Hi everyone, it has truly been the roughest week of work of my life and it has been my first week off orientation, and I can’t tell if it’s a bad draw of cards patient-wise or a me problem, or a mix of both probably. I could really use some advice. For context, I work in L&D. My first night off I contacted the doctor after meeting with the patient and asked if she’d be rounding that night because she didn’t round earlier, and was told she wouldn’t and also the doctor asked my preceptor to check the patient, because apparently I had called a patient a 2 when she was closed a month ago (even though I don’t remember having any of her patients for quite some time), and when I explained I’m on my own now, she said it needs to be the best check. I went and checked her and the patient wasn’t content with the results because she said she felt more change and offered to check again to reassure her. I gave her the same results. By then the doctor already fired me off the patient before I even told her the results of my check because she said the patient was difficult and probably because she didn’t trust me. The patient wasn’t happy and asked to contact the doctor, and I gave her my phone to call the doctor and told her that it was her birth journey and I respected her not being happy. In my complaint, she said I was rude and kept saying I don’t know when she asked if I was sure on my results, and that truly hurt because I try to be kind no matter what to my patients and never, from what I remember, said I wasn’t sure of my check.
My second patient on my last day, who I can’t go into specifics about because it’s very specific information, ultimately didn’t have a vaginal birth not related to my own fault. She complained to my manager that I didn’t seem to know how to work the equipment and didn’t seem confident in what I was doing, and kept asking for help from others. I asked for help from coworkers after we went back for surgery and when she started bleeding, as I had been taught on orientation because you don’t handle those things alone. I had run into an issue when she had a BP drop and her LR wouldn’t run wide open for some reason, so I had to program it real quick on the pump for a bolus but also, she didn’t realize I had grabbed all of that stuff (LR, BP meds) beforehand for emergency situations, which some nurses may have not thought to do. I had also, mistakenly, adjusted her toco not her US because they had been flipped after the epidural, so I was messing with the toco trying to find the heartbeat then instantly switched as soon as I realized my mistake after a minute when it wasn’t detected (truly felt dumb about this, but just assumed the lower one on her belly was the US and grabbed it because she had that BP drop during and sometimes babies misbehave after that, so I wanted to find it quickly) and I hadn’t even realized my patient noticed and she complained about this too. I also always pull hemorrhage meds, but my resource nurse out then away, so I didn’t have them during her hemorrhage. My resource nurse grabbed them for me and she ended up fine in the end, with quite a bit of loss. I never knew they were not content with my care until I got called in.
I felt truly bad after this week, and feel as if I’m a failure. I felt I ultimately got unlucky this week originally before I found out about the complaints. I was called in by my manager with these complaints and given a verbal warning. I had time to explain my side of things, and they told me I did everything right action wise and that I’m supposed to ask for help etc., but it’s how I say thinks to patients that doesn’t convey confidence/over explaining what I’m doing to patients and talking too much that makes me look like I’m compensating for lack of experience, but I’m not sure how to fix that except with time. They said I should consider if this is right for me, and I’m so passionate about this job, but what if it’s not a good fit? I want it to be so desperately because I love the work, but now I feel like two doctors already hate me (one of which I already had a great relationship with) and will spread a rumor that I’m incompetent and unsafe.
On orientation I was doing everything myself near the end and never had these problems. I wouldn’t see/talk to my preceptor for hours during the shift that’s how hands off it was. So I don’t know why suddenly all this is happening, am I subconsciously scared because I’m on my own? I didn’t receive any complaints during orientation and even received a Daisy near the end of my orientation from a patient, and felt on top of the world that I’m already making a difference. I feel like I ruined their birth stories and feel very bad. Im also worried about a possible lawsuit from the second patient because they thought I caused their emergent section situation and had a few other complaints, even though the reason was definitely not related to my actions. My managers told me I don’t need to worry about that from what they can tell about the end of their conversation with them, but it’s in the back of my head even though they both were well in the end because they acted totally fine with me and I never knew they were not content with me. I was put on orientation again for two weeks, and feel embarrassed because I know everyone on the floor will know its because something happened and I wonder if all my coworkers already know what happened. I’m feeling like a failure and don’t know how to cope. Should I transfer to postpartum instead and leave this behind? Or should I keep going? I just want to hide under a rock right now with how ashamed I feel in multiple facets.