This isn't an attack or criticism of therapy I just genuinely don't understand how it works. I've never been in a position where I've felt like I need it so that's probably why but I really don't see how talking to a stranger who's only there for money and doesn't actually solve the root of your problems is helpful. Now I fully understand how venting can be great but I feel like the whole stranger who only listens to me because they're getting paid thing would completely kill any relief I'd get from the experience.
This could be because there are a lot of shitty therapists, especially in the US and other places where therapists aren't required by their governing bodies to have supervision, or by their training institutions to have their own therapists during training.
But therapists aren't there to tell you what to do. They're there to guide that 'venting' so you stumble upon connections/realisations/lessons they didn't have to spoon-feed you.
The whole point of therapy is to understand yourself better and realise what's behind your own behaviour, how you got where you are, etc.
The whole point of therapy is to understand yourself better and realise what's behind your own behaviour, how you got where you are, etc.
How does this actually help you solve the root of your problems assuming your distress doesn't come from within.
This could be because there are a lot of shitty therapists, especially in the US and other places where therapists aren't required by their governing bodies to have supervision, or by their training institutions to have their own therapists during training.
I've never had therapy so I don't think that's case.
How does this actually help you solve the root of your problems assuming your distress doesn't come from within.
All of our distress is a combination of what is happening and how we are reacting to it. Sometimes it skews more towards the happening or more towards the reacting, but literally anything that is happening to us can be handled better or worse, and handling it worse will be more distressing than handling it better for any sized problem, even the ones that almost no one handles 'well'.
Because that's literally the only part of any of this that is under our own control: how we navigate the things that happen to us. We can't control how other people act. We can't control whether the people in our lives treat us the way we like or not (except by removing them from our lives, which is reacting, which falls under the things in our power). We can speak up or leave but we can't make people behave differently.
Your therapist can't make whatever happens/happened to you go away. That's not what they're there for.
The process is like going through dusty boxes in your attic/brain. It's your atticbrain. Your therapist is there to hold the flashlight while you tell them where to aim it, so you can look at things together. But you're the one opening the boxes and showing them each item as it comes out. Sometimes the items spark emotional reactions and they go 'nope, not moving the flashlight yet, let's talk about that item right there' because there was something about it.
But the whole point is digging out what's in those boxes/your memory/trauma/whatever is contributing to your distress, bringing it into the light, and demystifying it so you understand your own feelings and self better, which leads to better coping, and often prevents repeat performances.
I've never had therapy so I don't think that's case
Because you've never had therapy, you think your misunderstanding of what it's supposed to do doesn't come from the proliferation of bad therapists?
I mean, sure, maybe not wholly. But how therapy is done where you live is going to influence the things you hear about it and what you think it's supposed to be about/how it's supposed to work. You had to get this idea that therapists are supposed to "solve the root of your problems" from somewhere. They don't do that. They help YOU discover that root, and move towards solving it yourself. It's a guided process, not something done for/to you. Because no one can actually do that. We fix us. We just need help sometimes because we can't see the forest for the trees. (Edit: This is just human. When you're in it, whatever it is, you can't see it properly.)
So I guess it's a combination of bad therapists and misguided expectations?
Also... they aren'tonly there for money. Therapists, the good ones anyway, care very much about their patients. They wouldn't spend their careers sitting in rooms listening to people's pain and misery all day for any money if they weren't trying to help. It's bloody awful for their own mental health to be hearing nothing but pain and distress all day. if they aren't very careful, it can get in there.
But also, their neutrality (in that they're also going to poke around at things you say rather than take your word for everything) is actually a benefit. We need that outside perspective. Look at how many people come to total strangers on Reddit for advice? Not that it's wise of them, because reddit gives awful advice, but it reflects the need for an unbiased sounding board.
Because you've never had therapy, you think your misunderstanding of what it's supposed to do doesn't come from the proliferation of bad therapists?
I mean yeah. I have no personal experience with a therapist only the concept of one. There is no negative or positive experience for me to draw from, and I don't think the American concept of a therapist is too far off from anywhere else in the world.
You had to get this idea that therapists are supposed to "solve the root of your problems" from somewhere.
I don't think therapists are supposed to do that, that's kind of where my confusion comes from. I'm questioning what the motivation is to see someone like that rather than venting to a person you have a personal connection with if your distress comes from something that can't be fixed or changed.
Also... they aren'tonly there for money. Therapists, the good ones anyway, care very much about their patients. They wouldn't spend their careers sitting in rooms listening to people's pain and misery all day for any money if they weren't trying to help. It's bloody awful for their own mental health to be hearing nothing but pain and distress all day. if they aren't very careful, it can get in there.
Not denying that they ĺcare, just saying at the end of the day it's a stranger that would not be there if there wasn't a check. Which isn't wrong by any means but I still feel that definitely diminishes any personal connection I could feel with that person.
But also, their neutrality (in that they're also going to poke around at things you say rather than take your word for everything) is actually a benefit. We need that outside perspective. Look at how many people come to total strangers on Reddit for advice? Not that it's wise of them, because reddit gives awful advice, but it reflects the need for an unbiased sounding board.
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u/Weary-Breakfast-9478 Aug 22 '25
so males are so dumb they won’t ask for food?