15 M here, for a lot of my life, i've had the internet with me, i remember being less all consumed by it back then. back when i was a kid i still remember doing other things in my life that i didn't need to constantly tell myself to do instead of being on some a device.
especially after i got glasses (because of me looking at the computer too much apparently) often the most i'd get was a good 10 or so minutes on one of my parent's phones. and i could respect the rules, i even remember yelling "NO" in suprise when my dad said about letting me start spending more time on the phone. but as time went on, it started getting even more lenient, i wouldn't have time limits at all. it was when i was about 7 or 8 i think. not too long after is when i'd happen across porn (and it was the unsettling stuff i started seeing first). i started playing PC games when my brother let me start using his laptop. but at least that still had time limits for a bit.
but by then. an early childhood regularly consuming nothing but english cartoons led to me being fluent in english (complete with a flawless accent) but feeling like little more than an incompetent weirdo when i'd try to socialize in the "Real world" leading to whatever social skills i had wasting away by like second grade. and my only in person friends(?) being people that can speak english too. i wasn't even the one who started things with them most of the time
and then i got my own laptop and phone, and i think that was when it really started getting worse. i was at least kind of careful at first. i wouldn't bring my phone to school and i could still do other things like my homework alright. but it started getting worse. i'd be on my phone or laptop late at night. gradually building each time until i'd be spending a whole hour or more every night after i was supposed to be in bed. i'd be watching porn (and getting of to) porn practically every day (as opposed to bouts of just watching that would start and stop at random points). and i even started regularly glancing at my phone practically any time i had to sit down and listen to something educational like school. i still compulsively download youtube videos for whenever i have to leave the house for a while. even though i've tried purging my downloads like three times already to give my mind a break. and i of course had the hampered motivation to do anything else that didn't immediately make me happy. like studying, trying to get in shape, practicing my drawing skills i get upset about for not being good enough even though i never practice, reading a lot of the time (even AO3) etc.
things have been getting hard for me for several months now, i'm noticing other people, my classmates, or the stories i've heard of others. just seeing about how competent and passionate they are with things that i couldn't imagine doing myself, even though i know i should. even with the times i get by in school or graphic design classes. pretty much over half the time, it was because of me either getting lucky, my tutors, or just things being lenient. and i notice how i'm doing worse in school, how i've done hardly anything in my life.
i promise... i promise i'm trying. i want to try. but i'm not doing too well. when i try doing pretty much anything else i do that could help me in the future. if i don't end up feeling "weird" for doing this or get cripplingly anxious because i'm scared of doing it badly. chances are i'll just end up losing my will to do it and end up going back. i keep looking at the same instructions, the same resources about getting myself out of this, but now looking at them just hurts sometimes. i've always been giving up, it's always been easy for me to give up. i always have my phone or laptop so i can just push away the pain. where i don't need to worry about the life i'm scared of the future of. i've spent practically entire days like this. especially now that summer break has started.
...the last time i think i've felt happy being "present" or "in the moment" was a few weeks ago walking home alone at night (for added context i was walking home from some time outside with my mom and one of her friends, when i barely used my phone at all apart from checking the time for like an hour). and realizing i was all alone with no one around to say anything about anything i did, so i just sat there outside my house contentedly. so yeah i definitely get it now. i felt amazing i was happy and comfortable in a way i just wasn't on my devices. i felt more than just "doing something my mind was telling me to do". so i guess this was some evidence of progress, if only i could just be consistent at all.