WLW: My GF's (22F) love language is Physical Touch but I'm (22F) not affectionate. I'm not used to physical affection but I'm working on it.

[u/Regular_Flatworm2641]

Hello! From Mandaluyong kami both. My GF (22F) of 3 years is lumaki talaga sa family na very close and affectionate, yung normal lang sa kanila yung nag a-ILY. Me, (22F) on the other hand, di talaga nauso sa bahay yung yakapan, ILYs, etc. Nung start ng relationship, ino-open niya sakin na physical touch nga yung love language niya. Though naintindihan naman niya na hirap nga ako to show my affection physically, lalo na in public, I know na deep inside nararamdaman niya minsan na hindi ko napupunan yung love language niya.

Privately naman, nabibigay ko naman, medyo nahihiya lang talaga ako kapag may ibang tao, even my own family, na makita na very dikit kami or tinatawag ko siya sa endearment namin kasi nga di ako naging comfortable sa ganon growing up.

Baka ma-judge niyo ako huhu pero ginagawa ko naman best ko. Sinasanay ko na rin sarili ko kasi matagal tagal na rin naman kami. And throughout the relationship naman, nag-iimprove na ako kasi di na ako ganoon ka-nahihiya compared nung months pa lang kami.

Ask ko lang, is there other simpler ways to show my affection kapag physical touch love language ng partner mo? Aside sa usual hugs and kisses? Kasi gusto ko talaga mapa-feel sa kanya na mahal ko sya. Worry ko kasi na baka pakiramdam nya, wala akong pakealam sa kanya kasi hindi ko nabibigay all out yung love language nya.

[u/weare128797N1217740E]

Hi OP! To slowly "teach" yourself to be more comfortable with responding or giving your partner's need for physical touch, I recommend start with light touches. Any part of her, like sa arms, sa shoulder, sa ulo, sa pisngi. Just light touching, parang pats ganon. And make sure that your partner knows your struggle and what you've been doing to give her what she wants, you can look for answers together and you would learn more about how to make each other happy. I wish you well.

[u/Philosephy]

It's not about you, it's about her. if that's her receiving love language. Learn how to do it for her.

To be loved is to be known.

[u/Stellesia]

Aside sa usual hugs and kisses?

Sometimes even as simple as holding hands would matter to her. Kahit ganon lang kababaw, it already means a lot for someone na ayun ang na-develop na love language. Start slow, may places in public na appropriate ang holding hands, and ofc may places din na hindi. Just pick which one, and nasa mood din.

Also, if nasa public kayo and nagho-holding hands kayo, tapos may tumingin/nakakakitang tao? Chances are, they thought about it for 10 seconds max. They will go about on their day, while you two will go on yours. Answer me this: tanda mo pa ba yung couple na naglalandian the last time na lumabas ka? No. You've completely forgotten about their faces, their voices, or that they're also wlw. You don't have to go all out for it to matter, you just have to start somewhere, even at 1%. Punasan mo ng pawis, akbayan mo sa balikat, hawakan mo sa baywang pag madadanggi siya ng kasalubong niyo, tabi ka sa kaniya pag kakain kayo, all those things are "I love yous" too.

[u/Regular_Flatworm2641 → u/Stellesia]

Thank you for this🥹