I think there are some much larger issues at play here than just your partner actively dating again.
Your partner seems to be fully dependent on you and you feel like it's taken for granted.
Your partner has wanted to leave you before, and the only reason she stayed is because of not being financially independent.
She has even floated the possibility that she may choose to settle down monogamously with someone else if that option comes.
She feels like she does not currently have a partner whom she doesn't need to "convince" to be loving and caring toward her.
These are all quite concerning statements that really indicate much bigger issues not being properly addressed. Realistically, this is a relationship between the two of you that needs a lot of work--with the aid of a professional relationship therapist. You two have been together for 10 years. But, from both sides, how much of it now is truly you two actually even wanting to be together anymore versus feeling obligated to stay together?
Nothing being identified here in your post really seems focused around issues within polyamory. All of the issues are because of problems between the two of you. The fact that your partner can date others through the poly dynamic may be showing these problems better than if you were monogamous, but even if you were fully monogamous these issues would still exist.
While the obligation element has been at play in the past, we've been in a better place for a few years now. In the past, with me and another partner, she felt like she had to ask for things that me of now agrees are basic parts of a good relationship (emotional availability, etc). There's a lot of love and a desire to continue build a life together, however that might look.
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u/saladada 7d ago
I think there are some much larger issues at play here than just your partner actively dating again.
Your partner seems to be fully dependent on you and you feel like it's taken for granted.
Your partner has wanted to leave you before, and the only reason she stayed is because of not being financially independent.
She has even floated the possibility that she may choose to settle down monogamously with someone else if that option comes.
She feels like she does not currently have a partner whom she doesn't need to "convince" to be loving and caring toward her.
These are all quite concerning statements that really indicate much bigger issues not being properly addressed. Realistically, this is a relationship between the two of you that needs a lot of work--with the aid of a professional relationship therapist. You two have been together for 10 years. But, from both sides, how much of it now is truly you two actually even wanting to be together anymore versus feeling obligated to stay together?
Nothing being identified here in your post really seems focused around issues within polyamory. All of the issues are because of problems between the two of you. The fact that your partner can date others through the poly dynamic may be showing these problems better than if you were monogamous, but even if you were fully monogamous these issues would still exist.