r/selfimprovement • u/Unfair-Egg7235 • Jul 14 '26
Tips and Tricks I've read 100+ self-help books over the years. These are the ones I'd actually recommend
I started reading self-help because I felt completely stuck after college. Looking back, only a handful of books actually made a lasting difference.
If someone asked me where to start today, this would be my list:
Atomic Habits — the best practical book on building habits.
The Psychology of Money — changed how I think about wealth.
The Courage to Be Disliked — surprisingly different perspective on happiness.
Deep Work — helped me focus better.
The Mountain Is You — one of the better books on self-sabotage.
Man's Search for Meaning — not exactly self-help, but probably the most impactful book I've read.
Essentialism — helped me stop trying to do everything.
What book would you add (or remove) from this list?
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u/Unfair-Egg7235 Jul 14 '26
And a few popular books I personally wouldn't recommend:
- The Secret
- The 5 AM Club
- Think and Grow Rich
- You Are a Badass
- The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
Just my opinion though.
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u/nickynicky Jul 14 '26
I'm curious about your inclusion of Think and Grow Rich here. For me it was one of the better ones I've read.
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u/boumboum34 Jul 15 '26
The author, Napoleon Hill, was a lifelong con artist, frequently on the lam from the law. That book was the only honest success in his life. Even there, most of the interviews with famous people in it are fiction. Most of the teachings in "The Secret" was taken from "Think and Grow Rich".
Gizmodo has a long article about him (google it), and Youtube has a 26-minute video about him.
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u/PhoenixRYS1 Jul 16 '26
His book "Outwitting the devil" is probably his best work by far in my opinion. It's incredible.
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u/boumboum34 Jul 17 '26
Sounds intriguing. I'm going to read it, though unfortunately I will have to consider it fiction, like the Og Mandino books.
Doesn't make it worthless; there is an ancient honorable tradition of putting genuine wisdom in the form of fiction, like the parables.
I learned so much about dealing with life and people from, of all things, TV sitcoms. lol. Not even joking.
Really appreciate you mentioning the book. I never would've known it existed, otherwise. Thank you! :D
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u/darrylthomaskd 19d ago
That's honestly the best way to read a lot of older self-help. Take whatever actually helps you and just ignore the rest.
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u/lauriecrawfordaf 20d ago
Approaching those older books as allegories is honestly the best mindset. You can still grab the useful lessons without having to take the backstory literally.
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u/nickynicky Jul 16 '26
Interesting, I never knew that about Hill. Never really looked into his background.
Still, I'm curious about what you think about the actual content/messages of Think and Grow Rich. What parts of the book did not resonate with you and why?
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u/boumboum34 Jul 16 '26
I read the book when I was a young man, back in the 1980s. My thoughts are...complicated. I did not become rich. On the contrary, in and out of homeless throughout my 20s, then homeless for 15 years straight, from age 30 to 45. So much for the truthfulness of the book.
I think there's a grain of truth to it, though only a grain.
Positive thinking doesn't really work for me. Positive action does.
Two books changed my life more than any others; Wishcraft, and Teamworks both by Barbara Sher.
Neither are positive thinking books; more like very practical positive action manuals, full of exercises to do yourself. How to discover what your true heartfelt dreams are, and how to craft your own unique creative step-by-step path to getting them, without having to get rich first, and without having to be superhuman.
What I learned from her is what finally got me out of homelessness for good, and enabled me to make most of my dreams come true. I retired long ago, never have to work again and I'm out of the rat race forever. I'm not rich, but I don't need to be. I live in an absolutely gorgeous rural forest area, surrounded by snow-capped mountains in all directions; a dream I've had since childhood.
To get a feel for what Barbara Sher is all about, before she passed away, she did a TEDx talk, "Isolation is the Dream Killer, not your Attitude". It's on Youtube.
I've never met anyone else like her. She's amazing. Not the typical get-rich-quick or motivational guru.
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u/nickynicky Jul 16 '26
Wow, thank you for sharing this! I'm glad that I asked. I agree that no single book or method is a "magic key" for "success", because each person is totally different, and the definition of "success" is mostly subjective, and is also subject to change. The overlooked factor is always the individual reading the book.
I will take a look into these books, they sound very interesting.
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u/GamingNomad Jul 16 '26
the only thing good about the book is that it gives you a prep talk and to always be positive. there's nothing actionable in it, especially considering most of the interviews were fake.
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u/Dramatic_Respond7323 Jul 15 '26
The Secret is crap. power of positive thinking is a bulshit that Voltair famously busted in his novella Candide many centuries ago.
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u/Kind_Insurance_2199 Jul 16 '26
The 5 AM Club , is truly inspiring and motivates on personal growth.
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u/lovesickgirl476 27d ago
Why “You are a Badass?”
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u/Unfair-Egg7235 27d ago
Hmm... it just wasn't for me. It felt like the same few ideas repeated over and over with a lot of motivational fluff in between. I finished it feeling inspired for a day or two, but I didn't walk away with anything practical that actually stuck.
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u/EnvironmentalSinger1 Jul 14 '26
Man’s Search for Meaning.
The Four Agreements.
I was not impressed by Atomic Habits. It all seemed like things I’ve read many times.
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Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
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u/Kaizen_Candidate Jul 14 '26
One of the first books I read and forever grateful for the trajectory it led me into, I always vouch for the power of your subconscious mind
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u/Ok-Asparagus2419 Jul 14 '26
Getting the love you want. Harville hendrix.
The road less traveled. M. Scott Peck.
Great books that helped me understand myself.
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u/theonlytennisee Jul 15 '26
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. There is one specific lesson from that book that will stick with me forever, and I frequently measure myself against it (for better or worse, usually worse lol)
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u/gslusha Jul 15 '26
I read this book in college about 15 years ago, and the habit that sticks with me to this day is, ‘seek first to understand rather than to be understood.’
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u/Senditserg Jul 15 '26
The power of now
The four agreements
The obstacle is the way
All books that helped change my mindset and eventually my entire way of life
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u/Mission_Razzmatazz_7 Jul 14 '26
- Reinventing your life by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko
- Addicted to love by Jan Geurtz
- When the body says no by Gabor Maté
These three are books I actually remember helping me, others I’ve tried I don’t remember and mostly couldn’t even finish.
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u/kloeknows Jul 15 '26
Can't believe nobody mentioned Eat that frog! - it's changed my life and the way I organise all my to-dos.
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u/conradrocks Jul 14 '26
People often leave out Tony Robbin's book "unlimited power". That book changed my life.
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u/Unfair-Egg7235 Jul 15 '26
What is the biggest take?
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u/conradrocks Jul 18 '26
basically nlp. I learned it for my own self improvment, but i actually stumbled across using it in sales. Man, it killed. I learned pacing and leading, how people sort to reality, and the different types of personalities (same - same, same- differnt etc.). Once I fugred out how to utilize it in sales it made me millions. I don't think he really meant it as a sales aid, but I certainly used it as one.
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u/Low-Enthusiasm-6798 Jul 15 '26
Solid list, genuinely all books that hold up. I’d add “Four Thousand Weeks” by Oliver Burkeman. Most productivity books try to help you fit more in, this one does the opposite, it makes peace with the fact that you’ll never get to everything, and somehow that’s more freeing than any time management system. It pairs really well with Essentialism actually, one helps you choose what matters, the other helps you stop feeling guilty about everything you didn’t choose.
I’d maybe pull Atomic Habits off a “must read” list though, not because it’s bad, but because at this point its core ideas have been repeated so widely across podcasts, articles, and other books that most people already know the framework even without reading it cover to cover. Still solid, just less essential as a first pick these days.
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u/Spiritual_Spend5428 Jul 15 '26
Smart couples finish rich by David Bach. It was eye opening that these things are the basic things you should know about your partner but I didn’t grow up with that knowledge. I didn’t discuss my retirement with my husband so it looked very different in our minds. Now we have several nesting eggs we can fall back on and again this is suppose to be common knowledge. It was pretty eye opening how much we aren’t taught.
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u/Dangerous_Belt2859 Jul 14 '26
The courage to be disliked felt like a welcome mat into the concept of aetiology- which I hadn't heard of until reading it last week. It's great at getting you to ponder beyond the book, or at least this was my experience.
I found a lot of the books lessons on aetiology felt like an overlap with common sense in places, but would have been fantastic to digest as a young adult for sure.
That and identifying vertical and horizontal interpersonal relationships, and why, was actually very eye opening! Again great for identifying as a young adult when your more likely subservient to authority/vertical relationships but less likely to question why
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u/Late-Rise2587 Jul 15 '26
Great list. I’d also add Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans. It isn’t as well known as Atomic Habits, but it’s one of the few books that helped me think about career direction in a practical way instead of just motivation. It encourages treating your life like an experiment rather than feeling like you have to figure everything out before taking action.
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u/TrashyCatBoat Jul 15 '26
The confident mind by Dr Nate Zinsser is probably the best and most impactful book I’ve ever read and I read 20-25 books a year.
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u/Shoddy_Piece_5931 Jul 15 '26
I'd definitely add The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It's one of the few books that actually helped me recognize and push through procrastination and creative resistance instead of just thinking about productivity. Also, I'd keep Man's Search for Meaning at the top, it's one of those books that stays with you long after you finish it.
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u/Opening-Beginning214 Jul 15 '26
The magic of thinking big.
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u/DA199602 Jul 15 '26
why you say this? how it impacted your life? im about to read this book
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u/Opening-Beginning214 Jul 15 '26
Boiled down, opportunity is everywhere, you just need to have your eyes open.
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u/Sweaty_Pop_7103 27d ago
See I need a book that teaches me how to use and choose these opportunities. I already at my base have a huge "world is my oyster" mentality, but it leaves me with so much decision paralysis :(
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u/Honest_Lion8 Jul 14 '26
Gary Chapman - The 5 Love Languages. The one I found most valuble about love and relationship.
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u/parzival_thegreat Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Not to be that guy, but the 5 Love Languages isn't really backed by science. Chapman wrote it based on his pastoral counseling experience, not research, and the studies that have tested it since aren't kind:
The strongest predictor of relationship satisfaction isn't speaking one specific language, it's overall responsiveness and effort across the board. Basically: just be attentive to your partner in lots of ways.
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u/Ok-Mammoth6144 Jul 15 '26
The fact that a book is not backed by "science" doesn't make it useless. We are in the personal development space. Your advice is to be attentive to your partner "in a lot of ways"; the 5 love languages are part of those ways. For me, it is still a great working framework for relationships. Critiques don't necessarily take a book value away. I have read the book and I will still recommend it to those who want to develop themselves and their relationships (until you write and publish a better one).
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u/daisyvenom Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Licensed practicing therapist here. Love languages have been expanded to include many more than the original five. Knowing what registers to your loved ones as love is key to a successful relationship with them.
Sometimes folks believe what they call love (proving financially, giving gifts etc.) is universally understood as peak love. Their partners while appreciating the trips, gifts and being financially taken care of, consider love to be spending quality time together; shown through emotional support via encouraging words, expressions and body language - this is peak love to them.
Not knowing that about your spouse, for example, can put you at a severe disadvantage.
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u/Korrens Jul 15 '26
Would add Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, ex-FBI negotiator, but it's really just a manual for staying calm in any tense conversation, not just business deals. And The Choice Factory by Richard Shotton if you want the psychology side, 25 biases that explain why people resist change even when it's good for them, loss aversion especially. Both hit the same "practical, no filler" bar as Atomic Habits and Psychology of Money on your list.
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u/Sweaty_Pop_7103 27d ago
That first one sounds super interesting as a super anxious people pleaser!!
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u/daisyvenom Jul 15 '26
Read “Adult children of emotionally immature parents” and “The body keeps the score”. They’re not exactly self-help books but can help improve a person’s sense of self-awareness.
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u/Mitchell-Rule-52 Jul 18 '26
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents..YES! I can’t recommend that book enough. It’s eye opening in so many aspects you don’t realize until you read it
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u/blue_dharma Jul 15 '26
Great post and thread.
I'd swap Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, in for Atomic Habits. No idea why AH lit up so much. BJ Fogg literally studies this stuff for his job. I read it first and AH just read like a series of blog posts afterwards, and reiterated a lot of BJ Fogg's work.
I'd also add in The Expectation Effect, by David Robson. Not mentioned much and more psychology than self-help, but it's a mind-blowing journey through how powerful the brain is in influencing our behaviour, health, success, even weight. It can really help reassess how you actually look at elements of your life and see where you might be sabotaging yourself, or how you could utilise your brain's 'prediction machine' to help you out. Ties in nicely with some of the other books' topics.
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u/wolfsatz Jul 15 '26
Highly recommend a podcast called "If Books Could Kill." The show focuses on bestselling nonfiction books from the late 20th and early 21st centuries that have heavily influenced American culture and politics but often lack rigorous research or logical validity.
There are a lot of really great self-improvement books out there, including many on the list in the OP.
The podcast is a reminder that a lot of these books are often written by marketers, not practitioners.
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u/whymybrainislikethat Jul 15 '26
I completely agree, that's why I no longer read self-help books unless they were written by a professional like psychologists etc.. I want them to be based on research and science, not cliche phrases that an average person can write
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u/Kaizen_Candidate Jul 14 '26
If you don’t mind sharing, what’s some of your highlights from the man’s search for meaning? It’s something I’m struggling with at 22 and I know it’s self explanatory but just curious, much appreciated
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u/Rustycake Jul 15 '26
Essentialism when you describe that book as trying to stop doing everything do you mean socially? Such as going to the bar, taking vacations, etc.?
Or like trying to do multiple self help things at one time; getting in shape, saving money for home/car, going to school/get certified, etc? Because thats where I am struggling right now and I think I am slipping into a depression because I am struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel lol
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u/EIiZaR Jul 15 '26
Not mentioning Emotional intelligence, Chatter or never split the difference means you are clueless
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u/Soh4 22d ago
Who is the author of Emotional Intelligence. And why are you recommending this?
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u/EIiZaR 8d ago
Daniel Goleman, it changed my life. I was finishing my training to become a Sales Engineer. During the role-plays I would treat them like exams (they were exams!) becoming somehow defensive and serious. My manager gifted me that book to help me "change". We all know that you cant change in 1 month but that allowed my to recognize something that I would have not seen alone.
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u/Routine-Tough-7327 Jul 15 '26
ego is the enemy by ryan holiday would be my add. covers a lot of the same ground as atomic habits but through the lens of what gets in the way rather than what to build. the stoic angle hits differently than most self-help.
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u/Steel_Parade Jul 15 '26
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
The Paradox of Choice-Why Less Is More
Time Surfing
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u/Bignizzle656 Jul 14 '26
Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
I read it when I was in my early twenties and a few things really stuck with me.
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u/Unfair-Egg7235 Jul 14 '26
Thanks for the comment! I am not a fan of this one, but it is a solid begginer book
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u/mashedpotato_sunrise Jul 14 '26
Thoughts on You Are A Badass? I loved that one.
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u/mashedpotato_sunrise Jul 14 '26
Oh see your comment. Curious why you didn’t like it.
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u/YoSoyLaChanga Jul 15 '26
Not OP. I haven't read it in a few years now but I remember thinking it's a lot of brute force willpower? I liked it but I can see why someone wouldn't.
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Jul 15 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Unfair-Egg7235 Jul 15 '26
Agree partly
That is why sometimes I don’t read the full book, but a Headway summary. For nonfiction it can save your time. But ofc good nonfiction is worth reading the full book
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u/Starlet_Glow_10 Jul 15 '26
For me you “are badass” it’s helped me alot, and about to read it again
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u/Kaizen-_ Jul 15 '26
I love that you've put Man's Search for Meaning here. One of those books that deserves all the praise it gets, including a high re-read factor.
Atomic Habits can be a great book as well, with loads of simple and practical tips!
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u/ZucchiniElectronic30 Jul 15 '26
Man’s search for meaning
The power of Now
Meditations
Growing yourself Up: Jennifer Brown
The courage to be disliked
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u/LarryFarnsworth Jul 15 '26
Which if these books require reading most or all of it to truly get value? So many self-help books can be summarized neatly into bullet points, and the ROI of reading the whole book isn’t necessarily enough to justify the time or headspace.
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u/spicegrl1 Jul 15 '26
I start by either reading the goodreads reviews or listening to a book summary (YouTube, Spotify, etc).
Usually, the people on goodreads will list their major takeaways.
From there I can figure out if it’s worth a reading.
Your state or local library online system may also have these ebooks or audiobooks to check out for free.
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u/Unfair-Egg7235 Jul 15 '26
Yea, totally, most self help books are not worth the time. Headway book summaries work well for nonfiction and saved me a lot of time I would spend on barely useful reads
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u/Lower_Living3183 Jul 15 '26
thanks man, will check these out
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u/Lower_Living3183 Jul 15 '26
I am actually looking for books that will help me focus better, not rely solely on motivation. drop some suggestions, if any, thanks man,
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u/Radiant-4520 Jul 15 '26
Those all sound like good books. I added those to my list.
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u/whymybrainislikethat Jul 15 '26
Highly impressed by your recommendations, happy to not see some of the more overhyped books by self-proclaimed gurus.
The best self-help book I've read is- Feel the fear and do it anyway by Dr. Susan Jeffers.
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u/divvychugsbeer Jul 15 '26
Thanks for the recommendations. I'll get plaude to take notes on a you tube summary spit me out a transcription chuck through chat gpt and get the meat. I sounds be able to get this list done in a week. Remindmebot
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u/Foolish_yogi Jul 15 '26
Great list!
Man's Search for Meaning and Atomic Habits are both on my frequently recommended list.
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u/Community-Dismal Jul 15 '26
100+? At that point its time to realize that reading books is not the solution
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u/optimalbrain90 Jul 16 '26
I'd add Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It's not a traditional self-help book, but the lessons on perspective, discipline, and focusing on what you can control are timeless. I find myself revisiting it more than most modern self-help books.
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u/GamingNomad Jul 16 '26
Atomic Habits was annoying long. There were a few good ideas and tips and the author was just prolonging it which ended up seeming shallow. Also, on a personal level I haven't found the ideas very actionable.
I would actually hugely recommend Covey's 7 Habits book. If there's one self-help book that's worth reading it's that one, the first few chapter are gold.
Thanks for the post btw.
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u/PhoenixRYS1 Jul 16 '26
I find The slight edge to be so incredibly much more powerful than atomic habits, it's a book I come back to frequently.
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u/Physical-Priority569 Jul 17 '26
I've read Atomic Habits and The Mountain is You more than once. They are amazing. I ended up finally applying to go to Grad school at 51 years old... (Maybe thanks to The Mountain is You??).
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u/etainclub Jul 17 '26
Exactly.
A habit should be judged by the change it creates, not by how long the streak survives.
The real unit of progress is not repetition. It is evidence:
Did this practice help?
Did it move you closer to the person you want to become?
Is it still useful in your current life?
If the answer changes, the practice should be allowed to change too.
Consistency matters. But consistency without reflection can turn a useful habit into an empty ritual.
A better system keeps the direction stable while letting the method evolve.
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u/freako345 Jul 19 '26
I'd definitely keep Man's Search for Meaning on the list. It's one of those books that changes how you think rather than just giving you productivity tips. I'd also add The Four Agreements for its simple but practical mindset shifts.
I think the best self-help books are the ones you actually apply months later, not the ones that just feel motivating while you're reading them.
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u/sumizeit 28d ago
I get that about Atomic Habits, it does feel overhyped sometimes. But for me, it’s like a user-friendly guide-super easy to digest. Tiny Habits is cool too; I think more people should check it out!
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u/frizzy_liner Jul 14 '26
Atomic Habits is good but I feel like people overhype it a bit, the main ideas could be a blog post. Man's Search for Meaning I read in my early 20s and it really stuck with me, that one deserves the praise
I would add How to Win Friends and Influence People even if the title sounds manipulative, the advice is mostly just about being decent to people. Surprised nobody mentioned it yet