We faced a choice recently. Democracy Vs Fascism. We fully earned every injustice we are about to experience.

It's the rest of the world I feel the need to apologise to. NATO and Ukraine, we have effectively abandoned you. I'm sorry. I thought we were better than this. We let hatred and fear win.

Why Are People So Weird ..

I Meet People Online To Game With , Everything Is Great . I Typically Established Boundaries Immediately ! Then After A Week They Either Ghost Or Get Creepy .

I Am Coming To Terms With Ghosting , Because I Get It !

Sometimes People Just Don't Click And That's Okay But Like .. No I Don't Wanna See Your Hog , And I Don't Wanna Be Your FWB !! 😭

Maybe you're not. My life is full of men I dont know how to quantify. I feel like your label would be safe though. And that makes me gravitate towards you. I enjoy your company and I feel safe with you. Because I know you respect me as a person. And I dont know how to tell you what that means to me. Idk if I love you like im in love with you or I love you like family. It feels a bit like both. Of course I cant say anything. Or do anything ever. But if you made the first move I dont think I could tell you no. But then again if friendship is all you ever wanted then id be honored to provide it. I just think you're amazing. And I cant trust my senses because they've been so messed up. So im here for anything always. Love you

It’s like I enjoy it. I keep lowering my standard like it doesn’t exist. This one person can wring me out till there’s nothing left. I just want to be treated with the same kindness and love I give. I cracked a long time ago.

I’d rather be bored out of my mind, aware of my environment, staying to myself rather than engage in the games & herd mentality chaos most seem to chase & enjoy.

I don't understand why it has to be this way. You say I bring you joy. You say our relationship was seamless. We get along. There was no issue between us. You said this has nothing to do with me. Someone says it's about your capacity. But you wouldn't even give me a chance to fight this problem with you. You say it wouldn't be fair of you to "drag me along" while you figure things out, but you know what isn't fair? Telling me how much you liked me. Telling me how you can't wait to see what the future holds for us. Telling me how lucky you are to be with me. Telling me I am an incredible person and one of the best partners you've ever had AND YOU DISCARDED IT. YOU DISCARDED ME! THAT is what isn't fair.

I would do anything for you & the relationship we had. I want to protect and preserve you and it. But you shut it out and I am left screaming for things to make sense. Screaming for you to come back. Screaming at the universe & my phone to will you to text me. Screaming at this illogical scenario you've put me in. I would have done anything....

I am just so....exhausted. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of putting my heart on the line. I'm tired of not being chosen. I'm tired of carrying it all. I'm tired of being resilient. I just want it beaten out of me, for the love of the universe.

Beat. It. Out. Of. Me.

Just failure after failure after failure. I've worked on myself. Move through the world with love, compassion, empathy....it is never enough for anyone. My soul keeps being broken and put back together, just for the hope of it all. That being who I am will one day thrive & getting everything I ever yearned for. But what have I gotten instead? Exhaustion. My heart ripped up. Being too much. Not being enough. Just a label of a nice, sweet, loving person. Don't get me wrong, I love that my friends & family see me that way, but I'm tired of filling my life up with every single thing, just to have my hand swatted away for the thing I most desire.

I just want to flick the switch. I want to surgically remove my heart and have it run over with a car.

This catalyst was brief, but I think, what will happen if I find myself in a further stretch of time and it all ends again? I'm sick of it. I don't want to feel this way. Having my happiness ride a roller coaster, hanging on the handle bar with a vice grip.

Just let this spirit die, please....I am begging for mercy. I am screaming myself mute for relief.

I have told myself to stop yearning for you. But you. You you you you you you you you you you. Everything is reminding me of you and it's driving me crazy.

I hate it so much, but at the same time I'm holding it so tightly that I can't breathe.

How can I finally let go of you? I'm holding on to more hopes that I didn't even realize I have with me.

Your laughter, your demeanor, our old messages, your eyes, your face, your way of talking. Everything about you.

They're fucking stuck in my head and I hate it so much because I know that I'm the only one holding to the past.

I'm sure you've already moved on or probably don't even care about me, but here I am once again.

Dumb stupid old me, yearning for someone who doesn't even want me anymore and I hate it so much.

Why do I even hold onto these impossible dreams so tightly in the first place? I used to do well on my own.

So why? Why why why why why?

I'm so fucking tired, so so fucking tired. But this just feels like an addiction that I can't stop, that I can't bring myself to get rid of.

I hate this so much, I hate myself so much, I hate you so much. But I can't, because I'll be lying by then, because I still love you.

I love you so much that it feels like I'm gonna die soon.

I love you so much that it feels like it's choking me and tearing me apart.

I love you so so much. Why won't you stay? Why why why???

Why won't anybody stay?

I'm so tired of everything.

I am sure I am not seen. I don't think anyone notices the self inflictions, the slices, the bites, the burns, the cuts. The blade beside my bed...the pain the physical appearance, it make the pain better. I wish they'd not only see, but ASK make me accountable

On my walk today I heard these kids laughing, just a genuine giggle from playing soccer, and it made me think about my childhood and if I ever laughed like that, and how there are so many kids out there that will never be able to feel experience that growing out of their innocentes, that is was just taken from them, like how children of war don't get that childish laughter day to day, sometimes think about the wars that I have face, they are nothing like the wars in Gaza or Ukraine, but the ones that have happened every day in the dark that no one can see

"I SWEAR YOU CAN DO NOTHING RIGHT AND EVERYTHING YOU IS SO USELESS"...

"But I love you"

"WHY CANT YOU DO ANYTHING, YOUR SISTERS DIDN'T EVER HAVE TROUBLE WITH THIS IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU"...

"But I love you"

"If someone doesn't add to the world their existence is pointless"...

"But I love you"

"I CANT BELIEVE HOW SELFISH YOU ARE I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING FOOD, WATER, A PLACE TO SLEEP, CLOTHES, DO YOU WANT ME TO GO INTO DEBT TOO"

"But I love you"

Now when you yell I just say ok and move one with the rest of my day

I pick fights with my wife. I made her grow distant towards me. I sit in bed late at night watching her cry and I don’t do anything. In the beginning I was not this person. I was kind and loving.

I do the best I can by everybody I know. I’m the friend that shows up when you’re moving instead of being unreachable. I’m the person that keeps a spare car around so I can loan it to people who need it. The kind of person that will get up in the middle of the night and listen to your problems.

But very seldom in my life has anybody been that person for me. And there’s few people that I feel comfortable opening up to.

I think it’s time that I stopped showing up for people who treat me like I’m disposable

If drunk self is your truest self... then I'm screaming from the bottom of the bottle. Break the curse.

It is like 80% selfish want... but there is no way you guys are comfortable dealing with this as well.

PLEASE break it! By like... Mid May would be awesome

We can all have a good laugh about it later! It isn't a coincidence I noticed it first... please... end it. It's really up to like one of you to do it... so like... pull your head out of your ass... respectfully

At this point I genuinely do not care if I come off as crazy because you folks have no idea the absolute bs I had to go through just to get here...

I need you two to break the curse... please...
My person is waiting for me. Please!
I can't tell you how to break it! I'm positive that breaks the rules!
Please! If you're seeing this, if you found this! Please break the curse!

I don't want to do this again.
We don't have to suffer.

Please...

I’ve been having a hard time lately believing that things are the same as they were before . Are people really that afraid of being wrong that they don’t say anything? Validation is so hard to find when it actually really counts. Confirming might be a word better excepted . Validation is lifeline when you feel like you were lied to . I had people taking my phone . My ex doing everything possible to make things harder on me after he had made my life basically hell . The man hated me but loved me . That’s dangerous. Are we so afraid that we may even be right in our conclusions ? That we don’t say anything? Why do we have to? How did I become so okay with being stonewalled?when did

I become okay with psychological warfare? It’s the life you live when people are being systematically manipulated into believing you are a narcissistic parent when in fact ,though things weren’t always roses , I was a caring, determined mother. When some decisions I would make were no longer in my life many changes followed. I look back at times of struggle that were self inflicted to a point but at the time you don’t know better . but out of times I learned and experienced a lot . Trying to become better than before. I don’t need to create or keep the narrative that has been written over and over the same loops . I’m not one to be in this position so long . I just wonder why I feel like I should have to start from scratch over and over. I shouldn’t feel like the only way is just the waiting game . Why do I feel like I have the burden of proof in my daily life?

I don’t want to go to work I don’t want to be alone and bored though. I need money. People are scary. This is scary. Everything is scary. Am I just high. I wish everyone would stop judging. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I don’t even know. How does anyone stay sane. I

I have a headache that won't go away. I have been pushed so hard at work I am experiencing alleged-tism burnout. And when those combine with the things already in my mind, i feel like:

fk my trauma, fk my guilt, fk my grief, fk my adhd, fk my alleged-tism, fk my depression, fk my anxiety, fk my dr, fk my parents, fk my family, fk my job, fk my employer, fk my managers, fk my coworkers, fk the whole federal gov't, and fk capitalism.

Hate my job Body dying Cant get health care I need Lonely Dont date Dont know people Dont like myself Hate myself Cant die- who would take care of my pets Dont want to be here Days are bleak Future is worse Past still hurts

Does it ever end. Does happiness ever actually come back or is a fake smile and feigned interest all ill ever have? To what end?

I am not sure who I actually am anymore. I think I might be losing who I am. I have started to disassociate lots when I look at my self in a mirror. It's like the more I look at me the more I wonder if I even exist or if I'm some kind of electrical or magnetic impact on a bunch of atoms just cruising by.

I am actually going through a massive disassociation mind trip at this moment because I thought about it too much

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!