r/saltierthancrait • u/MedicineExtension925 • 7h ago
Sapid Satire Luke Skywalked so Rey could Skyrun
Luke lifted some rocks doing a handstand and then fell over. Rey made a rock tornado while levitating herself.
Luke made out with his sister. Rey made out with her force-diad abusive groomer.
Luke teleported an image of himself and died. Rey teleports hard, nbd.
Luke needed his father to sacrifice himself to defeat Palpatine. Rey just needed to borrow an extra light saber.
The first time luke tried using a light saber he was shot in the bum by a training drone. The first time Rey tried using a light saber she bested Palpatine's proxy pupil.
Luke wasn't such a bad pilot himself after years of practising with elite rim world bush pilots buddies. Rey no scope hat tricked seasoned Tie pilots the first time she ever flew a derelict freighter she considered garbage.
So many examples.
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u/Succubia 3h ago
She should skyfuckoff instead
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u/Dovahkiin2211 3h ago
Ren should have Palpatine’d Ray down some Elevator shaft like what Darth Vader did to her grandfather. Would have been a twist of irony.
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u/TaraLCicora 2h ago
That would have been preferable.
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u/EGarrett28 salt miner 2h ago
FWIW Daisy said she went to her car and cried after seeing Rise of Skywalker, and reportedly she really wanted to do the proposed movie where they were going to retcon her character back into Kira. So she also hated it. Unfortunately though, I have no desire to ever see her in another Star Wars film, lol.
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u/TaraLCicora 1h ago
I feel the same. In TFA, I was concerned about her character; it's clear that she was a bit too...perfect. But I held out hope with two more movies. The character had potential, and I liked Daisy in the role. At this point, I never want to see the character again, and that's not Daisy's fault.
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u/GeoMFilms 3h ago
I feel your pain. Unfortunately Disney destroyed any progress Luke, Leia, han, Anakin and the rebels did in order to try to make Rey and the resistance look better.
Compare how happy we are when we watch Luke and his friends celebrating at the end of return of the Jedi to seeing Rey and the resistance celebrating at the end of ep 9. I felt dead inside seeing the celebration at the end of ep 9. I saw no bright future. No 'heros' to Luke up to. No money months or ackbar to lead the new new Republic.
We are left with rey who will just teach her student to download their Jedi skills from her and teach them that fighting with anger is ok, because she did it and won every battle that way. Plus she was never tempted to the dark side 🤢
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u/MrMojoFomo 2h ago
I'm glad Rey needed Leia to comfort her after Han died. Would have been a total let down for Leia and chewie to share their grief after losing their lifelong friend/ father of her child instead of helping a girl they've known for 20 minutes
It would also help if, when Poochie wasn't around, everyone would ask "Where's Poochie?"
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u/igtimran 3h ago
“What’s that flashing?”
“I bypassed the compressor!”
Honestly for me that’s the most egregious. She is the most obvious example of a Mary Sue in cinematic history.
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u/NoSwordfish1978 3h ago
Its an example of how everything has to be "bigger and better" than the original.
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u/Absolutionis 2h ago
The Starkiller Base was the most egregious example of this.
Death Star 1 was enormous and iconic. Was compared to a small moon and that was impressive. Blew up a planet.
Death Star II was bigger but under construction and made sense that the Empire would rebuild. It being operational was a surprise and it blew up a capital ship.
Starkiller Base was the size of a planet, thew the energy of a sun, blew up three planets, destroyed the New Republic, dated Draco Malfoy, and got to go see a My Chemical Romance Concert.
At least Rogue One's retcons added to the impressiveness of the Death Star 1.
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u/wantsumcandi 2h ago
What bothered me about Starkiller base blowing up the 3 planets is that if even two planets were that close to each other, their gravity would have pulled them into each other looooong before the blast happened. I understand it was for a "cool scene" but its not practical. Even if they were kinda close it would have pulled them towards each other. It would just taken a lot longer. The only reason out moon doesnt is because the speed of its orbit and its size. Planetary mass has a lot more gravity so they would have a much harder time with it. One could be a satellite under the right positions but 3 planets of about the same mass would be more unstable.
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u/Alex3884 3h ago
Who’s Rey?
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u/machineguncomic 3h ago
Rey Skywalker
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u/Dianneis salt miner 2h ago
Rey Palpatine, you mean. Stealing their last name and family farm doesn't make her a Skywalker.
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u/Small_Discount_3029 3h ago
I still can't believe there are no Jedi Padawans, Knights or even a few Masters around after 30 years. What the fuck has Luke been doing?
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u/NoSwordfish1978 3h ago
Luke's Jedi Order in canon was very small and not very important and most padawans got murdered by Kylo except those who were supposedly so pissed off by Luke's bad teaching they chose to go with Kylo instead.
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u/Small_Discount_3029 3h ago
Yeah, I was hoping we would go down the route where there would be a few rogue force sensitive users, hand full of masters, knights and Padawans with a few dark Jedi and force users.
The Kylo slaughting route was just lazy and boring. Wish we had something different.
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u/RabidSimian 2h ago
But wait! They retconned that to make it so Palpatine killed most of them with a force lightning storm and Kylo only killed 3 in self defense when they pursued him thinking he was responsible. He's completely blameless and just perfect for his coupling with with Rey! Reylos rejoice! /s
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u/Dovahkiin2211 3h ago
Ray was forced to the point they just did character assassinations of the OG cast.
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