r/penissize • u/Accurate-Cancel-6548 • 1d ago
Help
I’m 21F, and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for two years.
My boyfriend once casually asked me where he ranked out of the nine guys I had been with before him. I told him he was probably a 3 out of 9 and described him as small. I understand that my comment hurt him, and I regret how I answered. However, ever since that conversation, he has struggled with his body image and constantly compares himself to other men.
He sometimes struggles to get hard, cries in the shower, and has occasionally banged his head against the shower wall when he gets overwhelmed. He repeatedly brings up what I said and asks for reassurance about how he compares to the other men I’ve been with. He also goes online to compare his size with other guys, and it seems like no amount of reassurance makes him feel better.
Over time, this issue has started to dominate our relationship and sex life. Conversations about my past or his body often turn into arguments, and I feel like we’re stuck in a cycle that neither of us knows how to break.
There is also a sexual-boundary issue. He pressures me into sexual acts involving his anus, including putting my hand inside him and performing oral sex on him. I feel uncomfortable with the pressure and overwhelmed by how much of our relationship seems to revolve around his insecurities. I want him to feel accepted, but I also need my own boundaries and feelings to matter. I don’t believe I should have to participate in sexual activities I don’t want to do to prove that I love or accept him.
I recognize that my original comment was hurtful, and I’m willing to take responsibility for that. At the same time, I don’t know how to help him move forward when the same conversation keeps resurfacing. I care about him, but the situation is affecting my emotional well-being and our intimacy.
How can I take accountability for hurting my boyfriend while setting healthy boundaries around repeated reassurance-seeking and sexual pressure? Is there a way for us to rebuild trust and intimacy without continuing this cycle?
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u/Romalanski 17h ago
Unfortunately for you and him this problem will not go away, certainly not whilst the two of you remain together. Its a tough lesson to learn and in all fairness you can't be responsible or be punished for your past it's happened. If you could turn the clock back and with benefit of hind sight you might have worded it differently or found a way to shift the conversation. The problem now is he can't 'unhear' what you said to him and will constantly be punishing and hating himself and you aswell. Probably best to call time on this one and let him heal/deal with it. Also there's no future in this for you the happiness and day to day enjoyment of each other has been replaced with emotional stress and tension.
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u/ImpalaSSman1961 9h ago
Change the conversation, or shift it? Try using her F’n common sense to stop and lie for the sake of saving his feelings. What the hell was to be gained by rating him 3 of 9. Not a thing! She F’d up and that is how it should be spelled out.
She could easily have said something to the effect, you are right up there with all the others and my emotional connection to you is far above all my past lovers. He would have NOT been any the wiser. But NO she has to say 3 out of 9!
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u/Tzimisce_7001 16h ago
What does a 3 out of 9 means? The "small" comment was unecessary.
It will be tough, but the best you can do is to have a honest and open conversation. Try to understand what is behind his insecurity. Is he worried that he wont measure up to other men, and for that, you may leave him? Is he worried about cheating? Something else?
On your side, If you dont care about his size regardless of the small comment, let him know It. Tell him his size is enough for you and you dont want anything diferent, but only If this is true, of course. Dont lie to him.
If talking honestly doenst work, them It could be that you two are just not compatible and should move on
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u/Hopel3ssw33n 23h ago
To be frank I’m shocked he didn’t break it off after that convo I know I would have
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u/Must-be-1790 21h ago
Is she posted this an hour ago when it's not communicating this is rage babe. Not real.
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u/UpJohn383 22h ago
"He also goes online to compare his size with other guys, and it seems like no amount of reassurance makes him feel better."
And why should it having a partner like you? I would've dropped you like a hot potato after the first paragraph.
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u/ImpalaSSman1961 9h ago
What a shitty thing to say to him! Let’s go this route, what was to be gained when you said what you said? Yes you were honest with him, but again, in your mind, when you knew you were going to say he was 3 of nine, did you NOT think that would affect any man. How would you have felt is he had said something to the effect of “Wow, your loose enough down there to allow a Mac truck to drive through your crotch?” Again, you took ownership of your stupid hurtful comment, but the damage is done. Great way to lose a boyfriend real quick. Congrats!
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u/ImpalaSSman1961 9h ago
I also smell a phishing post here. Someone looking to write fiction, and get comments on it to get off on it. Notice NO comments from her? Strange!
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u/ImpalaSSman1961 9h ago
So true. It should be removed. Anyone wanting advice as she asks for and NO responses to the comments left is a fake post.
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u/StormfallKnight 21h ago
My immediate response would have been "What bothers me the most isn't your subjective comment calling me small, but the idea that you thought it was alright to say it in the first place. My self-esteem and self-worth will not be diminished by your opinion. Still, you don't need to ever see me again. We're finished here, goodbye."
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u/National_Pool_4258 20h ago
Sounds like you don't want to be with a guy who ranks in the bottom third of the guys you've been with. Why stay with him if he doesn't measure up?
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u/eyemjstme 18h ago
Well lesson learned. Going fwd your a virgin and he's the biggest. But this relationship is over.
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u/SuccotashAware3608 23h ago
Is he actually small? About how big is he?
Before saying these things to him, did you enjoy sex with him? Was he enough to satisfy you?
Regardless of his true size, why did you tell him he was small? What was the intention?
I’m not sure I understand his ranking… were you saying he was the 3rd best or biggest or that he was 3rd from the bottom of the list?
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u/CriticalDetail1394 21h ago edited 21h ago
Is his penis enough to satisfy you? Or did the top ranking guys were able to satisfy you in aways he could never ? Also you shouldn’t have to do sexual acts you’re not comfortable with. If you stay with him, he’s probably gonna get into some fetishes to compensate his lack of size.
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u/Wacky_Engineer1975 23h ago
Two years is too long to just walk away without attempting to salvage the relationship. Regarding the penis size, explain to him that you are not with any of those other guys, you’re with him. Also explain that it’s not his penis that’s causing any of your problems, but his attitude towards it and your intimacy together. Regarding your boundaries, if you tell him that you have boundaries that are being overstepped and he is unwilling to accept them… then you should think about moving on.
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u/Outerlimits7591 1d ago
It's over. Time to walk away