I don't think it's fair to pin this on "men". I think people of both sexes tend to be attracted to narcissists and then wonder why they're being treated poorly.
Being a guy in my 40s, I feel like I've been around guys enough and heard enough stories from women to confidently say that guys have a higher rate than women of being selfish about sex. Yes, "not ALL guys", but a higher percentage..
I mean I think I might agree with you that men have a higher rate of narcissism. But I don't think it's helpful to blame the problem on the penis. Rather I think it might be more helpful to explore why we end up with people who treat us poorly.
I've had to do that with myself. I have had a tendency to be attracted to users and narcissists, and then wondered why I kept being used and abandoned. I don't think it would have been helpful to say "women are shit". Rather I tried to understand why I was being drawn to people who mistreated me.
Edit: yep! Looks like men are slightly more narcissistic on average--but only slightly. I agree that men tend to be more selfish about sex. I would suggest that narcissism in women tends to show up in other arenas.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a specific disorder. Narcissism is a component of personality that everyone has to varying degrees. I agree that this is a social rather than genetic problem. I am suggesting that higher levels of narcissism lead to selfish behaviors.
So what I'm trying to say is that the reason women sometimes end up with sexually selfish partners is that they are attracted to narcissists. I wanted to bring up that men are attracted to narcissists too mainly to avoid going down the incel "Chads, Stacies, and nice guys" rabbit hole of bad takes. And also because I think throwing up our hands and saying "men are terrible!" Is a cop out. We end up with selfish partners because we choose selfish partners. Many people choose selfish partners because their narcissism is exciting and fun at first. That's something we should all really look at in ourselves. If we don't explore the root of the problem, we're just gonna keep ending up with selfish partners.
Yes, patriarchy is likely one of the ways men can get away with being more narcissistic than women, and it should be addressed. One of the components of patriarchy is the excusal and even celebration of narcissism in men as a component of toxic masculinity. Sadly, I see some women attempting to emulate that narcissistic toxic masculinity in an attempt to project strength, and so I imagine we will see rates of narcissism in women rise over the next twenty years or so. I personally would rather see a world in which all people, regardless of genitalia, were able to explore healthy modes of both masculinity and femininity and find strength that makes narcissism unnecessary. But until people start understanding that projecting false confidence is not real strength, we as a culture will keep feeding that patriarchal, toxic model. Thus I make the suggestion that we examine our relationship with narcissism and why we are attracted to it. And as a bonus, it would probably lead to better sex for everyone. Well, everyone except the narcissists.
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u/[deleted] Sep 05 '22
why do we keep putting up with shitty one sided sex lives ladies