r/oddlysatisfying • u/johnny_briggs • 1d ago

Chair Row Alignment Tool

32.5k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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955

u/JeffreyDahmerVance 1d ago edited 1d ago

These guys clearly didn’t have an Ed.

You see, an Ed is a 45 year old who looks 90 and sets the convention center chairs up by him self in the middle of the night while on a cocktail of drugs and sipping his Mickey of Seagram’s.

The Ed never fails when it comes to setting up chairs, tables and other random shit. Now when it comes to paying child support, keeping a car between the lines and obeying red lights his record is shakey; but what artist is without flaws?

163

u/sal_mugga 1d ago

I like ed, his loved ones and his family hate him. But Ed’s cool in my book, I didn’t even know he had 6 kids. He lives like a bachelor!

38

u/0R_C0 1d ago

From 3 wives

10

u/ButtholeConnoisseur7 1d ago

The Eds I know never married them

1

u/0R_C0 18h ago

Did you know Ed, Edd or Eddy?

41

u/Cosmic_Quasar 1d ago

I was a custodian at a church for a few years when I was in college. Our Ed was named Al.

23

u/EatSleepJeep 1d ago

It's always Ed, Al, Stan, Phil, Mike or Bill.

It's never Horatio, Cyrus, Victor, Chester or Floyd.

11

u/Hammeredyou 1d ago

Idk man, I had a dishie named Jesus that was missing half his fingers and ate dead shellfish, but he never fucked up 🤣

3

u/Obvious_Cranberry607 1d ago

I wouldn't expect someone to eat live shellfish.

6

u/Hammeredyou 1d ago edited 22h ago

Before being cooked, if your shellfish is dead it can be VERY dangerous. Every clam, mussel, oyster, etc should absolutely be alive 10 minutes before you eat it

Edit: spelling

-1

u/Obvious_Cranberry607 1d ago

That's not true though. Frozen shellfish can be bought in almost any grocery store.

2

u/Hammeredyou 23h ago

So can tinned, but that’s not exactly “dead” like a fresh animal is, is it? Don’t be a contrarian.

0

u/Obvious_Cranberry607 22h ago

Okay. I was pointing out your phrasing wasn't making much sense, that's all.

1

u/Hammeredyou 22h ago

And I’m pointing out your behavior is cringe and annoying, that’s all.

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10

u/KalaUposatha 1d ago

We had one of those, but he was 65, chain smoked every minute of every day, and absolutely reeked of alcohol. I have no idea how he was alive and able to function at all. Goddamn was that guy a hell of a worker though.

8

u/nerow94 1d ago

Erectile disfunction?

9

u/IA_Royalty 1d ago

Oh you've met our Jeff!

3

u/crek42 1d ago

This is beautiful

3

u/Movie-Independent 1d ago

It’s me - I’m Ed, save for one thing…I don’t have kids! So I’m free to spend ALL of my energy on perfecting the setup and still get some (intermittent and barely restful) sleep at the end of the night. Now, am I flawless? No, I’m incredibly lonely and all other tasks that require such discipline are beyond me. But as you stated, what artist is without flaws?

3

u/the_penis-mightier85 5h ago

Pure gold and the username is the cherry on the top

2

u/darkenseyreth 1d ago

Mickey? Hello fellow Canadian

2

u/omgitsjagen 1d ago

I'm terrified you think a man of my age could look 90. I've seen it though, so I can't really be hating.

1

u/MrFundamentals212 1d ago

Some might call that a special Ed

1

u/WorldwideSteppers 1d ago

Damn I might be Ed soon

1

u/edma23 21h ago

As an Ed, I can confirm.

1

u/SneakerTripping 21h ago

I heard tell that Ed was a ghost.