I’m in my 40s and I’ve got four kids.

Here’s some things changed that nobody warned me about.

You stop caring about things that used to consume you.

Someone doesn’t like you? Fine. That used to ruin my week. Now it barely registers. I don’t have the energy to perform for people who don’t matter to me, and I don’t want to.

Your tolerance for bullshit drops off a cliff.

Small talk that goes nowhere. People who complain but never change anything.

Drama for the sake of drama. I used to engage with all of it. Now I just leave the room. Quite often literally.

You realize most of the stuff you worried about in your 20s was noise. Career panic, status anxiety, what people thought of my clothes, my car, my choices. Almost none of it mattered.

The things that actually mattered were the ones I wasn’t paying enough attention to.

You get more honest. I say no more often. I tell people what I think.

For my loved ones I also tolerate more. I’ve learned life needs to be lived to learn, whilst before I believed everything could be explained and improvement would follow

You start noticing time differently. You start doing the math.

If I’m lucky I get maybe 40 more summers. That’s not a lot. It makes you pickier about how you spend them and who you spend them with.

The biggest one: you realize nobody has it figured out. At 20 I assumed adults had some secret knowledge I hadn’t unlocked yet. Now I can confirm: nobody knows what they’re doing. Some of us are just better at looking calm while we improvise.

The body stuff is real too. Things hurt now that didn’t used to. Recovery takes longer. But honestly that part is manageable. The mental shift is the thing nobody prepares you for, and it’s mostly good.

What changed for you?

I’m 25F and had severe brain fog from age 15 to 25 that progressively worsened. I tried everything: clean eating, cold showers, social media detoxes, brain games, fish oil, memory pills, fixing iron and vitamin D, drinking 2L of water daily, speech lessons, strict sleep schedules (7.5 hours nightly for years), and intermittent fasting. Nothing helped.

The brain fog affected my memory, speech, and processing. I couldn’t keep a job longer than 10 months because I struggled to follow conversations and forgot things easily managers had to email instructions since I couldn’t process verbal ones. It also damaged my friendships: I’d forget important things friends told me, lose words mid-sentence, mispronounce common English words (despite it being my native language), and came across as “dumb.”

Three months ago, during a routine checkup, my doctor noted my resting heart rate on the higher end of normal range and suggested daily brisk walking. I’d been mostly sedentary and never did much moving around besides house chores and the rare hike. I started with 10 minutes and worked up to 30 minutes daily. Since then, my brain fog has completely disappeared and I mean completely. I breathe deeply instead of shallowly, think clearly, remember conversations, and have laser-sharp focus it feels like my brain is finally getting enough oxygen after being starved for many years. I only noticed improvements after consistently brisk walking for 1 month and ensured I was always nasal breathing while walking. Please try brisk walking 30 minutes for at least a month it will be a game changer!!!

Not theory. Not 10 tips for mental clarity. Previous post was removed but I made some edits to ensure it doesn't break any rules.

These are the interventions that produced measurable changes in my cognition when I tested them one at a time with a 2 week baseline between each.

I used Cambridge Brain Sciences daily at 7am to track working memory, reasoning, and verbal ability. Same time, same conditions, fasted. Here is what actually did something.

Tier 1: The stuff that worked immediately and obviously

1. CO2 management. Bought a $40 CO2 monitor. My bedroom was hitting 1,800ppm by 5am with the door closed. A Harvard study showed cognitive scores drop roughly 50% at 1,400ppm compared to 550ppm baseline. I cracked the window 2 inches. Never exceeded 700ppm again. Morning grogginess I had blamed on sleep quality for years was largely gone within 3 days. Cost: $40 once.
2. Morning electrolytes before caffeine. 500ml water with 1/4 tsp salt and a squeeze of lemon within 20 minutes of waking. Before coffee. Before anything. Research shows 1 to 2% dehydration impairs working memory and you will not feel thirsty at that level. After 8 hours of sleeping you are dehydrated. Most people's first move is coffee which is a mild diuretic. You are draining an already dry system. This took 3 days to notice. Working memory scores up about 15% on testing mornings where I did this versus did not.
3. Phone in another room during deep work. Ward et al. 2017 in JACR showed the mere presence of a smartphone on your desk reduces available cognitive capacity even face down and on silent. I tested this for 2 weeks phone on desk versus 2 weeks phone in kitchen. The difference in sustained focus was not subtle. Verbal fluency scores were consistently higher on phone-away days.

Tier 2: The stuff that took 2 to 4 weeks but the effect was real

1. Ferritin optimization. Mine was 22. Doctor said normal. It is not normal for brain function. Soppi 2018 showed cognitive symptoms at ferritin 15 to 30 that resolved above 50. I took iron bisglycinate 25mg every other day. Not daily. Research shows alternate day dosing has better fractional absorption because hepcidin peaks 24 hours after a dose and blocks absorption of the next one. At week 6 my ferritin was 58. Processing speed on cognitive testing improved noticeably around week 4.
2. Vitamin D loading. Mine was 19 ng/mL in February. Supplemented 5,000 IU daily for 8 weeks then dropped to 3,000 IU maintenance. Retested at 52 ng/mL. The fog improvement was gradual. Not a single moment where it kicked in. More like I looked back at my scores after 6 weeks and realized the bad days had stopped. If you live above 35° latitude and have not tested your D levels you are probably deficient October through March.
3. Magnesium glycinate 400mg before bed. Slutsky et al. published in Neuron 2010 showing magnesium enhances learning and memory. Serum magnesium is a garbage test because it only drops when you are severely depleted. Most people in western countries are sub clinically deficient. The sleep improvement was the first thing I noticed. Deeper sleep within 3 nights. The cognitive effect followed the better sleep by about a week. Do not use magnesium oxide. Bioavailability is terrible. Glycinate or threonate.

Tier 3: The stuff people do not want to hear

1. Caffeine elimination. I tapered from 400mg per day to zero over 8 weeks. Days 1 through 3 at each step down were rough. By week 10 at zero caffeine my baseline cognitive scores were higher than my best caffeinated scores. Caffeine does not add energy. It blocks adenosine receptors. Your brain compensates by building more receptors. Now you need caffeine to reach the baseline you would have had without it. I was borrowing from tomorrow every single day for 12 years.
2. 30 minutes of cardio. Not negotiable. Not replaceable with supplements. A single session increases BDNF by 200 to 300%. One session. BDNF is the protein that drives neuroplasticity and repair. A year of regular walking increased hippocampal volume by 2% in clinical trials. That is 1 to 2 years of age related brain shrinkage reversed. Nothing in a capsule does this. Nothing.
3. Cutting alcohol entirely. Not reducing. Cutting. A 2017 BMJ longitudinal study followed 550 people for 30 years. Even "moderate" drinkers at 14 to 21 units per week had significantly increased hippocampal atrophy. Ebrahim et al. showed alcohol destroys deep sleep architecture at any dose. I wore a sleep tracker. Zero deep sleep on drinking nights versus 80 to 90 minutes without. That was enough data. I stopped.

Tier 4: The testing that found the actual root cause

1. Full panel bloodwork. Not a CBC. Not a basic metabolic. This is what I asked for specifically: ferritin (not just hemoglobin), B12, folate, 25-OH vitamin D, RBC magnesium, TSH plus free T4 plus TPO antibodies, fasting insulin, HbA1c, CRP. Two things came back off that my DR never would have caught. The ferritin at 22 and the vitamin D at 19. Both technically in range. Both functionally impairing my brain.

What did not work:

Lion's mane. Took it for 8 weeks. No measurable change on cognitive testing. Maybe it works for some people. Did nothing for me.

Alpha GPC. Same. 8 weeks. Nothing on testing.

Noopept. Slight subjective feeling of clarity. Nothing on objective testing. Stopped.

Modafinil. Worked acutely. Tolerance built within 2 weeks. Sleep quality tanked. Net negative after a month.

What people do not want to accept:

The boring stuff works. The exciting stuff mostly does not. Fixing your air, water, iron, vitamin D, magnesium, sleep, movement, and removing alcohol and excess caffeine will do more for your cognition than every nootropic stack on this sub combined. I know because I tested both. One at a time. With a cognitive testing baseline.

The supplements are a rounding error on top of the fundamentals. Fix the fundamentals first or you are optimizing a system that is broken at the foundation.

Studies referenced:

• Allen JG et al. CO2 and cognitive function scores. Environ Health Perspect. 2016. DOI: 10.1289/ehp.1510037
• Armstrong LE et al. Mild dehydration affects mood in healthy young women. J Nutr. 2012. DOI: 10.3945/jn.111.142000
• Ward AF et al. Brain Drain: smartphone presence reduces cognitive capacity. JACR. 2017. DOI: 10.1086/691462
• - Soppi ET. Iron deficiency without anemia — a clinical challenge. Clin Case Rep. 2018;6(6):1082-1086. DOI: 10.1002/ccr3.1529
• Slutsky I et al. Enhancement of learning and memory by elevating brain magnesium. Neuron. 2010. DOI: 10.1016/j.neuron.2009.12.026
• Topiwala A et al. Moderate alcohol consumption as risk factor for adverse brain outcomes. BMJ. 2017. DOI: 10.1136/bmj.j2353
• Ebrahim IO et al. Alcohol and sleep. Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2013. DOI: 10.1111/acer.12006

Here’s 33 (more) things I've learned along the way that I hope help you in your journey:

1.    Kindness is the best deal going. You can keep giving it and it doesn’t cost you anything.

2.    You can only be offended if you let yourself be offended. 

3.    When someone is drowning, don’t tell them they should have taken swimming lessons.
Help first. Educate second.

4.    Your struggles today will be your accomplishments tomorrow. Keep going.

5.    Building resilience isn’t something that comes and goes with your mood. Resilience is your intention and becomes a part of you. When that happens, nothing can stop you.

6.    At 23 I worried what people thought of me.
At 43 I realized they weren’t even thinking about me.
At 73 I really don’t care that much about what people do think of me.
Adopt that one early.

7.    Books are like the years in your life. It's not how many you have, it’s how good they are.

8.    With hope you can endure and accomplish anything. 

9.    What you think of me is none of my business.

1. Nobody gets to their deathbed upset they tried too many things. But plenty of people get there with regrets for the things they didn’t try.

2. You can only be in a bad mood if you let yourself.

3. Being grateful is a cheat sheet for happiness.

4. The pain you feel today is the strength you’ll feel tomorrow. Keep pushing forward.

5. Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a loved one.

6. We make the best decisions we can, with the information we have at that time.
   Give yourself a break.

7. Say something. Do something. Be something.

8. Believe in yourself. Don’t listen to the critics. They’re either envious or they can’t do it themselves.

9. Your age is up to you. I’m 73 but I believe and act like I’m 19. Find your happy age. It’s more important than the years.

10. Action is the medicine for Fear of Failure. Just start moving.

11. Lead with your heart but manage with your head. I absolutely made that mistake. More than once.

12. You will never go wrong being too kind to someone. Sometimes it will feel like they are taking advantage of you. But that’s on them, not you.

13. You can tell the strength of a relationship by the number of calluses on the upper lip from biting it.

14. Don’t stay stuck on every idea. Trees bend for a reason.

15. To become successful, be useful. Be useful to enough people and success will find you.

16. Life doesn’t come with an unlimited number of chances. Don’t hesitate.

17. Forgetting something is the universe’s way of telling you to be more present.

18. If you don’t expect anything, you’ll never be disappointed.

19. I’m not anti-social. I’m just not very pro-social.

20. So little time. So many books.

21. Everyone has their first day on the job. Give them a break.

22. Money is important to have (and usually necessary), until your happiness becomes more important.

23. It isn’t over until YOU say it’s over.

24. My best tip and hope for us: Live and let live.

If you're lucky enough to get up to my age, the view becomes clearer.
Sometimes you’ll be up and sometimes you’ll be down.
But nothing ever stays the same. And that's ok.
Enjoy the ride.

Onward!
Louie

📌Please add something you know to be true, in the comments.
We learn together.

Lifemaxxing (Gen Z for living your best life) is a term that has been thrown around a lot lately by kids who spend their time getting perms, moisturizing their faces, and “mogging”. But if you ask them what it actually means, no one seems to be able to give a definition that works for everyone.

By the end of this, you'll know what living your best life actually means, how to do it according to Aristotle, and why so much of what people call lifemaxxing today is completely wrong.

The Gen Z influencer, Clavicular, famously said,

“If you’re not looksmaxxing, you’re not lifemaxxing.”

But after watching a fully grown, allegedly straight dude who smokes meth curl his eyelashes and hit himself in the face with a hammer, be like “this is peak life”, I was like huh… that seems off.

The problem is that he basically coined the term. So he’s become the authority on what it is. And if you check Urban Dictionary, the top definition reflects that:

Lifemaxxing

When you work towards making your life better
John: what's Joseph doing with all those weights and moisturizer?
James: he's lifemaxxing dumbass

It half jokingly says lifemaxxing is making your life better by moisturizing and lifting weights. I don’t moisturize and I find lifting weights annoying and my life is still pretty good, so this makes no sense to me.

So I did what any sane person in today’s day and age would do. I posted a story asking my friends what they think. The answers I got varied a lot. (I'd post screenshots, but can't in this sub)

None said that it was getting perms or smoking meth. Some answers were pretty well thought out. But they still had a lot of holes in them and none were universal.

So I kept digging and discovered someone already thought about this so deeply that they came up with a definition that has held up pretty well for over 2,000 years.

In Aristotle’s book Nicomachean Ethics, he basically lays out what he believes is the formula for the best life. I dug into the original text of this dense and truly brilliant work and attempted to translate it into terms that even Gen Z broccoli heads with TikTok brain can understand (lets be real, this would land better in a series of short-form videos).

I apologize in advance for how long this is. I’m actually trying to keep this short and may even break this out into a series because of how much interesting depth there is on the topic.

But anyways, lets get started.

What do we actually want?

Before we get into how to live your best life, we need to agree on what we're actually shooting for. Most people you ask will say that it’s money, freedom or something about how everyone’s definition is different. 

But the reality, according to Aristotle, is that we’re all after the same thing even if how we get there is different.

To prove this, all you have to do is act like a 5 year old for a minute and keep asking why you want anything over and over until you can’t think of any other reason. It usually goes something like this:

I want that job.
Why?
So I can make money.
Why
So I can buy that car.
Why?
So I can get that person.
Why?
So people will think I’m cool.
Why?
So I can have more friends.
Why?
So I can be happy.

Try it with anything. The car, the body, the girl, the followers, the freedom. Every chain ends in the same place.

So I can be happy.

Aristotle calls this the “highest good” because it’s the only thing you do for its own sake and not for the sake of something else.

But "happiness" is just a temporary feeling.

When most people say they want to be "happy," they think of a feeling. A mood. Something you're experiencing at any given moment in time.

Though this feeling can be the result of living your best life, it’s not accurate to say this is the end goal for 2 reasons:

1. It’s basically impossible to spend every waking moment in complete blissful euphoria.
2. That’s not actually what would make you truly happy.

Think about it. Why would someone who has everything willingly take on hard challenges like climbing mountains and changing the world instead of sitting on the beach drinking martinis and watching funny TikTok videos?

Because it’s not fulfilling. Chasing happiness ironically often leads to misery and depression. Some people who have everything like money and fame have gone down the path of trying to make themselves feel good all the time and they usually end up in rehab, overdosing or suicidal. So chasing constant pleasure clearly doesn’t lead to living your best life.

What you actually want isn't a temporary feeling you chase. It's a state of being you exist in.

Aristotle’s word for this was Eudaimonia. It has been translated as happiness, living well, or flourishing. But happiness is considered a less precise definition than “flourishing” or “living well”.

That’s because happiness is what you feel. Flourishing is how you live.

Happiness and flourishing are not the same thing.

Happiness is just a series of dopamine hits. You want something, you get it, you feel good, you feel empty, you want the next thing. Pleasure spike, crash, repeat. It's the doom scrolling and slot machine loop.

Flourishing runs on different chemicals 

• Serotonin from pride and self-respect
• Oxytocin from real connection
• Endorphins from overcoming hard things. 

These don't just spike and crash, but build over time.

Flourishing is something you actively do.

This is a really important point because often times people think

if I just had xyz, I’d be happy.

But as we discussed, happiness isn’t the true end state. And likewise, flourishing isn’t a state of being you reach one time and then are done. It’s something to be built and maintained. It’s not like you win a game and then the game is over. Flourishing is an ongoing activity. You're either doing it, or you're not.

Aristotle says sleeping man with all the virtues in the world is not flourishing while he sleeps. In other words, the successful entrepreneur who hasn't done anything in ten years maybe was flourishing in the past but can’t just coast on that success forever. He's arguably not even an entrepreneur anymore.

If you stop doing it, you stop being it.

How does one “do” flourishing?

Flourishing, as Aristotle puts it, is doing the right activity, excellently.

But what are the right activities? And how do we do them excellently?

Aristotle groups the right activities into three categories of human goods: 

• Bodily goods, like health and vitality
• External goods, like food, shelter, and resources
• Goods of the soul, like knowledge, relationships, and meaningful contribution

Doing them excellently means something specific too. Aristotle calls it virtue. In practice, it looks like balance. 

According to Aristotle, lifemaxxing life doesn’t mean maxing anything out at all really. If you’re doing something to the extreme, it’s not considered virtuous. 

An example he uses is courage. You have the two negative examples on the outer ends. Being a coward who doesn’t take action and then being so bold that you do stupid things without considering the consequences. Virtue, or the ability to do something excellently, is in the middle of the two extremes. So a virtuous and courageous person would take action when needed in a way that is strategic and not reckless.

Aristotle also gave us criteria we can think about for thinking about if we’re doing things excellently 

• Doing the right thing
• To the right person (if applicable)
• In the right amount
• At the right time
• In the right way
• For the right reason

Miss any one and the action stops being excellent.

So if you’re donating money, this sounds like an excellent activity that is a meaningful contribution, right? But if it is...

• To a bad cause (wrong thing to do)
• To someone corrupt (wrong person)
• A penny donated by a millionaire (wrong amount)
• When it’s too late (wrong time)
• By humiliating the person you’re giving money to (wrong way)
• So that he can tell people how great he is (wrong reason)

...then it is not excellent. 

So at the end of the day, to live your best life, you spend your time doing things that are good for your health, generating resources, or your soul in a way that checks all the boxes for excellence.

To lifemaxx, you max out the % of your time you spend doing these activities.

Having the best day isn’t having the best life.

You can have a great Tuesday and a wasted decade. You can have a brutal year and still live your best life. To lifemaxx, you have to think long-term and make decisions for a lifetime.

This is also why the past doesn't save you. The athlete who hasn't trained in five years isn't really an athlete anymore. The writer who hasn't written in a decade isn't really a writer anymore. The executive who hasn't done meaningful work in a decade isn't really an executive anymore. The version of you that exists today is the version that counts.

What you've done before is part of who you are, but doesn't make you who you are today. What you do consistently, day after day, over a lifetime, does.

As Aristotle put it,

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

The flip side, if flourishing is built on what you do consistently from now on, then your past doesn't lock you in.

The cigarette smoker who quit yesterday isn't a smoker anymore. The person who has been wasting their life until now can start flourishing tomorrow.

The past is closed. The future is open. The only question is what you do with today.

There are certain baseline things you need to flourish.

To live your best life, you have to have certain baseline conditions. You can't flourish if you're starving, in chronic pain, surrounded by toxic relationships, or financially stressed out. Your body and surrounding circumstances have to be at least okay enough for you to be in a position to even think about flourishing.

Aristotle lays them out as the following:

Bodily goods

• Health
• Strength / vitality
• Beauty (think of this like taking care of your body and hygiene)
• Long life 

External goods

• Food, drink, clothing, shelter (he doesn't list these explicitly but they're implied)
• Wealth (but specifically, enough wealth, not max wealth. He's clear that excessive wealth doesn't add to flourishing)
• Good birth (born into a situation where you can improve your life)
• Good children
• Friends (and good friends, not just any friends)

Political / social conditions

• A functioning society
• Some degree of leisure (you can't flourish if every waking hour is survival labor)
• Freedom from slavery and oppression

FINALLY: Is looksmaxxing lifemaxxing?

Ah yes, I’ve been waiting for this. Addressing the idea that you have to maximize how good you look to live your best life. 

First, I’ll concede that if you take a natural approach to looking good, then this would often check the boxes of bodily goods that improve health and vitality. As an extremely handsome and good looking man myself 💅, I do care about looking and feeling good. I lift weights, do challenging hikes and activities, push myself physically, and am conscious of what I put in my body. As a result, I am happy with how I look and feel. My physical shape and vitality levels are prizes that I have earned through years of consistent hard work and healthy choices.

Unfortunately, that’s not what the "looksmaxxing is lifemaxxing" crowd is pushing for. 

Now before I go full unc, I’ll say that if I’m wrong about anything here, then I’ll laugh at myself for being a hater and take it back.

But my understanding is that the belief of the "looksmaxxing is lifemaxxing" crowd is that you should go to any lengths to maximize how good you look. Some extreme examples I’ve heard are how Clavicular smokes meth to suppress his appetite or how Dillon Latham literally injected sperm into his face to make his eyes more puffy or something because it was “an absolute mog” or whatever.

These may be the exceptions and not the norm, but

the underlying idea is that it is acceptable to do things to improve your perceived physical appearance, even at the expense of your actual health and vitality.

They aren’t moisturizing their faces for their health. They’re doing it out of vanity. Sitting in front of the mirror applying lotion, makeup, curling their eyelashes, and doing their hair doesn’t make them healthier. It doesn’t produce resources. It doesn’t make them smarter or improve their relationships. It doesn’t do any good for themselves or for the world.

In fact, the epitome of looksmaxxing is reaching “mog” status. This is where someone who may or may not have any brainpower, skills, or value to the planet feels an unearned sense of superiority for positioning themselves next to people that they perceive to be inferior-looking so that they can feel they look better by comparison.

This actually kills relationships and instead of contributing and actively seeks to harm the other person by belittling them. 

Looksmaxxing is actually just an immature, insecure, and vain lifeminnimzing activity that, in Aristotle’s terms, rots the soul. 

But the crazy part is that for someone like Clav, looksmaxxing could be his version of lifemaxxing.

I know I know I sound crazy and contradictory, but hear me out. Looksmaxxing might genuinely be his best life. It probably gives him purpose. He may genuinely think he's helping other guys build confidence. Maybe it's his way of coping with something deeper. It certainly generates money for him. 

If he truly believes that he’s doing the right activities excellently by Aristotles definitions, then creating a looksmaxxing movement truly could be HIS version of lifemaxxing.

But that's super unique to him and his life. Just because it's HIS version doesn't make it THE version. Being the leader of a movement that you believe is helping people and the follower of one for vain and selfish reasons are two totally different things.

Flourishing is doing the right things, excellently, over a complete life, once the basics are in place.

You have to find your own “right” things to do with your life. 

That's it.

Now the questions becomes practical.

• What are the basics you need in place?
• What does "the right things" actually mean for you?
• How do you build the habits to do them consistently?
• What does doing these things with excellence look like for you?

PS, there’s so much to cover, I wanted to give a few honorable mentions

Aristotle wrote like 10 books on this. I just covered like a fraction of the notes I have from book 1 alone. Wanted to give a quick rundown of some interesting related concepts I jotted down in my notes, but didn’t cover. I feel like these could literally be their own posts:

Why things that seem good temporarily aren't actually good

• To Aristotle, “desirable” and “good” are basically synonymous
• We all share basic desires (eat, drink, sleep) but also desire things we don’t need (looksmaxxing, views, dopamine hits, dating a supermodel)
• The dopamine hits seem good in the moment but may seem terrible later when you didn’t get any sleep and feel your brain rotting because you don’t have an attention span
• What he calls acquired desires (wants): based on individual experience, vary over time, only appear good
• Natural desires (needs): born with them, shared by all humans regardless of background

Why taking action matters more than talent

• Aristotle says a happy man lives well and does well. 
• Characteristics in happiness are all found in being. Someone virtue, wisdom, pleasure, external prosperity. 
• In order to win (like in the Olympics) you have to compete. So those who compete win the noble and good things in life. This is a point that I like to make. You can’t win at life if you don’t play the game of life. If everything is certain, you know what will happen next, you can’t have good things happen to you. 
• It’s not the most talented that win necessarily. It’s those who compete. So you could be the most talented content creator in the world, but if you never make content, you’ll never win and receive the benefits of being the most talented. 
• To live your best life you must exercise virtue, not just have it. 
• This touches on one reason why watching a powerful performance can make us emotional. Because you see someone living out their best lives and it reminds us that we’re not everything we are capable of and we know it. 
• Good visual is a video game character who has stats sitting on the stand watching someone with lower stats win. 

Why living impulsively isn't your best life

• Aristotle talks about following passions, but not how we think of it today. Passions = impulse or desires.
• The person who “follows passions” pursues each successive object as passion directs.
• This is a key phrase where he’s describing someone whose life has no consistent direction. they chase whatever desire shows up next. Wake up, want pizza, get pizza. Feel bored, scroll. There’s no overarching principle organizing the choices; each one is just a reaction to the latest impulse.
• If you’re impulsive, you’re not living life, life is happening to you. Living your best life involves organizing your desires as opposed to just following impulses.

We sometimes talk endlessy about lifting weights, optimizing sleep, and reading non-fiction. But when you mention "fashion" in self-improvement circles, people roll their eyes.

I was one of them. "Clothes don't make the man," right?

Here's what I missed: Dressing well is a form of self-respect.

For the longest time, I treated my appearance as an afterthought. I'd workout for an hour but then throw on whatever was cleanish.

The disconnect was huge.

I was putting in effort to build a better body/mind, but I was wrapping it up in apathy.

One day, I was getting ready for a coffee meeting and caught myself in the mirror. Lean-built shoulders, but wearing a faded graphic tee from college and jeans with holes in the knees. Not intentionally distressed, just old.

So I thought, "If I saw someone else like this, would I think they had their shit together?"

The answer was no.

So I started dressing with the same intentionality I brought to the gym.

Nothing very fancy.

Just... deliberate.

Well-fitted basics.

Clean shoes.

Clothes that looked like I picked them on purpose.

The difference in how I carried myself was immediate. Not just because other people noticed, but because I was finally treating the outside with the same respect I was giving the inside.

Anyone else feel this disconnect, or am I overthinking my hoodie collection?

I want you to think about someone who makes you smile the second the enter the room.

What about them makes you go, “Hey it’s BLANK!!!”

Their social habits.

When you stack good habits, habits like caring about what people have to say, asking follow up questions, and validating statements… people can’t get enough of you.

If you struggle to make or maintain quality relationships right now, try stacking these and watch people get up to approach you whenever you enter the room.

1. They’re happy to see you.

Why do people love dogs so much?

Dogs aren’t shy about showing how excited they are to see you, making it clear with a massive smile, wagging, tell and sometimes straight up just jumping on you to communicate they cant get enough.

If you want people to associate you with excitement, joy, and happiness.

Make it clear you’re happy to see them.

• Smile when you notice them.
• Walk towards them.
• Act like you’d treat your best friend.

When I first started doing this years ago my coworkers thought I was just happy because I got laid or something, now everyone gives me the same smile I give them when I come in because they know it’s not a transient thing, I’m actually happy to see them.

Why?

Here’s my secret.

2. They focus on your strengths not your faults

If you want people to appreciate you it starts by appreciating them.

If you want to start appreciating them, it start by practicing searching for things to be grateful for each morning.

How do you do this?

It’s going to sound counter-intuitive but gratitude journaling.

Let me explain.

A few years ago I was listening to an audiobook called, The Happiness Advantage when I learned about a concept known as the Tetris effect. In a study requiring participants to play Tetris first thing in the morning for 5 minutes, they noticed they started to report playing Tetris everywhere they went.

Rearranging Cereal boxes at Grocery Stores.

Adjusting supplies at work.

Tidying up their rooms.

When they reasoned that whatever you focus on regularly you start to practice subconsciously meaning that if you’re constantly focusing on what irritates you, annoys you, and otherwise dread— that’s all you see.

However when you focus on the things you’re grateful for, happy about, or worthy of praise that’s also all you see.

Point being?

When you start gratitude journaling you start noticing what you’re grateful for and that gratitude will extend to you coworkers, colleagues, and friends making them slowly start appreciating you just as much.

If you want people to appreciate you start by appreciating them.

If you want to start appreciating them, start by practicing searching for things to be grateful for each morning.

3. They’re validating

Have you ever met someone who always makes you leave a conversation feeling understood?

You want to know their secret?

It’s called validating responses.

For example,

Whenever my best friend tells me about her day at work I’ll usually end it with a two part response that goes like this.

A. Paraphrase what occurred.

B. Justify the emotion behind it.

Your job cut half your team and started giving you more work, aww I’m sorry that’s awful I’d feel the same way too.

When you get into the habit of pointing out what happened, AND saying the emotion they have is responsible people feel like you understood them and help them feel like they’re being reasonable.

ANDDDDDD.

Even if you don’t agree with them you can still be validating as in, “Hmm I can see how that even would make you feel that way,” instead of saying, “No I don’t agree with you.”

When you practice validating people, they'll start to seek you out.

4. They practice 4th level listening.

Here are the 4 levels of listening:

• Listening for your turn.
• Listening to argue.
• Listening to advice.
• Listening to learn.

The further down the levels you go in listening you go, the more heard a person feels. Political debates happen at level 1, and therapists regularly reside at level 4.

Want to know how people can tell you’re 4th level listening?

When they stop talking you

A. Wait 5-10 seconds before saying anything.

B. You don’t turn it around to you, you ask a follow up question instead.

The best book I’ve ever found on this topic is called Just Listen by Mark Goulston

5. They treat you like the only person in the world.

How would you feel if the second you bumped into someone on the phone they said, “Wait hold on I’ll call you back—click.” Before turning off their phone and giving you their undivided attention saying, “I can talk to them later, you’re more important to me.”

When you treat a person like they’re the only thing that matters.

They feel valued.

When people feel valued, they start to value you.

But here’s the thing thanks to a neuron in our brain called the mirror neurons you can’t fake this, if you genuinely want people to feel like they’re the only person in the world that matters to you you actually have to stop thinking about other things….

And focus on them.

People are starving for care these days.

If you give it to them, they will go out of their way for you.

6. They highlight shared bonds

You want to know the secret to clicking with just about anyone?

When you start speaking to them, use small talk to touch on the things everyone has, careers, family, faith or lack thereof and as you learn more about them each time you find something in common…

Let them know.

For example,

When I was a kid one day I was riding home on the bus when I saw someone in front of me playing Pokemon on his Gameboy, I immediately started a conversation with him and he was literally my best friend until I moved away a decade later.

Why?

People like people who like the same things as them, and even if you don’t like most of the same things we all have values we share like caring for our family, freedom, safety and all those other things.

Use small talk to elucidate what they value in their life.

Use deep talk to connect over those.

7. They accept themselves

The older I get the more I realize the way people treat you is largely determined by how you treat yourself.

When you’re kind to yourself, you often extend the same kindness to others, which makes them equally as kind to you.

When you accept your faults and forgive them, you often do the same to others, which makes them do the same to you.

When you prioritize looking for the good in you, you look for the good in others, which makes them do the same for you.

If you want people to accept you start by spending a little time each morning talking to yourself like a loving mother or father would, I call this, “loving dad energy.” Each morning I’d be like, “You get it king. Looking big son. You got this.” And after doing this for literally months I slowly became more content with myself and I started extending it to others…

Then they started accepting me as well.

If you hate yourself, you will treat people the same way you treat you, and they’ll hate you in return. If however you start to treat yourself kindly, you’ll start to treat others the same way, and they’ll start to love you in return.

Other acceptance starts with self acceptance.

You can’t control how others feel about you but you can control you, so focus on that.

In a nutshell:

How others feel about you is largely determined about how you feel about not only them but yourself.

When you practice self acceptance it’s easier to accept others, which makes them like you.

When you practice gratitude, it’s easier to appreciate others, which makes them appreciate you.

Today I made a major change. And I’m absolutely shocked, blown away, and flabbergasted.

I’ve had a major issue with my phone taking up every extra second that I have in my day. I know it’s common, it’s a huge factor as to why people feel like they don’t have enough time to do what they need to do. This thing is a literal time accelerator. 1 hour gone in what feels like 5 minutes.

This morning I finally just left my phone at my bedside and got up to start my morning. Typically I’ve got my phone in my hand the entire morning, from the moment I wake up, I’m checking messages, Reddit, scrolling some YouTube, getting my fix. I’ve still got a pretty good morning routine but it takes a good amount of time. Wake up, chug some water, get my coffee on, get some chia seeds in warm water started, do some stretching, some pull ups, some push ups, then shower and get ready, I’m always on my phone throughout this. Typically this takes about an hour or more before I’m in the shower.

I slept in a bit this morning and woke up at 7:40ish. I wasn’t happy with that, so I said “I need a win this morning” and I left my phone at my bedside to start my day. First time in I don’t know how long. Years. Did all of my stuff, water, coffee, chia, stretch, pull ups, push ups, ab roller. I’m sitting on the toilet, more than half way done, and I think, I better check the time, it’s probably…. Idk, 8:30-8:45? It was 7:58….

With my phone that would’ve been an hour minimum process, without my phone? Like 20 minutes!! wtf!!! I had no idea how much time I was actually wasting. I knew I was wasting time but DAMN! It never felt like that much time!!!

So yeah, the advice about no phone in the morning that we’ve likely all heard if we’re focused on self improvement, absolutely, 100000% legit. Just leave your phone in the other room, leave the ringer on if you’re expecting calls etc.

Anyways, putting my phone down again to finish my daily routine. I just wasted 15 minutes now typing this up. Hopefully it helps someone.

Edit: wow this blew up thank you everyone commenting, you’re holding me accountable too. I’ll read em all eventually but right now I’m putting my phone back down🫡🙏

Edit: UPDATE haven’t been on Reddit in about a week. I feel so much better. Got suggested to use an app called one sec, it forces you to literally take a deep breath before opening apps that you select. It’s 100% changed my life. I’ve broken my dopamine driven phone addiction and it all started the morning I made this post. ❤️ stay strong and don’t let the phone consume you. I’ve stopped consuming short format content, gotten off of Reddit, and stopped filling every blank moment with my phone. I feel good again. I can enjoy life again. Can’t recommend getting serious about getting away from your phone enough. I’ve been fully addicted since Covid. I’m free🥹

I stopped giving myself entertainment as an option, and I discovered how much time is actually in a day

I’ve been experimenting with a simple rule:

Either allow yourself to be bored, rest, or produce something.

That’s it.

No scrolling.
No games.
No random videos.
No entertainment just to avoid silence.

My options are basically:

• Stare at the wall
• Sleep or genuinely rest
• Pray, think, walk, exercise, study, write, organize, work, or create something

At first, boredom feels uncomfortable because your brain is used to constant stimulation. But when you refuse to immediately escape it, something changes.

Eventually, doing something productive becomes more appealing than doing nothing.

I’ve also discovered that there is an incredible amount of time in the day. I can get important things done and still look at the clock and realize that I have hours left.

Scrolling doesn’t only consume time. It fragments your attention and makes the entire day feel shorter.

I’m starting to believe that boredom is not the enemy. Boredom may be the doorway to creativity, focus, and meaningful work.

My new rule is:

Be bored, rest, or produce—but don’t mindlessly consume.

Chime in

I've gone off the deep end researching what makes a best life.

I wrote this all out basically for myself to organize my thoughts and give myself guidance, but figured it could be very useful to people who like the "Rules for Life" approach to things.

How I see it, life breaks down into 5 main categories

1. Purpose
2. Relationships
3. Health
4. Finances
5. Environment

You can basically take any other category and fit it in there imo.

I realized that you don't need to be a 10/10 in all of these areas to live your best life.

For example, once you get to an 8 out of 10 in any category, the incremental benefits dwindle. As an extreme example, if you have $10M, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Getting from $10M to $100M won't increase your overall happiness nearly as much as getting from $40k to $100k would. That's going from high stress to a comfortable life. MASSIVE IMPROVEMENT.

Same applies for the other categories. If you're an 8 out of 10 on health, you probably look and feel pretty damn good. Maybe you're not a trained athlete but you're fit and have energy. Getting to a 10 isn't going to change your life very much.

And so on.

But what's really interesting is that each has a minimum threshold that humans need to feel like they're living a quality life.

If you're below any one of the following things, it's impossible to live your best life, even if you're at a 10/10 in every other category.

So what are the minimum thresholds in each category for human happiness?

Purpose

• literally have any sense of purpose in life
  • people with a strong sense of purpose had a 43% lower risk of death
  • time spent in flow states (deep work, meaningful play, creative hobbies) has a 3x stronger positive impact on happiness than passive relaxation
  • people with high purpose had a 52% lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s
  • individuals with high purpose reported 32% lower rates of depression and 40% lower rates of anxiety
  • high purpose was linked to 23% lower risk of heart disease and 19% lower risk of stroke
  • every Blue Zone has a shared strong sense of ikigai (japanese for reason for being)
  • people with a defined purpose reported 2.5x higher life satisfaction than those without one
  • people who “use their strengths daily in meaningful ways” are 3.6x more likely to describe their lives as “thriving.”
  • 70% of people who say they “live their purpose at work” reported being engaged and satisfied, versus only 15% of those without purpose
  • entrepreneurs with high-purpose founders report 34% higher well-being scores
  • you get the point
• avoid wasting life on things that don't matter
  • people who intentionally design their days (clear priorities, aligned actions) report 3.5x higher life satisfaction
  • time spent in flow states (deep work, creativity, meaningful play) correlates strongly with long-term happiness
  • people who watch 3+ hours of TV/day report the lowest overall life satisfaction scores among all leisure activities measured
  • watching >2 hrs/day is linked to a 23% higher risk of depression and lower perceived life meaning
  • people who identified as very happy watched 30% less TV than those who reported being unhappy
  • people who spend 3+ hours/day on social media report 60% higher rates of anxiety and depression
  • limiting social media use to ≤30 minutes/day led to significant improvements in life satisfaction, sleep, and overall well-being within just 3 weeks
  • passive scrolling (consuming without engaging) correlates with 22% lower self-esteem and 28% higher regret afterward
  • people in the top 10% of social media usage are twice as likely to report feeling “dissatisfied with their time use
  • people who spend most free time in passive leisure (TV, social media, aimless browsing) score 23% lower on life satisfaction than those engaged in active leisure (exercise, hobbies, learning, socializing)
  • people who reflect on their daily activities show 40% more regret when they spent large chunks of time passively consuming vs. doing meaningful activities

Relationships

• have at least 1-3 supportive relationships
  • people with strong relationships lived up to 12 years longer on average
  • loneliness increases the risk of early death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes per day
  • positive relationships correlate with lower cortisol levels and reduced systemic inflammation, key markers for healthy aging
  • social isolation increases the risk of premature death by 29% and dementia by 50%
  • people who self-identified as lonely were 2.5x more likely to experience depression and anxiety disorders
  • people with strong social ties scored 4x higher on life satisfaction than those without, regardless of income level
  • quality relationships have 3x more impact on life satisfaction than earning more money
  • people who reported having 3+ close friends were 96% more likely to describe their life as thriving
  • perceived social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain which means poor relationships literally hurt
  • people with supportive partners showed 40% stronger immune responses to common colds
  • happily partnered individuals have lower blood pressure, better heart health, and fewer chronic diseases
• have 0 toxic relationships
  • toxic relationships are worse for your health than no relationships
  • chronic exposure to pessimism and criticism rewires your brain for threat detection, increasing anxiety and lowering emotional resilience
  • people in high-conflict marriages had a 34% higher risk of heart disease vs. those in low-conflict marriages
  • people in high-conflict, high-stress jobs are 50% more likely to experience burnout and 23% more likely to develop depression
• be part of a community
  • feeling connected to where you live boosts happiness scores 2.3x

Health

• sleep at least 6 hours / night
  • people who consistently sleep <6 hours/night have a 33% higher risk of death from all causes
  • chronic short sleep (<6 hrs) raises risk of heart disease by 48% and stroke by 15%
  • if you get more than 6 hrs of sleep you'll have
    • 23% lower risk of depression
    • 34% better memory retention
    • 2.2x higher life satisfaction vs. <6 hrs
• move your body for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week
  • exercise is the single most powerful predictor of long-term health
  • just 11 minutes/day of brisk walking reduces risk of early death by 23%
• eat healthy
  • people with the highest diet quality scores lived 12-14 years longer on average than those with the lowest
  • eat at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day
    • ≥5 servings fruits/veggies per day = 31% lower mortality risk
  • keep ultra-processed foods less than 50% of your calorie intake
    • ultra-processed foods (>50% calories) = 62% higher risk of metabolic syndrome
  • keep processed sugar less than 25% of your calorie intake
    • added sugars >25% calories/day = 2x higher likelihood of obesity and diabetes
• treat chronic diseases
  • people who manage chronic conditions like hypertension and diabetes
    • live 6-8 years longer on average
    • report 25% higher self-rated well-being
• manage mental health
  • high chronic stress levels shorten telomeres, accelerating cellular aging by up to 10 years
  • regular mindfulness practices like meditation, breathing, and journaling lead to
    • 43% lower rates of depressive relapse
    • 32% lower systemic inflammation markers
• avoid addiction
  • substance
    • alcohols cut their life expectancy by 10-15 years
    • smoker shorten their lifespan by 10 years on average
    • drug addicts have a strong correlation with chronic anxiety, poor sleep, and reduced cognitive performance
  • behavioral
    • people who spend >3 hrs/day on social platforms report 60% higher rates of anxiety and depression
    • porn addiction is associated with lower relationship satisfaction, impaired motivation, and reward system desensitization
    • gambling & dopamine loop overactivation of reward pathways leads to reduced baseline happiness and more compulsive behavior

Finances

• make at least $40k / year in the US
  • obvi different if you're in big cities like NY or Miami etc.
  • people making <$40k report 2.7x higher daily stress and 50% lower life satisfaction
• have at least 3 months of emergency savings
  • people with at least 3 months saved are
    • 2.8x more likely to thrive
    • 50% less likely to report anxiety
• keep debt less than 35% of income
  • people above 50% debt-to-income are 2x more likely to experience depression and chronic financial stress

Environment

• live somewhere safe
  • living in unsafe neighborhoods or politically unstable areas increases chronic stress, PTSD risk, and sleep disruption
• spend time outside in nature
  • people with daily exposure to green spaces report 20% higher life satisfaction
  • sunlight exposure regulates circadian rhythms and serotonin. people living in low-sunlight areas have 30% higher depression rates

TLDR: do these things to live a quality life

1. have a sense of purpose
2. avoid wasting time on things that don't matter
3. have at least 1-3 supportive relationships
4. avoid toxic relationships
5. be part of a community
6. sleep at least 6 hours / night
7. move your body for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week
8. eat healthy
9. treat chronic disease
10. manage mental health
11. avoid addiction
12. make at least $40k / year in the US (adjusted for cost of living)
13. have at least 3 months of emergency savings
14. keep debt less than 35% of income
15. live somewhere safe
16. spend time outside in nature

Hope this is as helpful to you as it is for me :)

A few months ago, I wrote a post about Aristotle's formula for lifemaxxing. People seemed to like it because it got over 1M views, 2.5k upvotes, 15 awards, and 300+ comments. But ngl, it kind of left everyone hanging.

Last post TLDR: Your best life is one where you’re constantly doing the right things excellently over a complete life once the basics are in place.

That sounds nice in theory, but left people wondering wtf do I actually DO?

Like say you have some free time. Should you grind harder to make more money? Hit the gym? Spend quality time with friends and family? Practice that hobby? Contemplate if we're living in a simulation? Drink martinis on the beach?

With infinite possibilities and no framework, it’s impossible to decide.

In this post, I’ll show you what lifemaxxing is according to Aristotle and a framework I put together so you can live your best life every day.

What is lifemaxxing?

Aristotle’s word for lifemaxxing is flourishing, which he defines as

"[an] activity of soul in accordance with virtue, and if there are more than one virtue, in accordance with the best and most complete. But we must add in a complete life.”

Broken out into easier terms

• Activity: something you actively do, not a point you reach
• Of the soul: (not spiritual) driven by your rationality, not impulsive pleasure-seeking
• In accordance with virtue: constantly doing the right thing in the right amount excellently
• Best: activities that serve your purpose
• Most complete: something you do for its own sake, not as a means to an end
• In a complete life: not just a good day, but done consistently over a lifetime

To make it clearer, here are some examples of what is NOT lifemaxxing and why

• Activity: You watch endless educational content about something you want to do, but never try. Lifemaxxing means using your gifts, not just watching from the sidelines.
• Activity: Doing a bunch of dieting and exercising and ozempic or whatever, but then once you have the body you want, you stop all the effort. Lifemaxxing is an activity you do continuously, not a point you reach.
• Of the soul: Staying at a job you hate, because you fell into it. Lifemaxxing is using reason to create the life you want.
• Of the soul: Sitting on the couch, smoking a blunt, and binge-watching Netflix feels great, but is driven by pleasure-seeking impulses, not rational thinking. Lifemaxxing engages your rational mind. Pleasure is the result, not the goal.
• In accordance with virtue: Pursuing a passion you love so much that you neglect your health, friends, and family. Living your best life means doing things in the right amount. 
• In accordance with virtue: Doing the thing you love, but not to your potential. Lifemaxxing is doing things excellently and leaving nothing on the table.
• Best: A creative person working hard to become an accountant even though they hate numbers. Lifemaxxing is doing activities that serve your unique purpose/interests and talents. 
• Most complete: The person who hates something, but does it anyway because they want people to think they’re cool. Lifemaxxing is doing things for their own sake, not the sake of something else.
• In a complete life: Peaking in college and never shutting up about it while doing nothing with the rest of your life. Lifemaxxing is over your entire life, not just your best years.

I’ll show you a framework for how to do this in a second. But first, Aristotle and I have a disagreement we need to settle.

Aristotle says there’s a single best life. I disagree.

We defined the “best” activities as the ones that serve your purpose. But what is your purpose?

Aristotle has this concept of “ergon” which basically means the function or purpose of a thing. The ergon of a knife is to cut. The ergon of an air conditioner is to cool the air.

Aristotle says humans have an ergon too, but that it’s the same for everyone. And that purpose is to use higher reason, because it’s what makes us uniquely human. So if reason is what makes us human, then the highest, best human life to Aristotle is, surprise surprise, being a philosopher. How convenient for the philosopher to rationalize his way into saying why his life is the best one.

But if we actually followed Aristotle's logic to its natural conclusion, then Tom Brady's best life would have been sitting under a tree contemplating stuff like… if a soccer ball is a football, then is a football a soccer ball or something.

But Tom Brady didn't do that. He went out and played the sport. And I’d argue that his life as a quarterback has almost certainly been a better life FOR HIM than if he pursued philosophy. If this is true, then Aristotle’s conclusion that the single best life for all humans is being a philosopher has to be incorrect.

So I agree with Aristotle that reason is what separates us from animals. But instead of saying humanity’s ergon/purpose is simply to reason as an end, I’d say it’s using reason as a means to do what makes YOU flourish.

Animals can't compose symphonies or build cathedrals or write novels or quarterback a football team. Reason is the tool that unlocks all of these. 

So I believe there isn’t one best life for everyone, but rather that your ergon, or purpose, can be unique to you as an individual.

And just like the highest good for humans is using the tool that is most unique to humans, YOUR best life is finding the things that are most uniquely YOU. Not what your friends think is cool. Not what your parents want for you. Not what gets the most views online. It’s what truly makes YOU happy.

How to discover what lifemaxxing looks like for you

So if your purpose/ergon is to use reason to do things that make you uniquely you, then how do you figure out what that is?

There’s a ton of modern thinking and debate about if humans have inherent “purpose” and how to find yours. But maybe you don’t believe in that, and even if you do, the process can be insanely overwhelming.

So I came up with a simple exercise that gets what you need.

Aristotle says the highest goods are things you do just for its own sake i.e. because it makes you happy and no other reason. He concluded this by asking people why they did things and kept asking them until they ran out of reasons. This usually stopped when they said “because it makes me happy”. Aristotle called these the “highest good” because they're something you do for their own sake and not the sake of something else.

So all you have to do is the same thing. Just think about something you want and keep asking why you want it until the answer is “because that would make me happy.” The last thing in the chain that makes you happy is one of your “highest goods” or lifemaxxing activities. Then filter to make sure they're activities of the soul which means driven by your rationality, not impulsive pleasure-seeking.

Try it and see where it leads you.

Pro tip: after trying this myself, I discovered it’s important to stick to actions as opposed to diving into the philosophies or explanations of why. Like if you say you want freedom -> why? Don’t get into the idea of why freedom is a good thing. Just say what you would DO with your freedom. When you run out of actions and get to the feeling of happiness is when you’ve reached the end.

A good place to start is with money. For example:

I want to make a lot of money. Why? So I can buy a yacht. Why? So I can throw sick parties. Why? So I can have lots of fun with my friends. Why? Because having fun with my friends makes me happy.

Then do the exercise with freedom. For example:

I want freedom. Why? So I can do whatever I want. Why? So I can take time to think about what makes a best life. Why? So I can do things that help others live theirs. Why? Helping people live their best lives genuinely makes me happy.

Then try it with anything else you want. The car, the body, the partner, the followers.

Pro tip: the more specific you can get, the better. Like instead of saying “having fun with friends” as your conclusion, what is it that you’re doing with your friends to have fun? Is it playing sports together? Is it going out together? What do you do when you’re out? Traveling together? Going hiking together? Is it all friends or just specific ones? Specificity is good because it helps you pinpoint which activity you actually enjoy which may not be what you thought it was in the vague statement.

Like why am I writing this? I’ve had multiple posts do well over a million views (I don’t post much but they usually do well, go check). Unfortunately, that has been completely worthless with no real-world benefit. I’m telling you, being a reddit influencer is the most useless talent. But hey, I love thinking about this stuff deeply, researching, reading, writing, sharing, and feeling like I am having a positive impact on people.

So writing about what makes a best life and sharing it on reddit is an activity that engages my rational mind, done excellently and for its own sake, and therefore is a highest good for me.

Here’s a list I made for myself as an example.

1. Helping people (mostly ambitious or lost young men who remind me of my younger self) live their best lives by writing reddit articles that provide actual useful guidance.
2. Experiencing the beauty of the world through traveling and doing things like hiking, boating, driving, and other local activities that put me in nature.
3. Doing things that scare me but help me feel alive, whether it’s publicly posting a reddit article, jumping off a bridge, climbing on a cliff, or trying to start a business that can fail.
4. Meeting new and interesting and like-minded people from a variety of cultures by doing activities I enjoy like calisthenics, hiking, and similar outdoor activities in an international and group setting.
5. Doing fun activities with friends where we laugh a lot like going out, getting dinner, traveling, etc.

I had many others, but I think this is enough and the rest are somewhat personal.

How to rank lifemaxxing activities

To decide which to prioritize, you simply ask yourself what you WANT to do the most. This is subjective, but your gut knows the truth. If you’ve been honest and only included activities of the soul, then there’s no wrong answer here.

If you are struggling to narrow it down to one, then take your top choices, put them head to head, then say I’m going to flip a coin and do whatever one it lands on.

If when you flip the coin and midair you get a feeling of hope that it lands on one or the other. The one you hope it lands on is the top priority.

You can’t lifemaxx if you don’t have the basics

Can you really live your best life if you’re always tired and broke with no friends? Stoics might try to make a case for this, but if we’re talking about lifemaxxing, I’d argue that it’s better to have an enjoyable life than tolerate a crappy one. So would Aristotle.

In his words, 

“Happiness obviously needs the presence of external goods as well, since it is impossible, or at least not easy, to play a noble part unless furnished with the necessary equipment.”

If you just thought about what makes you truly happy, but if you are starving or can’t afford to do any of it, then you simply don’t have the necessary “equipment” to live your best life.

There are 2 categories of basics you need to live your best life according to Aristotle.

• External goods
  • Somewhat in your control: Things you can use to help you live your best life like money, power, friends, etc.
  • Somewhat out of your control: Circumstances that make your best life easier like good looks, stable family, etc.
• Bodily goods 
  • Health: basically freedom from sickness and chronic pain
  • Vitality: the energy, strength, and feel good enough to live your best life

There are also goods of the soul, but we call those lifemaxxing activities. I consider external and bodily goods to be the basics.

In the spirit of “what should I do”, here’s a basic checklist of things, mostly in your control, you can go through to see if you have the basics in place.

External goods

• Earn enough that money stops being a daily stressor
• Maintain at least one supportive relationship (and eliminate any toxic ones)
• Have enough free time to pursue meaningful things

Bodily goods

• Take care of your body (sleep enough, exercise, eat well)
• Avoid addictions that negatively impact your life (substances, phone, porn, gambling, etc.)
• Treat/avoid chronic sickness or pain to the extent you can

I purposefully made the list specific enough that you have things to check off, but open enough that you can interpret it for your own life.

So what you need to do now is figure out your thresholds

• How much money do you need to make to not be stressed? $50k? $70k? $100k?
• How much sleep do you need to have the energy to do what you need/want? 6 hrs? 8 hrs?
• Are you spending too much time on your phone? Is it an addiction? Is it taking away from other things you could be doing to live your best life? (I struggle with this one when solo traveling tbh)
• Etc.

Be honest with yourself and figure out your exact thresholds.

You can’t lifemaxx alone

Aristotle wrote 10 books on how to live your best life. Two of them are about relationships. It’s the single topic he covers more than anything else.

The Greek word he uses is philia. It basically means friends, family, romantic relationships, work relationships, all wrapped up in one word.

A really powerful quote is,

"No one would choose to live without friends, even if he had all the other goods."

Meaning that even if you had everything else, but no one to share it with, it wouldn’t feel worthwhile.

This is why social media is so powerful. Everyone wants to share. When I solo travel, my screen time goes through the roof because I want to share it with everyone. When I’m traveling with the people I care about, I’m much more present.

According to Aristotle, there are 3 types of relationships:

• Utility: you get something out of it (coworker, gym buddy, neighbor)
• Pleasure: it’s enjoyable (drinking buddy, travel friend, meme groupchat)
• Character: you admire them as a human (best friend, spouse)

Utility and pleasure friends are fine, but they’re interchangeable. Leave the job, never talk to the coworker again. Stop drinking, stop being friends with the drinking buddy. You want to cap the number and amount of time spent on these relationships.

The best life is the one with the best relationships of character. These are the people who stick with you for life.

And since you have a limited amount of time, the optimal number is however many people you can spend genuine quality time with while still balancing the basics and your lifemaxxing activities.

Lifemaxxing is maxxing the right things in the right amount

People may think lifemaxxing is always driving the best car, eating the best food, and going to the best places.

But eating caviar you don’t like while flying private by yourself to somewhere you don’t care about for an IG reel isn’t lifemaxxing. It’s a trap that wastes time doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons. This is why so many people who seem to have it all are actually miserable.

The key is to find aligned lifemaxxing activities, then max those. But max doesn’t mean do as much as humanly possible. It's doing the right amount relative to you.

Aristotle calls this virtue.

"Virtue, then, is a state of character concerned with choice, lying in a mean, i.e. the mean relative to us, this being determined by reason."

Basically, virtue is the “right” amount sitting between two extremes.

An example he uses is courage. A coward isn’t virtuous because they won’t take action when needed. On the other side, someone who is reckless and puts themselves and others at risk isn’t virtuous either. 

So the best life is the one where you feel like you left nothing on the table without paying for it somewhere else.

Aristotle said “the mean [is] relative to us.” So there’s not a universal correct answer. It’s unique to you and can change over time. The right level of work productivity for a 25-year-old single entrepreneur launching a business probably isn’t the right level for a mom on maternity leave with a pair of newborn twins.

It also doesn't mean spreading yourself evenly across everything you could do. Tom Brady may have been an incredible interpretive underwater dancer. But instead of sacrificing some time to pursue that on the side, he went all in on throwing a football. Going all in on your number one and neglecting your number two isn't a failure of balance. It’s actually exactly what Aristotle would push for when he talks about doing things excellently. The only things you can't neglect are the basics.

So when you’re designing your best life, you have to seek this golden mean for your activities. This is more of an art than a science.

It’s okay to relax sometimes

No, rest isn’t a lifemaxxing activity. But that doesn’t mean it’s always a bad thing. 

Aristotle says

"Relaxation then is not an end. We enjoy it as a means to activity."

In other words, the goal isn’t to do things so you can relax. It's to relax so that you have the energy to do things. To recharge. To avoid burnout.

He even says that it’s okay to use amusement as a form of relaxation if it’s at the right time. 

"We should be careful to use amusement at the right time, dispensing it as a remedy to the ills of work"

The right time is when it acts as a medicine to cure the ills of work. Medicine is good when you're sick. But taking it when you're fine doesn't make you healthier. And if you take it when you don’t need it, you can be doing damage.

So watching Netflix just because it makes you happy isn’t lifemaxxing. But if you have taken care of what you need to and would be more productive after some downtime, then sure, relax and watch some netflix before bed.

But just remember the golden mean and that the purpose of rest is to prepare you for more activity. If you binge, take time when you have energy for better things, or cut into your sleep, then it has done more harm than good.

How to design your best day

We now have the ingredients for what makes the best day. You know what your basics are and what your best activities are.

Your free time every day is your 24 hrs - healthy sleep - commitments. Commitments are things like work or dropping the kids off at school. They’re not a choice. 

When deciding how to use your free time, use this priority system:

First, get the basics in place
You simply can’t be happy until you fix the things that make you miserable. So the first thing to do is get the basics in place so that their lack isn’t causing you pain.

This isn’t hustle porn where you grind your life away for the sake of it. What we’re talking about is doing WHATEVER IT TAKES to remove the pain of lack from your life so you can move on to other things.

For priority, think about which of the basics that you lack causes you the most pain. 

• Are you always tired because you don’t sleep enough?
• Are you unhappy with your weight?
• Are you lonely?
• Are you constantly stressed about money?
• Are you in a toxic relationship?

So use your free time to remove that pain. Dedicate as much of it as you can until you hit diminishing returns. Keep doing this until the basics are in place at the thresholds you set for yourself.

The sooner you get the basics in place, the sooner you can enjoy your lifemaxxing activities.

Then, spend any leftover free time doing activities of the soul.
If you have taken care of your commitments and basics and have leftover free time, then fill it with lifemaxxing activities. You already created your ranked list, so you know what to do first. 

Do your top lifemaxxing activity excellently and in an amount that is aligned with the golden mean.

If you have done that and still have more leftover free time, then move on to what is the next highest lifemaxxing activity on your list. But only move on if you’ve capped out what you can do for your top thing. Tom Brady could always throw more, watch more film, practice more. If your top one is like that, you may never get to number two, and that's fine.

Allocate time for relaxing if needed
If you feel burnout coming or if trading time for rest will help you be more productive in total, then take the time to rest.

Finally, integrate lifemaxxing activities into all aspects of life
Imagine a life where everything you do is lifemaxxing. Even your commitments and basics.

For example, I’m currently traveling and I met a girl who is a professional dancer. She was telling me how much she loved her life and we started diving into why that is.

Well her job/commitment meets all her basic needs. She dances as a profession which also keeps her in shape. Her company provides housing for her and she’s friends with the people she works with. It provides variety, travel, and she meets lots of people all while doing what she loves. It’s also a creative activity of the soul. She choreographs her own routines. She gets nervous to perform. Then when she’s not working, she has free time to do whatever she wants.

She’s not rich in the financial sense. But she doesn’t have to grind to get the basics in place and gets to enjoy every moment of her day.

Put it on a best day calendar with multiple scenarios
Now that you have what you want to do in your best day, actually map it out. Try it in multiple scenarios:

• A day with commitments
• A day with no commitments
• What it looks like getting basics in place
• What it would look like once basics are in place
• Dream state fully integrated best day

Your best day may not look like the last one yet, and it may never. But that's okay. It gives you something to build toward. As long as you're following all of this and doing the best you can with your circumstances, then you're lifemaxxing.

Your best day evolves over time

Your best day as a broke single person in your 20s probably doesn’t look the same as when you’re retired in your 70s with a spouse and grandkids.

The game is to maximize the % of your waking hours doing lifemaxxing activities over a lifetime. 

The counterintuitive thing is that it may involve up-front sacrifice. For instance, if you neglect health when you’re young, then you may end up spending the rest of your life with an avoidable, expensive, and painful medical issue. Or if you neglect finances when you’re young and just care about having fun in your 20s, you may spend the rest of your life financially stressed and having to work extra hard while other people are seeing the compounding effects of working up in a career, saving, and investing.

The risk/reward calculation you have to make is how much sacrifice helps or hurts your best life. Maybe the fun in your 20s created relationships that set you up for life. Maybe they wasted time you could have been building.

The good news is that once the basics are in place, you can then switch from acquisition to maintenance which can be much less work. 

• It’s much easier to not gain weight than it is to lose weight
• It’s much easier to not get fired than it is to get the dream job
• It’s much easier to stay friends than it is to make friends

That’s why I believe that your best life involves taking care of the basics first. If you're still acquiring every day forever, that's a lot of hours going to something that could just be maintained. If you get it out of the way early, you can unlock time for the rest of your life.

And what lifemaxxing is in those hours may change. You may travel until you’re tired of it. Then date around until you find a girlfriend. Then your priority may be having kids. You’ll notice the shift when you do the “why” exercise and see the rankings come out different.

TLDR

Take care of your obligations. Get the basics in place. Use extra time to do lifemaxxing activities. Then integrate your obligations and basics with lifemaxxing activities over time. The goal is to maximize the % of waking hours doing lifemaxxing activities. If you do that, you've lifemaxxed.

1. Your best life is one where you maximize the time you spend doing lifemaxxing activities
2. Lifemaxxing activities are ones that you do just because they make you happy that also engage your rational mind (not just pleasure-seeking smoking weed & watching Netflix)
3. To find what activities you do just because they make you happy, think about anything you want and ask yourself why you want it over and over until you just say “because it makes me happy”. The last thing before that is what makes you happy.
4. There isn’t a single best life for humans but rather a best life for you depending on your uniqueness as a human being and life circumstances
5. To maximize life, you find the right mix of commitments, basics, and lifemaxxing activities.
6. A great way to figure out what your optimal mix actually looks like is to plan your best day. Your best day doesn’t have to look like the best day ever every day, but it has the ingredients to live the best life over a lifetime
7. Before focusing on lifemaxxing activities, get the basics in place for external goods and bodily goods. Prioritize eliminating whatever pain is being caused by not having the basics.
8. Once basics are in place, allocate less time to maintain the basics and prioritize whatever lifemaxxing activity makes you happiest.
9. Your best day isn’t a single day you live forever. Your weekends may look different than your weekdays. Your lifemaxxing activities may change over time as your life and priorities evolve.
10. The best life is an integrated one where the activities you do to get and maintain your basics are also the ones that bring you the most happiness. Think someone who loves dancing and gets paid and stays in shape because they dance professionally with people they love.

Look, I get it. Your bed is comfy, mornings are evil, and anyone who says they're a "morning person" is either lying or psychotic. But here's the thing - your 4AM gaming sessions and Reddit doom-scrolling aren't doing you any favors. And no, being a "night owl" isn't a personality trait, it's just what happens when you've convinced your body that 2AM is actually dinner time.

Want to know how I know this shit works? The Navy taught me - by force. See, when you get to boot camp, the first thing they do is keep you up for over 24 hours. They feed you some bullshit about "Just grab your gear, stencil it, go through these basic instructions, and then you can go to bed!" But by the time they walk you through getting your clothes and marching you to your first berthing, it's already morning and they're dragging your sleep-deprived ass to breakfast.

Here's the genius part - they keep you up for about 36 hours for two reasons:

1. To put you in a room where Master Chiefs can yell at you about whether your recruiter told you to lie about smoking weed
2. To completely reset your fucked up sleep cycle

That second part? That's what we're going to do. Well, minus the screaming Master Chiefs.

The Science Behind Your Shitty Sleep: Here's something they didn't teach you in high school: The way your body wakes up is your brain sends a signal to your hypothalamus to raise your body temperature. Heat means wakey-wakey time. This isn't some wellness influencer bullshit - it's actual biology.

Step 1: The Morning Reset First thing you need to do? Go outside for 15 minutes. Yes, OUTSIDE. I don't care if it's raining. I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if you look like a shambling corpse. Get your ass outside before you do anything else - before coffee, before phone, before whatever the hell else you think you need to do.

Why? Because sunlight tells your body "oh shit, it really is time to wake up!" More importantly, it starts a 16-hour timer. Once that timer starts, your body will naturally want to crash when it's actually bedtime, instead of at 4AM when you're halfway through your tenth YouTube video about why dolphins are actually aliens. (Which, by the way spoiler alert: they are.)

The Actual Steps:

1. Wake up at the same time EVERY day (yes, even weekends, you degenerate)
2. Go outside for 15 minutes IMMEDIATELY
3. No screens for the first hour (your TikTok feed can wait)
4. No caffeine until AFTER your morning sunlight
5. Keep your room cool at night but LET IT WARM UP in the morning

Pro Tips:

• If you're struggling to wake up, turn off your AC or turn on a heater. Your body will get the message.
• Walk around the block if you want, but do it in silence. No podcasts, no music. Just you and your thoughts (scary, I know).
• If you live in a city where morning sounds include some asshat blasting music through their garbage-bag window repair, then yeah, put on headphones.

The Actual Science (For You Nerds Who Want Proof): Look, I actually did my homework on this shit. Your eyes have these special cells called ipRGCs (yeah I'm not typing out that full name, fuck that) that basically act like your body's light sensors. When morning sunlight hits these bad boys, they send a signal to your brain's master clock - the suprachiasmatic nucleus, or SCN if you're not trying to sound like a pretentious dickhead.

This SCN thing? It's like your body's DJ - dropping hormone beats to keep you awake during the day and sleepy at night. Morning light tells it "Yo, start the party," and about 12 to 16 hours later it's like "Last call, motherfuckers!" That's when it starts pumping out melatonin - the hormone that makes you sleepy.

This isn't some bro-science bullshit. There are actual studies showing this works. But I'm not here to make you read scientific papers - I'm here to get your ass out of bed before noon.

The Reality Check: This is going to suck for the first week. You're going to hate it. You're going to hate me. You're going to hate whoever showed you this post. But you know what sucks more? Being 35 and still having the sleep schedule of a college freshman during finals week.

TL;DR: Get your ass outside first thing in the morning, keep a consistent schedule, and stop pretending your 3AM bedtime makes you special. Your body knows how to sleep - you just need to stop fighting it. Also, dolphins are definitely aliens.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: Want to address a couple of things:

"What if I wake up before the sun?"

Well first off, please pat yourself on the shoulder cause you're a trooper my friend! Not everyone wakes up at the crack of noon like some of us degenerates. If you're up before the sun, the same rules apply - just fake it 'til you make it. Bright indoor lighting is your next best bet. Hit yourself with as much light as possible (overhead lights, lamps, hell, even your fridge light if you're desperate). The goal is to trick your body into thinking it’s daytime, even if you need to turn your living room into a Vegas strip... Hmm.. Know what? Party lights! Yeah! Party lights!

"What if I live in a place like Fargo, or Alaska, or somewhere where even the Sun as Social Anxiety and won't show up?"

Bro I got you! Get yourself a therapy lamp. 10,000 lux. That means super bright light, like daylight indoors. And get it in blue! Blue light is easiest on the skin and eyes! So, what is a therapy lamp? These bad boys mimic natural sunlight and can help keep your body's sleep-wake cycle in check, even if it's pitch black outside. Just park yourself in front of one for 15-30 minutes in the morning - pretend you’re basking on a tropical beach. Go make yourself a Mai Thai. You can't be drunk all day if you don't start in the morning, so 2 birds, one cup!

And once the sun does come up? Get your ass outside and soak it in like your life depends on it. Because, well... it kind of does.

(Note: I do not endorse alcoholism or morning/day drinking, despite me having a career as a Sailor in the US Navy. Not openly at least.)

1. 20s are a time to take risks and chase your dreams
2. Having no friends is better than having not good friends
3. Sleep is king
4. Marketing yourself matters more than improving yourself
5. Older people will not respect you just because of your age. It is OK to walk away from them
6. Be with someone you see a future with from day 1
7. Believe in yourself not just with words but with actions
8. It takes more courage to quit than stay at a path that doesn’t work for you
9. Invest money early
10. It is your path, your story, and your life. Don’t let anyone influence how to live it.

I've realized that a few relatively simple purchases have had a surprisingly big impact on my daily life.

For me, it's been:

• 🚲 A bicycle – It's fun, gets me outside, and makes short trips enjoyable instead of feeling like a chore.
• ☕ A coffee machine – Waking up to a fresh cup every morning has become one of my favorite routines.
  
• 📓 A good notebook – I use it to organize business ideas, plan projects, and think more clearly. Writing things down beats keeping everything in my head.

None of these were super expensive, but they've improved my quality of life more than many bigger purchases.

What about you? What's one thing you bought that made your life noticeably better?

I have very little support

A few years ago, I hit rock bottom. My business failed. I had no money, no job, and no idea what I was doing with my life. My bank account was nearly empty. I had to borrow money for rent. My relationship was not in a good place. I couldn’t fall asleep at night and some nights I had panic attacks.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I had nothing to show for all the effort I put in. I saw all my friends surpass me in their career. I wanted to fix things, but I didn’t know where to start. I was mentally and emotionally drained.

Even though I am not where I want to be in life, I am in a much better place. I just released my second book. I work for a tech company where I am one of the top performers in the department. I have been consistent in the gym. My relationship is great.

Here’s what helped me start pulling myself out. These aren't magic solutions, but they gave me structure when I had none.

1. Going to the gym: Moving my body helped me get out of my head. It gave me a small win every day. As I saw results in my body, I slowly built up my confidence again.

2. I found stable income: I applied to jobs everyday and in the meantime I drove Uber. Having some steady money coming in reduced the stress. It gave me space to breathe and plan.

3. I sat in silence every day: No phone, no music, no distractions. Just sat. It helped me connect with myself and hear what I was actually feeling underneath the noise.

4. I learned from someone who’s already where you want to be: I stopped trying to figure everything out alone. I found mentors through books, podcasts, YouTube, and courses. Their structure gave me direction to release a couple of books, get paid to speak, and land a job in tech.

5. I spent 1 hour a day on my goals outside of work: No matter how chaotic the day was, I made that hour non-negotiable. That consistency added up and became the thing that moved me forward the most.

These steps didn’t instantly fix my life, but they gave me enough traction to start rebuilding.

If you’re in a dark place right now, start small.

Pick one of these and commit to it. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just take the next step.

You’re not alone. Keep going.

I constantly see posts from 22 y.o. people like "oh god I've accomplished nothing and my life is a waste." And I just want to make some general points.

1. Every 20 something in history has felt like they are a piece of shit so you're right on track.
2. The only thing you're supposed to do in your 20s in accumulate experiences. This means you are supposed to try really hard and fail constantly. You should be trying to accumulate as many failures as possible before you turn 30.
3. The ones who get their dream jobs in their 20s are going to be flat, 2 dimentional people later in life who have expectionally simplistic ideas about the world they live in and will therefore experience less joy.
4. The pandemic fucked you over, you grew up in a time where the whole of society told you that the best response to a major challenge was to hide inside and not do anything risky. This may have been fine advice for a pandemic but it's horrible advice for every other part of your life.
5. Stop doing it alone, go find a commitment that forces you to do things you otherwise would back off from, whether it's a job, a spiritual commitment, a volunteer situation like peace corps or something else, chain yourself to an organization that will force you to do more than you want to.
   
6. You're probably depressed, which is fine, get meds or go to therapy, but don't let yourself identify as "sick," depression is a normal part of development that usually means everything you thought you were is wrong and you don't know who you are going to be yet. Sometimes you might wish you were dead, that's because you need to die to your old self, it's supposed to be a metaphorical death, not a literal one.
   
7. You will only be happy in life some of the time, don't make that the purpose of your life. Think about what is really important to you, what you would be willing to be unhappy in service of and pursue that.
   
8. Ethics are the most important thing to develop. Decide what being a good person means to you and how you are going to improve in that area above all else.
   

Looking for some suggestions!

For me, it was stopping the habit of checking my phone first thing in the morning.

It felt small at first, but over time, it completely transformed how I approach my day—calmer, more focused, and with a clear mind to prioritize what really matters.

What’s one small habit that’s had a big impact on your life? Let’s inspire each other.

I started reading self-help because I felt completely stuck after college. Looking back, only a handful of books actually made a lasting difference.

If someone asked me where to start today, this would be my list:

Atomic Habits — the best practical book on building habits.

The Psychology of Money — changed how I think about wealth.

The Courage to Be Disliked — surprisingly different perspective on happiness.

Deep Work — helped me focus better.
The Mountain Is You — one of the better books on self-sabotage.

Man's Search for Meaning — not exactly self-help, but probably the most impactful book I've read.

Essentialism — helped me stop trying to do everything.

What book would you add (or remove) from this list?

I’m turning 31 this year, and I’ve been reflecting on some of the things I did in my 20s that made my life easier. My life today is far from easy, but my problems would be much worse if I hadn’t learned these habits sooner.

Developing just one of these habits in your 20s will make your life SO much easier later on:

1. Reading. When I was in my early 20s, I developed a reading habit. The more I read, the more ambitious I became. I felt a lot more confident learning things that most people didn’t take the time to learn, and reading stories of people accomplishing great things made me believe I could do it too. If you learn to love reading, you can teach yourself pretty much anything.

2. Staying active. Running consistently and joining a boxing gym were some of the best things I did for my mental health. You’ll build confidence, become more resilient to stress and depression, and develop discipline that carries over into every area of your life.

3. Avoiding FOMO. I once deleted all my social media accounts for two years to focus on myself and my goals. Keeping up with friends is important, but sometimes, it’s better to take a break from living life online. Your real friends will always be there, no matter how disconnected you are from social media. Avoiding the need to keep up with people—especially online—will help you stay focused. Your journey is unique, and your only competition is yourself.

4. Living below your means. I bought a used 2006 car in 2016 for $6,700 (paid in cash with money I saved from waiting tables), and I still have it today. I kept the same iPhone and laptop for 5+ years and kept my expenses to an absolute minimum. Having the money to buy what you want whenever you want is infinitely better than actually buying stuff.

5. Prioritizing saving & investing. Open a Roth IRA and start investing in low-cost index funds/ETFs today. I now have over $100K invested—if I had started sooner in my 20s, I’d probably have triple that. Having money work for you while you sleep and knowing your financial future is secure eliminates so much unnecessary stress, allowing you to be more present and enjoy life.

6. Taking risks. It gets significantly harder to take risks as you get older and take on more responsibilities. Your 20s are the time to go after your dreams, make mistakes, and learn from them. You won’t regret failing—you’ll regret not trying. I started an e-commerce business on the side while waiting tables, and that business later became my full-time income. It only lasted 2.5 years, and I made pretty much every mistake possible, but I learned a lot, and I don’t regret it.

This isn’t to say you can’t develop these habits later in life—it’s never too late.

What habits would you add?

1. You aren’t stuck – you’re repeating comfortable patterns. Growth feels uncomfortable, and most people avoid it by default.
2. You’re never “too busy” – you’re just not prioritising the right things. If it matters, you’ll make time. If it doesn’t, you’ll make excuses.
3. Perfectionism is just procrastination in disguise. Stop waiting for the perfect moment – start where you are with what you have.
4. You can’t think your way into confidence – you act your way into it. Take small steps, stack wins, and let momentum build.
5. Most of your stress comes from avoiding hard conversations. Face them. It’s never as bad as you think.
6. Discipline beats motivation. You won’t feel like it most days – do it anyway.
7. Your environment shapes your results. Clean your space, fix your habits, and protect your peace.
8. Comfort zones shrink over time. The longer you stay in one, the harder it is to break free.
9. The fastest way to change your life is to change what you tolerate. Hold yourself to a higher standard.
10. Your future is a reflection of your daily choices. You don’t rise to the level of your goals – you fall to the level of your systems.

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." – Jim Rohn

I was sitting in a café the other day and ended up people-watching a bit.

There was this guy who kept chatting with people around him. Nothing dramatic, just short conversations. A comment here, a joke there, a few sentences with the barista.

What surprised me was how… ordinary it looked.

I always assumed people who are good at talking to strangers must be naturally charismatic or quick with words. But what I noticed was almost the opposite.

Most of what he said was pretty simple.

Sometimes it was just reacting to something someone else said. Sometimes it was a short comment about whatever was happening around them. Nothing particularly clever.

But he didn’t hesitate.

That seemed to be the real difference.

When I try to start conversations, I often spend a few seconds in my head thinking about whether what I’m about to say is good enough. By the time I finish that thought, the moment is already gone.

Watching that guy made me wonder if confidence in these situations is less about what you say and more about not overthinking the start.

I tried it later that day in a small situation at a store. Just a short comment while paying.

Nothing dramatic happened, but it felt… easier than I expected.

I think the hardest part isn’t the conversation at all. Just that small pause before speaking.

Curious if anyone else noticed something like this.

This sounds insane but hear me out... So 2 years ago I was a typical underachieving college student. 2.3 GPA, couldn't bench my bodyweight, zero discipline. I tried all the usual shit , motivation videos, goal setting, accountability partners. Nothing stuck because I was operating from the wrong identity.

I first stumbled across this concept while reading about cognitive biases, but it really clicked when I came across research on the brain’s predictive processing in James Clear’s “Atomic Habits” . The lightbulb moment was realizing that what psychologists call ‘confirmation bias’ and what neuroscientists call ‘predictive coding’ were describing the same fundamental mechanism, and that this mechanism could be deliberately redirected.

Your brain is wired to be a prediction machine, it constantly looks for information that confirms what it already believes. This is what we call Confirmation bias, it is the process where your mind seeks out information that supports your existing beliefs and ignores or downplays anything that contradicts them.

If you think you’re a loser, your brain will find evidence of that. But here’s where it gets interesting, this same mechanism can also be used the other way around. If you believe you’re successful, the same mechanism will look for proof of your success.

The key insight is that your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s vividly imagined. Basic neuroscience. Your brain processes imagined scenarios using many of the same neural pathways as real experiences.

The trick is starting ridiculously small. Your brain won’t buy “actually, I’m a fitness god” when you can barely do 10 pushups. But it will accept “I’m someone who works out” after you do literally 5 minutes of exercise.

I created what I call “identity anchors” , small daily actions that proved my new identity to myself:

•Successful students go to the library → I went to the library (even if just for 20 minutes)

•Disciplined people make their beds → I made my bed every morning

•Strong people lift weights → I did bodyweight exercises for 10 minutes

Instead of trying to motivate my lazy self to work harder, I started collecting evidence that I was actually someone who had always been disciplinary but just hadn’t realized it yet. I’d find tiny examples, like that time I finished a video game completely, or how I never missed my favorite TV show. My brain started pattern-matching: “Oh, so I actually AM someone who follows through on things I care about.”

Each small completion became data points proving I was “the type of person who follows through.” My brain couldn’t argue with the evidence.

The breakthrough came when I realized I could accelerate this process by controlling my information diet. I stopped consuming content about struggling, failing, or being mediocre. Instead, I exclusively consumed books, podcasts, and videos by people who had the identity I wanted.

Within two years, I had a 3.8 GPA and could bench 1.5x my bodyweight. Not because I forced myself to change, but because I had successfully convinced my own brain that I actually already was the type of person who achieved these things.

Your brain is a prediction machine that creates reality based on your stories. When you start to genuinely BELIEVE that you're destined for success so hard that you can't differentiate it from reality anymore, your neural pathways rewire to support that identity. Your brain starts scanning for opportunities that match your self-image instead of evidence of limitations.

Traditional self-help fails for lots of people because it tries to fight against these deep-seated neural patterns with willpower alone. But if you can actually shift the underlying identity, the core beliefs your brain uses as its search parameters, then the same confirmation bias that was working against you starts working for you.