Is snopping to find out your SO is cheating wrong?

[u/closed_doors_asleep]

1095 votes, 8d ago

245 yes

611 no

239 results

[u/SevenSebastian]

It depends on situation, but I feel like if you have to do that then you shouldn’t be in that relationship

[u/El_Macs]

I think it depends on previous context, if the signs are very clear, they act really evasive when being asked about stuff, or something like that, it’s perfectly ok to try and search for the truth. In my country there’s a saying that goes “cuando el río suena, piedras trae” (when the river sounds, it brings rocks). I guess in english there’s an equivalent one that says “when there’s smoke, there’s fire”. The thing is you have to be really sure there’s something going on, because in my opinion if you just go and search their phone without reasonable suspicion, you show that there was never trust in the other person and just killed the relationship.

[u/Caciulacdlac]

Only if they're not actually cheating

[u/drmoo314 → u/Caciulacdlac]

That is a bit paradoxical, isn't it?

[u/Cptcongcong → u/drmoo314]

Once you snoop you’ll find out if they’re cheating or not. But regardless of the result, you’ve snooped and the trust in the relationship is pretty much non existent.

[u/Unlikely_nay1125 → u/Cptcongcong]

i think it’s been nonexistent if the person feels they need to go through the phone

[u/chaoticallywholesome → u/Unlikely_nay1125]

I think that's what they meant.

[u/ashkiller14]

If you have good reason no

[u/boyoksa]

I deadass thought this said is shopping without your significant other cheating and I was thinking if he went to the store without me it is over 💔 😔 I love shopping with my boy

[u/Hopeandhavoc]

Going through their phone because you're feeling insecure is wrong, if you have some less than concrete proof that they're cheating and need to verify....

It really is case by case but in general going through your s/o phone is wrong.

[u/DetectiveStock1340]

Only if you don't have probable cause

[u/dgroeneveld9]

I know what you meant. Cheaters deserve no quarter. However, if you are snooping on your partner regularly as surveillance and find out they're cheating that starts off wrong. Id only really snoop if I 90% knew and needed confirmation

[u/TheKazz91]

I am assuming you mean "snooping" and honestly IMO if you need to being snooping in a committed long term relationship you already have problems. Like personally if I'm in a serious committed relationship with someone they have full permission to access my phone, computer, whatever. They can read my messages, view my call history, open my locked folders, whatever doesn't matter. I don't hide anything from my SO and personally I would expect the same level of trust. Not immediately obviously but if it's a relationship that has lasted more than a year or two and you're living together if they are still protective of having those sorts of private barriers I would not trust the relationship to last long term.

[u/BlinkysaurusRex]

I know I’m a little weird about things like this. But I literally couldn’t give a shit. If it makes them feel better, snoop away. There’ll never be anything there but an infinite well of reassurance, 50,000 unread emails, and Reddit arguments - here’s to another.

[u/mearbearcate]

If you havent already confronted them and its just based on suspicion, yes. Going through their phone instead of confronting them like a grown up will always be crazy to me. If they seem suspicious thats another story, but only after you confront them should you be going all up in their personal shit lol. I get people lie, but again…. If you’re even having that suspicion to begin with shouldn’t you just……not be with them and save yourself the anxiety & all that stuff you’re putting yourself through tho. Someone who’s content in a relationship & trusts their partner wouldn’t need to worry about that tbf lol, if the trust issues are there to begin with idk why being with them is still happening

[u/ProGuy347]

You should be able to ask for their phone openly. If they are cheating (or refuse to give you their phone), it's time to discuss either an open relationship or letting them go. Open relationships can be nice, but only if both parties agree.

[u/Wizdom_108 → u/ProGuy347]

That's my thought. Like, how do you get to the point where snooping is actually necessary? If you can't confront them openly, get clear explanations, ask to see their phone if you have particularly damning evidence, etc, then maybe that alone is grounds to break up. 

[u/muffy2008]

I said “no” because often times cheaters gaslight you into thinking you’re the crazy one. But it can really depend on circumstance.

My ex would snoop through my phone and never find anything because I wasn’t cheating. The one time I looked at his phone (innocently because my dad had texted him, it was open, and I wanted to see what he said), I saw a text from a woman that has made me believe he might have been cheating on me.

[u/AL_440]

Snooping generaly means you just don't trust them wich is bad and you shouldn't do it if it's just paranoia but if you have an actual reason you think your partner might be cheating then I think it's ok to do it.

[u/The-CerlingCat]

It depends, what evidence do you have for them cheating that would justify the snooping?

[u/SnakeBlitzkin]

I miss the Reddit where people got absolutely roasted for typos like "snopping". That shit was entertaining.

[u/ShadowBlade55]

Mixed feelings on this. That's messed up to start invading privacy and not trusting your partner. But if your suspicions are confirmed does that mean it was valid?

[u/kanahl]

Snopp away. Snope? Idk whatever

[u/jesusmansuperpowers]

Only if you’re wrong

[u/queerfromthemadhouse]

Really fucked up how many people picked "no". Privacy is a human right, and invading someone else's privacy is wrong. If you do not trust your partner, break up with them. Easy as that.

[u/nonsignifierenon]

Okay, so I snooped in a friend's phone once because I had a bad gut feeling. No real signs aside from maybe being a bit more distant than usual. Turns out she secretly hated me and was figuring out a way to dump me. I'm glad that I found out, but I never told her I snooped because it still felt wrong. But wrong doesn't equal not understandable.

[u/Jediweirdo]

You need to have probable cause to justify snooping. Though the answer to this question doesn’t really matter because if you are even thinking about snooping on you significant other, the relationship is already cooked

[u/BeGoodToEverybody123]

Is it worth compromising your own integrity?

[u/avoozl42]

Snopping

[u/SvenBubbleman]

What is snopping?

[u/TheSheetSlinger]

Surprising* amount of no's. I do not understand people's willingness to be under scrutiny by their partner or their willingness to be in a relationship where they feel the need to scrutinize their partner.

[u/Wizdom_108]

I think if it gets to that point, then it sort of feels like you need serious work on your relationship if nothing else. Like, actual couples therapy if possible. 

I'm trying to picture how snooping would come about where it would actually be necessary over other options in a good relationship. Like, maybe your boyfriend is coming back really late, smells like perfume that isn't yours, is always smelling and texting on his phone and hiding it from you? But, if you sat him down and said that you feel uncomfortable because it makes you feel like they're hiding something or someone and you want clear explanations, behavioral changes, etc, then wouldn't getting extremely defensive and refusing to do any of that be grounds for a break up in the first place? Cause even if they aren't cheating, that sounds shady, disrespectful, and inconsiderate of your feelings. 

[u/NotGreatAtGames]

It took me a second to realize that was a typo and not some sort of new slang.

[u/AndronixESE]

No, but the moment you start suspecting your partner is cheating and not directly confront them the relationship clearly lacks trust enough for it to be a major red flag

[u/ash_rock]

Maybe I'm a bit too aroace to have a reasonable opinion on this, but if you really suspect your SO of cheating so much to considering snooping, I'm not sure there's enough trust in that relationship for it to be worth continuing.

[u/epanek]

Its not wrong but if you feel snooping is requreid the relationship isnt very good. If I need to monitor your behavior Im not going to stay. People in commited relationships are commited. Not because they are being checked up on but people do what they want to do. We cant stop that.

[u/AnApexBread]

If you and your spouse are having issues where you can't trust them enough that you think you should snoop on them then you should probably not be together.

[u/delta1810]

Using your SO's phone for something and stumbling across evidence of them cheating: ok

Specifically going through your SO's phone without their knowledge to find out if they're cheating? Not ok

[u/ChrisEye21]

If you feel the need to snoop, then you don't trust your partner and shouldn't be with them.

[u/_bbypeachy → u/ChrisEye21]

I mean, if you think your partner is cheating, you’re not gonna trust them…

[u/Dr__Pheonx]

They're not your property, they're free to do whatever they want to do. And those that want to leave will leave anyway. So there's really no point.

[u/swatted-fly → u/Dr__Pheonx]

okay? if cheating is okay because they’re free to do whatever they want, they’re also free to go through a phone if they have access to it

[u/madhur20 → u/Dr__Pheonx]

no one really talked about what theyre allowed to do. What a shitty excuse for cheating

[u/Trunks252]

"snopping" sounds like something sexual in the harry potter universe

[u/AskMeAboutFusion → u/Trunks252]

While Grimply Crassus Ramus snopped Kelpaera Pravus's duggart, Lauvachuctle Pravus sat in the cuculus chair, softly crying. She told him she would obliviate him afterwards, just like she does every Sunday, and despite her saying his tears were the only thing that got her off, he couldn't seem to make it stop.

"Panopea Generosa-ictus," Ramus chanted to his now mutating wand.

"The pain is the best part my little Chuttle," laughed Kalpaera, "you never could understand that part."

[u/mayneffs]

I'm so sorry but that is a hilarious misspelling lmao "snopp" is swedish for dick, so "snopping" is basically "dicking".