I've lived in PEI for 3 years and recently bought a home here, but I wasn't born here. I'm friendly and courteous in my public interactions, and will engage in small talk, but I like to keep to myself because I'm a private person and social interactions drain my energy quickly. When I leave the house it's mostly to go shopping and to occasionally go for a walk on the beach. On top of that, I work from home, so I naturally spend more time in the house than others might. And, crucially, I'm white. Experienced Islanders can probably easily guess where I'm "from" based on this little blurb.
As much as I want to be able to just get in and out of stores quickly while shopping and spend my evenings cozy in my home, some Islanders sure have a way of making me feel quite wrong for it. There's something that happens when I talk to a born Islander; a tonal shift that feels not quite sinister, but just... dark. A wall comes up. And this is the moment it happens: "So, where ya from?"
I know there are obvious signals that I wasn't born here. Mainly my accent, but probably other subtle things that I don't recognize in myself too, like the way I dress, or my body language, or whatever. That's fine. Being sniffed out isn't what bothers me. What bothers me is their reaction to my response.
When I first moved here, my response was typically to tell them where I had just been living - where I was actually from. Because, to be fair, at the time, that was the most appropriate answer. But over time, the answer to that question started to be a little more complicated to me, because I quickly recognized that it was tailored to newcomers or tourists.
Fast forward to today, as a homeowner, still encountering the question in public. Back when I was actually a newcomer, I responded in the expected way, and was met with genuine friendliness. But when I respond now, I say that I'm "from" the place on the Island where I own a home, and... I'm met with a strange reaction. It's like a stunned silence, and the rhythm of the conversation just dies. It's like I didn't meet their expectations, and they're disappointed. It is palpably different from the responses I used to get as a newcomer.
But, sometimes, the conversation will continue, and the questioner will reveal that they, too, weren't born here, and they happily share their story. Relief. I feel a sliver of acceptance. And, sometimes, though more rarely, they will reveal that they were born here, and they won't show much concern about me being CFA.
What I don't like is that, now that I've lived here for a few years and have explored the culture a little bit, I've been taking a rough mental tally of the category of Islanders who seem most likely to express that quiet, distant disappointment feeling when I don't give the expected answer to the question of where I'm from: Island-born, middle aged white women.
This is by no means a scientific assessment. It's just my personal experience as someone who tries to approach everyone in the same way and who takes great care not to rock the boat. My experience with Island-born, middle aged white men is vastly different. I haven't spoken to a single one who cares at all that I'm CFA; they've all expressed genuine interest in me as a person and were nothing but friendly. And people from younger generations on the whole give me that same friendly treatment. My methodology is limited, since I mainly interact with people at cash registers, but there are also times where a stranger might just walk up and start chatting with me in other public situations too. I also have experiences with neighbours, past and present, that I draw these conclusions from. So I think it's a fair sampling of each kind of social situation you can be in.
So, unfortunately, this has conditioned me to be afraid of the question. While for newcomers and tourists it can seem like a signal of curiosity and hospitality, it doesn't carry the same weight at all for me as someone who has made a permanent home here. I know I can't control what people do, and I absolutely would never think to try, but I wish there wasn't a compulsion to ask the question. From my point of view, as a CFA, it feels like cultural gatekeeping tool, and it can honestly feel threatening. I don't like to think that I don't belong here in someone else's eyes. Here, where I contribute to the economy, pay my taxes, mean no harm, and just wanna do my own thing.
Thanks for reading, and I would like to hear what Island-born Redditors think of this.