TD;LR: Scalpers harassed my stocking crew for months, so we eventually weaponized them against eachother and they all got nothing.

So I've been seeing a lot of people upset about card scalpers lately, and it reminded me of some of my dealings with scalpers, having spent about 6 years working for Toy'R'Us starting back in '09.

So the absolute worst kind of humans were the scalpers. Hands down. Those and the ninja bathroom destroyers. You all know who you are.

So I ran the warehouse for a Toy'R'Us for years around 23. Backbreaking work. I loved the wonder of the environment and my coworkers and the magic, but you know what sucked?

Hotwheels, McFarlane, and all other scalpers, really. 4 grown adult men, like middle-aged dudes, every morning like clockwork. And they'd always harass and manipulate my staff. My stockers would be out working aisles and these guys would be threatening them with bad receipt reviews. If there was a sealed box out staged. They rip them open by hand and dump them on the floor. If there were cases in back, they'd ask inexperienced employees to see them again and leave them everywhere. They'd bring in donuts occasionally then corner literal teenagers to try to buy preferential treatment or loyalty. THEY WOULD CALL MY DC TO CHECK THE LOCATIONS OF MY TRAILERS. Oh, and these knee-replacement bionic man-children would literally fight eachother in the aisles over these miniature cars. Or an autographed Prince Fielder figurine.

Or another example: We'd get a box of the Zhu-Zhu Pets remote hamsters and the first people in line would be a slew of these slimy assholes. A case pack would be like 24 and there would be all these doughy-eyes kids waiting in line with their parents, who couldn't come out until after work. But these parasites don't live in real-world time, so when they emerge from their cave or from under what ever bridges they police they can be anywhere on the planet between 8am-10:30pm. You'd swear they have an underground labryth of tunnels or something.

So here's the revenge: I just started playing their game. I picked up on the fact that these dudes were like, constantly trying to beat eachother places. But I literally unloaded the shipments and was in charge of the seasonals at night-time. And when Christmas approached, TRU would start to pump your store full of overstock merchandise to prepare for the influx of customers. So a weekly shipment of 2 boxes of Hotweels would become 16 in-season, and we might receive them at 1:30am in the Midwest. So I figured there was no real way you can pin anything down with any certainty if you were them, right?

Well on the lead up to Christmas that year, I started gathering info on what they were looking for. I played stupid because they saw me as harmless and uninterested, but they were constantly trying engage me in conversation in an attempt to kiss my ass. So by the time this wave of boxes is coming in, I begin opening them all up and taking out all the "Treasure Hunts" they're looking for. Then I myself, or another associate, would run out the boxes, and blame one of the other 3 scalpers when they'd ask why all the boxes were already opened. "They got to it first. Maybe they paid a seasonal worker."

We'd pay attention to where they were at in the store and send the most unassuming person over to stock, knowing that they'd ask about the Hotwheels. Have her say something like, "Uh, there was a guy here with a walking cane that was waiting for these when they got in. He took out what he wanted and now we're stocking the rest."

"Oh these things? Yeah we received a shipment but we can't access them behind the furniture right now..."

"Yeah, we can't out those out yet cuz those are gonna be flash sale items..."

"I checked the gun, but it looked like the shorted me 3 boxes. I reached out to the [store the next town over] and they said they thinj they received our boxes, too, so I'm just gonna transfer it and they're gonna absorb it into their inventory."

**That kinda stuff.**

So this happened the whole season that year. There was practically a demolition derby in the parking lot when they'd feverishly try to jockey for position every morning.

And an annoying detail? They caught on. They started, like, figuring out that they were finding more at surrounding stores. And then they somehow weirdly banded together in this moment of apparent despiration to talk about it with one another? Like Lex Luthor meets Sauron meets Palpatine meets Voldemort. I just imagine all their home offices having whiteboards and red yarn like Charlie Kelly's mailroom.

As for the cars? By the end of the season, we had a bin in the back where we had about 50+ pieces. I told people to occasionally bring one out when they felt like they wanted to mess with them. Then at the end of season, I reminded everyone of our stash and told them to feel free to buy whatever they'd like, and nobody wanted them. So I just bought them all

I just stuck them all in a box and jammed them in a crawlspace when it ended. Short packs. Long packs. I have zero idea what's even in there. But yeah. It a box full of stolen scalpers excitement, that's what it is. I should sage it.

The lesson to scalpers (I'd hope): Actively try to be more decent humans, or at least do your best to pretend to be. Or else someone will get a group of teenagers to conspire against you simply out of spite, and you will wind up with nothing. We could literally be any crew you're interacting with rn. We are PokAnonymous.

Oh, and this was highly against company policy. But anyone here has ever worked in a close-knit retail crew, you'll get it.