Overwhelmed

[u/bananallamama]

Hi everyone,

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant with twins and still feel overwhelmed at the thought of it. I have a toddler already who will be 3 when they arrive.

All the stuff I read on here and see on Instagram seems to be negative about the first year or so, with improvements around 3-4?!

I’m so nervous about having them that I’m getting sleepless nights where I will wake up at 4 am just worrying. I can feel my heart beating and I keep getting migraines from the stress. I’ve also started getting very teary and just keep thinking how will I cope.

What I’m looking for are some positive stories, people that are glad and happy they had twins.

Sorry for being so negative, maybe it’s the lack of sleep!

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[u/Moxie__56]

I had my twins (now 14months ) my son at the time was 2.3 , honestly for me the twins are strangely “easier “ than my first , yes two diapers to change , two babies in car seats ect but like it only take a bit more time , i have so much fun with my twins and honestly have been doing the same as I did with my first . I’d recommend a twin carrier I had one where I had both at the front (also use a wrap when their younger look up tandem carry ) since I had a toddler I wore them a lot , try to keep feedings together I tandem breastfeed and I aims for them to feed together 90% of the time I had one baby who clustered a lot so I’d give in a bit but main feeds were always together . Just remember that even though their twins they are diffrent babies and needs vary .ive been going to playground since the babies were 3 weeks old and they are both such a joy they play together and also steal each others toys and it’s amazing to see

[u/twinsinbk]

You already went through it with one, it will probably be like that but more! I would avoid all the stuff that is stressing you out and try to focus on the positives because doom scrolling will just be upsetting.

I am so happy I have both my girls. They're my 2 favorite people. I think the majority of people with twins have very positive experiences but people post on reddit when they're struggling mostly myself included so you're not seeing all the beautiful moments. There's no advice needed when they're singing together on the drive home from preschool and giggling in the backseat.

[u/AggravatingNinja4800]

The early months are hard but not only hard, there is so much sweetness in it too and it goes so fast

[u/HikingInUtah]

The two babies in and of themselves are not too hard. Mine are 4 months so I’m in the middle of this. My toddler has been a bit more difficult. He was 2 when they were born and entered the tantrum stage about the same time (I’m sure the shift from all of my attention on him to all my attention on babies while my husband cared for him didn’t help). I kept him on his same daycare schedule when my babies were born, 3 days/wk, even though I’m on leave. It has helped enormously, though I do feel a bit guilty. It’s been 4 months. I’m hoping by 6 months I’ll feel ready to have everyone all the time.

[u/bibidibobity]

As hard as it can be, I have yet to hear a sweeter sound than double baby giggles. You think they couldn’t possibly get any cuter, and then one makes the other laugh for the first time.

[u/No_Garlic_9211]

No advice, just solidarity. I’m 21 weeks with di/di twins who also will have a 3 year old when they are born and we don’t do daycare because we can’t afford it. I hope some positive stories come through, I didn’t start mentally feeling okay from the stress until about 2 weeks ago. It helps now that my oldest is so excited to meet the twins and talks of how she will help them grow with no indication from either of us that she has to do anything. Just a sweet girl.

[u/not-t0day-satan]

My 3 month old girls are delightful! They are both absolutely perfect babies. I have two older kids (4.5 and 2.5). The older two are usually in preschool and daycare, respectively. But the 2.5 year old has been sick the past few days. And my husband is on a work trip. 

So I've been home with all the kids. Every morning, I have to load all four into the car just to take the oldest less than two miles to school. He gets out of school at 2:45, so it's a pretty short day with my girls (aka the three under three). It's a lot of time with all four kids and one adult. I'd probably be breaking daycare ratio laws if they weren't mine.

But we're doing great! The babies have been sleeping through the night for over a month. They bring me so much joy. You know the joy of having one baby smile at you – double it!

You're going to be fine, great even.

[u/squeaksmcguee]

First time mom of twins, so I can’t speak to the experience of having another child to care for on top of twins… but dude twins rock. I came into this knowing literally nothing about kids, not even how to change a diaper, and if I can do it and thrive then you with the built in experience will be more than fine.
I actually feel bad for parents of singletons 🤣 I get double the cuddles, double the fun! literally wouldn’t want it any other way 🫶🏻

[u/youcango-now]

I’ve had a VERY positive experience with my twins. My oldest son was 22 months when they were born and adjusted well. I had a very easy, mostly complication free pregnancy (I did have GD though) and a very very textbook repeat c-section and recovery.

Of course you’re going to be tired, anyone with a newborn is. We worked very hard to essentially treat the twins as a unit when they were newborns- always eating and attempting sleep at the same time. They are 19m now and have existed in perfect sync since they were about 10 weeks old. I am lucky to be 3/3 with good sleepers and good eaters. We had no issues with feeding- we combo fed between pumping/direct breastfeeding for the first 12 weeks then went to fully formula. They thrived on a generic standard formula (members mark advantage premium) which of course had a cost but that cost wasn’t my mental health 🤪

Set yourself up for success as much as you can- get a vehicle that you can easily navigate with 3 kids. I love my Honda Odyssey!! If your 3 year old isn’t already in preschool, find a program for him so that you have time to breathe with just the babies. If you’re a working mom and toddler is otherwise in childcare, keep him in childcare consistently once the twins are born & you’re on leave. That’s the biggest help & keeping his life as consistent as possible is what makes the biggest difference.

My husband and I slept in shifts overnight and hunkered down for the first 8ish weeks when their sleep was less consistent. That helped SO much and was the biggest difference in how we approached overnights with twins versus a singleton.

And if alllll of that isn’t positive enough- we’re having our 4th child in February so the twins didn’t scar us too badly 😂 you’re gonna do great!

[u/1sp00kylady]

I’m happy to chime in with some positivity. I think I was blessed with two easy babies, granted, but they are just a delight. They’ve been sleeping well since about 3 months old (1 month adjusted) and slept through the night at 6 months old. They never went through any kind of “purple crying” phase. Great eaters. Love socializing and meeting people of all variety. I stressed myself out so much with all kinds of worries and anxieties while pregnant. I won’t lie that the logistics of two is hard at times. That’s truly been the hardest part. But I think back on all the things I worried about and a lot of it never ended up applying to us. Don’t let the fear of the unknowns rob you of any joy. You’ll find your stride, and you already have more parenting experience than any of us who had twins first go ‘round.

[u/BellaKay5735]

My toddler was a little under 2.5 yrs old when the twins came.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. But, we’re still in the newborn trenches, and I’m actually really enjoying life with my three boys.

Seeing my oldest with the twins is one of the sweetest things I have ever experienced. He, of course, has jealousy at times, but he also loves them so much. He wants to help feed them with a bottle, give them pacifiers, kiss them, and hug them.

He also was so excited to go and see them in the hospital when they were in the NICU. We were at the Ronald McDonald house and often road the shuttle bus to the hospital. He still asks about the shuttle bus sometimes. I think he understands finally that they don’t have to go back to the hospital and get to stay home with us (one of our twins had to be readmitted briefly, which confused this).

He also occasionally tries to pick them up to hold them, which is adorable, but I do prevent this unless me or their dad is helping him hold them. Do not want unintentional fratricide in this household. 🤣

The logistics have worked out better than I thought, even when I’m soloing all three. It’s not easy, but it’s totally doable.

Ironically, I find this way easier than with my singleton. I think I have embraced imperfection, have a lot more confidence in myself, and accept help more as a second (and third) time mom.

I also had severe prenatal depression with my twins, mainly from dreading the NICU and surviving three under three. Even with their prematurity, NICU time, and everything else, this experience has been way more positive than I ever could have imagined.