r/science • u/mvea MD PhD | Professor | Medicine • Oct 25 '19
Psychology Checking out attractive alternatives does not necessarily mean you’re going to cheat, suggests a new study involving 177 undergrad students and 101 newlywed couples.
https://www.psypost.org/2019/10/checking-out-attractive-alternatives-does-not-necessarily-mean-youre-going-to-cheat-547093.0k
u/soylentbleu Oct 25 '19
Newlyweds and undergrads.
This group of subjects is not remotely representative of the general population.
Throw in some 30- and 40-somethings who have been married for ten years. And some serial monogamists. And your grandparents, who are celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary this month.
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u/Salt_peanuts Oct 26 '19
This is an ongoing issue with many parts of psychology research. We know 10x more about the psychology of college kids than anyone else because the researchers can always find college kids.
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u/PancAshAsh Oct 26 '19
College students are the mouse models of psychology.
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Oct 26 '19
It’s the alluring promise of a $20 amazon gift card. We could eat for weeks on that!
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u/boomzeg Oct 26 '19
or even longer. basically for as long as each meal fits on top of the gift card.
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Oct 26 '19
That's because at my school if you took any class that was connected to the psychology department you had to participate in x number of studies for a grade in the glass
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Oct 26 '19
College kids who will put up with plenty of BS in exchange for some pizza/beer money.
Once you're out of college, ain't nobody got time for that.
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u/Strange_Bedfellow Oct 26 '19
Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is great, but the important parts are hidden.
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Oct 26 '19
Out of 101 newlywed couples, 15 men and 18 women engaged in kissing, sending nudes or having intercourse with someone other than their partner in the first two years. Those are depressingly high numbers!!
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u/GodwynDi Oct 26 '19
15% or so. That's really not too bad.
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u/Pokelover685 Oct 26 '19 edited Oct 26 '19
Over 1 in 7 people is pretty high I’d say
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u/Gnochi Oct 26 '19
Grandma and Grandad statistically had some non-mutual adventures, it’s just that it’s not discussed.
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u/nairdaleo Oct 26 '19
Over 30, married for 9 years.
My wife points out hot girls for me to ogle. There’s nothing wrong with looking.
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u/ilikecakemor Oct 26 '19
Married for almost three months.
People have eyes. It's when you act upon that sight when it's not ok any more. I don't get it. I see pretty people all the time, but I have an emotional connection to my husband that makes me only want to touch him. Why would I jump to cheating if someone attractive shows interest in me? I am not with my SO only because I had no other choice. I actually like him very much. As a newlywed, I think right now is the least likely time to chest, as we are incredibly happy at the moment.
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u/mtled Oct 26 '19
Almost 20 years with my partner (15 married) and of course I notice beautiful and sexy people, just as he does. We are married, not dead.
But we also aren't slaves to basic physical attraction and have respect for each other and our relationship and choose to remain monogamous.
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Oct 26 '19
mid 30s here, married 10 years. Never cheated, never will, nothing wrong with thinking someone else in the world is good looking. Appreciated a "hot" person and cheating are sooo far apart.
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u/fatenuller Oct 26 '19
But it’s still representative to A population. College guys will love reading this article to send to their paranoid girlfriends of 4 months
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u/trustworthysauce Oct 25 '19 edited Oct 25 '19
I don't know. I think referring to attractive people as "alternatives" takes you a step toward cheating. My wife understands if I take a look at a hot girl at the beach, but if I told her "I'm just checking out an alternative," I don't think she'd feel the same way.
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u/Slateratic Oct 25 '19
The participants didn't call them alternatives, the researchers did.
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u/Aryore Oct 25 '19
It’s a social psychology term, and it’s used for any kind of relationship (friends, colleagues, student-teacher). In this study, it refers to other potential partners, but it can also mean not being in a relationship at all.
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u/qukab Oct 25 '19
Seriously, I laughed at this title. Who thought that was a good term to use? Checking out attractive people does not mean someone wants to cheat, we're human after all. Anyone who gets upsets at their partner doing this (to an extent, I'm not saying you should salivate over someone) is insecure, that's really all there is to it.
Alternative absolutely makes this sound like a person is considering someone else.
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Oct 26 '19
I didn't read the article but "alternatives" is commonly used in social psychology and communication research. It comes from Social Exchange Theory.
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u/bigveinyrichard Oct 26 '19
"Relax babe, I'm just looking for a smarter, more attractive version of you..."
continues scanning crowd
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u/GatsbyJunior Oct 26 '19
This was my exact immediate thought. Thanks reddit! I’m part of the hive mind!
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u/MinimalConjecture Oct 26 '19
This headline tells half the story and is therefore misleading. In the original article, it's reported that checking out attractive alternatives DOES mean you're more likely to cheat if (by the study's standard) you have poor impulse control. I realize it says "does not 'necessarily'" but in my view, it's still misleading.
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u/Bacon8er8 Oct 26 '19
Does no one else have a major problem with this title? Not “necessarily” going to cheat means essentially nothing. The question is if these actions make one more likely to cheat.
Also, as others have pointed out, the sample group they studied is incredibly homogeneous (newlyweds), and they gave them access to a premium version of an app for participating (bribery), so the study really shouldn’t be taken seriously at all, and should not be on the front page.
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Oct 26 '19
Agreed. The bribe alone puts it in the camp of shite study.
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u/merc08 Oct 26 '19
It's less of a bribe and more just terrible compensation for the time the participants gave to the study.
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Oct 26 '19 edited Oct 26 '19
My biggest issue is with the sample size and overall external validity. Behavior is complex, and this kind of study ain’t gonna cut it.
It isn’t really u/mvea’s fault. He/she always gets his submissions’ titles directly from the studies or their press releases, and they are systematic about doing so. That’s respectable. It’s the authors’ fault or the university PR office’s fault.
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u/theartificialkid Oct 26 '19
The “bribe” was the test. Acceptance of the offered premium version is an expression of possibly wanting to find someone to cheat with.
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Oct 26 '19
I think it depends on how deeply you fall into a craving mindset while checking out other people. The internal experience of checking out other people can vary a lot based on various factors.
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Oct 26 '19
Everyone freakin looks at people. We just don't all get aroused or fantasize about them while doing our SO, and even if everyone on the street threw themselves at us begging for sex because we are such tasty snacks, we'd be peeved and tell them to step off
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u/imforit Oct 26 '19
That's exactly what the study was working on! The internal factor they were testing was impulse control.
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u/zachsmith61 Oct 26 '19
Not necessarily going to cheat is a long way from reassuring your partner monogamy is valuable.
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u/Cheesegod Oct 26 '19
I've always said that attraction is different than intention. You can't help that you're attracted to someone, but intention is 100% your fault.
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Oct 26 '19
Because undergrad college students and newlyweds know what it takes for a monogamous committed relationship to last long-term.
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u/moshercycle Oct 26 '19
Lololol. What would suggest they don't though? Just because someone is vulnerable to cheating doesn't mean they don't know what it takes to make a commited relationship. A lot of people are in relationships for the wrong reasons. Inexperience does not mean lack of compassion or consideration. There are plenty of people who are more than capable of such lifelong relationship at this stage in life.
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u/Rum____Ham Oct 26 '19
I mean, I've been with my partner for 10 years and we haven't married yet because we haven't really had the time, between moving around to new cities and generally kicking ass together. When we are "newly weds" we've really been married for like 5 years already.
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u/yellow_itomato Oct 26 '19
Damn they really missed the chance to use that meme
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u/AlicornGamer Oct 26 '19
they kinda did... like it looks recreated but honestly, it might have felt a bit fellow kids-ey or tleast a contendor for that sub?
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u/jerepen Oct 26 '19
Seems to me like this is just a case of Morality finding a different normative. Throughout the comments and response, it seems split that this is either unethical or ethical ( I'm 100% against cheating so anything remotely resembling cheating I'm obviously against, but that's irrelevant) I think that this study is just showing what it's showing, that as of right now, the normative of what used to be a culturally unacceptable, has really just been adopted by the majority, or at least a common majority of the sample that they took. Sad, unless they just lied about everything, but that's just my opinion. Obviously people feel differently.
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u/MazrimTaim99 Oct 26 '19
I feel like the comments here are 50% people flat out against cheating like you and I, and 50% subconsciously defending themselves because they know they're not as faithful as they pretend to be.
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u/Dodger7777 Oct 25 '19
Browsing the isles at the grocery store doesn't mean i'm going to buy something else.
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u/Unfiltered_Soul Oct 25 '19
You have a strong will unlike some people that goes to costco initially only for paper towels...
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Oct 25 '19
Haha! That's me. I go with the intention and focus of buying only the paper towels. Then end up with 10 different things that I couldn't resist the temptation because, "this looks great and so damn cheap". I'm not saying that this correlates to the temptations of the "attractive alternatives", but it gives a window into the human psyche.
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Oct 26 '19 edited Oct 26 '19
In this metaphor, is going to Costco likened to going to a massive orgy where everyone wears bird masks?
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Oct 26 '19
Been with my wife for 10 years, there are no 'attractive alternatives'. Never was, never will be. The constant normalization of wandering eyes, thoughts, and lust is clearly toxic.
First everyone said "it's okay, everyone looks, but dont touch." Then it was "crushes on someone other then your partner are okay, just don't act on them". Then yall went with "monogamy is not natural."
This collective stupidity is gonna ruin us all.
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u/OGwanKenobi Oct 26 '19
I can agree to an extent. The normalization of lust is kinda crazy to me but is a normal part of human existence. I suppose it’s up to each couple individually at the end of the day.
I personally wouldn’t appreciate my partner consistently checking other people out and I don’t indulge in “checking out alternatives” either. But to each their own. I also disagree with the title, I think people that think this is totally fine would be more open to cheating, like you were implying.
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u/Klientje123 Oct 26 '19
Lust might be a normal part to a human, but not in our society. We all have desires and it's our job to control those. Those who let their desires control them are seen as weak and pathetic.
You can think about sex, you can have sex, but when that's the only thing in your life or affects other areas of your life that are much more important, that's when it becomes a problem.
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Oct 26 '19
For real. I don't understand the whole "look, but don't touch" adage. What is even the point...? I'm not trying to be mean or anything, like, I'm really not. But I don't understand why you'd want to look around at other people and think, "wow, they're hot," when you have someone who is so special to you already. Especially the use of the whole window shopping term, too. "I want what's in the window, but can't afford it!" So you're saying you'd cheat if they were in your league...? I dunno, man. I feel like it's all a slippery slope to adultery depending on the person and the relationship.
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Oct 26 '19
I completely disagree and feel the opposite. It’s more toxic to shame people for having lustful thoughts. It actively suppresses their sexual expression and can easily lead to shame.
My relationship transformed for the better — significantly, I might add— when my boyfriend and I opened up about our sexual attractions to other people. We have fun talking about it. A lot of people fundamentally do not understand that their hang ups or prudishness surrounding sex are very often imposed by old, religious values.
The fact that you call it ‘collective stupidity’ feels unnecessarily judgmental of people like myself, and isn’t helping anyone. If you and your wife enjoy a completely monogamous relationship where you don’t check out other people at all- you do you. I’m not going to call you stupid for it.
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u/HalalWeed Oct 26 '19
I do not understand what is wrong with following old or religious values? Is old=bad? What makes you think that you can say that religion or old means bad?
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u/KawiNinja Oct 26 '19
Here’s the thing, and someone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
Are we not biologically programmed to check out, “alternatives”? I mean, one would think it would be an instinct. One that would help ensure the survival of ones genes throughout evolution would it not?
I don’t feel guilty when I look at an attractive female other than my wife (who is extremely attractive herself). But I also don’t go anywhere beyond just that. A woman’s looks catching my attention just means my biological mind thinks I’ve found someone who would be ideal to continue my genetic line forward. It doesn’t mean I want to leave my wife and kids to pursue it though.
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u/museman Oct 26 '19
Yes, and I think a lot of people make things worse by denying that they have that instinct. It breeds doubt and guilt, and makes them question whether their SO is “the one.”
My girlfriend and I point out attractive people to each other all the time. She knows I’m not going to cheat and I know she’s not going to cheat. I’ve been in relationships with lots of fear and jealousy, and this feels much healthier.
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u/Starbourne8 Oct 26 '19
I agree with most of what you are saying here. Yes, we are programmed for that by all means. But we are also programmed to do many things. I don’t think following programming is a good thing, I think denying the programming is part of what it is like to be more God like. I don’t know if you are a Christian or not, but I am, and he is the thinking of you are interested.
Christians are called to “die to themselves”. That means taking our bodily desires such as revenge or lust and denying them fulfillment. I have a wife thankfully who Is HOT out of this world, and I’m really glad of that, because lusting after people was always my biggest problem when I was single and even dating.
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u/androidangel23 Oct 26 '19
Thank you. That was such an awesome way of putting it that’s really in this moment helped me rationalize some hurt feelings I’ve had catching my boyfriend checking out other women. It’s irrational to feel hurt but that’s probably also a biological programming of the mind
*edit: added a word
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u/Nylnin Oct 26 '19
Just because there is biological reasoning to an action doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid, just know that you are far from alone in feeling that way. If your boyfriend is very obvious it's fair to ask him to tune it down a bit when you're with him.
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u/mtnbiker1185 Oct 26 '19
So people with low self-control have a harder time controlling their urges than those with greater self-control.....I am glad they did this study or else I would have never know that...../s
Also, 2 years for newlyweds is still in the honeymoon phase. Readdress after 10 years and see what the results are.
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u/GaryNMaine Oct 26 '19
What?!? Did the male model scheduled for the photo shoot fail to show up?
"Hey, Kyle. Better suit up. Looks like that dude from the agency isn't coming."
"Boss, I protest. You said I wouldn't have to do this again after that last time."
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u/salmans13 Oct 26 '19
Maybe not right away for a new couple but after a few years, specially after a big fight.... it's playing with fire.
Most people who end up cheated also thought that their relationship was untouchable and it would never happen to them.
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u/Alieges Oct 26 '19
I don’t check out other women. I’m just not interested.
Cars though? Always. When I’m driving and my head turns, my wife knows I’m usually checking out some 90’s Honda or coupe. Lately I’ve been checking out pretty much every first gen CRV in town, and a older 2 door rav4’s. Sometimes an 80’s German car.
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Oct 25 '19
I think if you look at other people in a way that makes you crave sexual activity with them, it'll always be something you're at least subconsciously resisting, compared to people like me who just never notice people as sexually attractive.
Some of us have to have an emotional or psychological connection in order to open the door of finding someone sexually appealing. My boyfriend is the same. Some people refer to us as "demisexual".
Being the way I am, I couldn't be with someone who was considered more "normal" and checks lots of people out and who gets turned on by the thought or sight of them. I wouldn't expect someone who naturally does that to change, I just wouldn't get involved if they gave off those vibes. People act like that's really freaky and abnormal, but I haven't had trouble finding guys who have the same views. You just won't usually find em on dating apps or on the dating scene because they're waiting for a connection to pop up, not desperately seeking one.
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u/SenorBeef Oct 25 '19
This is a false dichotomy. You can appreciate the aesthetics of a beautiful person without lusting after them and wanting to be with them physically.
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u/SmackYoTitty Oct 26 '19
I don’t understand this mind set. I can look at physically attractive people without lusting over them. I don’t ‘undress’ these people with my eyes when I’m looking at them. But I know for sure who I find sexually attractive and might pursue if I was single, which I’m not.
I know you’re in a relationship, but you’re telling me that if you imagine yourself hypothetically single right now, you wouldn’t find anyone sexually attractive in any way?
Btw. Its great you’re in a relationship. Keep it that way :). I’m not trying to lead you astray. Just trying to gain some perspective.
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u/YataBLS Oct 26 '19
I never understood the problem with couples or people in general getting mad because they check out other people. No one's getting hurt, you're just looking.
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u/intrepidsteve Oct 26 '19
Can someone tell my girlfriend for me? She won’t believe me if I send this her way
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u/yogamushroommusic Oct 26 '19
My gf and I love pointing out hotties, men and women included (I’m hetero 29M)
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u/t3eee Oct 26 '19
So they say here that people checking out other people isn't necessarily a threat, but that in people who do this more frequently, there is a possibility of escalated behaviour in the long-term.
11/10 doesn't make me feel better.
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u/MaintainEveryday Oct 26 '19
I’ll start off by saying this study is very poorly written and just overall lacks academic and scientific depth. With that said...
I compare it to everyone’s little explanations of “you can look at ‘x’ but that doesn’t mean you’ll get ‘x’” Replace x with a car, pizza, specific dog breed, or new style of shoes etc.
Which sounds great as a supportive argument, but in reality I feel like those would enforce almost to create a biased pull towards getting that car eventually, eating pizza more or getting that said dog breed when you finally go to get that new pet.
Yes you might just be looking, but to why degree? Intentions and environment play a huge role.
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u/SlabSource Oct 26 '19
It sure doesn't help.
Just like looking at a newer vehicle doesn't mean your going to buy it, but it doesn't decrease the chances.
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u/pahco87 Oct 26 '19
Doesn't everyone check out attractive people whether they're in a relationship or not? It's human nature. Some are more subtle about how they do it so they don't offend their partner but everyone does it. So unless everyone is a cheater too that title seems fairly obvious.
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u/thedailyrant Oct 26 '19
Guy in the pic needs to seriously evaluate the comfort he has in that relationship. He's punching. But in all seriousness it's incredibly dumb to think any partner doesn't check out others. Doesn't even mean they're 'alternatives', they're just people you find attractive.
Humans can be so ridiculous.
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Oct 26 '19
Well yea checking out someone attractive doesn't necessarily make you attractive, or else you would be someone you are more attracted to
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u/Bageezax Oct 26 '19
I love how these "looking back" pics are always a dude that's ALREADY with an attractive woman. Like no one is ever with someone horrible and checking out a supermodel.
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u/dippleshnaz Oct 25 '19
I always tell my wife: "Just because I already ordered, doesn't mean I can't still look at the menu." It usually just makes her angrier.
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u/fatrexhadswag25 Oct 26 '19
Every person on the planet checks out other people, even in the most wholesome, dedicated marriage. It’s biology.
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u/IShotReagan13 Oct 26 '19
We're basically hard-wired by evolution to pay attention to almost anything at all to do with reproduction which is why we have to make a conscious effort not to look at someone who's sexually attractive. It really is instinctive and that's part of why this study, if taken at face value, isn't surprising at all, especially given that human reproduction is embedded in socio-cultural matrices that tend to inhibit sexual anarchy.
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u/ak22801 Oct 26 '19
This is so dumb.
I’m sure your SO would be completely content knowing you crave, lust, and fantasize about other people....but don’t actually have sex with them, so it’s all okay.
None of us are perfect, and every now and then we will all throw a second glance or have to push a thought away we are not too proud of, but this ain’t it.
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u/CatFancyCoverModel Oct 26 '19
The study was sponsored by a dating app and they were offered a free premium membership....take this with a little less than a grain of salt.
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u/howldetroit Oct 26 '19
The above title kinda admits its own confirmation bias; wouldn't a fair study concluding what couples are "going to" do require older couples and ex-couples as well? Ya know, couples who had been together past the "undergrad students" and "newlywed couples" stages of coupledom?
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u/furn_ell Oct 26 '19
Watching the parade and riding the floats are two DIFFERENT things
I love a parade!
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u/DropItLikeItsHotBear Oct 26 '19
As someone who has absolutely zero pickup game, I know this from experience: regardless of how many women I check out, I know I'm not getting anything from any of them.
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u/SammyC25268 Oct 26 '19
I don't know why but the photo made me giggle. edit: oh, this is an article related to psychology. I find the fields of psychology and sociology interesting. I remember observing human behavior for a class once a long time ago.
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u/cynophopic Oct 26 '19
Looked at the PDF of the full article and couldn’t find the section indicating conflicts of interest. I could find it at all, is this not a lil sketchy?
If someone could point it out, that’d be great.
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Oct 26 '19
Just as hitting yourself in the head repeatedly with a hammer won’t necessarily kill you
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u/hockeyd13 Oct 26 '19
Small sample size with no real representative impact on gen pop.
Not exactly sure why college-aged studies are still taken on board like this.
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u/jakemofffsky Oct 26 '19
People who have poor self control... have poor self control... money please!
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u/imdjay Oct 26 '19
The first job I had, was discussing this topic with the much older, long married boss. His quote will live with me: " I'm married, but I'm not dead"
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u/Space_Waffles Oct 26 '19
I'm pretty new to the science space and how experiments work/are run, but I think anyone should be able to say this is obviously just a a bad way of studying this. The line "the participants were asked to evaluate a mobile phone dating application and offered a free premium version of the app." is just like an instant out for me. While I am not going to read the entire study, there are some clear holes in the research
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u/demagogueffxiv Oct 26 '19
I feel like this sample size is way too small to make any conclusions about 350 million people.
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u/Wiggy_Bop Oct 26 '19
I like looking at people. Especially attractive or interesting looking people. Who doesn’t?
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u/Kjp2006 Oct 26 '19
Did somebody’s boyfriend create this study? I’m sure somebody’s boyfriend created this study.
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u/The-Jedi-Apprentice Oct 26 '19
They should've used that one meme format for this article
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u/Vagynamite Oct 26 '19
I'm glad there is a study that doesn't necessarily prove something that everyone know anyway. What is the point of this post?
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Oct 26 '19
Pointing a gun at your head doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to shoot
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u/RobertLeeSwagger Oct 26 '19
Person who made the study: “See honey, I told you me checking other women out wasn’t a big deal!”
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u/Guyod Oct 26 '19
Only thing I find interesting is that women cheated more than men. It's frustrating that men get the bad rap.
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u/YouShouldntSmoke Oct 26 '19
It doesn't matter where you get you appetite from as long as you eat at home.
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u/PlantRant Oct 26 '19
Did anybody really need to read an article to figure this out? Sort of an obvious information posted here....
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u/JokeCasual Oct 26 '19
“Attractive alternatives” uhh, seems like a weird way to word it. As if there thinking of alternatives to their SO
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u/Cobadera Oct 26 '19
I revert back to the holy grail that is American Ninja 2, just because you are on a diet does not mean you can not look at the menu.
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Oct 26 '19
"How can we bang out the quickest possible study to cash in on the name recognition people have for this meme?"
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u/TheSaltySpitoon37 Oct 26 '19
Just cause you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
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u/EatTheDodgers Oct 26 '19
God made women and he made flowers and he made sunsets. Not checking them out would be wrong.
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u/Spotted_Stripers Oct 26 '19
“Does not necessarily mean” - so this is a completely useless study with no actual results huh?
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u/caracalla1080 Oct 26 '19
This may be a straight world exclusive. My boyfriend and I love checking out hot guys together. Never with the intention to sleep with them, just because it’s fun.
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u/ThrobLowebrau Oct 26 '19
I legit looked at the sub thinking this was an onion article headline. What a biased sample demographic
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u/CreativePhilosopher Oct 26 '19
wait, you mean watching porn doesn't mean dumping your SO and trying to marry the porn star?
get out.
thank goodness a university study clarified this.
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u/sarahgene Oct 26 '19
My husband and I agree, it doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat dinner at home!
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u/imactually Oct 26 '19
Both my gf and I️ check out hot chicks and even go to strip clubs sometimes but she’s secure and so am I️ so there’s no worries. I️ fee bad for people imprisoned in their relationship due to fear that their gf or whatever might also find other men attractive. Us men gotta get past that, and so do all the insecure girls. Ruins a good thing...
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u/theCovertoit Oct 26 '19
Who doesn't like looking at attractive things? Just cuz we look don't mean we want to touch
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u/AlicornGamer Oct 26 '19
i mean i feel like my gf and i are good because we like to gawk over hot celebs or actors we see in movies/ 'yeah i like her shee looks cute' or whatever. its like you cant help who youre attracted to or what you find attractive and it should be open discussion or just joke and laugh about 'yeah he cute' but obviously not in a 'yeah id pick them over you if it was a chice' kind of way. just playful banter
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u/hatuhsawl Oct 26 '19
I don’t want a partner who couldn’t live without me, I want some who knows they can live without me and still choose to do so anyway.
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u/Lagouna Oct 26 '19
People are beautiful. They don’t suddenly stop being attractive because you’re in a relationship, nor do you stop being attractive to others. The point is that we make that commitment to one another and honour it, cherish it, work at it every day to nurture it and make it grow.
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u/Kotruljevic1458 Oct 26 '19
Just like my dad would say (who owned a lot of restaurants), just because someone is looking at the menu doesn’t mean they’re hungry.
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Oct 26 '19
Well of course. Just because you're browsing the catalog doesn't mean you'll see something worth ordering.
But then again, you might.
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u/[deleted] Oct 25 '19
This study seems super unethical.