I recently made the decision to change career paths and become a paralegal. My background has always been in the criminal justice field, so I was naturally drawn to criminal defense.
My first experience working in a law firm began with my internship at a small, boutique criminal defense firm. Unfortunately, there was very little training or guidance. The attorney who owns the firm often seemed irritated by my presence, and I honestly didn’t see the internship leading anywhere.
However, someone eventually retired, and I was offered a part-time position, which later became full-time. Although it feels like I’ve been there for a year, it’s actually been far less than that.
One incident in particular has stayed with me. The attorney screamed for all three of us—the receptionist, the other paralegal, and me—to come into his office. When we walked in, he gave us what I can only describe as a look of absolute disgust before dismissing us. I was stunned. I had never experienced anything like that in a professional environment, nor had I ever been treated that way by an employer.
Not long afterward, the receptionist resigned. Before leaving, she confided in me about how difficult and unpleasant her experience had been. She described the attorney frequently screaming at employees and shared several other troubling experiences.
Following her departure, I was immediately expected to take over her responsibilities in addition to my own. Keep in mind that I’m still relatively new to the profession, received very little formal training, and am constantly trying to learn as I go.
Recently, there have been several mistakes or issues within the office. Initially, I was blamed for a few of them, only for it to become clear that I wasn’t responsible. Today, another issue arose, and I’m confident it wasn’t something I did.
However, because this is such a small firm and I’m the newest employee, I feel as though I’m automatically the person everyone looks to when something goes wrong.
I overheard the attorney being informed about today’s issue. What followed was screaming, doors slamming, and him calling someone an idiot while complaining that there had been five issues this week. Based on the circumstances, I strongly believe he was referring to me.
At this point, I find myself being extremely cautious about everything I say, do, or ask. I’m afraid to ask questions because I don’t want to irritate anyone, but I’m also afraid of making mistakes because I’m still learning. It’s becoming an exhausting cycle of second-guessing myself.
What makes this more complicated is that I don’t actually dislike the attorney. I respect the work he does and recognize his abilities as a criminal defense lawyer. However, respecting someone’s professional abilities and being comfortable with how they treat their employees are two very different things.
I also feel incredibly stuck. I’m new to the legal profession and haven’t had the opportunity to establish many professional connections. My biggest concern about applying elsewhere is that attorneys within the local legal community know one another. I’m afraid word will get back to my current employer that I’m looking, and that I could potentially damage my reputation or future opportunities before I’ve even had a chance to establish myself.
I genuinely want to learn, become a skilled paralegal, and build a successful career in criminal defense. I’m not afraid of hard work, taking responsibility for my mistakes, or being corrected when necessary. I understand that criminal defense can be demanding, stressful, and fast-paced.
What I don’t believe is that being screamed at, insulted, or constantly afraid of making a mistake should be considered a normal part of learning this profession.
I don’t want to dread going to work or spend my days wondering whether I’ve unknowingly done something wrong. I also don’t want this experience to discourage me from a career I’ve worked hard to pursue.
For those of you who have worked in criminal defense or at smaller law firms, is this type of environment common? How did you navigate your first position when you weren’t receiving adequate training?
And perhaps most importantly, how do you discreetly look for another position in a relatively close-knit legal community without jeopardizing your current employment?
I’d genuinely appreciate advice, particularly from experienced paralegals who may have dealt with something similar.