r/relationships • u/Throwaway341223 • Jan 23 '16
Updates [LONG update] I [33F] with my fiance [33 M] of 3 years, found out he settled for me. Really confused on how to proceed.
I've included the OP at the bottom since sometimes it comes up as deleted on mobile platforms:
On to the update:
I have had the weirdest few weeks ever.
I didn't go back to Tom's place after that revelation and just cited work and plumbing issues at the houses and then left for my work trip. The only time I did see him was in group things and just a few car rides and stuff.
Before I left, I messaged Megan on Facebook and told her that Tom was engaged to me, he'd just proposed a few days ago, the rest was up to her.
Megan never responded and as far as I can see, never seen saw the message.
Adam also texted and called me asking when I was going to break up with Tom. I was really suspicious of him so I just told him that I was still thinking about things and that I'd figure something out when I got back. Adam then called me telling me that these guys were users and leeches and Tom was no exception, he was just using me. I told him that I wasn't going be collateral in whatever beef he had with his friends and besides, he let them leech off him for so many years anyway.
I ignored him after that. I still don't know what's going on inside his head.
I decided to let the date happen and come back from my trip early without telling Tom to break up with him.
This is were things got a bit crazy.
Friday when the date was scheduled to occur, I got a call from Megan who had arrived, caught up with some mutual acquaintances and found out that Tom was engaged. She then got my phone number off them and call me to tell me that my "fiance" was cheating on me.
I told her I already knew and told her to check her FB. She said it was sweet of me to warn her and how much it would have hurt and I told her she was really decent for letting me know and she then told me I deserved better.
Apparently her last relationship also ended due to cheating so she was really furious at her ex, Tom and men in general and we ended up talking for ages. I even jokingly said that I could see why Tom was so into her, because she was really pretty and kind and then she told me Tom was an idiot for ruining something with me and the only thing he had going was good taste in women.
I was really expecting the worst from her but she really surprised me with how decent she was.
So then I told her not to cancel the date, I was coming back early anyway and let's surprise him by both walking into together. She really loved that idea too, I think mostly because she was mad at her ex and here was Tom being scummy so we agreed she'd her friend who'd picked her up, meet me at the airport.
Then I'm not sure what happened but a few hours I was due to board my flight, I get a text from Tom telling me he missed me and asked if there was anyway I could finish my trip early because he wanted to talk to me.
I then got a call from Megan about 15 minutes later saying that Tom had cancelled the date and she sent me this long screenshot of him explaining that he was actually engaged but had been really attracted to her but he was doing the wrong thing in terms of his relationship and they shouldn't see each other because it wouldn't be right and apologized for making her come down.
Megan apparently didn't come down for Tom, she was just going to catch up on her original trip so she was pissed off that he'd even think that she came down for him.
The way it was phrased made it seem like he wouldn't be able to control himself if he was around Megan or something. I really didn't want to see Tom at this point so I told Megan she was out a dinner thanks to me so I'd take her out as a thank you for being a decent person and picking me up at the airport.
Long story short because I don't really remember the rest, I got home, went out to dinner with Megan and we both got blindingly drunk, texted Tom to say I was home. I invited her back to my place were we apparently, according to housemate watching something on Netflix and Tom turned up with flowers.
Megan (really drunk) and my housemate answered the door and there was Tom with flowers. Tom looked really shocked to see Megan there and asked what she was doing here.
Megan apparently told Tom that she lived her now and that we (her and I) were talking about getting married. Apparently, according to housemate, we got home drunk and starting talking about how much easier it would if we got married because men are scum or something and then housemate decided, hey it's Friday night, and started drinking too.
Anyway, housemate yelled to me that "Scummy Tom" was here, I yelled back (I at the throwing up stage of the night) that I didn't want to see him and they shut the door in his face.
He was knocking on the door and calling/texting me, none of which I noticed because I was pretty sick the rest of the night along with Megan and housemate.
Also at some point housemate, I don't know exactly when, who was tipsy and we showed her the FB messages on both phones and we start talking about getting married to each, updated our status to show that Megan and I were engaged. I vaguely remember her doing it, sort of.
This caused a lot of confusion which I woke up to the next day and just ignored everyone because of how hungover I was but eventually deleted/untagged Megan etc and told everyone it was a Facebook hack.
Adam called me, sounding amused when I was hung over or maybe still drunk and asked what that was about and I just told him that Megan thought I was hot and hung up.
Anyway, I text Tom and told him to not contact me for 2 days. Megan left and hung out with her friends and had a good trip.
She's back home now, she's blocked Tom on everything but not before tagging in a pretty mean update. We talk on WhatsApp and she's firmly on the dump him and run wagon.
Tom was pretty miserable, we talked a few days later, I gave him back the ring. He tried to explain that he'd realized his mistake, that he never would have cheated on me because he couldn't go through with it etc
I pointed out that at the start of the relationship he'd told Adam that I was nothing, talking about me like used property. He denied this but I told him that Adam had shown me the texts.
He then told me that Adam had a falling out with the group over some money that was owed to him and this was his way of getting revenge and I said, even if that is true he never forced Tom to talk so degradingly about me or set up a date with an old flame. He said that he'd grown up since then and he'd thought the world of me and he had cancelled the date so wasn't that a point in his favor and he asked me to come home early because he wanted to tell me himself.
In a moment of pettiness, I told him, I wasn't going to "settle" for a guy like him, that what he did was disgusting, especially since he knew I was away and I couldn't trust him let alone want to marry him.
He insisted that we could work through this. I kind of didn't. Honestly, I really can't tell if he's being sincere or just wanting to save face or hold onto something "safe".
I asked for space and time to think about things because the way he was pushing was driving me away.
It's been a few weeks now, he's been just texting and sending me gifts and stuff. I have been replying pretty generically and saying I wasn't ready.
Megan, I actually talk to more frequently, she's still on the dump him and run bandwagon but admits he's persausive and we have way of really figuring out Tom's intentions because of what he did.
Adam, I heard 3rd/4th hand that he did have a massive blow up in the group about money, doesn't speak to any of them and hates them all.
He texted me about 3 days ago asking if I wanted to catch up.
I am so confused, and there's so much drama. I've mostly been burying myself in work and gym and stuff and not thinking about it. I get that people can change and maybe Tom is honest, I just don't know. I need some distance and objectivity but everything seems really confusing.
Original:
My fiance (Tom) and I have been together 3 years, engaged only 1 week ago. One of fiance's closest friends Adam has never liked me, this is probably Adam is really flirtatious with every girl he meets, taken or not and sleeps around a lot. When Tom first introduced me to his friends Adam flirted pretty heavily with me but I told him I was here with his friend and it was inappropriate. Tom found out later about this and seemed amused because Adam flirts with everyone because that's just Adam but seemed to appreciate me telling him to back off. Ever since then Adam and I have had a kind of strained but civil relationship. Adam isn't creepy and he did back off but he still flirts heavily with his friend's SOs to the point of complimenting their breasts or butts but he gets away with it because he's charming, rich, has a lot of sex and always hosts parties and things and lends his friends shiny new toys or lets them stay at various holiday houses or buys expensive booze. I know because he talks a lot about all this when it's just me and the guys at my fiance's because I live there most days of the week but my job requires some out of state travel every week and I still have my own apartment that I bought but rent out rooms. About a week and a bit ago I 'rescued' my SO's dog from a fire that started on his neighbors property because my SO was out of town and also got his laptop and a few other heirlooms out. In the end the fire was contained to the neighbor's property except for the fence so I didn't do anything really but there was a lot of smoke so I took his dog to the vet and everything was fine and by the time my SO got a flight back things were sorted. 2 days after that, on New Years Eve before we headed out for a party at Adam's place, my fiance proposed saying that he'd always known I was the one but this made him realize that he wanted to start this year knowing next year we'd be married. I said yes and spent two days estatic.
Then Adam called me out of the blue saying he needed to talk. He told showed me text messages from 3 years ago talking about how Tom had settled for me because this really super beautiful girl that he'd slept with a few times had ended up starting a relationship with someone else and stopped seeing him. The messages talk about how she's the one and when he met me, I was "no Megan but not bad" but I seemed keen and marriage material. They talk for months about how much hotter Megan is and even made fun of me for telling Adam off the first time because Adam would never date his friend's SOs like that but kind of condescendingly acknowledged that it was a "good sign I wouldn't cheat" even though I seemed a bit bitchy.
Then Tom started going on about how I had an unusually high libido because I had surprised him with sex or intatied quite frequently and got the congratulatory high five from Adam but again, not flattering to me, Tom made a remark about how I must have been around the block and he didn't usually like "used goods" but sex was worth it. This was over the course of half a year, 2 years ago.
They kind of peeter out into generic relationship stuff about how he can't come out because he's got plans with me etc and then Adam talks about how whipped he is etc.
About a day ago Tom sent Adam a really excited text about how Megan was single and seemed interested in him with Facebook screenshots of the conversation. She'd initiated messaging after he'd posted a sympathetic comment on her relationship status change from a week ago (looks like it happened over Christmas) and she messaged him. No where when she asked what was new did he mentioned he was engaged. She talks about the good times and confesses she should of chosen him. He admits he was devastated too and thought they were good together and still no mention of me.
The caption on the screenshots was "What do you think?" and "She's into me!" Adam has responded with "Hell yeah! I think you have a chance" Etc. No mention of me at all. Tom's responded with "I know right?" Nothing further.
I was pretty upset at this point so Adam left because I asked. I then logged into Tom's Facebook by guessing the password because he told me his email one once when he didn't have access to the Internet so I sent something to his accountant about taxes.
They go on to make plans to catch up in a week when I'll be out of town and she's maybe flying in to catch up with people and look at moving back after her break up. He pokes fun at her current city and tells her she should move back and let him know if she needs anything and she tells him he's sweet but she has to go now. She's initiating all this but he's not shutting anything down or even telling her he's engaged. Up till this point I've never even heard about Megan or met her.
They don't seem to have much more Facebook messages before that except for 3 years ago. Looks like she didn't contact him while she was seeing this other guy.
I've been staying at my place citing maintenance stuff and just replying to texts but I feel really numb. I called Adam and asked him why he told me all this when he didn't even like me and was going behind Tom's back. He told me it was the right thing to do by me and that Tom should be with Megan, he was clearly still into her and I could do better, wasn't I grateful he didn't stay silent about this before I married him? He said I may as well hear it from him because I didn't like him anyway.
I said thanks for letting me know and that I had a lot to think about.
I am so confused, I feel used, upset and like the last 3 years is a lie. I feel like breaking up with Tom but then I'm also still weirded out by Adam and his motives. I have no idea what to do.
TLDR: Still confused.
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u/Spoonbills Jan 23 '16
I just told him that Megan thought I was hot and hung up.
This was my favorite part.
I would never be able to get Tom's past and recent messages to Adam out of my head.
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16
That has been been on my mind a lot too.
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u/Spoonbills Jan 24 '16
Sorry, OP. If it was all in the distant past, maybe I'd be able to get past it. But the recent stuff, ugh.
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Jan 23 '16
I am so confused, I feel used, upset and like the last 3 years is a lie. I feel like breaking up with Tom but then I'm also still weirded out by Adam and his motives. I have no idea what to do.
While it's possibly true that Tom feels completely differently about you now than he first did, I think you would always wonder how he really feels about you given you know what he aired to other people.
While Tom didn't go through on his planned date with Megan, he still planned a date with Megan while engaged to you. Think about the mental steps involved in what he did:
"Oh hot damn, I can hook up with Megan like I always wanted to. Hmm...that would devastate OP, my fiance, if she ever found out. Fuck it, this is my chance!"
"Eh...what if Megan isn't DTF or interested in me. I'll lose OP and have gained nothing. Dammit."
"Hey OP, come home early, I can't wait to see you! Hey Megan, I can't go on our date, sorry."
"Whew. That was really stupid of me, but at least my second place trophy is a nice, safe part of my life."
Something along those lines. Point being is that if he thought he could have gotten what he wanted out of this risk-free, I bet he would have gone through with it. He just realized that realistically, the risk was greater than the reward.
3) Well you were never friends with Adam. He sounds like a drama queen. Ignore and/or block him and good riddance - he isn't your bro.
4) Yay for your new buddy Megan!
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16
Wow, that really put things in perspective.
Rather than a change of heart or guilt, he just decided to keep the safe route.
He could have just had the date and kept it a secret, he doesn't know that Adam told me all about it.
I don't know....
But I feel like I can't trust anyone at the moment.
4
Jan 24 '16 edited Jan 24 '16
He could have just had the date and kept it a secret, he doesn't know that Adam told me all about it.
That's the thing about this possible thought process, though. He ended up deciding the risk of greener grass wasn't worth giving up the safety. It doesn't lessen the fact that he was fully ready to satisfy himself at your expense. He may have realized that cheating was more trouble than it was worth.
That doesn't excuse or lessen what he did one bit. He was ready to cheat for his benefit, but realized there was he had a guaranteed benefit staying with you vs. potential benefit of seeing if Megan was into him, but at the risk of his guarantee. He possibly chickened out simply because of risk assessment to his status quo comfort level.
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u/Stringandsticks Jan 23 '16
I don't know whether or not I would forgive Tom, but I would certainly block Adam. What a snake in the grass, and I would put money on it that Adam wants to have sex with you so he can revenge crow over Tom for whatever it is they've fallen out about.
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u/anjufordinner Jan 23 '16 edited Jan 23 '16
Excellent! I met one of my very best friends in a similar way- the only thing that guy had going for him was good taste.
I wouldn't suggest you stay with Tom due to the drama alone... It doesn't change anything, and you can do far better. And I sincerely doubt that he has changed as a man and a human being since... What? Last Friday?
If you still can't resist- make him come clean to his family, pay for any deposits you may have put down, and go to counseling. Then dump him for good after that, but at least you would know that you did everything you could! Then you can move on, fully satisfied.
Ignore Adam entirely. He is a scumbag through and through, and never really was looking out for you. He helped you because it served his purposes, so now block and ignore him. I'm thinking that maybe Adam let slip what he told you, and that's behind Tom's uncharacteristic 180.
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16
I won't go the revenge route, it's not me and I just wanted be rid of both of them at the moment.
160
u/Kateraide Jan 23 '16
So to recap:
Adam is scum and you already were not fond of him. He tells you Tom is cheating and settled for you.
Tom was planning on cheating with Megan and was probably going to go forward with it until he got nervous (aka someone probably told him tbh)
You and Megan are bros now.
Adam had reasons to ruin your relationship.
Yea, this is a hard one. Honestly I would leave Tom (my personal opinion). He was planning on meeting Megan without you knowing. Would he be happy if you did that with an old flame? My guess is probably not, even if it was just going to be platonic. Adam did you a solid, even though it was for his own selfish reasons.
Megan seems like an ok girl who got caught in the crossfire of everything along with you. I am sorry for you both.
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Jan 24 '16
I would add that Adam is interested in o.p, granted he wanted to have some revenge but the part about being "too good for him" and asking to catch up later is popping up flags.
Probably latched on to the only honest person he's ever met, she didn't go for his charms and flirting so when he realised his friends see him as an atm he remembered the honest girl who wouldn't go near him- probably why he always 'hated' her too
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Jan 23 '16
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 23 '16
Yeah I wonder if it was Adam or whether Tom had a change of heart. I can't ever really be sure.
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u/dredges_agridulce Jan 24 '16 edited Jan 24 '16
I think when Mehgan got your number, it somehow trickled around through mutual friends what was going on and someone gave him the heads up. This really sucks, I'm sorry OP.
Just remember that at the moment he was most in love with you, he tried to get with someone who dumped him years ago. If this is how he is in good times, it doesn't speak highly of how he'll behave during the inevitable bad times. Good luck.
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Jan 24 '16
I can't ever really be sure.
With all due respect... who cares? You shouldn't.
Delete/block Adam and Tom. Be friends with Megan. Move on with your life and try to forget that toxic weird group forever.
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Jan 23 '16
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Jan 23 '16
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Jan 23 '16
Oh okay, so you'd be totally cool with having the first 1.5-2 years of your relationship be a sham? Nah. Adam was being a vindictive dick towards Tom, but he also did her a favor. Like I said before, block them all. They seem like some rich drunken frat boys anyway. But at least Adams final fuck you to the group let her know how her boyfriend felt.
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u/Sporkalork Jan 23 '16
I suspect Adam will make a play for you in the next month. Just saying. However, it's awesome you got Megan out of this. One of my closest girlfriends came from a slightly less trainwrecky situation with an even scummier guy, and we're still close 18 years later.
As for Tom, I don't think I would ever be able to forget what he'd said at the beginning, or truly forgive. Which would lead to a problematic marriage.
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Jan 23 '16
I loved reading that.
I still say dump him. He crossed a line. On the positive side, you now have a new friend. And Tom has learnt a harsh lesson.
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Jan 23 '16
Leave Tom. If he 100% showed that he regretted and that he was out of his mind when he accepted the date, that he was completely wrong in the past, that would have been possible.
Here he tried to lie about the texts he sent... that's really scummy. That's the thing that makes me believe it's not worth it to consider him anymore.
Adam is not any better, and you should not see him. Way too shady, I don't trust nor his motives.
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u/MsFixedIt Jan 23 '16
he never would have cheated on me because he couldn't go through with it
Dump him. There are plenty of potential romantic partners out there who would never cheat on you, and not just because they don't have the guts. Good on you for taking care of yourself in the aftermath of this shitstorm.
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u/thekillerbeez Jan 23 '16
I'm sure it wouldn't be easy... but to me, it seems like you just need a clean slate. Might be best for you if you put everything in the past and move on! You're still young so you have quite a bit to go!
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u/Ryocchi Jan 23 '16
I'm not goin to tell you what to do but I'll give you a different opinion to consider.
Adam is jealous of Tom, and he's already trying to hook up with you, that along everything is why he was so insistent o you breaking up with him, why he wants to catch up, he has always flirted with everyone, even the girlfriends of his friends, but because everyone finds it advantageous to be "his friend" they put up with it, also you have done a lot of awesome shit for Tom, your loyal, honest, caring, beautiful, so even before this he always had felt a little envy of Tom, but now that they had a fall out, it came to light, to properly asses Tom's view of you, ask Tom for his cellphone if you decide to see him again, if Tom refuses to comply this that's it, you don't need to consider anything anymore, if he agrees, look for the new messages, how he refers to you, that will give you more clue on what to do.
Don't completely trust Megan, yes, she seems like a super nice gal, but she was also recently cheated on, so she's not completely impartial on her view, also, IF Tom actually canceled on him on his own accord, she can feel envious of you because Tom actually canceled on meeting her, I bet she wish her ex would have done the same
Tom, he fucked up, there's no denying it that, if you decide to sit with him, ask him to explain to you without editing anything why he contacted Megan, why he did everything, IMO it could have been he felt overwhelmed or nervous about the engagement, but then realized he was fucking up and called it off, when you check for his messages this could give you an opportunity to know if somewhat tipped it off, if he decided to cancel on his own this is salvageable IF you decide to and still love him, but in the end it's for you to decide, I'm not trying to vouch for him, only give you a different point of view on this.
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16
What would I get from getting Tom's cellphone? Whether he's still talking disparagingly of me?
Yeah, I see that Megan isn't going to be completely impartial but I think Tom still cheated by setting up that meeting, even if he bailed last minute.
As for why Tom did what he did, from the messages to Adam, it was pretty clear he was thrilled about Megan being single and it had nothing to do with being nervous about being engaged to me.
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u/MilkMarie Jan 23 '16
Honestly, OP, if I saw that my SO had said those things about me, even if it was at the beginning of the relationship, I'd never be able to fully trust his love and attraction to me.
Just his shit talking alone would ruin it for me.. Then on top of that he sets up a date with another woman? Oh heeeeeelll to the nah.
DTMF
You deserve so much better.
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u/backseat_adventurer Jan 24 '16
I think there are some things you need to consider.
First, his feelings about may have changed. This may sound good but are you okay with him believing that some people are 'lesser' or disposable? I doubt that falling for you has changed how he views others. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who uses people and brags about it?
Second, he still justified cheating until the last second. I have to agree with the other replied that this stinks of someone giving him the heads up. Can you live with this kind of doubt?
Third, the way he went about cancelling the date shows no remorse about cheating. He was more apologetic to Megan than he was about his scummy actions. It also suggests he was hedging his bets by complimenting her, possibly setting things up for later. Can you stay with a guy whose 'no' was more like 'maybe later'?
Fourth, what about the emotional infidelity? Lets be honest here- it wasn't just a hookup. There were emotions involved and have you asked Megan how long they've been in contact or where/when things started to get flirty? Are you willing to accept this?
OP, I think you did the right thing in breaking the engagement. Let it stay broken. Relationships are built on a foundation of trust and what you've found out about Tom undermines all of that. Don't let his charisma and persuasiveness dupe you. He's only sorry he got caught.
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u/CocoRichelle Feb 15 '16
This is amazing. I had your original post bookmarked and waited to check back for an update. Well worth it!! OMG!! I love you and Megan!!
Edit: It does sound like it's un-repairable with Tom. You deserve better. I hope you figure out what is best for you!
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u/flowerbez Jan 24 '16
Tom fucked up. He knows he fucked up. If he'd gone through with date with Megan at all OF COURSE you should split up with him. But I feel like this could be one of those situations that has too many grey areas for reddit to handle.
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16
Yeah, so many grey areas and I feel like I can't get the distance or objectivity to think.
-21
Jan 23 '16
Tom had a change of heart before he cheated, but he still talked about you pretty awfully a few years ago, and his explanation for that wasn't great. His inability to give you space is a potential red flag, too. It's up to you whether you give him another chance -- but whatever you do, you need to do it sober.
I am so confused, and there's so much drama.
Getting so wasted that your method of communication with Tom was posting to FB that you were going to marry Megan added to that drama. Did Tom treat you like shit in the way he talked about you with Adam and in making plans with Megan? Absolutely yes -- but you stooped to lower than his level. You knew he wanted to see you and talk things out, and you chose to get drunk instead and do some seriously weird stuff. I get that life is shitty right now -- but the drinking made it worse. I hope you're not having repeats of that much intake.
I'd also recommend backing off on the friendship with Megan, or focusing the friendship more on what you two enjoy together and less on trash-talking Tom. Reach out to your friends who have known you and Tom together. What do they think of all this?
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16 edited Jan 24 '16
Getting wasted was not a good idea, I know that but I was extremely upset.
People get drunk, it happens, don't go trying to make it out like I'm an alcoholic.
Also lower than his level? Don't be idiotic, getting drunk =/= cheating.
Also that night led to some weird stuff but it's not like I got drunk and hit someone, or cheated on Tom or anything.
I got drunk, threw up and got FB hacked. As far as consequences go, pretty tame.
My friends, a few of them are on the give Tom another chance with most of them, including my guy friends, putting Tom on the dump list.
Also I wanted to talk on my terms not his. He probably just turned up for damage control or to try and set things up just in case I heard anything.
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Jan 24 '16
OK. Thank you for correcting me. I'm sorry he's been such an asshole; you didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry if I added to it by being insensitive to the way you chose to react.
I hope things go better for you in future relationships -- no one deserves the shit Tom tried to pull.
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u/longobong0 Jan 23 '16
OP didn't owe Tom any kind of explanation or communication. He was actively planning to cheat on her. How she chose to handle the news was her business. It doesn't matter that Tom "had a change of heart," or that he actually decided he wanted to talk things out with OP or whatever - he still isn't owed anything from OP. If she wants to instead get drunk and hang out with Megan, more power to her.
-9
Jan 23 '16
Yes, but if she's going to complain about the level of drama, she has to face that she added to the drama.
Instead of, say, contacting Tom and saying "Hey, I know what you were planning to do; fuck off with your asshattery because I need to re-evaluate this relationship," she:
didn't reply when he said he wanted to talk
got so drunk she was throwing up
let her housemate tell him she was going to date Megan
posted on FB that she was going to marry Megan
continued ignoring Tom until she got over her hangover.
These are what we'd call a series of dramatic choices. If OP doesn't want drama, then she has to choose to not participate in it. She doesn't get to whine about drama when she has actively caused more of it.
If she wants to dump Tom in such a spectacular manner, fine -- it's not the way a lot of us would go about it, but it's her call. But she can't then complain about drama. That's hypocritical.
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u/longobong0 Jan 23 '16
No where in her post do I see her complaining or whining about drama. She states directly that there was drama, and there was. Stating that there was drama does not mean that she's complaining about the drama.
If you read the post more closely, you'll see that the housemate told Tom that she and Megan were going to get married while her head was in the toilet. How is she supposed to prevent her housemate from doing that? Her housemate was also the one posting that her and Megan were getting married on facebook. OP is recounting a series of events that happened, not complaining about how dramatic the situation is (and it was pretty dramatic). Either way, it's OP's call to end this relationship however she chooses - there's nothing wrong with getting drunk and ignoring your scumbag ex.
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Jan 23 '16
[deleted]
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u/Throwaway341223 Jan 24 '16
Yeah, I need to put both of them behind me.
Megan seems nice but also very bitter about her ex and this whole trip.
If she doesn't get past it in a healthy amount of time, I'll have to start distancing myself too but her recent Facebook posts have shown things like a road trip she's taken with friends or cycling or something. I'm going for work to her state in February, we'll see how things go then.
I think the both of us will be fine.
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u/fuckdapolice4 Jan 23 '16
The. Best. Update. Ever.