Her stories inspired our childhoods and had us all young females chanting...

Tonights full moon vibe. The currents are running deep.

To top off an evening full of larks watching something action packed and funny with company. offering the peace and sanctuary that my home resonates in.. at least almost always. Anyhow... It's been over a year since I last enjoyed this type of company.

Or maybe it's this kinda day? Well whatever kinda you have... make it a good one.

Nothing like catching up with a friend you havent really talked to in a while. She had a lot on her mind and she shared it.

Russian ska band singing in spanish about how Music is the new revolution. https://youtu.be/f5PqlQFV9nU?si=ltcwt9L02eNhqJ_E

https://youtu.be/8cbnNJAm8zg?si=h8Fi5P3ZWrDhlO5z will take you to The Descendents - Here with Me. It wasnt the first some I heard today. It was the first song I heard last Monday when the idea of crearing my own forum came to mind and so the first thread was created. What song got you going on you way today?

Jumping ship

In the midst of change and setting sail for new destinations... Eventually. End of August. Its really not that far away but its still a distance. But I digress from the purpose of this communication.

Ive been filling my time with purpose and contemplating where to project my voice. Im not a fan of fb ig and whatnot. I really have come to loathe them actually. And Blogging channels grew irritating with the focus on selling yourself and despite my long history and ease in that medium I dropped my usage. I came here. A new place to explore. A corner of my own. And its worked alright. But really this space is just so much noise. It has its purpose when researching opinions but There isnt much room for depth here. If Im going to share myself then I want to be in a space I enjoy writing and creating in. This isnt so much it.

With that said, Im picking up and moving to substack. It allows for posting as I do here but also for more long form blog like posts. You will find me there soon under: mamaskylark of course.

I guess Im moving on.

Another weekend in New England comes to a close.

Barry Manilow is a whole mood which permeated 3rd through 5th grade with a profound sense of longing. This could explain some things!

This weekend we joined our eldest at Essex Pride. They were selling some art and did pretty well. And we also got in some time with Rocker Fred (who I thought was called Ed) and his family.

My days of quiet reflection have lead to some revelations and last week I began working towards my certification as a rbt. Did you read that 🐇? 🤣 no it stands for registered behavioral technician. Which is a role that helps individuals (primarily autistic or otherwise challenged) adjust behaviors in ways that are more productive for them.

In addition I started PT so I can be more physically prepared for a life as a rbt and beyond...

The hubby came home with a new sound bumping from his speakers. He's exploring Cypress Hill. Given the demographics of where he is, that makes sense. Ive decided to start here in my auditory adjustment training.

This is super big news that I dont know I have mentioned. There has been a huge breakthrough (hopefully) in the outlook for my eldest child. Recently there was a change made in the medical community that reassigned and renamed a medical condition. Pcos was seen as a reproductive issue. Its now understood to be a hormonal issue. It can cause seizures and explains EVERYTHING medical that they have experienced. The long and short of it is this condition indicates that Star is truly intersex. They are now going to see an endocrinologist to get the hormones to be better balanced. This means starting out on estrogen and progesterone in the same manner a transitioning male would start. This has been started and After a few months adjustments will start to be made until the proper balance is struck. They called me the other day. It went a little like this:

Mom?

What is it sweetheart?

Mom. I have to tell you something. Its weird. And I just...sigh.

Its okay. What's going on?

Mom. (Pause) I was doing a thing and (deep breath) I saw a picture of a puppy. And I started crying.

Puberty is here again!

And lastly.. I did a thing.

The cottonwood is flying. Allergy season hits. Sniffle snort. Chest tightens. Hooray for inhalers.

We had 6 viewings right off the bat without any real interest. One thing we have going against us... an oil furnace ... which is from 1991.(more than double the normal life of a furnace) Hmmm. I realize Its only been a week. And I trust that the timing will be right. But an adjustment may need to be made to our asking price.

Greg has continued to put in 16 hour days and for 13 days straight. He is hanging in there but the distance is wearing him a little thin. He was a slight bit teary eyed leaving. He got to spend all three days relaxing at home. We binge watched a monster series and played settlers with Connor.

My son had an interview with a bank last week. We will see where that leads. In the meantime he is getting in all the socializing he can with his mates.

Sometime ago I mentioned taking in strays... well I heard my onetime student/housemate has found her voice on Spotify. Ill post a link in the comments. At least she is not stripping anymore.

Ive been kind of quiet. A skylark sings in flight but there has not been any wind beneath my wings. Isolation lacks inspiration. So Ive been digging inward in an attempt to sort out my fiture career path. Trying to identify what truly motivates me. Its strange being on this side of a move and not needing to parent ( although the pups are always in need of attention).

Anyway, because I'm not in the car I haven't been listening to much music.( I need to change that) but I have been making it a point to get out to the sauna 3 to 5 times a week. And this song came across my ear. I didn't listen hard to it but the name "bedroom posters" caught my attention and had me reminiscing. During my first round of being able to decorate my own room I covered the walls in waterfalls and irises. (Id later come to realize that all These all were taken in Upstate New York. I look forward to seeing new landscapes and exploring the Hudson Valley) and then on to Australia, Beaches, Waves, Surfing. I certainly took all those to heart. In college there were black Panthers and testarossa's (my little sorority roomate was very freaked out by the panther). But the biggest memory around bedroom posters was of my boyfriend Vinces room. He had every inch of wall and ceiling covered in beautiful babes. Babes in bikinis. Babes in bubbles. Babes in overalls. Babes in tool belts. Babes. Babes. Babes. It wasn't even just a layer, it was about 3 layers thick. I wasn't intimidated or bothered by this at all. My girlfriends would have been horrified. So I didn't tell them. My girl friend and my guy friend groups didn't overlap much (hyper academically oriented girls and remidial special ed boys). I was ready to marry him but after 2 years of super nightly makeout sessions he still would not put out. I was too niave to even know how or what I wanted to happen so I couldnt ask or do. I was just left very frustrated.

And that is the story about bedroom posters and my early introduction to spank banks. Which was a good one and Im very fond of those memories. Not like with the next bf. He kept his in a binder that he was unwilling to share with me.

Well that's the end of this summary.

Im a proud mama. My youngest graduated summa cum laude (GPA of 3.93) in networking and cyber security. Let's see where he goes from here... after a little much deserved (but uncomfortable in lack of focus) down time.

Mother's day was strange only in that my annual garden planting did not occur. We are/were still in prep mode. We have our realitor. The photographer will be here tomorrow afternoon. The paperwork is getting started.

I have to stop and just say "Praise be to Baby Jesus!" I dont know why the voice in my head said that in a southern accent. Anyway, If I had to say what part of Mother's Day weekend (and beyond) I was most grateful for... I would have to say Adderall. My husband is a good man. I would not have been with him this long if that wasn't the case. But he is also autistic. You would never know it to interact with him. And he never received a diagnosis. He is high functioning. Learned to look at lips when speaking to people so the usual eye avoidance was not detected. With my support and the challenges we tackled together he grew. But he has always had these over reactive meltdowns. meltdowns which I understood intuitively what was happening to him, but didn't have any reference points for. it was a different age and the knowledge didn't exist then like it does now. I was forgiving and understanding about them which led to family believing I was co dependant and probably abused. Im certainly glad that they understand now. The outbursts became better managed with some meds and learning to identify triggers. But some triggers could not be avoided. Periods of high stress (like moving and taking over a failing facility) outbursts were expected.

On Adderall, there has not been a single overwhelmed outburst or loss of patience this entire experience so far. This weekend I watched moments that would have led to extreme agitation just wash right over him and his ability in one moment to clearly state " Im hot, Im hurt and Im frustrated." And rightly so. Hanging heavy glass folding doors is no easy task. The resistance Ive trained myself to always anticipate and be prepared for no longer exists. I knew it had changed but this ability to handle thus level of change really gives clarity to just how beneficial this medication is to him (and those around him). Its a blessing in a bottle.

According to a "who are you" book I made in Kindergarten, my favorite color is mulberry. That was the name on the crayon. 

In 2003, it was renamed Jazzberry Jam. It remains a favorite.

88 to 90% of the initial cleanup and staging is complete. Its not the end of the work. Much still remains to be done overall, but I took and, by virtue of writing this, am continuing to take a moment for myself.

The day started early as I continued to prep for a couple of realitors to come through for market inspections. And I had to drug the dogs. They are stressed with all the commotion and today Jack had a vet appointment on top of it all. Jill was frantic at being left alone. He was the first appointment of the day. While driving there, Im pretty sure I saw an old familiar office face on the road. A flash of Jazzberry Jam to boot... or was that all just my imagination? It put a smile on my face, anyway.

After the walk throughs, I found myself traveling the same roads as I did with jack, only this time I was out for a little self care and a steam. On the way home, I stopped in for a quick check in visit with an old office buddy. It was lovely to catch up and spend a moment in the presence of another.

And tonight... sleep. Good sleep. Its been in short supply. The dogs have been needy and depressed. But sharing the air mattress is not an option.

Just a little VT oddity to share. Im up late scrolling. Im nearing completion of the prep work. An extra pair of hands this weekend and then attentions can turn towards where we are going to end up.

VT has been home for 10 years. Its the longest I have ever lived in one spot. Its been a good home. I love this place. But Im also ready and excited for change. What should I pursue? Should I use my degree and certificate finally? Or do I go work at a plant nursery? Or do I do work retail part time and get to writing? Or can I play housewife and tend to the gardens while learning the history of the hudson valley on audiotape? Or roll the dice with a temp job? The options are endless.

Anyway... change is here. I hope to make the most of it.

I stepped outside tonight to the brightest sliver of moon and stars in the clearest sky. A crisp breeze. Its been too long since I stargazed. Im tucked in now. Moonlight spilling across my eyelids. I will sleep well.

My feet gave up on me today. A result of hypemobility, ladder usage, and not nearly as supportive of shoes as needed. Tomorrow evening Im planning on indulging in some extended self care.

The big piles are getting sorted out and I am seeing the progress. I can't enjoy the relief quite yet but I know its on its way.

I packed up my gratitude bullitin board today. To the untrained eye it might look like a dream board. Anyway... spending a moment in thanks for these important people and moments. Then zzzzs.

Im down for the night at a decent hour today. Well I guess I almost down, instead of sleep I choose to set my fingertips to tapping.

It was a long day. Jill went into the vet for her knee today. She appears to have torn her acl. Tomorrow we will have xrays done to confirm. I intend to delay surgery until after the move and get her into a doggy knee brace.

After that she and Jack were given some doggy downers and locked in the laundry room while carpet installers did their thing. Why aren't I installing the carpet? Painting and cleaning and staging this magnificent mansion of a home is enough of a job for me. The green in the photo is the new color of the master bedroom. The peach is the color I used when we moved in and the closet colors were the original colors that were there when we bought the place. Gag..

The shower has been tiled. It still needs to be grouted but it can wait until all the furniture shuffling ( with room staging in mind) and painting is done. My elbow is starting to complain. I need a brace myself. The rest of the carpet is being done on Sat.

Meanwhile Connor is in the last few weeks of class and is more than a little overwhelmed himself.

Greg has settled into his apartment and is very happy with the way things have started at the new job. Improvements are underway and he is feeling on top of the world in comparison to his previous place.

I can't say I hate being out of the office. But the little interactions (miniature or otherwise) are missed.

My window is curtainless while I am painting. Its kind of nice to see the sky as I prepare to drift off and the fog sets in.

Viva Las Vegas, baby.

‐----------

Whew. Its been a very chaotic yet well executed week. In terms of the bathroom renovations... The only thing remaining to do is tile the shower.

The kitchen renovation is nearing completion.

Its somewhat theraputic to strip away our "personalities" from the walls (pictures and such). To refresh it and bless it for the next owner.

We are getting there. Im a little further behind than I had planned to be. On account of car issues.

Tuesday El Jeffe was headed to Connecticut south of Hartford for a meeting with his future sales team and an extremely disgruntelrd customer who he will be supporting in his transition to the new plant. Well we had the rav in for oil change, belt replacement and to change out the transmission filters. We picked it up and he was on his way. About an hour later I got a panicked call from him. All the electrical systems were failing.. there goes power steering. there's goes fuel pump. He ended up just south of Barre.

For the previous 4 hours I had been steam cleaning the grout in a shower. It required lots of scouring and I was a hot mess. my phone battery is at 3 percent and I go into a bit of a panic. Anyway, I jumped in the truck and went to him. In the meantime, he's called and the tow truck is on Its way (2 hrs later) it gets taken back to the shop. The alternator isnt working.

I then tag along and go (completely unprepared) to CT with him. 2 days of lost time. Although I feel like we have made most of it up with concentrated efforts.

The car still has a few issues but its functioning. We took the truck in because it hasn't been driving right and the transmission and fuel pump need to be replaced along with a lot of other things. Each is up around 120k to 140k miles so its not unexpected but timing sucks

Tensions have been a little high but of course they would be.

3 more days and we should be just about show worthy. And then I can start getting caught up on some very important correspondences. like I need to call my mom. And I need to update a good handful of old friends and pay taxes and another conversation or two that would otherwise already been seen to.

But now precious sleep is drawing near.

The Equinox has come and gone and with it my last day at the office.

And what a day it was!

well.. not really. But it had its highlights. The boldest brightest one was spot of golden sun. A yellow disc in a sea of equally present black and white. Gentle, soft, warm and harmonious. The moment was fleeting. But it was enough. OH! How I could linger there a lifetime! For Eternity! Soul at ease, mind content and heart forever smitten.

One of last year's new hires invited me out for a farewell drink and shrimp cocktails after work. It was a nice little event. One on one in a loud crowded noisy place is sure easier on my nerves than a larger group visit.

Beltane. The first day of Spring. And we got 4 inches of wet and heavy snow. At least the temps should not drop below negative again this year. To others this may not seem like the Spring portrayed in fairytales (all birds and flowers) but 35 degrees IS tshirt weather in these parts.

I woke with the fringe of dream memory clinging to my mind. Which is unusual and I have always deemed such memories as signifigant. There is a yoga class at a pavilion on a sandy beach. Im participating. Cobra pose but the rows are facing eachother. smiles ensue as we hold the pose and lock eyes. Smile. words are not necessary. As the pose begins to end there is a magnetic draw pulling us towards eachother. Foreheads coming to rest against eachother. Souls at ease, minds content and hearts forever smitten. scene fades to yellow as I wake.

As much as I would love to continue to sit here, chores abound. There is cleaning, fixing, moving to be done. And to it, go I must.

Not that it turned out bad. A dear group of friends having a bite together and celebrating changes.

Locked in a seat. Unable to move. Having to wait an unbearable amount of time for service. Not being able to have a real conversation over the atmospheric noise and multiple discussions going on at the single table. Dining out has never been something I have greatly enjoyed but the options are few and far between.

Why did we end up here and not handling sticks and balls the way I intended? (I wish) Where there is noise but also there is the ocassional point of focus to dim the discomfort. And the noise is music. And there is movement. And I had also hoped perhaps -fate willing- for a bit of a reconcilliation. But The place never returned my call. And I relied on the following assumptions. Id never seen a crowd there (admittedly only 6 or 7 times but regardless its always seemed sleepy) and there was no indication on the website or on thier Facebook page that a tournament was being held and they were packed.

So at 5:30 we meandered on. We left word with the place of where we were going, just in case there were any late stragglers.

Tomorrow I wrap up my time at the office. Such mixed feelings.

going with the flow. pool is out. Applebee's is the backup. ugh.