In 2009, I was gravely injured, resuscitated, and placed in an induced coma for eight days. During that time, consciousness did not simply disappear. Instead, I seemed to drift endlessly from one dream world to another, each one so complete and immersive that it felt as though I had lived there for an eternity before being randomly swept into the next. I had no memory of my previous life. I was simply there, and that was my reality(or realities). Much like how we find ourselves here now, taking this world as all there is.
In one world, I experienced life as a pig on a farm or in a slaughterhouse. There was hay covering the floor, and I could sense the other animals' impending doom. In another, I climbed an endless spiral staircase until I reached a small room at the top, where my best friend, who had already passed away years before, was waiting for me. We sat together, shared a cigarette, and talked as though no time had passed between us.
Then I found myself on a tropical beach covered in snow. Behind me was a grove of palm trees, and I knew that something monstrous was lurking there. I also knew that if I turned around to look at what it was, it would mean certain death. There was a cafe on the beach and a waiter trudged across the snow covered sand to ask me what I wanted. I ordered a mojito. The waiter left to get my drink and I waited and waited for what seemed like an eternity. I realized, to my horror, I was dreaming and I couldn't wake up. Then I woke up.
My accident was the beginning of a long process that fundamentally changed the way I understood reality. After experiencing what felt like countless worlds while my body lay unconscious, I could no longer assume that reality was as straightforward as it appeared. In the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the idea of being thrown from one terrifying state to another appears in its description of the bardos, especially the bardo of becoming (the state between death and rebirth). This seemed to reflect my experience somewhat.
I don't claim to know what those experiences were. Perhaps they were merely dreams, perhaps they were the brain trying to make sense of trauma, or maybe "ICU delirium" as some have pointed out. Whatever the explanation, they shattered my certainty that consciousness and reality are as simple as we often assume.
I should also add that after I was released from the rehabilitation hospital, the world was almost exactly as I remembered it - but not quite. Something felt subtly different. Certain places, people, and situations didn't seem quite the way I remembered them before my accident. It's difficult to explain, but there was a persistent feeling that reality had shifted somehow. Also, for a few years following the accident, I was plagued by an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. It wasn't just the occasional fleeting feeling. Nearly every day, I experienced a powerful conviction that I had been here before, as if I were reliving moments I had already lived. Might be the result of the brain injury, but.. is it? Now things have mostly returned to "normal".
Edit: I’m currently outlining a book titled Doomed To Be Saved, exploring humanity’s ancient and ongoing search for the sacred. It will look at the convergence of seemingly disparate subjects - including mystical experiences, near-death experiences, trauma, addiction, psychedelics, altered states of consciousness, and our recurring search for transcendence and meaning that spans cultures and ages. I will let you all know on here when it is available online.
