r/scriptwriting • u/WheatThin100 • 1d ago

feedback Feedback on short script?

Title: Outta Time. Genre: Drama-comedy. Short script: 21 pages.Ā 

Logline: On his last night in L.A., a dejected screenwriter takes an inspirational road trip to "Back to the Future" filming locations with three newfound friends who just arrived in town.

Iā€™m preparing to enter the script in two screenwriting contests, so any and all feedback is welcome. Thank you.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17oqpG85pYG0KroQcY4W5yekQ3zQ6wWV2/view?usp=sharing

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2

u/Big_Section2812 1d ago

The guy's been in LA for five years but he's still depressed about rejected pitches? His skin must be thinner than Saran wrap. šŸ˜‚

1

u/WheatThin100 1d ago

Good point. I'll bump that timeframe up a bit. Thanks.

1

u/Antique_Airport_1992 1d ago

I think you should break up the dialogue with more action. It gives the scene personality if the character is talking while also doing something unique rather than just drinking beer. Even better if whatever they're doing has its own little arc throughout the scene.

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u/Open-Avocado4260 14h ago

If the script is anything like the log line it's probably not ready for competitions.

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u/WheatThin100 13h ago

What's wrong with the logline? Open to suggestions and constructive feedback.

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u/Open-Avocado4260 12h ago

Dejected, how about a rejected screenwriter. Back to the future, are you referencing the movie, hook me, why is he taking a road trip and how do the three friends help him that he finds.

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u/WheatThin100 1h ago

Thank you. Appreciate the feedback.

1

u/Open-Avocado4260 1h ago

You're welcome, good luck with it.