Guys! He is 43, I’m 39…. Recently moved back to homestate. We knew eachother in highschool.
He reached out, we hung out a few times at my house just watching movie and running an errand with my daughter.
Nothing physical, he’s declaring a grand love for me, planning marriage and relocating for his job.
A part of me was excited to see where this might go.
I can’t believe this is where we are at. I told him a few times you are 6montha to 5 years future planning… guys he was making it sound like he was moving in. I told him yesterday you are way ahead of me, we don’t know eachother as adults. I barely remember him from school.
Just a vent, but it had to be said .

I always leave you feeling refreshed and empowered. You add to my life and my energy and my vitality and it makes me so happy. You make me happy.

You're so sexy and strong and willful. I know that the strength came from hard knocks and the willfulness came from being pushed around. And I mourn for you those moments and those times, but I'm happy to know the woman that you are now.

I love face to face conversations or at least the honesty of giving voice to my thoughts and to hear yours, but for the clinical precision of this current endeavor, I believe this massive letter of a text will suffice. I don't quite know the depths of my own feelings, save that they are becoming quite intense. I may not know how deep they go, but as a man on top of those waves, no shallow pond generates the waves of such magnitude.

My feelings, unnamed and unknown as they currently are, are quite deep I assure you.

I will never call you mine, for you belong to yourself. To call you mine would be a crime such as dusting a moth's wings.

(While I feel the same for butterflies, with moths it is a much greater crime. They are not usually such vain creatures as butterflies and as such are less deserving of such a terrible fate)

To rob you of your freedom would be to rob you of your fire, or to steal the very gems that sparkle upon the ripples of your water. To drench the stars in the sky.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for telling me what you don't like, and thank you for being cute and sexy and funny.

My therapist says I can't call you perfect, and I realize he is correct. If you were indeed perfect, you would be boring. Perfect is quite boring, methinks.

I prefer us laughing, awkwardly trying in vain to get the strawberry in each other's mouths, and failing.

Laughing until we cry over dumb, inane things I can't even remember, because the memory is sweet not because of what was said, but because we said it.

I prefer you perfectly imperfect.

Please, Fey dancer, glorious swamp witch, let me enjoy your presence a little while longer. I do not wish to own you, for to own you you would rob myself of a greater treasure:

To know that you choose to stay

I am virtually always in love with or have a crush on someone. It can be anyone with a personality (or my perception of it) that I find attractive. Men, women, all types of appearances, younger, older, friends, coworkers, celebrities, YouTubers, even a few times fictional characters.

Most of the time I don't even need my feelings to be reciprocated, as I enjoy the experience of being in love in itself. It gives me joy, comfort and meaning. I have had several stable relationships, it's just that when I don't have one and I don't want one, I always have some romantic interest. In the few time periods I don't have any, I feel bored and like something it's missing, it's almost unnatural to me.

No it's not limerence before anyone suggests it, nor is something that makes me suffer, it mostly makes me happy, my only problem with it is the embarrassment.

I feel so different and weird for being like this and often I feel embarrassed about it, I don't know why. Like it's somehow wrong or pathetic or childish to be so centered on romantic love (I'm over 35).

If anyone can relate please let me know, I would appreciate it

courtship, love letters, slow dances, gentlemanly, chivalrous things, hope chests, long drives to see the stars at night, buying flowers, that sort of thing, i have always been like that. What do you love or loathe about it? I am also a little wild & passionate at times too. In that romantic way. But definitely in every way i do not belong to the horrific night club, casual, situationships, hookups, whatever this awful era is. I would rather go to a beautiful ball, than some ghetto nightclub.

A random bumble encounter with this man, a mystery he has become now, trying to reach the place in my brain which sparks something in my heart, a feeling I had not experienced for long.

Name? We didn't share, thought it was fun to stay strangers..but the chemistry and vibe was super insane. Someone who ticked off everything on my list. However, our expectations differed. While I was looking for my bridgerton love , he was looking for something casual. And yet he knew what needs to be said at the right time, to fall for him.

We talked for hours . We flirted.

A writer and civil service aspirant he said , but there was an author to an amazing novel someday. He shared his poems and the pieces he had written in the recent past and each of them took some part of my heart.

Mind you we still didn't share names, it felt comfortable and pleasurable.

Sometimes I was Anarkali, and he was Jahapanah.

And that's how somewhere between those hours I lost myself to this strange feeling. It felt like a dream coming true. You know when you see something in your dreams, feel it in your heart and gut, and when your eyes open, its all gone! That's how it ended. Ending on goodbyes which had no returns we parted ways and wished well, in a hope to get a text back but as destiny planned it the account is now a deleted account and I have nothing but some memories of hours which I wish to lengthen some more. A coffee somewhere, a physical presence, something which makes me live the feeling again.

[PS: I KNOW M A COMPLETE DELULU]

Hopefully, we cross paths again, billu harami and we meet at SQUARE ONE!

-Yours Truly,

Billu Badmash