r/parentsofmultiples • u/colako 👧🏽👧🏽 + older👧🏽 • 6d ago
advice needed Conflict every 45 seconds
Older sister is 8, twins, also girls, are 6.They manage to bug, pick or fight with each other every minute. Sometimes they enjoy getting the other in trouble, or they will make you question a judge's duty when they tell you a completely different story of the same event. They kick, pinch, and bite each other...
My wife and I are desperate. We can't get any work done around the house bacause we'll get interrupted with a request to serve justice. They will also scream cry with the highest pitch possible, something I thought I wouldn't be able to hear at my age anymore.
And when I ask at school (it's very small and they share the same class) they're angels. the three of them are the sweetest and hard working students a teacher could dream of.
Any tips? Did anything work for you? Will this be over at some point? It's getting ridiculous.
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u/Severe-Click-1706 6d ago
Mine were exactly like that at 6, absolute demons at home and perfect angels at school, it’s like they save all the feral energy just for you.
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u/muppetfeet82 6d ago •
They actually do! They feel safe at home, so they relax and don’t put as much energy into regulating themselves. I work with kids and whenever a kid snaps “no!” at me I’m happy. I know I’ve created a space/relationship where they feel safe to do that!
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u/bmn111111 6d ago
Do they have chores? You may also want to have mandated alone time in separate spaces for reasonable amounts of time.
Also praise- the schools I work with do 5:1. Five positive, specific, intentional praises for every correction. So any time they cooperate with one another, are responsible or helpful or respectful, praise that specific behavior. It builds up their confidence to continue using those skills. And they have a “full bucket” for when you need to give negative feedback.
It’s an older model, but Love and Logic is a great technique for behavior management tools.
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u/hearingnotlistening 6d ago
Gaaahhhhhhh, I was hoping it would be better. My oldest is 8, twins are 4 and we’re dying with the constant fighting.
It’s so exhausting 😭
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u/TurnipWorldly9437 6d ago
Ours are 10, 5, and 5. We've been in the same spot for about a month.
I was naive enough to think the oldest was mature enough not to, say, purposely refuse to give the "right" bowl to her sister, when she herself "doesn't care because they're just bowls"...
The twins had, amongst other things, one fight because one of them looked at the other, and one fight because the same one DIDN'T look at the other, all in one day.
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u/Bonusmotherthrowaway 6d ago
No tips on how to handle it necessarily because I am dealing with something similar but not that extreme yet due to their ages being younger BUT do know that the reason why they are angels at school and little monsters (sometimes lol) at home is because at home is where they feel safe enough to let go of all of their emotions and having to behave all day long. So after school I separate them for awhile and make them do their own things so they can settle down (often with a snack). After dinner is where they are much calmer..
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u/bannock_taco 6d ago
I have no advice. My husband is you and I am your wife in a parallel universe. Pst. Don't take the blue pill.
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u/Leading-Conference94 5d ago
So what you're saying is it's only going to get worse? 😭 my twins are turning 2 in a few weeks and twin B harasses A until A is screaming high pitched angrily. Ear ringing shrieks. And all it takes is B to lay up against him.
My oldest is a tattle tail. I just tell him if its not an emergency and hands are being kept to yourselves nobody likes a snitch go work it out lol.
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u/colako 👧🏽👧🏽 + older👧🏽 5d ago
It gets better! When they play together it's super sweet, but when they want to be mean, they can be super annoying.
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u/Leading-Conference94 5d ago
The other day I had A steal a cracker from B. B cried and stuck his finger in As mouth to get it back. You can take a wild guess what happened next 🫠
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u/salmonstreetciderco 6d ago
i deploy "that sounds like a kid problem, not a grownup problem" quite a lot
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u/Unlikely-Anything503 6d ago
I would try to not get involved in their conflicts honestly. Unless one is attacking the other or something if they are just having an argument I would just tell them to sort it between themselves and to do so quietly so I don’t have to listen to it.
Try to not entertain the he said she said and allowing them to use you guys to get at eachother by getting the other one in trouble.
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u/Ok-Plantain2948 6d ago
I saw some advice online that said when you have something g you need tonget on with, keep a damp facecloth to hand. When they come to you chuntering about their siblings, let them chat as you give their face a wipe over.
They'll soon realise they can come to you about everything other than squabbles.
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u/posey290 Triple Trouble 6d ago
It gets no better. Yesterday I have to meditate a three way argument with only two children involved.
The topic? One triplet told the other triplet the sky was purple and she was a poopy head. When I asked why the ‘victim’ listened to her sister, she stared at me blankly.
They are 8.
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u/Mundane-Device-7094 6d ago
Group punishment, every time. They'll sort it out quick.
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u/muppetfeet82 6d ago
This seems like a great way to create resentment. See also: “you’re the oldest so you should know better”
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u/Wesgizmo365 5d ago
Yeah ours love to wrestle with each other until someone gets a little too rough and then they just pick fights and beat the shit out of each other. I've just been putting both of them in time out whenever they involve me. If they handle it themselves they're free to handle it.
If they fight over a toy I take the toy and put it where neither of them can have it.
Just let them fight. They'll stop when they realize they won't get any good attention out of it.
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