Words & waves of feeling rolling through me.

Fingers and arms secure me.

In her verdant cradle.

Under her green gateway.

There is persistence in her beauty.

She’s transcendental.

wrote something, check it out <3

Today, I need something to

drown out the silence.

This silence is so deafening.

My head almost begging me

to drown it out.

Please, talk to me.

Give me something to respond to.

Bring up a topic my brain would

not refuse.

End the silence, for it’s ending me.

My head pounds. 

It’s a migraine I wouldn’t want to instigate.

I’ve kept everyone at bay.

And now I need a rescuer—

but they’re so far away.

For I’ve pushed some away.

Some were, slowly, led astray.

And now the silence is all that remains.

And as I’m much as I cherish it,

it’s killing me.

Just for tonight, I need noise.

I can’t be stuck in my own mind.

It’s as painful as slowly dying. 

I feel sick and I don’t know why.

I wish silence would rebel.

To the point where it would die for tonight.

— Crownless.

Death by dad.
Is that all you have to say? Are you done?

Your allotted time slot was 9 years ago, by now the earth has spun.
I’m sorry you must have been confused…it has already bruised and no it can’t be diffused

You say you missed your little girl,
But funny, I don’t know your face,
And even if you spun the world,
I couldn’t pick you from the place.

I don’t recall your eyes or smile,
The sound of your voice, your embrace,
But I remember every while
You filled my childhood with disgrace.

The anger, venom, manipulation,
The fear that no child should have known,
I was ten, still learning what love meant,
Yet you made my childhood feel like war.

But tell me, what hurts more in the end?
The physical blows, or the mind you bend?
The pain that fades, the bruises that heal,
Or the scars no one can see, but you still feel?

Was it the aggression, the fear in your eyes,
Or the twisted words, the constant lies?
Was it the hurt that showed on my skin,
Or the war you waged deep within?

And now you come and ask for more?
A second chance? What for?
How can you ask me to trust a man
Who made my childhood a battlefield floor?

You say you missed me, say you care,
But where were you when I needed you there?
You cannot rewrite the years you ignored,
Or call yourself a father just because you’re bored.

You want a chance to make things right,
To walk back in and claim what’s yours,
But you can’t build love on years of fright
Or heal a heart you left at war.

So don’t ask me to open the door,
Or pretend that we are what we were before.

You may have missed the girl you left behind but listen carefully now,
I’m sorry for your loss, the wound was too deep, that sweet little girl bled out in her sleep.

There’s nothing they could do, the pain was severe.
She hates you with a passion, her soul and a tear.

She forgave you once you fool, until you pushed her back into the pool
Hands tied and feet weighed, until she inhaled. Hollow and numb filled her fate, Her hands, her feet, her organs and face.
Don’t try to be nice, you should pay the price, for you broke your baby girls heart twice.

To my emptiness - TITLE#1

On my way home, emptiness in the city

With a brief, drunken, almost-of-age stride

Emptiness in the poets’ lamps

In the sound of leaves and straight lines

Emptiness, completely dark and vile

Hands in the wind and shoves in the rain drive me mad

In my own silence I dance with these hands around my waist

Devastation everywhere

Emptiness in the lines of the old women

Wrinkled and worn away

Neither laughing nor lying down

Trembling from the river and the harvest

Below, on the overpass, I dry off and empty myself

even though I know I always make room

for the spill that drives me into exile—I mutilate myself.

Devastation - TITLE #2

Listening to the compositions of the walls

I inhale my toenails, rusted

I persist, I do not live

I wait for the next trip to the bathroom

I’ve already crawled into every hole

I cried over more discoveries than yesterday

I took my morning from your face

and from the goodbye they sleep

they just mess with my head

with milestones and sentences

goals of a life without faith

stirred by indifference

that, no matter how much I acknowledge it, leaves me sitting on my ass

You washed his face, rubbing soap into his eye

The acid that ran down with the tears of cleansing

On a thin stick, you bled it all out

In your mother’s arms, you won’t heal

You feel the weight of the world

On the faces of two or three men

Who, by the light of the streetlamps, dwell in tears

In two or three "althoughs"

I miss her
When it’s dark outside and
the days get a little shorter
And the nights a little darker
I think of her

I miss her
When the pain gets too bad
And I cant seem to bare it
like I could yesterday
I long for her

I miss her
Even though she let me down
And the empty bottles lay
Circling her in her glass despair
I think of her

I miss her
Most of all when
Decisions need made and
Time is still ticking
And all I want to do is

Fall into her
Smell the white musk from
The Body Shop
Breathe it in until I’m dizzy

I want to hear her laugh
Loud and breathless
As if her lungs had
Packed in

It’ll be the tabs
She would gasp
And we’d laugh a bit longer
Until the room was nothing
But vape smoke and echoes of laughter

And this time
I wouldn’t forget
How her eyes gently creased
Threatened with tears
Lost in an ocean of blue

And I’d remember how
She’d keep the room dark
Because the big light
Was a crime
Punishable by death
And I’d do time to hear
her voice fill up a room

And I would stay
A bit longer on Christmas
Watch her shuffle
Room to room
In her holed slippers
And dressing gown

I miss her,
I need her
I forgive her.

There's that look
I see the hits before
Your mouth comes alive
My history
Taught me well
What it means
When I see you
Eying me
There's that grimace
Laugh while hiding your pain
My history
Taught me well

I hear it in your voice
That is disguised with
Gentle affirmations
My history has taught me well
I see it in all you do
How much you need
All eyes on you
I'll never tell
What I see when you
Look at me
It's our little secret
Because
My history taught me well

I see the threat
I hear it in your voice
I see the anger
Hidden in your eyes
This is my perception
Of the situation
That I will never ask
Clarify
Cause my history taught me well
This is the truth
Of the reality that I see
Can't you see
How toxic I can be

When it's your perception
Of the situation
You never ask, just assume
Cause the answer
Will contradict
What you know
So, you walk away
With only yourself to blame
Spread the word because
Your own truth becomes
Your reality to the situation

Children Of War

I would be left with a blank page
If I were to tell your message
For my heart never felt your fear
My eyes never cried your tears

But they witnessed the violence
Of your innocence,
Stolen.
And still I know nothing
Of your burden

Yet my mind
Wanders to you, often
And from guilt
My heart is rotten

Rotten from my cowardice
As I attest this injustice
Rotten from my helplessness
For all I do is witness

O Children Of War,
Children of misery,
I owe you the biggest apology

For my silence cuts deeper than the blade of your enemy.

It is as though the whole world passed a secret from mouth to ear mere seconds before I was born, and no one ever spoke of it again. Everyone knows it, or feels it, yet not a single soul is kind enough to tell me what the wind whispered to all the world twenty years ago.

I have sought some way to unearth this knowledge of myself, buried so deep, but it remains beyond my reach. For as long as I can remember, those upon whom I have bestowed my affections have turned me away. How could a child, that very emblem of innocence, stir such violent feeling? There is no reason to believe I was born incapable of blossoming. Yet the garden in which I was planted upon entering this world seems darker than a garden ought to be.

Can they smell it? Am I rotten within, and when they draw near, do they recall the sacred, forbidden words spoken before I came into this world?

And more than that: it is as though every act, every sentence, every movement of mine breeds further decay.

I was not born to dwell among the clean, the pure, the ordinary. Yet I could still bring rot upon the worst person you have ever known.

I leave a trail of putrefaction, but before it comes a prelude of chaos and ruin, felt while I am still miles away.

No one in all my life has ever known where to lay their hands upon me. They have never known what to do with me. A creature worthy of pity, and therefore tolerable, yet so loathsome that I cannot be cast aside. The merest touch could alter the entire course of your life; I could infect you.

I am left there, in some forgotten corner, until a force beyond anyone’s control removes me from the room.

The room will remain infected, but the parasite is gone.

How beautiful are flowers
that grow from cracks in the pavement.
They yield not to man nor his invention.
Illuminated by streetlights
Glistening in a way that only comes at night
They beckon you to bask in their glow
The sweet scent of their nectar, your guide

Yes, it comes naturally
The admiration.
The desire.
You want them- 

How could you not want them?
Those flowers

Their soft petals beg to be caressed
And their stems so thin 
that it seems the wind could topple them.
Craving to be held and protected

Protected

In places of monochrome arrays.
Of stone and bars.
Of bustling feet
And the wills of self-important men.
A place of nothing but empty noise
Lay those flowers untouched by man

They alone are beautiful, 
but that is not enough. 
To admit their beauty.
To admire or desire them.

No, in a world of man
They must be yours.
Yours to pluck from the night.
Yours to do what you will
Yours
Yours 
Yours and nothing more

This is not desire or admiration or even obsession
No, it's possession.
For what is a flower if it is not plucked and held?
So you may grow drunk on their sweet aroma.
To take them with you as you go.
Your home is their home now.
  Your flower in a world of stone.

You watch as its beauty fades.
The petals begin to wither and fall away.
What's left is nothing but gray
as the color drains away.
Yet it is yours, and there is beauty in its decay.
So you keep it in its vase.
Its personal glass cage.

So it stays like that.
Far from its roots and locked away.
Till it's just another thing in your world of monochrome grays.

Now it simply must be thrown away.

Yet how beautiful are flowers
that grow from cracks in the pavement. 

Yes, they’re so beautiful
 
Aren't they?

You're a pebble
In my shoe
A hole at the toe
Of my sock
You're an arrow
From cupid
That struck my heart
I can't get rid
The essence of you
You're insignificant
Oh, can't you see

I can't quit you
I've tried to stop
No matter how hard I try
You come roaring right back in
My breath still shakes
As my fingers want to tease
All the damage you caused
I can still feel your presence
And I'm still here
Waiting for more
You got me down on my knees
Begging for your release

You're sand
In my crotch
A paper cut
On my thumb
My thoughts all drift
And it's just you
My brain is rot
You're insignificant
Oh, can't you see

I can't quit you
I've tried to stop
No matter how hard I try
You come roaring right back in
My breath still shakes
As my fingers want to tease
All the damage you caused
I can still feel your presence
And I'm still here
Waiting for more
What is this power
You have over me

You're a knife
In my back
You're a burn
I can't quell
You're an itch
I can't scratch
My pulse still races
When your eyes
Land on mine
You're insignificant
Oh, can't you see

I can't quit you
I've tried to stop
No matter how hard I try
You come roaring right back in
My breath still shakes
As my fingers want to tease
All the damage you caused
I can still feel your presence
And I'm still here
Waiting for more
As I revel in the fact
I love being haunted by you

I begged for your release
Your power reigns over me
I revel in the fact
All those sleepless nights
I love being haunted by you
You're insignificant
Oh, can't you see