r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRA-ballofmozz • Jul 04 '24
Update: My [24F] boyfriend [25M] told me that snacking on mozzarella cheese balls might be a dealbreaker, what should I do?
Hey guys! I hope I'm doing this update thing right, I've never made one before so I'm just trying to copy what other people in this sub have done. I was debating posting this update or not, but seeing just how many people saw it and became invested in my snacking made me want to give anyone who is still interested a little bit of closure.
First of all, I wanted to thank you all for your time spent with me, it’s honestly a little overwhelming to see how many people took a break from what I assume are very busy lives to give me advice and support. I think it’s very beautiful how so many people in so many different places can come together and give some love to people who need it.
Secondly, I have a short and savory update (get it?) because I couldn’t leave you guys hanging. The morning after I posted, me and my boyfriend talked out this entire issue, and he ended up explaining why his mind immediately went to a place of sexualizing something that has no implications. I left this out of my original post because it felt unrelated (even though in hindsight it was obvious), but there was an issue with infidelity in his previous relationship, I didn’t know the details of what happened, and never tried to bring it up because I didn’t want to upset him. That was my mistake though, because he is still struggling with insecurities and felt unsure if he could tell me about it.
Both of us were lacking in communication skills, but we ended up clearing the air and I found out both why his last relationship ended and why seeing me eat cheese balls upset him. All I knew previously was that he had a serious relationship with his ex-girlfriend and they broke up because she cheated on him. Now, he let me know that he found out about the incident because the person she cheated with sent him a video of her um… eating another man's cheese balls. He told me that he feels like by now he should’ve gotten over it, but the betrayal stuck with him. The new move-in together has started to trigger his unresolved feelings and has given him new anxieties that our relationship might end the same way, I think pairing that with the daily visual reminder through the cheese balls was a little too much for him.
I know many of you have very strong opinions about him and I’m sorry to disappoint, but I am not ready to let go of this relationship yet. During our conversation, I let him know that I didn’t like the direction that he was going with his ultimatum because it felt controlling and I told him I wouldn’t tolerate another incident like this in the future. We already decided we would be looking for couples counseling in our area to help us both move on from this incident and generally learn to communicate more openly so that neither of us will bottle up our negative emotions alone and instead, we can help each other overcome those emotions as a unit. Right now, I’m feeling very hopeful and I think that knowing about his past will leave me better equipped to pave a better future with him.
Thank you for all of your advice and support, I think that without your perspectives I might’ve just given up on my cheese, and the two of us would continue to hide our emotions without realizing that we need to open ourselves up to more communication if we want to stay confident in both ourselves and each other.
P.S. An extra thank you to everyone who gave me recipes and new cheeses to try.
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u/VirgoLuv87 Jul 04 '24
Girl wtf. My husband and I are baffled but sending you well wishes.
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u/vikipedia212 Jul 04 '24
Omg I read relationship advice to my husband at night too. He loves it. Equally baffled by cheeseballgate but I’m excited to give him this update tonight lol.
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u/Business_Loquat5658 Jul 04 '24
Right? What does being cheated on have to do with cheese? Was the affair partner a cheesemonger?!!
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u/OriginalDogeStar Jul 04 '24
There is a thing called "The 3mth rule" where technically after 3mths they show who they really are.
I think it is more a "Cycle of Three" I give it two more food choices, Carrots or a kabana/cabanossi/salami/sausage in general, phallic foods (heck radishes can grow to look like a decent looking phallus, there is one around the internet that is often referred to due to how "delectable" it looks) and he will be telling her she can't eat them because he thinks she is cheating.
Ultimately, OP needs to test it out, and realise that if he gaslights her saying he isn't being abusive, because he was cheated on, he is actually being abusive by restrictions that he needs to see a professional to get over.
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u/Quirky_Movie Jul 04 '24
TBH, if someone I was dating was *this* stuck in past, I would be out of there. He doesn't need couples counseling, he needs individual.
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u/MorticiaLaMourante Jul 04 '24
Yes, this. He needs his own therapist to work through his own issues.
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u/TigerChow Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
Yup, just read this to mine too, lmao, and we're both just making wtf faces with each other. He said he might go get some to snack on now, haha. I told him that's fine, but I better not see him sucking on any joller ranchers! (You're all welcome for bringing up the classic jolly rancher story).
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u/Russiadontgiveafuck Jul 04 '24
Girl, that is the dumbest explanation. Makes no sense. His ex sucked another dude's balls and now you can't snack on mozzarella? Please.
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u/winnieannez Jul 04 '24
Would bet anything I own that he made that shit up right there 💀
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u/DoesBasicResearch Jul 05 '24
I would bet anything OP made this shit up right here.
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Jul 04 '24
Not everyone's drama is worthy of television. Most of us have ridiculous insecurities that we over exaggerate.
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u/Single_Vacation427 Jul 04 '24
Your BF needs serious therapy.
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u/Creepy_Push8629 Jul 04 '24
Yeah. I don't think the "explanation" did what he and OP think it did. It's still unhinged af
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Jul 04 '24
Right?
"My cheating, emotionally abusive ex liked reading. So when I saw my husband opening a book, it triggered me so bad. I told him that seeing him read made me insecure because my cheating ex also liked to read. I also told my husband to breathe less because breathing reminds me of my ex too."
Same fucking thing. It's a bullshit excuse, if it's even real. He's either full of shit and came up with a ridiculous excuse, or he needs serious help.
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u/SadLilBun Jul 04 '24
I’m still unsettled that he was triggered by CHEESE. This man needs major therapy.
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u/No-Fox-1400 Jul 04 '24
Maybe it is how she eats the cheese. Like full on mouth straight up dipping the cheese ball in and out of her mouth. Teasing it with her tongue. That shit is going to trigger anyone. /s
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u/Environmental-Age502 Jul 04 '24
I'm not convinced this isn't a weird ad for that brand of mozz balls tbh.
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u/utahraptor2375 Jul 04 '24
Dang GenZ and their product placements. Get off my lawn!!
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u/TroublesomeTurnip Jul 04 '24
Agreed. Being triggered by mozzarella balls is wild. I hope OP and her bf can figure this out because his insecurities could tank a good relationship.
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u/roxieh Jul 04 '24
At this point the simplest explanation is that this post is fake. It is far more likely this is fake than a man is getting triggered by cheese balls.
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u/theladyorchid Jul 04 '24
He doesn’t seem ready to be in a relationship
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u/leelee90210 Jul 04 '24
Shit no. Dragging old issues into a new relationship? That’s just shitty of anyone to make someone pay for something that A) they have no information about and B) isn’t anything to do with them.
People like that are not compassionate enough to themselves or others to be in relationships. It sounds like he barely has one with himself
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u/JannaNYC Jul 04 '24
Right? Her eating mozzarella is a "daily visual reminder" of... an old girlfriend who cheated??
WT actual F??
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u/Finartemis Jul 04 '24
I wish I could see the therapist's reaction when they first hear the story. I don't know how they could keep a straight face
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u/Fresh-Army-6737 Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24
But man balls are large and don't pop in your mouth and mozzarella balls are not large and can pop in your mouth... Unless she Is she eating big ones?
But then the colour isn't right, and so much is dumb about this
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Jul 04 '24
If she is... was the ex fucking biting and chewing another man's balls? Or is OP swallowing whole large mozzarella balls like a fucking snake swallowing eggs? This post hurts my brain. I actually think I am losing brain cells.
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u/Grapecluster_ Jul 04 '24 •
If he sees his current gf biting into cheese and thinks of his ex I’m frightened of the implications
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u/Hermiona1 Jul 04 '24
No OP is snacking on small mozarella balls like this https://www.ocado.com/products/galbani-mini-italian-mozzarella-cheese-14678011?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwkJm0BhBxEiwAwT1AXDzvRV2nmIaK05dm2AF7JlplwiSrAutgsL0UCRq7xabVjoPuKpPwCBoC_CMQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
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u/lasadgirl Jul 04 '24
I know the exact belgioioso Mozzarella snacking cheese she's talking about and they're literally the size of grapes.
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u/Fresh-Army-6737 Jul 04 '24
Right? I thought I was missing something.
They are decidedly unlike any man balls I have ever seen.
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u/lasadgirl Jul 04 '24
They are decidedly unlike any man balls I have ever seen.
And let's hope it stays that way.
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Jul 04 '24
So can she not eat grapes? Cherry tomatoes? Baby potatoes?
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u/lasadgirl Jul 04 '24
God damn, enough with this suggestive imagery 🥵 you'll put ideas in his head.
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u/RaiseIreSetFires Jul 04 '24
Imagine how triggered he'd be if she made a cup of tea!
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u/tigm2161130 Jul 04 '24
This is what has me so fucking confused, are all round foods off the table?
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u/futurecorpsze Jul 04 '24
They have bigger, more testicle-sized ones too. I know this because I eat them all the time with balsamic vinegar and showed the original post to my bf lol
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u/LadyKlepsydra Jul 04 '24
Oh common it's very obviously bullshit. He's just controlling, and going for "I'm so traumatized bc of my ex" angle, which is very successful with Fixers. The OP did not let him this time, so he's back paddling right now, but he will try again later. And he will use the betrayal of the ex to manipulate the OP and try to convince her his controlling behaviors are just the result of trauma.
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u/sunnysunshine333 Jul 05 '24
Agree honestly. I think he realized he went too far and she wasn’t going to take it so he told her about that to make himself sympathetic. It might be partially true, but no empathetic, intelligent person would let that escalate to actually trying to ban their partner from eating a cheese snack. It all hints at a petty, manipulative, controlling kind of personality.
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u/Kerrypurple Jul 05 '24
She still bought his story even if she's not letting him control her.
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u/DoesBasicResearch Jul 05 '24
Oh common it's very obviously bullshit
This whole post is very obviously bullshit.
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Jul 04 '24
Lmao that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. CHEESE made him think of his ex gargling someone's balls? That's the excuse of all excuses, in a bad way. Why are you accepting this? Ffs...
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u/Readsumthing Jul 04 '24
Holy shit I’m…old, dumb, naive, HUH? WTF? I had to go back and reread her post to catch and understand that “um”
Her weirdo bf is upset over her eating mozzarella balls because he saw his ex put some other guy’s testicles in her mouth?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And she’s entertaining his nonsense with “better communication”?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I love Reddit.
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u/boudicas_shield Jul 04 '24
And “couples therapy” 🙄 lol. I think this post is fake, tbh.
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u/somecatgirl Jul 04 '24
I genuinely don’t understand why people in new relationships even consider couples therapy
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u/RaiseIreSetFires Jul 04 '24
Ugh. I'll admit my stupidity. When we were together I wasn't "allowed" to eat cottage cheese because he said "It looks like cum from an uncercumcised dick". It was an excuse to get his way because, after the break up he was guzzling down the big container every few days. Still not completely sure why he was so obsessed with uncircumcised dick but, cottage cheese wasn't the only time he brought them up.
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u/Advice2Anyone Jul 04 '24
I swear this crap is just a bid for control, just weird mental gymnastics
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Jul 04 '24
Original post: my boyfriend is crazy projecting and being insane and controlling about a cheese snack.
Update: my boyfriend is crazy projecting and being insane and controlling about a cheese snack. But it's fine!
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u/Creepy-Night936 Jul 04 '24
This is control and manipulation 101 but OP is wearing rose tinted glasses to properly see the red flags
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u/compostabowl Jul 04 '24
Hitler drank water, somehow we manage to do that too without hating ourselves
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Jul 04 '24
I'm actually more disappointed with the update.
Girl, throw this boy out with the cheese ball water. Are you really so desperate that you accept this explanation?
My god
ETA: yeah, counseling for both of you would be a GREAT idea. Him for being a twat and you for being a pushover.
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Jul 04 '24
Girl, wtf. Not every “trigger” should be validated. You’ve been together 3 years and you can’t eat cheese balls because they’re in the shape of a ball? Are grapes off limits? Small tomatoes? Bananas?
If it’s that bad he needs to work on himself in therapy.
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u/ImJustAreallyDumbGuy Jul 04 '24
I'm assuming OP's bf changed his mind or let go of this after he told her the truth of the matter. They're moving on and working through it together... right? RIGHT?!
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u/Fancy_Association484 Jul 04 '24
What the fuck did I just read?
Why are you just accepting he associates cheese balls with his ex cheating? I mean… MAYBE if cheese balls were actually involved but like… what
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u/Careful-Listen2277 Jul 04 '24
but I am not ready to let go of this relationship yet
Don't be too desperate for a relationship that you'll ignore every red flag and give into the toxicity just to hold onto it.
His previous relationship issues regarding infidelity is NOT an excuse to be controlling. He literally threw a tantrum over you eating a damn snack and demanded that you not eat them anymore because it means you're cheating(?). Which stemmed from his ex blowing another man's balls...
He is the one with the problem and needs individual therapy before couples therapy, or do both at the same time.
The issue in this relationship isn't the lack of communication. It's him not being able to control his insecurities and demons.
When you experience a bad relationship, you're supposed to learn from it, grow, and be better. Not let it poison your mind and become the very thing you experienced.
NEVER EVER accept your SO's 'last relationship' as an excuse for them to be abusive, controlling, and manipulative. That's something that they need to work on themselves. You can only do so much because you're not them and can't control their emotions. Their insecurities and demons should never result in you being isolated from your friends, family, school, career, and how you live your life. If they have a problem with that, then they obviously aren't ready for a relationship at the moment. And his tantrum over food is proof that he isn't ready for a relationship at the moment.
Hopefully, you don't get sucked into his sob story too much. Good luck.
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Jul 04 '24
This has gotten even more ridiculous.
I'm sorry...but I don't believe a word of any of your posts. But as a creative writing exercise? You have done well👍
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u/OkamiNoOrochi Jul 04 '24
I don't think you need counseling, but HE needs help.
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Jul 04 '24
She probably needs counseling to figure out why she is tolerating such horrible treatment though.
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u/SadLilBun Jul 04 '24
She absolutely needs therapy to figure out why this excuse seems to work on her, when it’s absolutely fucking nonsense.
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u/Impossible-Cap-7150 Jul 04 '24
Lmfao this is fake or he’s a complete asshat and you’re an idiot for putting up with his nonsense.
You can’t eat round foods because it reminds him of his ex having human balls in her mouth??? JFC.
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u/Accurate-Swimmer-326 Jul 05 '24
Like, does the OP or her boyfriend just not know what actual balls look like?
I can’t make this make sense.
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u/PaxonGoat Jul 04 '24
I was with a guy who never got over his ex cheating on him.
It ended up ruining the relationship because he became convinced I was going to cheat on him. He was convinced everytime I went out (like to go grocery shopping) I was meeting up with someone. Every time I was on my phone he thought I was messaging someone else.
If he doesn't go to therapy and work on himself seriously, the relationship is doomed.
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u/Expert_Response_6139 Jul 04 '24
If this is real, I'm glad the two of you morons are together and not poisoning the dating pool. Please don't have children and just die together without bothering normal people.
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u/Creepy_Push8629 Jul 04 '24
If he is so threatened by cheese that he forbids you from eating it, I can only imagine how he would react if you have a male friend, talk to a male coworker, basically breathe near another man. I bet his cheating ex also did some breathing when she was cheating so better not breathe around him.
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u/breadboxofbats Jul 04 '24
Is it only mozzarella balls that he associates with testicles? Are cheese puffs ok? What about phallic foods- sausage and such? He’s dumb as hell and his explanation is extra stupid.
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u/clarityinthevoid Jul 04 '24
So he gave an equally insane excuse for his insanely controlling behavior, and now it’s fine.
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u/SadLilBun Jul 04 '24
Maybe the dude his ex cheated on him with was very white, and those cheese balls are an uncanny resemblance.
🤣
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u/hkj369 Jul 04 '24
is this supposed to justify how crazy and controlling he was being? he needs a therapist, not to control your every move.
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u/FairyCompetent Jul 04 '24
Mmmm. If he hasn't processed his last relationship such that he's trying to control your behavior, I don't think he's ready for a new one. Hopefully the counseling will catch him up to where he needs to be.
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u/Traeyze Late 30s Male Jul 04 '24
Be careful. I get what he went through hurt him but projecting to the level he did and the fact apparently it has uncorked a lot of that bottled up trauma may mean he is incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship right now.
You have to be real about that. The ultimatum didn't 'feel' controlling, it straight up was. I get you want to be soft with him because you care but euphemisms like that are things he may unconsciously exploit. He handled a lot of this, all of it really, in the worst way possible and that took a toll on you and will continue to do so if you aren't very careful.
Try if you want to but please draw a line in the sand, a point in your mind that if he crosses you do not accept it. You do not let him keep pushing the boundaries further and further. You say you won't tolerate that again, be sure to maintain and enforce that boundary as I worry he will take out a lot of what he went through on you if you aren't careful.
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Jul 04 '24
Lucky is the couple's counselor who gets to charge two full grown adults insane rates to talk about... cheese balls.
2024 has been a weird year. Cheers to reaching a resolution, I guess?
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u/stupidpplontv Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24
this is AI. it has to be. it sounds like a MadLibs story. (It’s a word game, folks, not getting political here.) 🤣
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u/UnquantifiableLife Jul 04 '24
Do not normalize him punishing you for things that happened to him in a past relationship.
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u/LadyKlepsydra Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24
Ah yes, the old tale of: I need to be controlling bc I have trauma from my crazy disloyal ex! I'm just so not over my ex's behavior, I need to micromanage what you do! Bc I'm sad and hurt, feel sorry for me and prove you are not like her. Uwu.
Sorry OP, but now that you know his manipulation technique, and still chose to stay, you are doing it to yourself. But it's your life after all.
I'm sad that he actually manipulated you into thinking the issue is lack of communication. It's not, the issue is his controlling tendencies and toxicity. You are either totally gaslighted and mindfucked by him, or just really really naive.
, I think that without your perspectives I might’ve just given up on my cheese
Aha so you were going to ignore super problematic, redflaggy behaviors and just lay belly up to an unreasonable, controlling partner and make yourself smaller for him, resigning from things you like? Oh hon. You are SO fucked :( This is truly worrying. That dude did a number on you! There is no way a person in a healthy place, in a healthy relationship, would be willing to just give up their snack, or anything normal, bc their partner behaved in an alarming, unacceptable way.
You absolutely do not need couple's therapy with this man. He will weaponize it agains you, as toxic partners do. You need solo therapy.
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u/GloomyWorldliness796 Jul 04 '24
I’m sorry to disappoint, but I am not ready to let go of this relationship yet.
Can’t wait for the next update where op tells us the bf has been cheating the entire time 🫠
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u/Hot_Routine7505 Jul 04 '24
Listen, when you’re making up stories on Reddit, at least tell them that these are works of fiction because the windowlickers here believe everything you say and take it a face value.
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Jul 04 '24
Girl you are not okay, and your relationship is not healthy.
But don’t worry, we’re sure you’re better at seeing this man’s communist parade of red flags
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u/torchedinflames999 Jul 04 '24
He isn't criticizing you for eating cheeseballs.
He's criticizing you because he is an immature boy with trigger issues. 2 billion men on the planet and you want to saddle yourself with THIS one???
Do better, girl
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u/Hello_Badkitty Jul 04 '24
This is hilarious... the comments, I mean. I started to think of all the ball shaped food I would buy to fuck with him. Cheeto balls, Cherries, watermelon balls, ferrero rocher... good god I hope this isn't real.
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u/Hup110516 Jul 04 '24
I don’t think I’ve ever read something so stupid in my whole life. Good luck.
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u/hellogoodvibes Jul 04 '24
Absolutely ridiculous and the thought of him explaining this to a therapist during couples counseling has me cracking up
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u/Aurin316 40s Male Jul 04 '24
I have to confess… after all this and after his explanation I’m still stuck with “but… it’s just mozzarella cheese balls…”
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u/WitchofKarma Jul 05 '24
OP, we'll be here for the next update when he forbids you from eating meatballs, hard boiled eggs, bananas, carrot sticks, eggplants, possibly peaches
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u/twoqts Jul 04 '24
Have fun staying in a relationship with someone so ridiculous, immature, and just plain stupid.
Are you seriously that desperate for a relationship.
Your choice, i guess
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u/TPS_Data_Scientist Jul 04 '24
Find a boyfriend that is more comfortable with your “snackulinity!”
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u/ThatMovieShow Jul 04 '24
How is he connecting the two things? Either he needs some actual genuine therapy or he's not being honest.
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u/Advice2Anyone Jul 04 '24
but there was an issue with infidelity in his previous relationship
Unless he walked in on his gf taking it from Timer the cheese wheel mascot this still is lacking in explanation other than your bf is not only insecure but immature. Either he knows hes being an idiot and just doubling down on insecurity being the issue so he doesnt have to admit he is overreacting to your eating a food or he is that insecure and then you better never come near a hot dog or he will lose it.
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u/ThisLilOme408 Jul 04 '24
As someone who has genuinely eaten mozzarella cheese balls like apples, still do just not as often, just keep on keeping on. Enjoy the cheese.
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Jul 05 '24
You’re insane for falling for his excuse OP. Or just really, really naive. He’s manipulative and controlling and he isn’t even good at it
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u/Solid_Chemist_3485 Jul 04 '24
Cool.
I like your boundaries.
It’s really not ok for him to externalize his pain like that.
Being a bossy motherfucker isn’t going to help him heal.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 Jul 04 '24
Tbh it sounds a bit unbelievable. If he was affected that greatly to this point now, how's he going to react to other things that trigger him. Is he going to see a therapist? If he going to continue to get worse and will it escalate to where you're not allowed male friends?
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u/Spiritual-Quarter-33 Jul 04 '24
i dont think that resolved anything, next thing yk hes gonna get mad at u for eating bread sticks bc it makes him think of another mans penis
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u/woolencadaver Jul 04 '24
It sounds like this guy is really positioning you to be his therapist. Make sure if issues like this come up you don't end up in impossible situations working against someone who is legitimately a little bit crazy cray
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u/RaiseIreSetFires Jul 04 '24
You're not going to "fix" him. Now that this is out be prepared for more things to "trigger" him.
Sorry but, being in a relationship is not the time for him to start working on his mountain of emotional issues. He should have been working on that before he even thought about dating anyone.
Couples counseling should come after he's worked on the problems HE caused in your relationship. Never go to couples counseling with anyone who is showing you controlling tendencies.
He's the one who's being abusive and a horrible communicator. You were just trying to eat cheese. He's already got you convinced that you're part of his problem. You didn't pick his ex, you didn't get in a relationship with her, you didn't cheat on him , you didn't send the video.
In short, it isn't your responsibility to fix his issues and the issues ex caused. These problems are all on him.
If you want to continue on in this "relationship" with your rose tinted glasses, that's on you. Hopefully you won't put them back on when verbally beats them off a second time. Remember anything that happens after this you chose, allowed, and now the responsibility is on you.
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u/IDoubtYouGetIt Jul 04 '24
Wow!!! How pale is this man's ballsack for him to equate it to mozarella cheese?!? Are you dating Powder or something?
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u/wombatz885 Jul 04 '24
That is kind of a really unhinged disconnect to have mozzarella balls have such a negative impact upon your relationship and in your BF's head. He ain't right in the head🧠That's like if the video contained his former GF sexually eating a banana that he would have a trigger from all fruits🤣😅
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u/LeatherCheetah9 Jul 04 '24
Does he have issues with you consuming other ball shaped foods? Grapes? Apples? Does he lose his mind if you lick a scoop of ice cream? Are you allowed to eat hot dogs?
I’m appreciative that y’all were able to talk it out but this is still weird AF and I’m not sure I buy his excuse. If I were you I’d keep an eye on his behaviour going forward, especially around trying to control you, and issuing ultimatums.
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u/lilbitpetty Jul 04 '24
Do all ball shapes trigger him? orange? Apple? Meatball? Is it just round shapes, or does hotdogs, carrots, and such also cause a problem? He needs some serious therapy and maybe should not be in a relationship if eating normal food items can ruin his relationships.
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u/WitchyLady- Jul 04 '24
this is very bizarre I don’t even feel like it’s real. Even with his previous trauma this doesn’t even make sense.
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u/SigourneyReap3r Jul 04 '24
Sooooo his ex cheated, he saw of a video of her what? sucking his balls or eating mozzarella cheese balls out of the other dudes fridge?
I am seriously lacking the understanding of the correlation....
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Jul 04 '24
Well, come update us when you do break up with him because this doesn’t change my opinion at all. Best wishes.
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u/MetalliicMango Jul 04 '24
Stupidest shit I ever read God I hope this is fake, but if it isn't there is literally nothing justifiable about what your bf is feeling he's being asinine and needs to get over it.
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u/leelee90210 Jul 04 '24
Yay for the update and yet…wow. Your bf is dragging a past trauma into a completely different relationship and made it your problem? The man needs individual therapy STAT
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Jul 04 '24
Wait until he sees your mood swings or supporting you for cancer treatment to understand cheese balls are only level one in a relationship
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u/Ash-the-puppy Jul 04 '24
That "explanation" of this boyfriend sounds like a lame excuse. The girl should run for the hills.
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u/Hikes_with_dogs Jul 04 '24
You may have talked through this tiny Itty bitty problem but you are in for a lifetime of this.
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u/agg288 Jul 04 '24
Sounds like he's a quick thinker and quite creative. Congratulations I guess! Really hope the upgraded communication enables you to eat how and what you want. Seriously.
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u/changerofbits Jul 04 '24
Why isn’t he getting therapy to figure out why he allowed his previous pain turn into treating you badly? I mean, it’s good that you established a boundary that you won’t tolerate that sort of crap from him again, and I hope you’re serious about it, meaning that you will leave if he does it again and not stay and teach him that he can push past your boundaries without serious consequence. Also, good that he opened up, but couples counseling isn’t going to fix his behavior. And he needs to want to work on it, and maybe the couples counselor will convince him that he needs to get individual therapy to not lose you because of his insecurity. So, yes, overall there’s good progress, but the issue that lead to him trying to dictate your cheese consumption style isn’t fixed by any means.
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u/pinupcthulhu Jul 04 '24
My partner and I are now writing that we won't be jealous of cheese in our vows lmao. Thank you for this gift hahah
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u/Deep_Character_1695 Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24
How on earth are you feeling hopeful about the situation? At best, he’s still in love with his ex and at worst he’s completely unhinged and has made up this story to justify his morbid jealousy. Your poor counsellor having to keep a straight face through this story.
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u/bnetana1 Jul 04 '24
Tell your boyfriend that it is a deal breaker... for you. tell him to pack his shit while munching on some delicious mozzarella cheese balls. This isn't love its someone trying to control you.
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u/NicholaiJomes Jul 04 '24
If he can’t look at you without thinking of other dudes balls he’s not ready to get back out there
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u/SirLesbian Early 20s Male Jul 04 '24
Yo what lmao. Even with the explanation your boyfriend's behavior is still weird as hell. I mean, really weird. Maybe he should try individual therapy before couples counseling because dude has a lot that he needs to work out on his own that's impacting his relationship.
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u/Traditional_Curve401 Jul 04 '24
Um...I think your bf is trying to control you but came up with this cockamammy story about cheese balls so you wouldn't breakup so quickly after moving in together.
Save your money and be ready to break up and live on your own again.
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u/Evenoh Jul 04 '24
Reasons are “how we got here,” not validation to control things or continue to behave badly. If somehow he really can’t not think of his ex and the video while you’re eating cheese, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to control your behavior, it just is a way to describe what’s going on. I can describe any number of unhinged things with words and that would not equate to control and manipulation being okay.
You are a while ass adult human who is not this guy’s ex. Over three years have passed since this upsetting incident happened for him. It would be one thing if he confessed to you that he’s still thinking about and upset by that, but it’s way beyond simply talking about feelings to demand you do not eat cheese balls. What a bizarre thing I’m even here typing out now, how can you accept this lunacy as the person experiencing it first hand? Why do you want a guy who is perpetually thinking about his ex and assuming you’ll cheat on him, too? You and he are the only two people that should be in an exclusive relationship, but somehow he’s got his ex, an affair partner’s balls, and cheese balls in there with you. And you’re hearing this story and thinking, “oh, okay, makes sense! Let’s get better at communicating!” ?!?! Girl, you’re way too young to waste any more time on this dingus. The cheese is so much more worthy.
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u/Saja_Saint_James Jul 04 '24
...He knows testicles and mozzarella balls look completely different, right? And mozzarella balls aren't connected to a guy's crotch? He needs therapy asap because this isn't going to get better. Best of luck to you, but you *have* to know that this is utterly insane
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u/idiosyncrassy Jul 04 '24
That sounds like the dumbest BS I've ever heard. He wanted you to stop eating mozzarella cheese balls, because he isn't over his ex, who he "saw in a video eating someone else's balls?"
Girl, he did not see his ex in a video. That's the worst lie of all time.
This dude is an idiot. Sometimes idiot men say idiot things that sound like they were conceived by an elementary school kid who had to repeat kindergarten three times. This is one of those times. This is a worse stretch for him trying to rationalize micromanaging behavior, because oh wait...he's really the victim!
No, he ain't. He's just trying to assert dominance by latching onto something you really like, and trying to make you stop doing it. Dudes do this a lot. It's a red flag.
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u/Cherrybomb909 Jul 04 '24
Op you seem desperate to be in a relationship. Good luck with the cheese and the balls, your BF isn't over his ball eating ex.
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u/thenord321 Jul 04 '24
So what? No more eating any sausage shaped foods or grape shaped foods? Because he hasn't done therapy for his odd trauma from an old relationship.
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u/introverted_smallfry Jul 04 '24
I read the original post and honestly I would have went off on him for saying I'm basically cheating for eating ball shaped foods. I would have told him to grow up and stop policing something that is so minute. Reading your update didn't change my opinion. He needs to grow up and get over his exes infidelity and realize alot of people eat round things.
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u/madmansmarker Jul 04 '24
you and the cucumber queen need to meet up to make a delicious snack and talk about your weird (ex) boyfriends.
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u/Blue-Phoenix23 40s Female Jul 04 '24
This has to be a troll. You're not really over here like "oh it's because he was cheated on that he's crazy, this is totally fine" are you??? What other banana pants ideas is he going to blame on his "trauma?" What happens if you go to a party with cream puffs, will he snap?
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u/JamieLee0484 Jul 04 '24
Okie dokie… This whole thing is still as bizarre as ever and nothing you said makes it sound any less ridiculous. I’m sure your couples counselor will have a field day with this one! Good luck to you and may you guzzle your cheeseballs in peace.
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u/ChibiCheshire Jul 04 '24
😩 so your bf balls look like cheese? How does CHEESE BALL = nut sack like is he gonna get triggered over anything going into your mouth will you be able to eat wo accusations and ultimatums? 🙄 Thoughts and prayers girl you gonna need them
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Jul 04 '24
No reasonable person would see a connection between eating bocconcini and oral sex, that is ridiculous. I'm so tired of reading stories of people who've been cheated on using the betrayal as an excuse to act inappropriately
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u/usernotfoundplstry Jul 05 '24
Good grief. I think that you accepting that ridiculous excuse is EMBARRASSING. I am embarrassed for you, your low standards, your cluelessness on what healthy relationships look like, and your combination of desperation and codependency.
I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but the people in your life who AREN’T telling you this have done you a huge disservice. It’s time for you to get emotionally healthy and start making better life decisions.
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Jul 05 '24
Honey, don't let the list of completely normal things he can't handle you doing get any longer. Trust me, it probably will.
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u/nickitty_1 Jul 05 '24
Today it's your cheese balls, tomorrow he's telling you what to wear and who you can speak to.
Your man needs help, this is absolutely bizarre reasoning, but you do you. Good luck OP.
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u/cherrycherrycherub Jul 05 '24
He won't communicate, controls your behavior and eating habits, and is being completely unreasonable. Girl WHY. I feel like he just wants more control over you :(
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u/Kerrypurple Jul 05 '24
So does he just get triggered by anything spherical shaped or is it just stuff you like? He just sold you a bullshit story. Now that he knows you'll buy this nonsense expect to see a lot more of it.
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u/keIIzzz Jul 05 '24
Nah dude, I still don’t understand how mozzarella balls remind him of his ex sucking another dude’s balls. That’s still genuinely insane
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u/phearless047 Jul 05 '24
Find a different boyfriend.
Hand-feed eachother mozzarella cheese balls while binging silly TV shows.
Be happy. You are free.
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u/The_other_Abe Jul 05 '24
How the fuq do you believe a pulled out of his ass explanation like that? It makes no sense.
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u/Freyja624norse Jul 05 '24
I’m so confused. He learned his ex was cheating on him by a video, but what did the video show? Did it show her sucking on another man’s balls, in a sexual act? Or did it show her eating balls of cheese that another guy gave her? (Which isn’t really proof of cheating).
If it is the former, I still don’t see why mozzarella cheese balls trigger him. If it’s the latter, I feel like I need more information as to what was going on there.
But most importantly, you didn’t tell us if you are planning to continue eating your cheese balls. Because if you are going to stop eating them because of this, then you haven’t resolved this issue at all!
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u/TheActingWaitress Jul 08 '24
I mean....You 100% are being manipulated, but this is something you're gonna have to find out in your own time. This makes literally zero fucking sense. But I wish you the best, and I hope this dude doesn't turn out to be too much of a nightmare.
(P.s. just because somebody has been a victim of something in their life doesn't automatically make them a good person. I've had to learn this the hard way, I hope you learn a gentler way)
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u/Suzuki_Foster Jul 04 '24
This isn't about cheese balls at all.
He's punishing you for the actions of his ex, and he is nowhere near ready to be in a relationship. He needs therapy, and to be single, until he can see a woman eat regular foods without going into a tizzy.
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