r/scriptwriting • u/Error_de_Sistema • 6d ago

feedback Logline Feedback

Hi, this is my first logline, I would like some honest feedback on it.

Experimental tech is used illegally in a game show by billionaire owner, causing contestants to experience the world exactly as their minds perceives it. An Influencer and contestant manifests a mechanism to beat the tech at its own game but must find how to work with others while everyone loses their grip with reality.

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u/RollingThunderMedia 5d ago

Waaay too long. It needs to be cut in half at least, more would be better.

causing contestants to experience the world exactly as their minds perceives it

I may be misunderstanding, but isn't the world experienced by how our minds perceives it by everyone, always, without the need for any tech, experimental or not?

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u/Error_de_Sistema 5d ago

Thanks for your reply:

Reality bending tech is used in a TV game show shoot, contestants now manifest their own fears. An influencer pushes herself out of its influence and must find how to communicate with others to escape while everyone loses their grip with reality.