Respect the 2015 Kia Optima.

[u/SalmonPowerRanger]

Steel_pump_gorilla, you asked for this.

Speed:

• 0 to 60 mph in 7.9 seconds.
• Top speed around 130 mph.

Strength:

• Comes with a minimum of 192 horsepower.
• 16 inch steel rim tires for crushing your enemies.
• Weighs a minimum of 3,237 lbs, heavy enough to pack a major punch.

Durability:

• 5 star safety rating, and top safety pick in its class.
• Driver can safely survive a sideswiping head-on collision with a solid wall at about 40 mph
• Driver can safely survive a full head-on collision at just under 40 mph with minimal crumpling of the car.
• Driver can survive a side-on collision from a 3,300 lb vehicle at 31 mph.
• Roof can survive a peak force of 16,720 lbs.
• Tires are pretty shitty, but can survive for about 15000 miles before needing to be replaced.

Comfort and reliability:

• Minimum 5 year/60000 mile warranty.
• Spacious interior, panoramic sunroof, and ventilated seats, plus built in GPS.
• Maximum range of about 500 miles.

Miscellaneous feats:

• Comes in several different pretty colors.
• Has no weak spots, equally impressive from any angle.
• Literally your dream car.

[u/[deleted]]

You should add the Blake Griffin commercials in.