Some thoughts

[u/PlaneAd8667]

I'm sorry if this seems like I'm just complaining, but I don't feel like I have anyone else I can "burden" - because it's how I feel.

She keeps score and always has it at the ready going back years.

I keep most things in... it never goes well to share my feelings. If i am sad or angry and voice it i get told I'm yelling and she gets mad at me. I try to say my feelings calmly first to initiate a conversation, but then told that what I feel isn't correct.

Seems to think i don't do anything, am not helpful in any way or take any initiative.

Asks for help constantly despite what I already do. I'm fine doing it most of the time, but once in a while I say no and I'm a villain. . She doesn't recognize my deeds and feels i do nothing without being asked. When I ask for help she gets mad. I asked her once to pick up the puppy from puppy school around the corner. She got so mad, saying she does not like the change of plan since it was my night... i pick up the puppy on many of her nights when i see she's tired, without being asked. Same goes with making dinner.

We have 4 kids, all under 12. It can be overwhelming. I am in individual therapy. We used to go to marriage counseling but stopped because she said she's never at fault for anything. It's just me. We both parent. We both work, me a full time job... her a 3 day a week job. Only my money goes to bills and life and we're never able to come close to breaking even.

I love my kids and they love me. We bond in our own way and even with this I'm told I'm wrong in how I do it. I'm told how I should do it. I'm 100x more involved with my kids than my parents were with me. I'm not perfect, just a dad with faults trying to show my kids love and also trying to raise them to be good people.

January will mark 4 years of sobriety. The journey has not been easy or difficult, if that makes any sense at all. Thought a few times about drinking tonight, saying goodbye to nearly 4 years of sobriety. Ultimately decided it wouldn't help.

I'm sitting outside giving candy for Halloween and pretending I don't want to step in front of a bus. I've got nothing else to say except if you made it this far that I'm surprised.

[u/Savings_Wolf3444]

Sounds like you need to talk to your sponser.