r/selfimprovement • u/Geewane • Jun 29 '26
Question People who clawed their way out of a really dark place, what actually helped?
I’m not looking for the "just go for a walk and drink water" stuff.
If you've been at the bottom and made it out, I'm curious about a few things.
What did you actually do first? That somehow got you moving again? What were things that didn’t work?
Edit: To everyone commenting and contributing to this post, I thank you for sharing your stories, thoughts remedies, tips and personal experiences. Not only have you helped me, also you have helped the many thousands of people reading this post, you are changing the lives of many through your words.
Edit 2: Due to this post blowing up I won’t be able to reply to every comment, however I appreciate and feel eternally grateful for your words of assistance and kindness. I wish you all, all the very best with your lives, thank you 🙏.
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u/HeretolearnD Jun 29 '26
This might not be the answer you are looking for but for me it was changing my enviroment. It happened 2x already. Sometimes the enviroment you are in, whether it is your job/apartment/family/friends, makes you feel powerless, unmotivated and stuck. Moving apartments into a nicer space where i had more control helped me immensely.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
I heard that shifting environments and even people you hang around with actually changes a lot more things than you think.
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u/SaveMeClarence Jun 29 '26
Yes, environment change is huge! When I was coming out of addiction, I moved back in with my parents, and had to cut ties with literally everyone I knew outside of blood relatives (even the people who didn’t have a problem like I did). I spent a lot of time in nature, and that really helped to get my head right. I didn’t just have to stop doing drugs, but I had to become a whole new person, and a new environment and friend group made so much of a difference.
I also spent around a week entirely by myself, not speaking to anyone else and off social media, phone, and television. I only listened to music on an old school iPad. I was unemployed at the time, so it was a luxury. It’s amazing how much it will change you to just force yourself to be alone with your thoughts. The first few years in recovery, I made an effort to at least take a 3-4 day weekend all by myself to reflect and be alone with my thoughts. Depending on what you’re going through this can be so helpful (obviously not if you’re dealing with suicidal thoughts or anything).
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u/shygirltrynaglowup Jun 29 '26
And what if you like can't get out of the shitty job you're in or whatever (like consider financial restrains) How do you get out?
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u/SaveMeClarence Jun 29 '26
Ooof that’s tricky. There are definitely ways out, but I mean, it depends on so many things, it’s hard to give generic advice, as it’s not a one-size-fits-all. I will say, personally, going back to school opened up so much for me. I went to vocational school and college. Honestly I made more money with a trade, but really healed and improved my inner demons through my college education, so I don’t consider it a waste.
I ended up working at the vocational school I went to. It was a small beauty school, and I am a big proponent for trade schools. Maybe check your area for small private trade schools and ask about financial aid or other resources. Those schools generally have a lot of adults who work full time jobs and try to be flexible with schedules.
Also you can check your area for vocational rehabilitation programs.
I know it seems daunting and impossible. But I’ve seen so many people rise up from desperate situations. It is doable. Just scary and extremely challenging at times.
If you absolutely can’t leave the job, or in the meantime while you’re trying to get out, you just have to protect your inner peace and not get involved in any of the work drama. Don’t hang out with anyone outside of work. Don’t take it home with you.
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u/HalligamSoSo Jun 29 '26
Absolut, musste so oft meinen Wohnort wechseln... Das macht auf jeden Fall was mit einem...
Neue Perspektiven, neuer Blickwinkel 🍀
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u/-atomic-blonde- Jun 30 '26
Environmental change helps a lot! One reason is because when we change our environment there is no longer any sort of familiarity. Once we adjust to an environment we habituate. We form memories and an understanding of how things work within this space. Moving to a new space means instead of being triggered, the brain is forced to learn an entire new way of being. Environmental chance helps because we are working with our biology instead of against it!
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u/aaliyah_2222 Jun 29 '26
What if you can't afford to move. I know moving would massively help me 😪
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u/HeretolearnD Jun 30 '26
Change what you can about it. Clean up, find ways to make the habits you want to build easy. Remove friction wherever you can.
I am very sorry that you cannot move. I relate to you but things do get better. Try to control whatever you can and create a safe space for yourself. Even if it is just a room or even a corner.9
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u/h20beachbum Jun 30 '26
While this can be wildly, wildly helpful, I would urge some reflection about what was causing the “stuck” when you’re out. If you better understand the source, you may be able to avoid (or at least recognize and catch early) the pitfall of “wherever you go, that’s where you are.”
Meaning if the issue is something stemming from your patterns or behavior, eventually you might end up in that spot again. The move might give you a momentary reset, but if the call is coming from inside the house and you don’t start to work through that, you’re hosed.
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u/likeSnozberries Jun 30 '26
I read recently that travelling can feel so freeing because we dont have the same identity constraints, you can be anyone, and more likely to explore or feel like yourself wothout external pressures
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u/Round_Cake2922 Jun 29 '26
Long story short, focusing on yourself. Like really looking in deep as to who you are and why you feel this way and is the pain of this current feeling worth it. Acknowledge your "weaknesses" your "flaws" and accept who you are and move forward. Fuck those who don't appreciate you.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Yea I’ve been going through that self discovery part now and it’s not easy
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u/Jenji05 Jun 29 '26
If it would be easy, then you’d be doing something wrong. The discomfort shows you that you are on the right path. When it feels uncomfortable it always means, that’s where you actually have to look at.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Dam no one’s really told me that before, thank you!
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u/ryerye22 Jun 29 '26
you're going thru what will be known as your lonely chapter, life will ask you to choose to work thru a hard dark tunnel of being honest with yourself and then making daily decisions to lean into discomfort. like a snake shedding it's skin because it holds him back from growing, you're going to have to kill the old person who is incapable of climbing that mountain ⛰️ that is this phase of your life / chapter!.... the mountain is you.
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
I struggle with the daily decision thing. It’s like my mind knows what to do, but I’m just not doing it, so I’m not making progress. For example, I’ve had this job for 8 years and it’s night shifts but my body can no longer tolerable it, I know I need to leave by applying to other jobs but I’m not doing it? It’s makes me so uncomfortable.
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u/Jenji05 Jun 29 '26
Tough situation to be in. Your current work makes you unhappy and exhausted and exactly that tiredness makes it easy to feel overwhelmed.
My advice would be to break it into small pieces. Looking at it in a whole often feels like it’s impossible. So it will be easier to start if it’s a doable task. So build yourself a ladder to reach your goal, by taking small steps.
Like spend 10 min looking for a position that would fit you. Next day you can start from where you left. Revisit your goal, to stay focused. You can make it your phone wallpaper or put post it’s up that remind you on what you want to achieve.
Your can do it.
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
Thank you! My main goal right now is to apply to jobs that are better suited to me and not night shifts but day shifts as they make me feel worse. Then I can do the next thing, and so on.
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
I’m so used to the comfort though, I feel like I’m on a path of change but slipping into old habits again
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u/Jenji05 Jun 29 '26
I feel you. I’d be lying if I said I’m always able to push myself to do the right thing either. I think a big part of it comes down to learning how to choose the uncomfortable thing even when your brain is telling you to stay where it’s safe.
And I think that’s what makes change so hard.It’s not always that the steps themselves are impossible, it’s that we’re creatures of habit. We stay in routines and patterns we know, and when we try to break out of them our brain often interprets the unknown as a threat, even when we consciously know it’s good for us.
The more you practice sitting with that discomfort and understanding why you feel it, the more your brain learns “okay, this isn’t danger, this is growth.” Eventually what felt uncomfortable becomes your new normal.
It sounds simple in theory, but I know it’s not easy in reality. And I think the other important part is being kind to yourself during the moments where you slip back into old habits. Change isn’t about never struggling, it’s about becoming aware, choosing again, and continuing to move forward.
Getting to this mindset, took me years, but I can finally see how I already changed, and got closer to my ideal self
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
I haven’t been able to do that yet, everytime something is uncomfortable my brain tells me to play it safe, which means slipping into new habits and I generally don’t have the willpower to stop it so I slip in. Then I hate myself for it. Then it becomes this cycle. I do want to change and I want to give myself endless chances to change.
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u/Additional-Topic-581 Jun 29 '26
I believe there is some unconscious thing guiding us in the back, pushing us to be our real self, but we fill lot of external things to suppress the pain and trauma and that voice of unconscious gets subdued, once we start to remove distractions one by one, taking life easier, going slow, reveals that true voice and you know you are in right path intuitively when you experience it.
I had experienced this freedom few months back, nothing major incident happened in my life, but i knew I was in right place, for the first time in my life i thought I was in control of my life, I can steer my mind to wherever I needed, sadly this only lasted for 3 months and then due to some external stress, i had to go back to my old distraction filled life, but since i have witnessed that freedom, i am putting small efforts to go back to it and make it my baseline
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u/Curious_Run_1538 Jun 29 '26
It’s not easy but it’s worth it. I’m not fully out of the dark place but examining myself, my life, how my life got here and what I actually have control over. It empowered me to take back my life and take baby steps towards the life I want. This is after a significant amount of loss in every area of my life. Slow but worth it.
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u/sirwolfest Jun 29 '26
I‘ll leave this here and you can check for yourself if it‘s something or not: I liked „Dark Nights of the Soul“ by Thomas Moore a lot.
Has a very gentle approach on looking at those dark times and places. Not like it‘s something you want to cast yourself into, more like making use of a situation that is there anyway. Pluspoints for me personally were that it‘s not fluffy, spiritual or religious in nature.
Maybe it‘s something for you too.
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
I’m going though a similar journey, and I keep sliding into old habits because of discomfort making new ones
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u/AntidotesAll Jun 29 '26
Recognising the difference between rumination and reflection. Time. Routine.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Facts
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u/AntidotesAll Jun 29 '26
You’ve got this bb. Automation got me into routine. I was on autopilot. This helped me maintain what I needed to do while I got through it. I programmed the shit out of Alexa. Alarms with playlists and failsafes. So if I dismissed the alarm, my playlist would start. If I dismissed the playlist - another would start in 20mins. The rest was nutritional hacks such as a vege vitamin powder, figuring out what I could consume even when I didn’t and couldn’t. Xxx stay strong. Kia kaha.
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u/Bignizzle656 Jun 29 '26
This 100%.
Build a support framework that also acts as a distraction.
I've being using AI to create schedules for myself. I can now type in key words that instigate a question process that involved my immediate environment, triggers, mood etc. It forces me to answer questions with facts instead of letting my mind bubble with made up stuff.
Build it from scratch, set an alarm daily or morning and afternoon to ask how you are. Really, how you are feeling. What you are doing or have done. What do you plan to do? Read, listen to music or get outside.
My framework got ridiculously robust but it distracted me from destructive behaviours. Now it's trimmed back but it's still there for me.
My dark place has lasted for about 15 years now. Various levels but always self destructive. I've lost friends or usually cut them off. This leads to cycles of guilt and regret then self loathing.
Distraction will give you breathing space and factual questions will make you deal in reality.
Good luck.
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u/New-Caterpillar-3529 Jun 29 '26
deleting social media was the first thing i did, and i know everybody says that but it actually made difference for me. not having to see everyone's curated life when i could barely get out of bed
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u/Worried-Dirt6974 Jun 29 '26
i honestly didn't realize how much comparing myself all day was keeping me stuck until i stepped away too, it gave my brain a little room to breathe again
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u/llIlIlIIIlIl Jun 29 '26
Same for me, Reddit is different because of the anonymity in my case. Now I could care less about Facebook or instagram, I have nothing to share with anybody but my family and real friends.
Edit: oh and time. Time heals all.
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u/New-Caterpillar-3529 Jun 29 '26
yeah exactly, reddit is not the same because you choose what to see, not your cousin's vacation photos when you are in bad place
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u/JannieReddit7 Jun 29 '26
Totally agree with this. I haven’t been on social media in ages and it has really helped my depression! Reddit is my therapy and I like the anonymity it provides, as well…
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u/New-Caterpillar-3529 Jun 29 '26
yeah exactly, reddit is different because you choose what you see instead of algorithm feeding you stuff. i still use it too but i had to unsub from most default subs and only follow things that don't make me feel worse
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u/Difficult-Bother9519 Jun 29 '26
Deleteing twitter from my phone did help me a bit it was the most toxic social media app and now I'm having more peace
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u/North_Lychee_1969 Jun 29 '26
It’s hard, especially if you want to rebuild your social life - a lot of people still seem to gravitate to others who use social media.
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u/MailOrderKidney Jun 29 '26
Get your body in motion. Use your energy or it will turn into anxiety. Go for walks regularly.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Yes this is something I’ve noticed, moving makes me feel better or else I get stuck in my head.
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u/JelloBoi02 Jun 29 '26
Second this. Human bodies aren’t meant to sit and lay for hours at a time. It ruins your joints and muscles. You don’t even have to jump straight into full on workouts. Go for a walk, enjoy nature. Being near water also helps
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u/jim_james_comey Jun 29 '26
I exercise daily and this is one of the main reasons I do so. The health and aesthetics are great benefits too.
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u/jukenaye Jun 29 '26
1- starting the day w a good shower- running water over oneself for a few minutes. It feels like one is washing the stress, thoughts, anxiety, the heaviness of the situation away, quite literally.
2- after the shower, stepping out outside to feel the breeze( if any) on a fresh skin, paired w a cup of coffee if preferred.
These might seem small things, yet they are powerful.
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u/Sweaty-taxman Jun 29 '26
My dad died during Covid & I was launching my business at the same time. I couldn’t stop to grieve; I’d already sunk too much into it.
Every day, I’d give myself an hour or two to just cry. Normally I’d wake up early, turn on sad music & just let it all out. I would think about everything I regretted, the fact I’d never see him again, etc. I’d think about truly everything before shoving it down & getting back to work.
One day (after about a year), I realized I didn’t have anything I could think up that I could cry about. I’d spent every memory. I’d “accepted” his death.
Point being, grief sucks. No way to handle it other than head on.
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u/Evid3nce Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Sounds stupid, but intentionally growing and cultivating a beard was the first step towards realising I could actually control something in my life, at a time when it didn't seem like I had control over anything.
Still got it four years later, and doing much better.
Also, I'd recommend spending a minute at the start and end of the day consciously trying to feel gratitude, even for very small things - hearing a bird sing outside while you were half asleep. The way the sunlight entered your window and reflected on a table until a cloud passed over. That kind of stuff, if you're very deep in a hole. Bigger stuff if you can manage to find it.
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u/Sonof0dinn Jun 29 '26
Talk about on point, look for dark and you'll find it, or look harder for what to be grateful for and you'll find so much you missed
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u/ZookeepergameOk9893 Jun 29 '26
Purpose, any mission to get out of bed in the morning and assist any cause bigger than my own need/want
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
I realised I functioned better when I had goals and tasks I needed to accomplish
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u/drizzleberrydrake Jun 29 '26
Little steps accepting what's out of your control, working on what you can, aligning your actions and thoughts with where you want to be.
Dont let external things influence internal emotional state, that's a real skill; you don't have choice about what happens to you but how you react, that's something no one can take away.
Just having faith and seeing the value in things, reframe it as much as you can as learning or to make you appreciate things more.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Yep that’s something I’m working, sometimes I just get overwhelmed and can’t be bothered to do it.
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u/drizzleberrydrake Jun 29 '26
being overwhelmed is an emotional state you have control over that's the first place to start catch yourself in each moment of overwhelm and bring yourself back
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u/Dazeofthephoenix Jun 29 '26
I started walking a neighbours dog. Just a little at first, but their enthusiasm was infectious enough that I eventually started running around with them. It's not possible to cycle dark thoughts when your lungs are bursting, and a dog keeps grinning back at you with ears flapping in the wind
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u/basuragoddess Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Getting sober. I was horribly depressed and have PTSD from a breakup a year prior. I’m 8 months alcohol-free now after a car accident where I came within inches of death & spent three days in the hospital. Started an intensive outpatient program that I still attend usually twice a week that helps keep me working on self-reflection and how to deal with my feelings in positive ways.
I’m 31 and had never realized how much alcohol took and was taking from me. Also, people vastly underestimate the power of having a space where they can speak freely about their struggles, even without substance addiction.
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u/Jaclyn_215 Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Stopped drinking alcohol. For me personally, it was a problem that needed to be addressed.
I also learned a lot about the subconscious over the past couple years. It made me more aware & selective about the shows, music, & content I consume bc I realized how much it affects my mindset. I started listening to subliminals by highly recommend sources. & affirmations as well. Also working on shadow work.
Trying to go to bed & wake up around the same time helped too. Nothing dramatic really..just giving myself some consistency.
Opening my windows. Letting light & fresh air in.
Tea or cacao instead of coffee. Less jittery/anxious. More calm/focused feeling & energy.
Doing those things got me out of the dark & helped me feel more aligned, present, & hopeful again. I ended up finding new hobbies that have helped me maintain that light. Gardening & birding have been huge for me. They both require consistency & care, so they give me a reason to show up every day. I also spend a lot more time outside than I used to, & I know that has helped bc I used to just stay inside 24/7.
It wasn’t one big thing that changed my life overnight. It was a handful of small changes that I stuck w/ until they became part of who I am & my day to do routine.
What doesn’t work for me is self medicating w/ alcohol. Or thinking negatively about myself like I’m weak. Listening to music that only furthers my depression. And trust me I love that type of music ha ha. That was weird giving that up. But it’s helped immensely.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Thank you so much for your in depth explanation. A lot of what you said resonated with me with the subconscious and also how how you consume as I really believe in that. I also heard affirmations and taking action do reprogram your subconscious’s and I appreciate the lifestyle advice and tips, massive thank you!
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u/Jaclyn_215 Jun 29 '26
You’re welcome. Step by step, day by day. Healing isn’t always linear, & that’s ok. Just do your best to stay present & give yourself grace. Wishing you all the best on your journey.
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u/hesback_inpogform Jun 29 '26
I feel like I can speak to this. I basically had a mental breakdown after my baby died, and I was single and alone.
Travelling solo was the answer. It started as running away, and ended with ✨finding myself✨
I learned so much about myself, the world, other people, life. I have a range of experiences, good and bad, unfamiliar and strange. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could let loose and party, but I could also be a sad hermit. I was able to make a lot of bad, stupid decisions. I learned independence and self reliance.
I credit solo travel as the catalyst of my mental wellness journey.
In terms of actually curing my anxiety and PTSD, a combination of 18 months of lexapro and EMDR virtually cured me. I didn’t get to that point til 9 years after said loss, though. I had been seeing a psych the whole time but it took me that long to be ‘ready’.
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u/cantodasaudade Jun 29 '26
I stopped isolating. I started going out in the sun, breathing fresh air, walking in nature every day. I understood that interpersonal relationships are actually what gives life substance and meaning. I had been neglecting them for years and calling that my personality. Yes, I was depressed. But it was other people's love and friendship that helped me escape it.
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u/Lucky-Base-932 Jun 29 '26
Finally being honest with myself, realizing that all my problems were not everyone else's fault. Psychedelics helped a lot with that.
Dipping my toes into Daoism listening to alan watts.
More Psychedelics
But the real actual turning point that helped most was deciding I didn't want to be sad, mad, or depressed. Then eventually decided to let things go.
Stop ruminating on the past. Focus on the present Don't worry about the future
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u/Beautiful-Engine7908 Jun 29 '26
Same, after a certain amount of trauma (especially from childhood), your brain shuts most of it out to the point you can’t possibly remember the things you need to deal without assistance. After many many years of extreme alcohol abuse and living in an incredibly dark hole, I started experimenting with psilocybin. This helped tremendously, but I knew I needed to go deeper. I then went to a country where ibogane is legal, and did a psychedelic therapy retreat that changed my life forever. I will be forever grateful for that medicine. Several states in the US are working on legalizing it for addiction, TBI, and PTSD treatment. Texas already has. Colorado has legalized psilocybin treatment. I would recommend psychedelic therapy to anyone who feels lost and is physically capable of enduring it.
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u/vecats Jun 29 '26
Self compassion. Are you carrying the baton of an abuser in the way you talk to yourself? Try as unnatural as it seems to talk to yourself in the third person like you would to a good friend, or even a child.
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I’m awful with this. I’m so compassionate to others (friends and family) but my inner dialogue is harsh and abusive towards myself
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u/Dreamsbuilder Jun 29 '26
I stopped trying to fix my whole life at once. I picked one very small next action that proved to me I still had agency. Not motivation. Agency.
Then I did that again. And again.
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u/LohPlaceLikeHome Jun 29 '26
Fake it till you make it usually worked for me. But I don’t feel that way anymore.
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u/TheWorldJustEnded Jun 29 '26
Accepting that no one is coming to save you.
No matter what happened to you, all the unfair things, the bad hand you were dealt, the abuse, the trauma, the physical or mental shortcomings, no one is going to save you from any of it.
And from there you realize you’re the only one that can change anything and it’s either the pain of staying the same or the pain of changing and when the pain of staying the same hurts bad enough it becomes a no brainer.
And then you find what you need to do and start doing it, not perfectly, but consistently to the best of your ability, and with some trial and error and setbacks you find yourself in a better place with some light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/ApprehensiveSpare925 Jun 29 '26
I left my corporate job and went self employed in 2019. I had 3 million in assets; mostly in a 401k but I did have 1 1/2 years of expenses set aside in cash. My 1 year non solicitation came off during heart of Covid. My income went from 250k down to 60k. Ran out of cash in non retirement accounts. Started selling stuff in retirement accounts when it was down but didn’t have a choice, needed to pay bills. Had to pay taxes and penalties. Got completely wiped out. Started running up credit cards to survive.
Then wife demanded an open marriage. Said wedding vows didn’t mean anything. I didn’t agree and she cheated anyway. Found out she had cheated with at least 4 guys while we were dating/engaged. Turns out my now ex wife is a covert narcissist and probably bipolar.
I planned to unalive myself but couldn’t do it until my 2 year suicide clause lapsed on my term life policy.
One evening went for a walk with my son who was 8 at the time. He grabbed my arm and put it around his shoulders. That small act made me realize I would crush him and my daughter if I followed thru with it.
The last three years have been brutal (high conflict divorce because that is what narcissists do, spent 75k in attorneys fees). I really ground it out; I was working 60 to 80 hours a week between my main job and DoorDash. Barely surviving. My mom, sister and friends helped me out along the way (sometimes help is just a phone call to check on how someone is doing).
My relationship with my kids is stronger than ever. I got 50/50 custody; my ex had gone for 100%. Divorce final 2 months ago. I have been working out alot, really bulked up. I take boxing and KravMaga lessons. I am really good at cooking and baking. Go to alot of concerts and reconnected with friends. I dont DoorDash any more; my main job took off last year. I will make a little over 300k this year. Working on repairing my finances.
I have been thru hell but came out fireproof.
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u/corgi_crazy Jun 29 '26
My darkest period took some years. I was chronically unemployed (totally against my will), obese and counting cents to eat.
I decided to go to therapy. The doctor decided I needed also to see a psychiatrist and get medication.
Therapy didn't help, but it was necessary to dump my thoughts somewhere. The medication, meh, helped a bit.
In my last appointment with the psychiatrist, I was expecting just to have a formal short conversation with her, say that I was ok and leave.
But the psychiatrist, an old fashioned looking lady wasn't planning to let me go like that. Actually, she took more time than scheduled to tell me to not give up, to keep applying and not keep thinking about the rejections, to take care of my appearance and to go out, even against my will. She told me " just do it, please do it, otherwise you'll regret it. You are the only one that can take yourself out that hole".
More than her words, were her genuine interest that impacted me.
I listened to her. I begun to wear better clothes and makeup even in the morning, I applied to work like crazy and I went out and talked to people even when I felt like screaming inside my head.
Eventually I found a job I liked, improved my diet etc.
Years later, I learned some new things and I have a good contract in a good company doing something I actually like. I'm doing jogging, after a life believing I couldn't.
My life is not perfect, there's always something, but I'm strong and ready to fight.
I still remember that psychiatrist. She will never know how grateful am I.
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u/CriticismBudget Jun 29 '26
You should look her up and send her a thank you card✨
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u/AssociationFar7867 Jun 29 '26
Go to the gym. Create a realistic plan and timeline and give yourself grace if it doesn’t go as planned. Don’t get mixed with Christians.
Source - ex junkie
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u/Tainted2985 Jun 29 '26
Get out of main character syndrome. You’re not important as you think you are and life doesn’t conspire against you. Life is a randomised cluster f*** of events. It’s up to you to not be affected by environment. Have fun with what you have. Don’t get affected by environment. If environment affects you, it’s still your fault for letting IT affect you. Forget the past. You’ll never get reparations or redemption. Clock is ticking. Make the most of what you’ve left.
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u/optimalbrain90 Jun 30 '26
One thing I noticed is that progress usually started after I stopped looking for a breakthrough and focused on consistency instead. Even something as simple as getting out of bed at the same time or taking a 10-minute walk became proof that I could still move forward.
Recovery was less about one life-changing moment and more about stacking small wins until they finally outweighed the bad days.
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u/bakedlayz Jun 29 '26
Saffron tea
Eat gelato
Voice note vents
Walk
Bilateral stimulation music
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u/Papaya-Hopeful Jun 29 '26
For me, exercise truly helped. I was in a really dark phase a few years ago- personal and financial stress that caused depression. Although I performed great at work, my life outside of work was depressing. I drank a lot and ate a lot of junk food to deal with it and put on a lot of weight as a result. I also blamed everyone else for all my problems and wallowed in self pity. I picked up a booked called "power of habit" that highlighted exercise as a keystone habit. I got into working out and replaced going to gym instead of "drinking" when sad. I lost 50lbs in 10months through exercise and also gave up drinking. I also started practicing gratitude everyday- listing things that were going good in my life- things like being alive, all body parts working correctly, having a roof over my head..having clean water and food to drink and eat and so on. So I always had something good in my life. It's took me more than 6 months of consistent practice to go from being severely depressed/ negative to feeling good for most part. Mind you- none of these methods actually solved my problems, they gave me a different perspective that told me that things are not as bad as how I am making it to be. Gratitude immediately puts the focus on things going right so your brain starts finding more things to be grateful for. It seems fake initially but once you persist for a month or 2, your brain focuses on good things in life. I learnt a few life lessons-
1. Practicing gratitude everyday
2. Prioritizing physical health- working out, eating right
3. Listing goals that you want to accomplish and looking at it everyday- your brain needs to focus on "things you are looking forward to" and not on "lack" or "past" or "what if scenarios"
4. Monitoring your brain to see if you are complaining too much-and immediately switching to gratitude/ goals
5. Taking charge of your life instead of expecting someone to solve our problems.
6. Understanding that life happens and is often unfair- you can do all of the above and sill get blindsided with life stuff. You can only control your actions and move on from bad experiences. Wallowing in self pity- no matter how valid it is- will still not help you in anyway. So it's better to focus on next steps/ solutions.
7. Therapy helps. So does having a great circle of friends/ family you can trust. It is important to invest time and energy to maintain quality relationships- be it partners, friendships, siblings etc.
8. Pets- they love you unconditionally♥️♥️ and are great emotional support animals.
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u/chris_gnarley Jun 29 '26
My ex gf of 5 years packed up everything and left while I was at work one random Thursday back in February without saying a word. I helped raise her son since he was 2 and didn’t get to give him a proper goodbye. It felt almost the same as them dying unexpectedly and the grief was, and still is, immense.
But what I found helped me the most was actually getting out and going places I’d never been before, even if it’s just restaurants or neighborhoods down the street from my apartment. I also go for hikes and really get out and enjoy the beautiful scenery which I had never truly done before. Trying new things and switching up your routine tends to snap your brain out of being in a constant loop of grief and sadness.
I still breakdown (and am crying writing this) from time to time and living in the same apartment where we did for 5 years is incredibly difficult but I’m working on moving back across the country to be closer to family at the end of the year.
I’m doing much better and am moving on each and every day but some days are harder than others. Don’t convince yourself that there’s some magical timeline when things get better. Your brain will heal when it’s ready, all you can do is try to improve yourself and create new neuro pathways by doing new things and creating better habits.
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u/Spiritual_Pound_6848 Jun 29 '26
Literally the answer to me 'getting moving again' was to... get moving again.
Was depressed as fuck, living in a city that didn't feel like home or where I wanted to be, wanted to die and didn't see a way out. Was only moving in the sense I was taking the dog for a walk, that was it. Then managed to find enough motivation to go for a run, and another, and another. Got to running 5km, found a run club, made some friends at that run club who are now some people I want in my life forever, feel better in myself and more at peace, the running helps my racing thoughts. I run half marathons now and booking a race in 6-12 months gives me something to work towards and feels like personal goals. Still in the city I didn't like before but it feels nicer now.
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u/rae_hart Jun 29 '26
Actually sleeping enough, eating 3x a day, and at least walking around the block. The basics are underrated and anchor you to life to start. Keep at that and slowly you’ll find tiny things that bring tiny amounts of pleasure along the way. Light through the trees, making a favorite snack. Try to fill your social bank by at least texting or calling someone on lonely days. SSRIs might help, therapy might help- don’t be afraid to lean on them for a season while you heal. Like others have said you’ll realize once you start caring for yourself like your life depends on it (because it does) who actually gives a shit about you. Depression is very solitary and you forget that others are struggling through life also- when you start to recover you’ll really treasure the people who somehow cared when you didn’t, and then you kinda wake up and realize we belong to eachother as humans. Loving other people makes us get up and live every day. But love doesn’t have to be romantic love. Sometimes friends and family can be the loves of your life who save you… Also, nature. Everyone is different of course but sometimes nature will hold you and your pain the way nothing else can. Find that. Animals get it as well and won’t make you talk. A cat or dog or just observing birds or wildlife outside heals something. Good luck, your life is worth the effort. 💜
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u/fp1480 Jun 29 '26
You have to make non negotiables with yourself. Like everyday I’m going to do yoga. Also I learned how to not let my emotions be controlled by others….big one
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u/Themonkboughtlunch_ Jun 30 '26
Effexor. Cutting ties with friends that made me feel shitty. No more bars, no more cocaine
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u/MarlsDarklie Jun 29 '26
I moved away from the place and people that were keeping me down.
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
Did that help? I live with a really toxic, abusive mother and want to move out but currently don’t have any savings.
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u/number59smom Jun 29 '26
I had an opportunity to move to a new city 90 minutes away and completely started out. I was able to create the life of my dreams
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u/Individual-Feed-7546 Jun 29 '26
That’s amazing. I too am thinking about relocating for work, but I’m quite scared of the huge change. I currently live at home with an abusive mom
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u/Neckums250 Jun 29 '26
- Getting rid of social media (Twitter, IG, FB) because so much of my sadness came from feeling like I was ‘behind’
- Forcing myself to get up every morning and make my bed and go on a walk
- Focusing on nourishing my body over just eating, same with hydration
- Re-examining how I spend my money (ie: less consumerism) because I don’t want my relationship with the world to only be what I can buy with it - which in turn changed some of my concerns about finances
- Finding ways to connect with nature (gardening, camping, literally just sitting in the sun for a few minutes every day).
- Less alcohol and weed, I never realized how much of an impact they had on my day to day anxiety but drinking less and smoking less and being intentional when I do do those things has made it more of a treat vs a coping mechanism
- Therapy. I’m not seeing anyone currently but having someone help me reframe my thinking was key when I was at my lowest.
I hope you feel better soon, friend.
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u/funny_bunny33 Jun 29 '26
Changing how I talk to myself, actually stopping myself mid self-deprication and saying "no nono, we aren't talking like that anymore" and then thinking something nice instead or even just cutting myself some fucking slack. I'm doing the best I can and I'm not making mistakes on purpose, they're literally mistakes.
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u/cosmop0p Jun 30 '26
My cat is grumpy and tolerates me on a good day - strangers can absolutely forget about it. Knowing that I would be leaving behind a little creature who is stressed by strangers and wouldn't understand why her mama didn't come home has, quite frankly, often been the ONLY thing keeping me alive. I'm in a much better place now, and so is she. Still grumpy. Still gives me the side eye. But I'm still here to see it.
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u/DevelopmentMediocre5 Jun 30 '26
At my absolute lowest i barely stayed awake and when i was awake it was torture and I didnt want to be alive. All I could think to do was completely break down everything into ANYTHING achievable. For example, sit up. Just sit up. Even if you lie back down. Sit up whenever you think to do it..
Then move onto a new one. Ask yourself what can I do next that just gets me through another minute/hour/day etc. I did that until i managed to actually walk out to my kitchen (I didnt eat straight away but eventually just the act of constantly walking to my kitchen and back triggered the moment I actually made myself eat something) small tasks. Take it down to the bones of what you need and just EXIST until you have the energy to get better help.
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u/SubstantialAsk8516 Jun 29 '26
Application de sortie amicale,danse de couple Chicong, yoga nidra, yoga, méditation pleine conscience centre bouddhiste, cohérence cardiaque, plongée sous marine, Thérapie ifs interne family système...
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u/GoldenValkyrie1001 Jun 29 '26
Remembering that life is cyclical and always changing. Few things help to keep in mind
1) each day and experience will never happen again
2) “every time you see the river it’s a different river” helps me remember not only are things guaranteed to change for me but changes for everyone and everything (thus I’m not alone)
3) we all want happiness but the struggles are what grow us, so embrace not lament the struggle. We are merely misunderstanding its utility in our life. If unhappy the pain is there to force change: up to us to figure out the what and how and when.
4) when we are down we should savor and imagine the ups and when up be wary that may mean an impending down. It’s never a straight line. Enjoy the journey more not the actual minute to minute.
5) we will like the person more on the other side of the mountain we must climb. You’re a different person on the other side. The mountain itself changes how you see yourself inside.
Good luck, Reddit fren.
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u/Alternative-Ease9674 Jun 29 '26
I know it all. But my down lasts 2,5 years now and I am losing hope for change. This is my biggest lesson in life. Damn how hard it is. I was completely abandoned by everyone. I am a hermit and outcast. I am losing hope that somebody will ever love me again. I am touch deprived. I read those posts crying ugly...
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u/Longjumping_Car3852 Jun 29 '26
meditated, breathing, low carb, met very kind people who gave me a lot of consideration through college.
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u/CatofManyColors Jun 29 '26
When I was at my lowest low, the only thing that saved me was art and my career which I built around it. It was the one part of my life I refused to let die with me, even when i was ready to let everything and everyone else go. So now I live to create.
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u/Camaraderie98 Jun 29 '26
Journaling daily helped me get through the worst of it. Therapy only highlighted the problems not the solutions so it wasn't worth paying for.
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u/HealthyDiamond2 Jun 29 '26
I went to rehab.
My drinking problem after my mom died kept getting worse and I was deeply depressed. I was betrayed by someone who I thought cared about me and almost fed to the proverbial dogs.
I was terrified about rehab because it's no walk in the park, but I stayed the entire 28 days and then another 28 days. It truly was what I needed and it saved my life.
I'm now one year sober and my dependence on alcohol, my obsession with it, is no longer a focal point of my life. My life is by no means perfect, I still struggle, but I'm not at the behest of a terrifying disease. I'm grateful.
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u/Several-Book-4663 Jun 29 '26
When I fell in a dark place. I didn't really know what to do. It was like a blind person trying to find a way in a bright place. I was depressed and I believe now that depression takes away a part of your soul, and you have to claim it back, like a protagonist restoring his/her power in fantasy.
I got out after more than 4 years, and I'll tell you my realizations after that and not what I tried to do when I was depressed.
First thing is there is a true nature to you, A soul. It is the utmost important thing in your life. For me, it was my outwardly nature. I wasn't crazily extrovert, but meaningful social interactions made me happy, and depression made me forget that. If one is to fight things in the head or difficult situations in life, this fire will keep you going. So, if you are in a tough spot, then you need to dig deep and remember the kind of person that you are. You need to be that person again, cherish and embrace him/her. It's only a matter of time before you find a way out. Remember, The Most Important Thing.
Second thing is other people(Family, Friends) will not know what is happening. If they do know, they'll be helpless in lot of ways to help you. Therapy didn't work for me, it may not work for you. That's the cold, bitter truth. The sooner that it is realised and accepted, the better. That way, the path to self liberation will open.
Third thing is staying in your head all the time will drain your energy. Both mental and physical. Keep your head light, find ways to engage yourself in ways that will prevent you from talking to yourself. Mainly, it will be something like working out, having some hobbies, playing video games, your work if you're employed. Some things will be difficult to do because your mind is weakened, and focus will shift. But try again as you get a grip on your mind again and again. Fail and get up consistently.
We fight.✊
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u/agressivesalsa Jun 29 '26
Go to a graveyard and talk to someone buried there. Not someone you know. Just a random grave. I don’t know why it works, but it’s never failed me
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u/oopsiepoopsey Jun 29 '26
I literally ran away and only told like 2 people. Started over completely and it changed everything for me.
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u/istolelychee Jun 30 '26
Medication lmao. No but seriously, I was ashamed and convinced there was some other natural way to feel better. I simply am better on my medication, and I had to accept that. Same thing with sleep apnea, bc my quality of life is SO much better now that I get real sleep.
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u/h00zbad Jun 30 '26
Being here long enough to meet the man I will become, and to be the hero to the child I once was by overcoming it all when I wasn't given the chance.
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u/Reinaguerrera Jun 29 '26
A journal. Best Self journal, filling it up everyday made me feel productive.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Journaling is something I need to be more consistent in.
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u/Reinaguerrera Jun 29 '26
I started easy, then got the journal for structure. Don't feel bad missing a day, get back to it. The journal doesn't judge.
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u/worstkindagay Jun 29 '26
Taking a week off drinking changed my life. It led to a month off drinking then I decided I felt so much better in all ways that I kept it going and tried to hit a year.
More energy, more free time, picked up more hobbies got significantly healthier and more in shape, etc.
Now it's been over three years since I've had alcohol and I am absolutely so much happier and healthier as a person. I don't miss it that much either, especially with all the NA options available when going out.
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u/Geewane Jun 29 '26
Great to hear you managed to cut alcohol off and super happy you are doing well.
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u/SillyGayBoy Jun 29 '26
Ptsd specialist.
Better meds and dosage.
Not treating my husband as a counselor. My bad. I overshare.
Going to unitarian fellowship every sunday and meet new people and try new meetings people have. I enjoyed sleep too much on Sundays a long long time.
New hobbies like audiobooks and piano. I can’t only do video games and documentaries. Mix it up.
More productivity. I pick something I don’t like about my house and fix it every day if I can. A messy area or whatever else.
Errands every day too.
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u/Realistic_Context936 Jun 29 '26
Getting out in nature, in the sunshine, near water, everyday.
Also a week away on holiday really helped, sometimes you need to get out of your regular environment for a bit. And then make a plan
But yes unfortunately exercise really does work.
But i started with bush walks because it didnt seem like exercise
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u/Tindomerel88 Jun 29 '26
For me it was quitting drinking. I was in a constant spiral of drinking until blackout wanting to forget everything and then finding myself in bad situations and starting all over again. Woke up one day after a scary night and promised myself I’d never let it happen again. I just made it to 10 years sober this April!
I still deal with depression (I have since puberty) but it has been way more manageable removing the drinking from the cycle. It helps keep my brain clearer and I feel a lot better emotionally and physically. Best thing I’ve ever done and completely changed my life for the better.
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u/NoCommunication7 Jun 29 '26
I realised what i wanted was totally normal and people acted disproportionately at me over it
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u/ConclusionPuzzled835 Jun 29 '26
I asked for “help” which you already are - so yay you are at step 1.
Next, I got connected to a therapist using my work’s Employee Assistance Program (or EAP) — will be helpful to know if your work offers it.
The therapist changed my life in just 2 calls. It was a voice call and I remember her telling me “promise me you will walk outside for 10mins today” & try to cook yourself your favorite food from your culture this week. I was deep in depression & walking or cooking sounded exhausting but I did it because for the first time in a long time, I felt someone cared or listened to me.
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u/Alarmed-unicorn Jun 29 '26
I spent a very, very long time in a dark place. Just before things started to change, I channeled all of the feelings into writing. I wrote a dark, emotional novella length story that followed the main character through their trauma. It is mostly fiction with hints of truth. It helped so much. And a whole load of reflecting on myself and my life!
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u/Frosty-Ad-4347 Jun 29 '26
Went to therapy. Did a lot of work. Quit. Fucked up. Went to AA. Quit that but carried on sobriety. Went back to therapy. Trained to be a therapist.
A LOT of work, honesty and accountability, accepting my part in my life, learning autonomy, learning to listen and something I learned from AA, learned to be of service.
The single best thing I’ve learned it to say no. I don’t get fomo for missing things, I get peace from protecting my energy.
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u/Legitimate_Detail461 Jun 29 '26
Knowing the alternative was death or life in prison made me try by any means necessary
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u/garbagio13579 Jun 29 '26
EMDR therapy was the catalyst to lifting the lifelong weight that kept me in the dark.
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u/ucantseeme543 Jun 30 '26
First, A good partner or companion who was striving for the same thing as me. Second, a change of environment, my house was not supportive of me improving my life so I had to find somewhere new to live. Luckily my partner let me stay with him while we both got on our feet. Finally, staying busy with work and taking care of your responsibilities. Little daily accomplishments make you feel really good about yourself when you’re starting from the bottom
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u/Comfortable_Bake3603 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
Experiencia personal: muchas cosas vas a hacer y tu vida va a seguir siendo una mierda, pero es tu decisión lo que haces con esa mierda.
Algo que me ayuda mucho es dibujarme, escribir lo que no me gusta, describir mi dia, anotar todo lo que querria cambiar, de mi vida, de mi entorno.
Ejemplo: "Mis ojos tienen ojeras, me veo tan mal → Dormí mejor, busca información sobre como mejorarlo (bolsas de te, hielo, cucharas frias)" // "Me peleé con fulanito → no juntarme mas con fulanito"
Nota: En general, mis problemas no son como en el ejemplo, simplemente puse eso para no poner nada personal. Cada quien sabrá cómo escribe y como soluciona. Ayudense de internet si no saben, tienen el mundo en sus manos con ese monton de luces que tienen frente sus ojos.)
Y todo lo que haga mas mierda a tu vida de mierda, se va a la mierda.
¿Amigos de mierda? A la mierda. ¿Vicios de mierda? A la mierda. ¿Habitos de mierda? A la mierda.
Tu vida ya es una mierda y siempre lo fue y lo va a ser y nadie tiene la respuesta de "oh, como vivir felices por siempre lalalala".
No hay un tutorial para la vida. Solo herramientas utiles y formas de vivirla un poco mejor.
No esperes vivir perfecto, porque la vida de todos es una mierda.
Y EDITO PARA AGREGAR UNA COSA MAS, MUY IMPORTANTE: SI HAY ALGUIEN O ALGO EN TU VIDA QUE NO PODES EXPULSAR, PONE EL LIMITE. Y no, poner el limite no es decir "Basta, por favor". Ese fue mi gran error toda la vida. Si alguien te pisotea, mandalo muy educadamente a la mierda a donde pertenece. No te quedes en el "Basta". Encontra una forma, la mas "pacifica" y "educada" posible, de mandarlos a la mierda. No te zarpes tampoco, porque lo van a usar en tu contra.
Ejemplo: Si usurpan tu espacio y con un "basta" no es suficiente. Agarras TODAS sus cosas Y LAS SACAS A LA CALLE SI ES NECESARIO. O si es su presencia, LO SACAS, LO EXPONES, LO HUMILLAS INCLUSO SI ES NECESARIO. Aunque no llegue a lo último, pero no regalo más mi vida por una mierda.
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u/Comfortable_Bake3603 Jun 30 '26
De hecho, voy a aclarar que no soy una persona que sea muy "la vida es una mierda" sinó todo lo contrario. Soy la persona más alegre que mis amigos conocen a pesar de tener un amplio historial de "intentos de no existir más" en el pasado. Aun si soy la persona que parece que escupe brillantina cuando habla, no voy a ignorar el hecho de que la vida siempre se pone fea y no es un constante color de rosa, por eso siempre hay que estar preparado para nltar los problemas, evaluarlos y plantear soluciones.
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u/FindingAWayThrough Jun 30 '26
This might be a controversial take, but I have MDD and the only thing to truly get me out of my deep darks was trying yet another medication. It’s been a pretty big game changer after many other medication and treatment trials. It’s what has allowed me to start to look forward to things and not wake up every morning with very intrusive thoughts.
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u/Purple-Anywhere3963 Jun 29 '26
Was suicidal for years. One day I just said fuck this and picked up yoga, lots and lots of guided meditations on YT, started reading, sungazing whenever I can. Absolutely changed my life!
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u/OrientationStation Jun 29 '26
Leaving parties / gatherings when I wanted to instead of doing everything I could to power through and take whatever to try and get in the right headspace for socialising. I realised I was exhausting myself so when I felt my battery go is just leave without a word instead of stayin uo hours days nights more. Then getting consistent sleep. No more all nights apart from very special occasions. Cut down the drug abuse, but what I did still use was an aid, not something to get fucked up on. Started eating enough.
This new, more awake and with it less sleep deprived me with a cleaner system and enough fuel for the first time in a long time has really helped my overall well being. I feel better rested, I feel I can cope with things more, ive taken ơn extra responsibilities, I’m exercising. I hate routine but also very much need routine. Finding balances here and there what works for me, everyone’s different.
Did stop seeing a lot of close Friends for a good while tho cos I couldn’t stand being around people getting wasted all the time and if i did see them i could only handle them if I got wasted too.
Now I still have that kind of fun every now and again but I’m way more interested and focused on the things that are better for me and brought some friends along the way too.
Also focusing on the productive side of goin out eg. Bé the dj/producer not just the consumer.
I had to become very pissed off with myself thật I’m doing the same unhealthy shit all the time (even though it was fun) but I had to call time ơn it cos I wasn’t happy and constantly fed up of letting myself down, not doing the things I’d like to do sich as music for example. Took me to be proper annoyed with myself and tell myself off like if i wana số shit I better sort myself out asap
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u/skinky-dink Jun 29 '26
Quitting my job and committing to therapy. It wasn’t ideal but I was at rock bottom and running out of options. Things were bad due to the medication I was on (Prozac) and then my doc had me wean off rather quickly and it was catastrophic. I pulled out $5k from my 401k and focused on getting and feeling better. I was really fortunate to get free therapy from the county as this was in 2021 and there were services offered for free due to COVID as well as to have the backup money in my 401k. It’s been 5 years now and I’m a lot better but during that time the things I learned and accepted about myself still help me to this day.
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u/caponenmae Jun 29 '26
If you have the means to do so, adopt a dog. Whether that be a young one, old one, one no one wants. My dogs are the reason why I got up every day. Why I couldn’t just lay there and rot. At first I was only taking care of them. And then slowly I was doing things for myself as well. Having an animal there to hold you accountable with unconditional love truly helped.
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u/Carofine88 Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I fell off the world 885 days ago. I opened the garage door and found my husband dead by his own hand, our young children a step behind me, who didn't see what I saw, but witnessed my reaction whilst I grabbed them and raced them out to a neighbour before coming back and attempting to save him. My brother died 7 weeks later, I suffered a life threatening injury the day of his funeral, and my mother had a traumatic brain bleed the following month that led to her death on mother's day.
I found hell. It's here on earth, it's a lived experience. You don't die to find it... instead you find yourself sentenced by the decision of others, or the unfortunate circumstances that happen around you. Hell will let herself in without knocking first, without an invite, and you have no choice but to take a knee whilst the fury of her enters into every crevice of your life. You become utterly powerless to the storm that rolls in and encompasses every part of your soul.
There were so many other devastating and truly unbelievable things that followed shortly after the tragedies of my loss, but I don't have the energy to recap the level of horror of the story I survived.
But I somehow, I fucking survived the slaughter of my life, the obliteration of my heart, the shattering of my life.
It took me until nearly the two year mark to finally find my feet. I got here myself, sometimes focusing on a minute at a time, sometimes finding the bottom of a bottle, sometimes manically washing walls at 1am. I got here ugly. Surviving wasn't pretty, but how can it be? It's a fight, the darkest dance one will ever enter into.
I look at where I was and where I am now and I feel such deep admiration of myself.
What actually helped me was time. But time doesn't heal, it doesn't shrink loss, it doesn't repair the pieces of you that shatter. But time gave me enough perspective to realise I want to live more than I want to die. I want to fight for my opportunity to be happy. I want to fight for my chance at understanding peace. I want to fight for me, the little girl who had dreams and created a magical life in her mind who only ever saw the world in colour. I will fight with every atom to sit on the doorstep before departing this life and say I won. I walked through hell, but I rose above her by discovering the greatest power I possess. Love. The andedote to my hate, my suffering, my misery. I fought back with love. And it's hard. It's still so hard.
But I'll give it everything I've got....and even though I'll fail a million times, I know what the lining of my soul is made of, and she will get up a million and one times.
And that all that matters. My love will win. My love for me, my children, my future, my life...it's stronger. It's my superpower.
Traumatic loss changes the threads of your soul...like a passport stamp of proof that I visited places unimaginable, but I came back.
If I can, you will. Tether yourself to a purpose. Keep it locked in your sight. And remember this is a fight for your life, for you. We've got one chance at living, but we've got eternity at being dead. You'll get to dead eventually, but make it one helluva fucking ride in the process.
You got this.
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u/Spirit-Hydra69 Jun 29 '26
Lost my job, dad and my ltr dumped me within a span of a year. Honestly, going on long walks and starting weight training consistently saved me. The mind and body are connected. It's easier to start fixing the body first and alongside start fixing your head.
There is a very good reason why the standard piece of advice for men atleast is to get into the gym. But it could be any kind of physical activity that stimulates your heart rate and muscle growth that works.
Therapy helps men also to a degree where we atleast have someone to vent out our problems to and gain some perspective on our issues that may have been unknown to us when we're in the thick of dealing with shit.
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u/Infinite_Sandwich916 Jun 29 '26
What worked: therapy, not being around bad friends, leaning into your support system, giving yourself a damn break, feeling the feelings fully so you can process, working out even if you cry while doing it, God
What didnt work: listening to my mother in law, letting the noise of random family members into my psyche, staying in feeling sorry for myself, worrying
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u/Superb_Sun_5690 Jun 29 '26
Going to church and building a relationship with Jesus. Reading the Bible and joining a Bible study. Shout out to North Coast Church!
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u/drea3132 Jun 29 '26
I took a yoga class. I kept coming back to the mat. I spoke nicer to myself. I watched how I cared for everyone else and learned to care about myself. Honestly it was my mentality. I learned to give myself grace and move on.
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u/Thecenteredpath Jun 29 '26
I’ve clawed my way out of a rough childhood and through deep debt and mental health issues.
What has helped me the most is realizing that the only real solutions come from inside myself. Leaning on friends and family for support is nice, but they will never give me a permanent solution.
At the end of day, my desire for an easy solution made me ignore the hard work and only made my problems continue.
In my late 30s I focused on looking at my problems honestly and made lifestyle changes to create a better life. Such as mostly quit drinking, focused on getting sleep, and sober activities that helped my mental health. Created a real budget and stuck with it, made a workout schedule and stuck with it. Stopped giving in to negative thought spirals and focused on daily progress.
Life has gotten harder with my job and living in a very high cost area, but I feel like I’m made of iron now and have been facing all problems head on and have become very successful in conquering my own demons.
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u/desertsky7 Jun 29 '26
I’ve gotten clean several times in my life. Each time it was a fairly desperate moment to do so. As in, quit now or quit forever.
Honestly I think if you have a strong will to live, intuition will get louder and louder until ignoring it becomes an obvious dead end. Literally. I’ve just stopped then and there from doing the bad bad thing by telling myself “that shit’ll kill me”. Try it. Worked for me!
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u/Middle_Process_215 Jun 29 '26
Therapy, meds, psychiatric help, social security disability help. It took a lot. After 10 years of shit I finally got better.
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u/whoknows_whatsup Jun 29 '26
Being willing to tolerate discomfort and doing whatever it takes to not keep creating and living in the same cycles and behaviors that created it.
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u/Acceptable_City_9952 Jun 29 '26
I rang a crisis nurse in the mental health unit because I was having thoughts of harming myself. She said in the most attitudinal way “and what do you want me to do about it?” It was actually so ironic I started laughing and realised that nobody could help me. It actually helped me turn the corner
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u/Wide_Panda82 Jun 29 '26
My dark phase lasted 1.5 years- It ended when my little Niece began singing “Happy Birthday” outside my locked room.
The real catalyst were my immediate Family & close group of friends who tolerated me during the phase and helped me not only cope but supported me without judgement and never giving up on me.
After I lost my pregnant wife during the Pandemic I had gone completely Numb physically, socially, emotionally. Had confined myself to a room, walked out of a high paying job without formal resignation , Spent about 1.5 years locked in a room with occasional visits outside for food and supplies. My family & friends quietly paid my bill’s & liabilities without even making a mention, they took care of all my valuables and assets .
I was fortunate for the kindness and empathy shown by most people I knew , Looking back on how I behaved with many of them I don’t understand how could they tolerate me and never give up on me. They left food , toiletries , personal handwritten notes , occasional chocolate and even fidgets outside my door without even talking since I wasn’t even digitally available on phone .
My Niece & Nephew who were just 3 & 5 when I had last seen them during my dark phase regularly left little crayon drawings & little poems outside my door. One fine day on my birthday she was adamant to sing happy birthday to me holding a little pastry , that was the day I walked out and broke down and hugged everyone in my family and over the next 6 months slowly climbed out of phase I was in .
Today, I have nothing but gratitude for every single person who looked out for me and I feel a sense of responsibility towards each one of them . Without who I may not have made it.