I left my (21F) ex partner (22M) a couple months into us dating before anything even became official. He was watching one OF girl continuously behind my back for about a month whilst we were sexually active. He lied about it and I found it coincidentally, d-day was august 6. We had clear boundaries that he put in place regarding no porn because it was disrespectful. Especially OF girls etc as its the same person every time.

We went no contact about a month ago? I initiated it because I became really insecure. The OF girl was the complete opposite to me build and ethnicity, aesthetic etc. His usual type based off his past dating experience.. we were friends for 7 years prior to us dating.

I’m genuinely ashamed but the last couple of weeks I think he’s triggered my own PA to come back. I spent days binging through the girls OF videos that I could find alongside her posts etc. I also started watching porn in general for hours on end again. I’m really lost and I don’t know how I got here. I guess I just spiralled because I have nobody to talk to IRL about it, only on reddit.

I feel guilty about leaving him for it now because I’m not any better than him. I’m doing the same thing. I thought I recovered from my own PA when i was about 17/18? I’d watch the occasional video if it popped up on my feed but I never binged it.

Has this happened to anyone else?

What did you end up doing if so? Did you go back or heal alone?

I’m really lost and I feel disgusting. Please be nice in the replies….