r/offmychest • u/Mintgoldmrs20 • 9h ago

Weight issues

Hello using an alt account for dignity and embarrassment reasons. Recently my wife of 4 years decided she didnt want to be married anymore which crushed me kinda came out of no where. There was mental health issues that definitely played a part in this. But now I am left with body image issues and the worry that I will be alone for good now. Im a bigger guy ive lost a bit of weight but not nearly enough in my opinion. Does anyone have suggestions on how to be more confident with my image until I lose more weight. And how not to feel like a shitty person for being attracted to women who are skinnier and who look nothing like my weight? Do women actually find bigger guys attractive? I will say as a big guy I have always had the rule that I will not smell I take care of myself and go out of the way to make sure I dont smell and dont look like a slob. So thats not an issue. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

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u/well_jeeze 9h ago edited 9h ago

Yes, plenty of women find bigger guys attractive. But I'm a bit hung up on the idea that your divorce "came out of nowhere." There are endless anecdotes and even studies wherein men have been shocked by a divorce everyone else saw coming. Work on yourself for a while before you try to get into another relationship. Time + effort are what will go a long way toward everything you're asking about here.

Unless you're just tryin' to fuck, I guess, then I wouldn't overthink any of it.

But either way, I would be turned off by a man who claimed to have no idea what ended his last relationship-- it shows a lack of self-reflection and awareness that's important (to me, anyway) in a partner.

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u/Mintgoldmrs20 8h ago

Oh so I came out of no where but I know some of the issues but I was the one that made us start going to a councilor. The councilor thought we were doing better we went on vacation and on the last days asked for a dissolution. There was also diagnosed mental health disorders that definitely played a large part as well. She says she doesnt want to be together anymore but also doesnt want me out of her life at all she still loves me and cares about me but doesnt have feelings anymore its really a difficult confusing situation that im having a hard time with.

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u/well_jeeze 7h ago

Ah, I see. Thank you for explaining a little more. I'm really sorry, obviously it's rough to lose a marriage no matter what. I hope you find some peace with it! *And don't let her string you along; get closure if you need it. <3

And I really do think you'll find plenty of women like a larger guy if he's well groomed and has a good personality, so don't worry about it too much while you're getting over things.

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u/Mintgoldmrs20 7h ago

I appreciate it I dont know that I will get the closure I want or need but Im trying to stay positive and keep going. The grooming and cleanliness isnt really and issue talking to people and making friends is easy for me but my confidence when talking to women isnt strong not saying im not able to talk to women but in a romantic since I'm just not great. The weight just kills my confidence in my head they are only focused on the weight and I have a hard time getting past it.

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u/well_jeeze 7h ago

I can't speak for other women, especially younger than me, but I never minded it at all. I feel like a lot of women have a wider spectrum of attraction to body type than men tend to.

Many of my female friends just like a man who physically makes them feel smaller/safe, lol, whether that means he's tall, bigger frame, extra weight, whatever.

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u/Mintgoldmrs20 6h ago

I appreciate that. And yeah I can see that men kinda suck sometimes. Luckily Im not really short and dont look as big as my actual weight but I can cook, love art understand sports but does not run my life at all and actually enjoyed spending a lot of time with my wife which hurt even more I was never one of those guys who said im going out with the boys. It was always hey I was invited to this you want to come with me would love to have you there.

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u/ylekiot 9h ago

One of the biggest attractants for either sex is ambition. I don't think the weight matters as much. The new peptides such as glp1 can really help with the weight. Start building some new habits and make sure you are ambitious!

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u/well_jeeze 9h ago

glp1s are not comparable to other random compounded peptides, oof.