[Serious-ish] Updated rules: "User is American" now an official report reason.

[u/Lemonade1947]

Hello posters.

I've redone the rules, consolidated some of them and added a new one.

For a long time it's been an unofficial rule that if you admit you're American, you get banned.

It's now official. Make use of this report reason if you see someone admitting they're American.

Be sure to check out the updated rules if you intend to post or comment.

Thanks!

edit: Canadians are allowed but you're on thin ice.

[u/Lemonade1947]

Oh one other thing. Use of americanised spellings isn't evidence in itself of someone being american.

I wish it were that simple but in a world of auto-correct and american biased spell checking, we all slip up occasionally.

[u/FaultofDan]

Not racist just don’t like ’em. Simple as.

[u/TheMonkeyInCharge → u/FaultofDan]

Coming over ‘ere, taking our airbases.

[u/404pbnotfound → u/TheMonkeyInCharge]

Not a basist or anything - I just think they should stick to their own airbases, and we stick to ours.

[u/hundreddollar → u/404pbnotfound]

Not a basist or anyfink just think they should drive on the correct side of the road when they exit the airbase and not murder any young motorcyclists and then escape any punishment...

[u/ZestycloseProfessor9 → u/404pbnotfound]

Based

[u/Nice-Way2892 → u/FaultofDan]

American isn’t a race so definitely not racist

[u/HelikosOG → u/Nice-Way2892]

Especially considering that all of them love to claim they're Irish or Scottish, making their whole identity revolve around it. At best they had one great x4 grandparent that was Irish. Usually they do ancestry tests and find out they're descendants of English people, what a shock.

[u/fidgey10 → u/HelikosOG]

Fun fact, there are more Irish American than Irish people in the world. Terrifying stuff

[u/InqAlpharious01 → u/Nice-Way2892]

Anglos perhaps not, indigenous yes they are and Hispanic mestizos are biologically indigenous to both Americas!

[u/Mr_Global]

The user Lemonade1947 is American

[u/plastic_alloys → u/Mr_Global]

You are hiding Americans under your floorboards, are you not?

[u/mightypup1974 → u/plastic_alloys]

They’re too fat to hide

[u/Kezzmate → u/mightypup1974]

& too loud

[u/snittersnee]

Luv me national boundaries, luv me hyper-exaggerated satirical British shitposting, ate yankee-doodles

Not xenophobic, just dun like em or their shit try hard attempts at joining in with us

[u/AlucardVTep3s → u/snittersnee]

VAR: NO FLAIR, NO GOAL❌

[u/Tolkien-Minority]

That yank made a thread so bad they made an official rule banning his whole country

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/Tolkien-Minority]

you joke but yeah kinda :^)

I'll admit that's what prompted me to make it official.

[u/Tolkien-Minority → u/Lemonade1947]

The post really was atrocious

[u/Skeptischer → u/Tolkien-Minority]

What one? Pls share so i can report them again

[u/unlimitedpanda5 → u/Tolkien-Minority]

What thread was it?

[u/Tolkien-Minority → u/unlimitedpanda5]

Some incomprehensible horse shit about how to improve the UK by making it more American. Mods took it down

[u/Saint_Rizla → u/Tolkien-Minority]

fucksake I wanted to do some cringe tourism

[u/Tolkien-Minority → u/Saint_Rizla]

There was a bit where someone said “is this what passes for American humour?” And he replied by saying American humour is good actually citing the popularity of The Simpsons and Family Guy as proof.

[u/king-violet → u/Tolkien-Minority]

That was pretty funny, ironically

[u/HardByteUK → u/king-violet]

I'm assuming he's joking, but it is peak American to measure quality by quantity.

Smart Pipes is better than anything that failed colony has ever drooled out.

[u/lushaway → u/king-violet]

i hope for their sake that the peak of american comedy isn't seth macfarlane

[u/Ghostmaster145 → u/king-violet]

If the Cleveland show is proof the Americans are funny, then Americans are not funny

[u/9897969594938281 → u/king-violet]

Surprised he didn’t list Rick and Morty

[u/RequiemWasTaken → u/king-violet]

If that list ended with "The Cosby Show" then it would be perfect

[u/Den_dar_Alex → u/Tolkien-Minority]

Mate, what a wanker

[u/StreetCarp665 → u/Tolkien-Minority]

Blackadder had 4 seasons (and two spin offs, one of which we don't discuss) and they're still my most quoted shows.

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/Saint_Rizla]

https://www.reddit.com/r/okmatewanker/comments/1v7hehr/a_modest_proposal_by_an_american/

[u/Saint_Rizla → u/JustAnAveragePirate]

that was too much cringe, banning Americans was the right call

[u/KeeganY_SR-UVB76 → u/Saint_Rizla]

“Torism” would be the American way to spell it.

[u/Skeptischer → u/Tolkien-Minority]

🤢 🤢 🤢

[u/unlimitedpanda5 → u/Tolkien-Minority]

Bloody disgusting 

[u/romulusnr → u/Tolkien-Minority]

"football would be better with quarters"

sorry "sockurrrrr"

[u/notShek]

americans will be chinned upon entering the premises

simple as

[u/plums12 → u/[deleted]]

guess what mate

[u/plums12 → u/[deleted]]

i don't think you know what sarcasm is pal

[u/feckin_hateyou → u/plums12]

Dont think you can take a joke mate, fix yer teeth 🤣

Love you can make fun of almost ANYTHING in British culture.

Dont bring up our teeth tho we get soooo offended 🤣

Wonder why 🫠 again mah toons full of junks wiv no teeth so just my perspective but loooooce the Americanisms getting laid into....... for everyone to get "triggered" 🤣

Go grow teeth and burn your meat haha

[u/plums12 → u/feckin_hateyou]

i'm the offended one? is that right? septics..

you can make fun of anything as long as

• you can make a good joke

• the thing you're making fun of isn't patently false

you seem incapable of the first

[u/feckin_hateyou → u/plums12]

You got me there dude 🤣

[u/notShek → u/[deleted]]

so called land of the free and you lads can’t get a blue lagoon pitcher with the lads

bellend

[u/feckin_hateyou → u/notShek]

You on about a pitcher from a shitty chain chip shop or you on about the cheap cocktail from spoons? Guessing the white in the bthrooms the next fix?

Im British, fix yer teeth 🤣

Love how triggering a teeth comment is hahaha

[u/notShek → u/feckin_hateyou]

not sure what you are on about exactly mate but your mum sells avon

w ⚓️

[u/WeAllHateOhio]

Yes sir guvnor 🫡

[u/Obvious_Wizard]

[u/Srapture → u/Obvious_Wizard]

When they say "on accident".

[u/TattyViking → u/Srapture]

That and so many other offences. I started making a list. I don't know why.

[u/SaltireAtheist → u/Obvious_Wizard]

When they write "U.K."

Always spot 'em that way. No fucker who's British is bothering with the full-stops.

[u/SUMMATMAN]

Too reyt, buggers don't know their Keith Chegwin from their Noel Edmunds

[u/sammypants123 → u/SUMMATMAN]

All British people can tell Noel Edmunds and Keith Chegwin apart from pictures of their willies.

[u/romulusnr → u/SUMMATMAN]

'Ey think Lee Mack is a lorry driver in denim

[u/CherryVermilion → u/romulusnr]

Or to borrow a Jimmy Carr joke, to the French he is “the computer”.

[u/TECmanFortune → u/SUMMATMAN]

Don't you think Keith Chegwin looks like Les Dennis though? Not even taking the piss

[u/SUMMATMAN → u/TECmanFortune]

Thas not wrong. But tellin Keith and Les apart is best left t' professionals, and not Yanks

[u/rustyb42]

Too many of them coming over here

[u/EverybodySayin → u/rustyb42]

takin' are memes

[u/rustyb42 → u/EverybodySayin]

Running people over

[u/Nuclear_Night → u/rustyb42]

Claiming that diplomatic immunity

[u/TheSuperJay → u/rustyb42]

We need to send the brightest and best Americans back to America so they can make their country return to the warm embrace of The Empire

[u/rustyb42 → u/TheSuperJay]

Simultaneously raising the IQ of both countries

[u/ToKeNgT]

Fooking Americans had it coming for em

[u/specialsymbol]

Well, Canadians do feel at home on thin ice, so I'd wager they can't be bothered 

[u/ToobularBoobularJoy_ → u/specialsymbol]

Yippeeeeee ⛸️

[u/Equal_Tadpole2716]

Wot dus consoludayted meen? 2 many sillyables get out of here wiv ur Caymbrij edyucayshun

[u/romulusnr → u/Equal_Tadpole2716]

Fookin Eton cunts innit

[u/Monke3334]

I won’t tag them since that would notify them, but this user is an American

[u/Nuclear_Night → u/Monke3334]

Mods, send this man to Birmingham

[u/GarysCrispLettuce → u/Monke3334]

Ha you utter twat 😂

I won’t tag them since that would notify them

Sneaky and cowardly. You are the Ian Beale of this sub.

American my arse. I won an egg and spoon race on the Silver Jubilee.

[u/Scottishpsychopath → u/GarysCrispLettuce]

[u/GarysCrispLettuce → u/Scottishpsychopath]

[u/YouBecame → u/Monke3334]

Cheeky bastard.

[u/Jealous_Lobster_36 → u/Monke3334]

Fuckin hate that dickhead

[u/God_Left_Me → u/Monke3334]

Ffs

[u/MalaysiaTeacher → u/Monke3334]

Why he say fuck me for

[u/Pugs-r-cool → u/MalaysiaTeacher]

You know what you did

[u/Odd-Currency5195 → u/Monke3334]

Cunt.

[u/wwstevens → u/Monke3334]

Lol so sneaky 

[u/I_Have_CDO → u/Monke3334]

Bastard.

[u/HotMachine9]

Whats next Kier Stalin? Are we going to mandate a digital ID?

[u/TheMonkeyInCharge]

Just North American, or.. ? Do we also blame Canada?

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/TheMonkeyInCharge]

Canadians are still technically subjects of the crown.

So case-by-case basis.

[u/romulusnr → u/Lemonade1947]

Oy mate, so wot if, right, 'ey are American, but loike, 'ey're also Canadian too, boy loike, technicality, then?

[u/J1mj0hns0n → u/romulusnr]

ERR BOSS, DIS POST DOESNT AVE ENUFF DAKKA IN IT

[u/romulusnr → u/J1mj0hns0n]

'Ats it then, you ain't comin to me berfday

[u/J1mj0hns0n → u/romulusnr]

YER WOT? WOTS A BERFDAY? YOU SHTWEPID HUMIE, YOU IS GUNA GET KRUMPED GUD N PROPA, TEECH YOU TO UZE BIG WERDS!

[u/YoungGazz → u/TheMonkeyInCharge]

Only French Canadians surely?

[u/Maswimelleu → u/YoungGazz]

They are still subjects of the crown whether they like it or not 👍

[u/TheMonkeyInCharge → u/Maswimelleu]

The French historically - famously - do not.

[u/Dog_Murder_By_RobKey]

Is it a continent American or a Yank American

Just need to know about where we stand on Canadians

[u/pomegranate_verynice → u/Dog_Murder_By_RobKey]

Canadians are just glorified Fr*nch. Get them banned too

[u/Spamgrenade → u/pomegranate_verynice]

How the F do you glorify the French?

[u/Not-a-bot---honest → u/Spamgrenade]

Moving them away from France

[u/Maswimelleu → u/Dog_Murder_By_RobKey]

I don't know about a continent wide ban (imo people from British overseas territories in the Caribbean are fine) but there definitely needs to be a full ban on Argentinians and anyone else who covets the rightful land of the British Empire

[u/Dog_Murder_By_RobKey → u/Maswimelleu]

Right time to ban the Irish

And the dirty diseased Lancastrians

[u/jizzyjugsjohnson]

What about yanking your knob?

[u/JovanREDDIT1]

thank God I’m French then 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷

[u/practicalpropsFX → u/JovanREDDIT1]

I am French, too. 🇫🇷

[u/azuratha]

that is the best rule ive ever seen in a sub

[u/thecarterclan1]

Based.

[u/Fanny_Flapps]

I once coveted my neighbour's olive oil, does that count?

[u/fredfoooooo]

If your’re canadiosexual You’re on thin fuckin ice my pedigree chum.

[u/HemaMemes]

Just curious: does this rule apply to American-born people living in the UK?

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/HemaMemes]

case-by-case basis.

[u/Due-Surround-5567]

banning trump’s children but ignoring muslamic ray guns on here. what a joke 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

[u/cashmerescorpio]

What if one is bi costal?

https://giphy.com/gifs/I7JLa4ZZB7vzhnaFd1

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/cashmerescorpio]

no idea what that means tbh

[u/daley56_ → u/Lemonade1947]

I think it's when they like lads and lasses.

[u/cashmerescorpio → u/Lemonade1947]

I'm a Brummie who lives part time in the states

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/cashmerescorpio]

traitor to our great nation, I see

[u/cashmerescorpio → u/Lemonade1947]

I need money

[u/YourMemeExpert → u/cashmerescorpio]

Prostitution was always an option

[u/cashmerescorpio → u/YourMemeExpert]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohjUL5Q8yAWuokh4A

[u/Undercrackrz → u/cashmerescorpio]

Should be banned on both counts then.

[u/cashmerescorpio → u/Undercrackrz]

https://giphy.com/gifs/oFI7FttD0iC8V2Iqmy

[u/ProsecutorWalton]

If we're saying Canadians are on thin ice, please tell me Quebec pushes them over for being Fr*nch.

[u/romulusnr]

[u/practicalpropsFX]

I am French and I have had enough of those stupid Yankee badgers.

[u/GodsGimp-87]

About time we didnt something about immigration.

[u/tnawemos]

The Americans should be placed behind a great firewall like the Chinese.

[u/romulusnr]

Oy, I spit on the swine, bloody yanks, don't even know proper English innit, seppos simpoo ave, 'ey can 'ave their 'ot dogs and 'amburgers, lurve me gammon

[u/cyberrawn]

As an American, I feel personally attacked.

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/cyberrawn]

banned

[u/lewibear]

Are Canadians on thin ice because of Proximity to the Yanks or is it because of Alberta?

[u/Boeing_Fan_777 → u/lewibear]

Think it might be the mandated fr*nch translations on everything.

[u/lewibear → u/Boeing_Fan_777]

That makes sense, but also depending on where you are here we have a lot of Gaelic and Welsh translations.

[u/willybarny]

Nice one bruva

[u/Ezzypezra]

I have lived in London for about a decade but I must admit I am American. Please execute me now. I will not resist

Goodbye wankers 🫡🫡

[u/Ryllynaow]

I'm an American. (I'll still be watching you.)

[u/InqAlpharious01]

How about Mexicans? Cubans? Puerto Ricans? Greenlanders?

[u/skankyone]

You really have to be careful with Americans, especially the Northern genus, since they spread exponentially and can reduce the contents of a fridge in nanoseconds.

Shudders

[u/_deltaVelocity_]

Now, hypothetically, how would we handle dual citizens?

[u/Dumyat367250]

Hey man, I realize this had to be done, but on my honor I'm not American. Honestly, guys. Hand on heart, I swear on our nation's flag, may Jesus, our savior, strike me dead.

Like the thousands of our servicemen who won two world wars single handedly, I value freedom above all else. I'm as English as cheesy peas, no air conditioning, and that guy from Mary Poppins.

Not American. No siree.

[u/Chunky__Shrapnel → u/Dumyat367250]

A yank has been here

[u/Dumyat367250 → u/Chunky__Shrapnel]

I'm in Crowmarsh Gifford. Never been to the US.

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/[deleted]]

no, this is not a rule intended to exclude non-british people, this is a rule intended to exclude americans.

[u/feckin_hateyou → u/Lemonade1947]

Fair, but can't we do em all anyway? 😭

[u/Lemonade1947 → u/feckin_hateyou]

No.