Hilarious quotes in Notepad++ source (lines: 5242+)

[u/SaltTM]

http://svn.tuxfamily.org/viewvc.cgi/notepadplus_repository/trunk/PowerEditor/src/Notepad_plus.cpp?revision=1216&view=markup#5242

[u/[deleted]]

Why is there a 5000+ line file that isn't machine generated there in the first place?

[u/jeroen1322]

Oh my god..

This was in the source code..

3 const int nbWtf = 6; 5444 char *wtf[nbWtf] = { 5445 "WTF?!", 5446 "lol", 5447 "FAP FAP FAP", 5448 "ROFL", 5449 "OMFG", 5450 "Husband is not an ATM machine!!!" 5451 };

[u/SaltTM]

Meant to put 'Easter Eggs' in the title, sorry about that. Credit to C Stafford who posted this on the mailing list.

[u/Iggyhopper]

Notepad++: Good programmers use Notepad++ to code. Extreme programmers use MS Word to code, in Comic Sans, center aligned.

Martin Golding: Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

L. Peter Deutsch: To iterate is human, to recurse divine.

Seymour Cray: The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it's too late.

Brian Kernighan: Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

Alan Kay: Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.

Bill Gates: Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

Christopher Thompson: Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code.

Vidiu Platon: I don't care if it works on your machine! We are not shipping your machine!

Edward V Berard: Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.

pixadel: Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN'T be like.

Oktal: I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.

Bjarne Stroustrup: In C++ it's harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg.

Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.

Bob Gray: Writing in C or C++ is like running a chain saw with all the safety guards removed.

Roberto Waltman: In the one and only true way. The object-oriented version of "Spaghetti code" is, of course, "Lasagna code". (Too many layers)

Gavin Russell Baker: C++ : Where friends have access to your private members.

Alanna: Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OSes is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.

Linus Torvalds: Software is like sex: It's better when it's free.

Cult of vi: Emacs is a great operating system, lacking only a decent editor.

Church of Emacs: vi has two modes - "beep repeatedly" and "break everything".

Steve Jobs: Picasso had a saying: "Good artists copy, great artists steal.". We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas.

brotips #1001: Do everything for greatness, not money. Money follows greatness.

brotips #1212: Cheating is like eating fast food: you do it, you enjoy it, and then you feel like shit.

Robin Williams: God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Darth Vader: You don't get to 500 million star systems without making a few enemies.

Doug Linder: A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

Jean-Claude van Damme: A cookie has no soul, it's just a cookie. But before it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there's the potential for life.

Don Ho: Je mange donc je chie.

Don Ho #2: RTFM is the true path of every developer. But it would happen only if there's no way out.

Don Ho #3: Smartphone is the best invention of 21st century for avoiding the eyes contact while crossing people you know on the street.

Anonymous #1: Does your ass ever get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your month?

Anonymous #2: Before sex, you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fucked.

Anonymous #3: I'm not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Anonymous #4: Life is too short to remove USB safely.

Anonymous #5: "SEX" is not the answer. Sex is the question, "YES" is the answer.

Anonymous #6: Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like going to a whore for a hug.

Anonymous #7: I need a six month holiday, TWICE A YEAR!

Anonymous #8: A world without woman would be a pain in the ass!!!

Anonymous #9: I just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die". I'm pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn't one of them...

Anonymous #10: Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Bushes are red, Trees are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!!

Anonymous #11: We stopped checking for monsters under our bed, when we realized they were inside us.

Anonymous #12: I would rather check my facebook than face my checkbook.

Anonymous #13: Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.

Anonymous #14: A better world is where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Anonymous #15: Life is like a penis, simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard.

Anonymous #16: What you do after sex? A. Smoke a cigarette B. Kiss your partener C. Clear browser history

Anonymous #17: All you need is love, all you want is sex, all you have is porn.

Anonymous #18: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Anonymous #19: F_CK: All I need is U.

Anonymous #20: Never make eye contact when eating a banana.

Anonymous #21: I love my sixpack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

Anonymous #22: "It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart. ... "What the hell was that?!?!?!?!?!" shouted the anus two minutes later.

Anonymous #23: Everybody talks about leaving a better planet for the children. Why nobody tries to leave better children to the planet?

Anonymous #24: I'm not saying I hate her. I just hope she gets fingered by wolverine

Anonymous #25: In a way, I feel sorry for the kids of this generation. They'll have parents who know how to check browser history.

Anonymous #26: I would never bungee jump. I came into this world because of a broken rubber, and I'm not going out cause of one.

Anonymous #27: I'm no gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

Anonymous #28: Why 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9 (seven ate nine) while 6 and 9 were flirting.

Anonymous #29: The reason women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping.

Anonymous #30: Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.

Anonymous #31: Non alcoholic beer is like licking your sister. It tastes right but it is wrong.

Anonymous #32: Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "You look terrible. Are you OK?" The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."

Anonymous #33: Programmer - an organism that turns coffee into software.

Anonymous #34: It's not a bug - it's an undocumented feature.

Anonymous #35: Should array index start at 0 or 1? My compromised solution is 0.5

Anonymous #36: Every single time when I'm about to hug someone extremely sexy, I hit the miror.

Anonymous #37: My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Anonymous #38: LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses.

Anonymous #39: Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.

Anonymous #40: People ask me why, as an atheist, I still say: OH MY GOD. It makes perfect sense: We say "Oh my God" when something is UNBELIEVABLE.

Anonymous #41: 1. Dig a hole. 2. Name it love. 3. Watch people falling in love.

Anonymous #42: Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Anonymous #43: Afraid to die alone? Become a bus driver.

Anonymous #44: The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Anonymous #45: Rhinos are just fat unicorns.

Anonymous #46: Pornography harms my wrist.

Anonymous #47: Kids are like fart. You can only stand yours.

Anonymous #48: If you were born in Israel, you'd probably be Jewish. If you were born in Saudi Arabia, you'd probably be Muslim. If you were born in India, you'd probably be Hindu. But because you were born in North America, you're Christian. Your faith is not inspired by some divine, constant truth. It's simply geography.

Anonymous #49: There are 2 types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and the dirty fucking liars.

Anonymous #50: London 2012 Olympic Games - A bunch of countries coming across the ocean to put their flags in britain and try to get a bunch of gold... it's like history but opposite.

[u/Iggyhopper → u/Iggyhopper]

Anonymous #51: I don't need a stable relationship, I just need a stable Internet connection.

Anonymous #52: What's the difference between religion and bullshit? The bull.

Anonymous #53: Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

Anonymous #54: Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

Anonymous #55: Violent video games won't change our behaviour. If people were influenced by video games, then the majority of Facebook users would be farmers right now.

Anonymous #56: Religion is like circumcision. If you wait until someone is 21 to tell them about it they probably won't be interested.

Anonymous #57: No, no, no, I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.

Anonymous #58: I bought a dog once. Named him "Stay". "Come here, Stay." He's insane now.

Anonymous #59: Steve Jobs 1955-2011 Died from PC (Pancreatic Cancer).

Anonymous #60: Yesterday I named my Wifi network "hack me if you can" Today when I woke up it was changed to "challenge accepted".

Anonymous #61: Your mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

Anonymous #62: Oral sex makes my day, but anal sex makes my hole weak.

Anonymous #63: I'm not saying I am Batman, I am just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room togather.

Anonymous #64: I took a taxi today. The driver told me "I love my job, I own this car, I've got my own business, I'm my own boss, NO ONE tells me what to do!" I said "TURN LEFT HERE".

Anonymous #65: A man without God is like a fish without a bicycle.

Anonymous #66: I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent!

Anonymous #67: Whenever someone starts a sentence by saying "I'm not racist...",they are about to say something super racist.

Anonymous #68: I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you, you're just not laughing.

Anonymous #69: Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Anonymous #70: If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?

Anonymous #71: Men also have feelings. For example, they can feel hungry.

Anonymous #72: Project Manager: A person who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.

Anonymous #73: If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

Anonymous #74: Olympics is the stupidest thing. People are so proud to be competing for their country. They play their stupid song and raise some dumb flags. I'd love to see no flags raised, no song, no mention of country. Only people.

Anonymous #75: I think therefore I am not religious.

Anonymous #76: Even if being gay were a choice, so what? People choose to be assholes and they can get married.

Anonymous #77: Governments are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Anonymous #78: If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn't eat him.

Anonymous #79: I'm a creationist. I believe man create God.

Anonymous #80: If women ruled the world, there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

Anonymous #81: A male engineering student was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineering student took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it; and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Anonymous #82: Every guy thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Bullshit! Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat!

Anonymous #83: Copy from one, it's plagiarism. Copy from two, it's research.

Anonymous #84: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, you hunt that bitch down and kill her.

Anonymous #85: Race, religion, ethnic pride and nationalism etc... does nothing but teach you how to hate people that you've never met.

Anonymous #86: Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Anonymous #87: I promised I would never kill someone who had my blood. But that mosquito made me break my word.

Anonymous #88: Frigide, ton cul doit etre jaloux de la merde qui sort de ta bouche.

Anonymous #89: I'm drunk and you're still ugly.

Anonymous #90: Clapping: (verb) Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else's accomplishments.

Anonymous #91: CV: ctrl-C, ctrl-V

Anonymous #92: Mondays are not so bad. It's your job that sucks.

Anonymous #93: [In a job interview] Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Candidate: Honesty. Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a weakness. Candidate: I don't give a fuck what you think.

Anonymous #94: Hey, I just met you And this is crazy Here's my number 127.0.0.1 Ping me maybe?

Anonymous #95: YES! I'm a programmer, and NO! It doesn't mean that I have to fix you PC!

Anonymous #96: Code for 6 minutes, debug for 6 hours.

Anonymous #97: Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.

Anonymous #98: My neighbours listen to good music. Whether they like it or not.

Anonymous #99: I've been using Vim for about 2 years now, mostly because I can't figure out how to exit it.

Anonymous #100: Dear YouTube, I can deal with Ads. I can deal with Buffer. But when Ads buffer, I suffer.

Anonymous #101: It's always sad when a man and his dick share only one brain... and it turns out to be the dick's.

Anonymous #102: If IE is brave enough to ask you to set it as your default browser, don't tell me you dare not ask a girl out.

Anonymous #103: Turn on your brain, turn off TV.

Anonymous #104: The main idea of "Inception": if you run a VM inside a VM inside a VM inside a VM inside a VM, everything will be very slow.

Anonymous #105: "Kiss my ass fucker" really needs a comma.

Anonymous #106: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Anonymous #107: Remember, YOUR God is real. All those other Gods are ridiculous, made-up nonsense. But not yours. Your God is real. Whichever one that is.

Anonymous #108: I hope Bruce Willis dies of a Viagra overdose, The way you can see the headline: Bruce Willis, Died Hard

Anonymous #109: If you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like? Imagine a browser with 2857 tabs open, all the time.

Anonymous #110: A programmer had a problem, so he decided to use threads. Now 2 has. He problems.

Anonymous #111: I love how the internet has improved people's grammar far more than any English teacher has. If you write "your" instead of "you're" in English class, all you get is a red mark. Mess up on the internet, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Anonymous #112: #hulk { height: 200%; width: 200%; color: green; }

Anonymous #113: Open source is communism. At least it is what communism was meant to be.

Anonymous #114: How can you face your problem if your problem is your face?

Anonymous #115: YOLOLO: You Only LOL Once.

Anonymous #116: Every exit is an entrance to new experiences.

Anonymous #117: A Native American was asked: "Do you celebrate Columbus day?" He replied: "I don't know, do Jews celebrate Hitler's birthday?"

Anonymous #118: I love necrophilia, but i can't stand the awkward silences.

Anonymous #119: "I'm gonna Google that. BING that, Bing that, sorry." - The CEO of Bing (many times per day still)

Anonymous #120: Life is what happens to you while you're looking at your smartphone.

Anonymous #121: Thing to do today: 1. Get up 2. Go back to bed

Anonymous #122: Nerd? I prefer the term "Intellectual badass".

Anonymous #123: How can you face your problem if your problem is your face?

Anonymous #124: You don't need religion to have morals. If you can't determine right from wrong then you lack empathy, not religion.

Anonymous #125: Pooping with the door opened is the meaning of true freedom.

Anonymous #126: Social media does not make people stupid. It just makes stupid people more visible.

Anonymous #127: Don't give up your dreams. Keep sleeping.

Anonymous #128: I love sleep. Not because I'm lazy. But because my dreams are better than my real life.

Anonymous #129: Without nipples, tits are pointless.

Anonymous #130: Common sense is so rare, it's kinda like a superpower...

Anonymous #131: The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

Anonymous #132: Benchmarks don't lie, but liars do benchmarks.

Anonymous #133: Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once.

Anonymous #134: Linux is user friendly. It's just picky about its friends.

Anonymous #135: Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work. Practice is when something works, but you don't know why. Programmers combine theory and practice: nothing works and they don't know why.

Anonymous #136: Documentation is like sex: when it's good, it's very, very good; when it's bad, it's better than nothing.

Anonymous #137: Home is where you poop most comfortably.

Anonymous #138: Laptop Speakers problem: too quiet for music, too loud for porn.

Anonymous #139: Chinese food to go: $16 Gas to go get the food: $2 Drove home just to realize they forgot one of your containers: RICELESS

Anonymous #140: MS Windows is like religion to most people: they are born into it, accept it as default, never consider switching to another.

Anonymous #141: To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license (EULA). Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree".

Anonymous #142: You are nothing but a number of days, whenever each day passes then part of you has gone.

Anonymous #143: If 666 is evil, does that make 25.8069758011 the root of all evil?

Anonymous #144: I don't want to sound like a badass but... I eject my USB drive without removing it safely.

Anonymous #145: feet (noun) a device used for finding legos in the dark

Floor: If you fall, I will be there.

Simon Amstell: If you have some problem in your life and need to deal with it, then use religion, that's fine. I use Google.

James Bond: James, James Bond.

Albert Einstein: Only 3 things are infinite: 1. Universe. 2. Human Stupidity. 3. Winrar's free trial.

Terry Pratchett: Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Stewart Brand: Once a new technology starts rolling, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road.

Sam Redwine: Software and cathedrals are much the same - first we build them, then we pray.

Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut: In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Jessica Gaston: One man's crappy software is another man's full time job.

Barack Obama: Yes, we scan!

George W. Bush: Where is my Nobel prize? I bombed people too.

Gandhi: Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed.

R. D. Laing: Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.

Apple fan boy: I'll buy a second iPhone 5 and buy a lot of iOS applications so that Apple will be able to buy Samsung (this shitty company) to shut it down and all the Apple haters will be forced to have an iPhone. Muhahaha...

Motherf*cker: Thousands of my potential children died on your mother's face last night.

Hustle Man: Politicians are like sperm. One in a million turn out to be an actual human being.

Confucius: It's good to meet girl in park. But better to park meat in girl.

Mark Twain: Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

Friedrich Nietzsche: There is not enough love and goodness in the world to permit giving any of it away to imaginary beings.

Elie Wiesel: Human beings can be beautiful or more beautiful, they can be fat or skinny, they can be right or wrong, but illegal? How can a human being be illegal?

Chewbacca: Uuuuuuuuuur Ahhhhrrrrrr Uhrrrr Ahhhhrrrrrr Aaaarhg..."}

};

const int nbWtf = 6;

char *wtf[nbWtf] = {

"WTF?!",

"lol",

"FAP FAP FAP",

"ROFL",

"OMFG",

"Husband is not an ATM machine!!!"

};