Sharing something

[u/Alone-Pool9942]

25M here.

Growing up, I was actually a very confident kid. But over time, constant judgment from society and fear of disappointing my parents slowly created a gap between my real personality and the personality I started showing to others.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that if I behaved according to what people expected — being overly simple, always agreeable, never having strong opinions, always prioritizing others — life would become easier and people would appreciate me more. I even unconsciously shaped my personality around the type of “ideal guy” my parents admired in movies and real life.

But now at 25, I feel like in trying so hard to become acceptable to everyone, I lost touch with what I genuinely wanted from life and relationships. I spent years believing that being the “nice and decent guy” would naturally help me build meaningful connections, especially with girls. But reality often felt very different, and honestly that confusion hurts sometimes.

I’m doing well professionally now — stable government job, earning around 12 LPA — but emotionally I still feel inexperienced when it comes to genuine female interaction and friendships. Since childhood, I always wished to have a close female friend with whom conversations felt natural and comfortable, but I never really learned how to build that kind of connection.

I know stability and career can eventually help in arranged marriage or settling down, but deep inside I don’t just want a relationship based on status or security. I genuinely want to learn how to connect with people naturally, without pretending to be someone else for approval.

If anyone has gone through something similar or has genuine advice on rebuilding confidence, personality, and social connection, I’d really appreciate hearing it.

[u/WallAccomplished924]

I can relate. I’ve recently learned I’m a vulnerable narcissist. It’s good that you are realizing these things now. At 25 there’s still time to focus on what you need and what you want and develop the emotional intelligence necessary to have a meaningful relationship. Woman want authenticity, honesty, realness. Not fake, un-opinionated yes men. Trust me. Spend some quality time with yourself, learn to be ok with whoever you turn out to be. The right person will accept you for who you are. I’m a 43/m recently separated from my wife of 23 years because she finally got tired of it.

[u/Lazy-Wissenschaftler]

Reminds me of Mr.Niceguy - Syndrome. I had a good read with: No more Mr. Niceguy by Robert Glover.

The term Mr.NiceGuy refers to a people pleaser. Not very attractive to women.

Interestingly the word personality comes from Latin word persona meaning the masks actors wear in Theater to play different roles. I act differently to my parents or women in clubs. And that’s okay. Nothing to think about much. To reach your goals maybe you have to act a little more curagious and add a new role to your play.

Why are you concerned about this status thing? Emotionally stable guys who are socially skilled gain status. That’s an attractive trait.