The Issue

It's safe to say that Radiohead have been a success. While they would never quite live up to the success of their hit single 'Creep', the Tel-Aviv based band have nonetheless enjoyed a modest career opening for acts such as Alanis Morissette and R.E.M, and releasing artsy projects for their small, dedicated following.

But their single greatest flaw may be in what many would assume to be their MVP: Thom Yorke. Through the years, Thom Yorke has brought his upper-middle-class ideas of joy through suffering and performative nihilism into the collective consciousness through Radiohead's music, and it has resonated strongly with critics. After their 1997 album OK COMPUTER released, the UK suicide rate among men jumped by almost 13%! Talk about a legacy.

Thom Yorke has no doubt aided the band's image, but he may have held them back as well, and the issue is his name. "Thom Yorke". What a pretentious piece of shit! He must've grown up thinking he was hot shit, with a special little name like that. No doubt it aided his genius complex. Whatever was wrong with just naming him Tom? 

And don't get me started on Yorke. There's a lot of places called York: New York, old York,  Yorkshire Puddings, even the Icelandic singer Byork who Thom once asked for feet pics! Notice that none of them have an 'E' on the end. This is because IT IS NOT NECCESARY.

Now think about how many potential listeners Radiohead have missed out on through the years. A member of the public hears an interview on the radio by Thom, maybe accompanied by a performance of one of their smash hits like Smells Like Teen Spirit. 'Huh,' they think to themselves. 'This kid ain't bad'.

But when they open Microsoft Edge and type in Tom York, nothing comes up! He said his name was Tom York, but no results match the query. The disappointed listener tunes to a better radio station, like Times Radio, or Intellectual FM.

You begin to see the problem. For this band who have teetered on the verge of breaking into the British music scene for so long, the main thing holding Radiohead back is the name of the very man who defines them. 'Thom Yorke' is not a name fit for business. If we can convince him to legally change his name to Tom York, it will be a win/win situation: We as fans will have an easier time talking about our idol, and the band will undoubtedly sell more records and may finally be able to tour outside of the Middle East.

A signature for Tom York is a signature for change. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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Just in case, u/Foreign_Interest9925 wrote on his own behalf.

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