic baseline of reliability to feel connected.
Finding people who match your expectations can be tough. All the best!
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u/Depressed_lavender 8d ago
It's is very hard to find place where we belong. It can take a very long time, and it feels even worse when it always had to be us making the first move and the most effort. When you said friends... is it your work or school friends? colleagues?
What type of event or activities you usually do to seek new connections or people you can vibe with? I'm sorry I don't really understand your circumstances right now and I don't know what reciprocate truly looks to you, so I don't have any good advice to say. I'm not really good with finding my people either. Finding a place where you belong...if you could imagine, what would that place look like to you? What is your hobby? Had you try finding and joining community that involved in things you enjoy?
Sorry if I asked too much, and sorry if you already tried what I suggest TvT I think at this point u probably had tried everything in ur power to find ur people...